Dognapping is a Serious Crime

I just saw a news video from ABC news about humans dognapping innocent dogs from their humans. This is something that needs to be stopped!!!! Just because a dog is friendly is no excuse for some scummy human to steal the dog from his favorite humans. I decided to check into this to see what the penalty for doing such a thing would be. If a human dognaps a dog, he doesn't even get prison for life. In this dog's opinion, that human should get the death penalty. Sure, this dog knows that the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton won't get any kind of justice, but you would think that if someone is rotten enough to dognap a pet, that person would at least be locked away for life to protect other innocent dogs from being dognapped. Recently I reported the story from a Maryland dog park on how Keith Shepherd, an off duty rent a cop with a gun shot Bear Bear, a Siberian Husky. The local police were going to let him off. He was guilty of dog murder until the incident hit the Internet, and then he got into a bit of trouble. Of course, not much more than Lohan or Hilton would get. They don't even get the proverbial slap on the wrist. They get pat on the shoulder from law enforcement. I say that when a dog is murdered or dognapped, there needs to be more serious laws in effect. One good thing for us dogs is that we have McGruff the crime dog in our corner. I know he is working on making the laws tougher for dognappers. I don't care what it takes--I will run for President again if it means that dogs will get treated with more respect by the judicial system. Until then, watch out for bad humans. Most of them are nice, but some can't be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dognapping is WRONG)

Dead Bird is the Word

From what this dog has observed of human behavior, they tend to watch a lot of television. This is okay with me because I can always nap while they watch, and often I sit next to Mommy and get tummy rubs or have her pet my butt while she watches. This is why I think television was a wonderful invention. It gives the humans more time to spend with their dogs. However, occasionally, this dog finds some programs offensive and last night was one of those times. Mommy was watching an episode of Family Guy, which is a reality show in which the dog is the only one on there with any intelligence. That is what puts it in the reality show genre--all us dogs know that we have the brains and the humans don't. As I said, normally, this is a show I approve of wholeheartedly, but that was before the episode came on when Peter Griffin got the record of his favorite song, Surfin' Bird by The Trashmen. The song keeps repeating, The bird is the word. If I want a sentence with a bird in it, that sentence will say, "Thankfully, the bird is dead". Very much like that dead turkey I ate a couple of days ago, I have no problems with dead birds, but the song is about live birds. I don't know why The Trashmen bothered to record that song. They work with garbage and could have written far more interesting songs with that kind of inspiration. Just off the top of my head, several song titles come to mind. Imagine if they had written, "Rotting banana peels smell like my heart which is rotting since you turned me down". Perhaps a happier song like, I Found This Ring in the Garbage for You". Even a mediocre song titled, "I Am Searching Through the Garbage for You". The Trashmen didn't record too many songs because they went on to star in a movie, Men at Work, which was made in 1990. They played the parts of garbage men very convincingly. Critics have referred to them as the Trashy versions of Capt. Jack Sparrow. At the annual Trashmen Awards, they always win the coveted Glade Award which they use to make their garbage truck smell better all year. Anyway, the "bird" song is very annoying and Family Guy's episode kept playing it over and over. If they had the good sense to record, "The Bird is Dead.....om pah the bird is dead. Everyone knows the bird is dead", it would have been a big hit instead of an annoying song played on Family Guy. Remember, when it comes to birds, the only good bird is a dead bird.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dead Bird is the Word)

Turkey: Delicious Dead Bird

Last night my humans kept telling me I was being a bad dog, but I maintain that they were being stupid humans. I suppose the most logical place to start this blog is at the beginning. I like to take naps during the day, and I usually hold no interest in the food the humans are eating for dinner. Why should I bother to wake up when I know that I will have my own food catered for me later when I am hungry? Yesterday was not a normal day. My humans had roasted turkey breast. I had no idea that they were having such a rare delicacy nor did they know I would want any since I tend to turn down food I haven't tried in the past. My motto is "why take risks with my taste buds?". As usual, Angel Zoom Smokey was right there with the humans getting her share and enjoying it. When I woke up, she came up and breathed on me, and I could smell the turkey on her breath. Yes, dead bird on her breath and none for me. What were my humans thinking? They tried feeding me Burger King. I didn't eat. They tried feeding me chicken and I refused to eat. They would have just assumed that I wasn't hungry except that I did my usual "hungry dog" behavior. I started climbing on furniture, and scratching the wooden foot of Mommy's bed. This gets the humans' attention. It took them several hours, but they finally realized that I wanted turkey. Once I got turkey and my tummy was full, I went back to the sweet, good dog that is my usual disposition. Angel Zoom Smokey could no longer taunt me with the delicious smell of turkey on her breath, and I have put in a vote for turkey when Thanksgiving rolls around. Mommy says pizza is the traditional Thanksgiving menu, but I think we should throw caution to the wind and eat turkey. It is delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Add Turkey to My List of Favorite Foods)

Penguin: The Perfect Pet for a Siberian Husky Dog

I have come to the conclusion that Angel Zoom Smokey and myself need a pet. I have even found the perfect pet. That pet is a penguin who we will name Panda. Angel and I decided that Panda would be a perfect name since penguins are black and white. I suppose we could name him or her Zebra, but that would be silly. It is always nice to have a new friend so a pet is a wonderful idea, but the best part about having a penguin as a pet is that penguins have to live where it is COLD. Therefore, the humans would have no excuse for not allowing the house to be cold. In the winter, we can skip the heat, and in the summer, let the air conditioner work harder. In fact, add a couple of air conditioners. We huskies like it cold too. For those dogs who don't enjoy cold, you should choose a different pet, but penguins are great pets for huskies. I know they are sort of a member of the bird family, and normally I hate birds, but I mainly hate those little annoying birds. Penguins do not come to Michigan to steal my snow. They may buy it from the birds who steal it, but they are just trying to stay cold and probably don't even realize what thieves the little birds happen to be. I wish I had thought of getting Panda before summer arrived. It has been entirely too hot this summer, and I was not pleased. Next year, the house will be nice and cool for our new pet penguin, Panda. I hope other Siberian huskies will adopt this plan--less homeless penguins--more cold houses. What more could a husky ask for?

Demon Flash Bandit (I Need a Pet Penguin)

Doggy Inspired Flavored Water

Today's blog is about water, specifically bottled water which has become so popular with the humans in recent years. There was a time when most humans literally drank water right from the tap, but now most of the humans buy the water that they drink from companies that bottle the water. This would be an insane concept since most of those companies are probably getting the water from their tap except for the fact that, if you have tasted the water from the tap around here, you would pay extra for bottled water too. Sure, theoretically, the water from the tap at this house is free since it comes from a well, but it is also "hard" water that has iron in it, and unless you are hoping to become Iron Man from the inside, you will choose not to drink it. Angel and I get bottled water in our watering dish. Mommy suspects the main reason we never drink out of the big porcelain watering bowl is because it has the well water in it. Sure, some humans are lucky. When Mommy was growing up in Georgia, the humans had a well there that had "soft" water from an underground spring which was better than much of the bottled water, but I suspect you just have to get lucky to live in an area that has the tasty water. This brings me to today's topic. Stores sell products you can add to water like Kool Aid and Crystal Light to flavor the water. They also sell water with vitamins--YUCK at the thought!!!! Mommy bought some doggy bottled water with nutrition packed inside, and both Angel and I refused to drink it. We could smell the nutrition and wanted no part of it. Anyway, if these companies want to make money on doggy water, why not sell flavored water that dogs will like? Kool Aid would not have survived if it had marketed liver flavor water! Most humans don't even want to eat liver. It is disgusting. I think a company should market dog water with flavors like Burger King Burger flavor water, chicken water, Yummy Chummy water, dingo bone water, and root beer water--I used to love root beer Icees when I was a puppy. Then White Castle switched flavors, and I couldn't get them anymore. I never liked the burgers much, but I loved the root beer. The fact that it was like a cold day in Alaska didn't hurt any. If you own a water company, you have my permission to use my idea, but it would be nice if you made sure that Angel and I were welcome to a free lifetime supply of the flavored water.

Demon Flash Bandit (Idea Dog)

This Dog Does Not Want to Mess With Husky Union Local 36

I hope all my readers are having a good day. This is a good day for me because I have discovered the next singing sensation, Peter and the Opossums. As soon as I heard them sing, I became their manager, and I know that they are going to be every bit as good as my favorite group, Alvin and the Chipmunks. They aren't quite as cute as the chipmunks, but after hearing them sing, I know that people will overlook that handicap, and love them anyway. Peter, like Alvin, is going to have a little Pee on his shirt. No, it is not what you are thinking. Okay, maybe it is what you are thinking. The Opossums aren't quite housebroken yet, but we are working on that issue now. I know some of you may be asking, Demon, how do you keep up with so much.....you write several blogs, are a member of the singing group the Howling Huskies, own your own Internet toy store (http://www.demondigstoys.weebly.com/), and have several books that you are planning to publish? How can you take on more? The answer is simple. I'm a working breed dog so it is in my blood, and all the aforementioned things are easier than pulling the humans around on a sled. If you ask me, the humans should be pulling us dogs around. However, since it is part of our doggy union contract to work since I'm a "working breed", I would be messing with Husky Union Local 36 if I didn't have some things going on, and you don't want to mess with Husky Union Local 36. I've heard they hire chihuahuas to come and bark at you, and if you have ever met a chihuahua, you know that their barking is annoying. The little guys never shut up either so, as I said, I don't want to mess with Husky Union Local 36.

Mommy was watching the King of Queens yesterday, and although I would guess that Doug is probably a fan of hamburgers, he does not look at all like the Burger King. I hope that he isn't trying for the job because I was upset enough to learn that His Highness, Mr. Burger King might sell his restaurants, I really don't think Doug has the proper image for being His Highness, Mr. Burger King. I like his show, and have nothing against him, but he just doesn't impress me as being into royal food. My image was not changed after watching the show. I think he would even eat McDonalds burgers---yes the dreaded and horrible McD burger. I don't really mind if he chooses to eat them, but it is not the kind of behavior one would expect from the highly exalted royal position as owner of Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dishing Out My Opinions)

Burger King Cannot be Owned by Commoners

This dog is highly upset today over something I read in the news. Burger King might be up for sale. Yes, Burger King, the place that sells this dog's favorite food, might be sold to another company. This upsets me because how can a dog know that the new owners might not mess with the menu and start serving food this dog doesn't like? I happen to be a picky eater. I have refused to eat burgers from McDonalds since I was a puppy. The clown just does not serve a burger high enough in quality to persuade me to eat it. However, I am okay with their bacon and ice cream. Does the King know what is happening in his realm? Has he been taken over by some evil influence like that king in Lord of the Rings? Is he sick? Someone needs to check on the King's health and get him to realize that selling Burger King would be a mistake. If a bunch of commoners buy the franchise, the burgers won't be royal anymore, and what will I serve the Queen of England when she comes to mow my yard? Of course her coming does depend on if that royal pain the the arse, Prince Charles, can ever take care of himself long enough for the Queen Lady to come for a visit. Perhaps she could talk to the King of Burgerland for me. Maybe he will listen to another royal. Meanwhile, Mommy has been watching a marathon session of The Tudors. Henry the VIII was not a good king. He didn't serve hamburgers to his subjects or do anything noteworthy except marry and kill his wives. I think he was the first recorded serial killer in history. It seemed to me that he spent most of his time putting people to death. You would think a couple of his "subjects" would have gotten together and returned the favor, but I suppose they weren't allowed to or it would have ruined the series which would have annoyed the Showtime executives. Perhaps if everyone started eating at Burger King everyday, the King would not even consider selling the franchise. It is a sacrifice that this dog is willing to make.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)