Movie Review: Abraham Lincon: Vampire Hunter

Today I am going to give my movie review of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. This movie shows a side of Honest Abe that most of us have never seen--that of a vampire hunter. Sure, we know he was a lawyer and a President, but until this book and movie came out, how many of us knew about his secret and most important career as a vampire hunter? This is why the Civil War was so horrible. Vampires were fighting in the south, and they are a lot harder to kill than regular people. The tide turned at Gettysburg when Lincoln remembered what it takes to kill vampires and managed to get that product through to the troops. I think it is a safe bet that this book and screenplay was not written by a southerner. I'm wondering when the next movie: George Washington: Zombie Killer will be out in theatres. The movie was okay, but it got a little boring at times.....you can only kill so many vampires before it gets kind of redundant. I give this movie 2 paws up because it is not a great movie, but I've seen a lot worse. On the human movie rating system, it gets a 5 out of 10.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Clones, Zombies, and Cats in Politics

I'm wondering why the humans act like cloning is something new and untried. It has been done for centuries. I noticed this when I was looking at some little statuettes that my brother has of the Presidents. I think it might be a little out of date since the last President is Richard Nixon. However, as I was studying it, I noticed that Presidents have already been cloned in the past. There was John Adams, and John Quincy Adams--the Quincy being added to signify he was the clone. He also liked the television show, Quincy, about the medical examiner. John Adams never missed that program. There were also the Roosevelt clones-Theodore and Franklin. Of course, everyone is familiar with the more recent clones--George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush. It is nice to know that the United States has always tried to keep pace with the latest scientific discoveries.

I noticed a couple of other things that didn't involve cloning, but are well worth mentioning. I suspect that Richard Nixon must have been a zombie. Have you seen videos of him? The man didn't move much so I have to assume that is because of his being a zombie. His successor, Gerald Ford, was probably a space alien because he was always falling down, and I can only conclude that was because the atmosphere of Earth made it hard for him to adjust.

The worst insult to the American people is Garfield being President. Whose idea was it to allow a cat to be President? I can understand a dog being President, but a CAT? What were the humans thinking? I also wonder, with a cat as President, why was there never a war on birds declared? Was he too busy annoying Odie, the First Dog?

Many of the past Presidents have excelled in other areas too. Abraham Lincoln wasn't just a President, but he also invented a car that bears his name. Zachary Taylor was busy running a company in the garment district so he was also a man who wasn't just satisfied to run the country. Franklin Pierce was an expert swordsman. How do you think he earned the name, Pierce? Chester E. Arthur was a writer. Grover Cleveland owned a city in Ohio. Gerald Ford was also an inventor--he invented a car also.

The only thing I want to know is why hasn't there been a dog as President? I think we would do a much better job, and even if we don't, we would look cute making speeches.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Presidential Politics)

I'm Not a Chia Dog

Today's topic is chia heads. There have been chia pets around for years. Humans buy them and plant seeds and grow "green plant hair" on the item. Sometimes they are heads, and sometimes they are animals. Today's topic is about the heads. You can buy George Washington, Barack Obama, Abraham Lincoln, or the Statue of Liberty as Chia Heads now. I wonder why no one thought of this idea sooner. I'm sure Washington would be pleased to know that he can now be seen with green hair. Actually, I'm joking. I think Washington would probably be highly upset if he saw green hair on his head. The founding fathers just don't impress me as the kind of men who would have green, pink, purple or blue hair. Maybe I'm wrong, and they sat around wishing their hair could be a cool color like that, but somehow I just don't think they did. I suspect they had more important things on their mind than hair color anyway. I can't even picture modern Barack Obama wanting green hair. Of course, I could get in touch with Bo, the first dog, and ask. I know I always feel better knowing that a dog is in the White House. I can't really see Lincoln wanting green hair either. I wonder--does he grow a green chia beard too? These are the kinds of thoughts that disturb my naps. Also, would the immigrants who came to the shores of New York Harbor feel the same way about being here if they had finally spotted the Statue of Liberty and found that she had green hair? Don't get me wrong--I don't mind chia pets, but I just wonder how I would feel if they came up with a Demon Flash Bandit chia pet that grows "green hair". I happen to look handsome with my black and white fur, and I think I'd prefer to keep the fur.

I have a wonderful announcement to share with my readers. I will soon be posting photos on my blog of my stunt dog double. Yes, folks, I am finally getting a stunt dog to do the things I hate doing--like trying on dog clothing. I am very excited about this new development, and I think my readers will enjoy seeing "me" or "Angel" doing things the humans could never get us to do in the past. Keep watching my blogs for the introduction of this important new dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Chia Dog)