Dead Bird is the Word

From what this dog has observed of human behavior, they tend to watch a lot of television. This is okay with me because I can always nap while they watch, and often I sit next to Mommy and get tummy rubs or have her pet my butt while she watches. This is why I think television was a wonderful invention. It gives the humans more time to spend with their dogs. However, occasionally, this dog finds some programs offensive and last night was one of those times. Mommy was watching an episode of Family Guy, which is a reality show in which the dog is the only one on there with any intelligence. That is what puts it in the reality show genre--all us dogs know that we have the brains and the humans don't. As I said, normally, this is a show I approve of wholeheartedly, but that was before the episode came on when Peter Griffin got the record of his favorite song, Surfin' Bird by The Trashmen. The song keeps repeating, The bird is the word. If I want a sentence with a bird in it, that sentence will say, "Thankfully, the bird is dead". Very much like that dead turkey I ate a couple of days ago, I have no problems with dead birds, but the song is about live birds. I don't know why The Trashmen bothered to record that song. They work with garbage and could have written far more interesting songs with that kind of inspiration. Just off the top of my head, several song titles come to mind. Imagine if they had written, "Rotting banana peels smell like my heart which is rotting since you turned me down". Perhaps a happier song like, I Found This Ring in the Garbage for You". Even a mediocre song titled, "I Am Searching Through the Garbage for You". The Trashmen didn't record too many songs because they went on to star in a movie, Men at Work, which was made in 1990. They played the parts of garbage men very convincingly. Critics have referred to them as the Trashy versions of Capt. Jack Sparrow. At the annual Trashmen Awards, they always win the coveted Glade Award which they use to make their garbage truck smell better all year. Anyway, the "bird" song is very annoying and Family Guy's episode kept playing it over and over. If they had the good sense to record, "The Bird is Dead.....om pah the bird is dead. Everyone knows the bird is dead", it would have been a big hit instead of an annoying song played on Family Guy. Remember, when it comes to birds, the only good bird is a dead bird.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dead Bird is the Word)

Captain Demon Flash Bandit

I overheard my humans talking about taking a cruise so, naturally, I was a bit curious as to what a cruise on a boat would be like. From what I found in my research, I can only say "ahoy mates, and shiver me dingo bones, I'm ready to go on a cruise". There are many cruise lines from which to choose, but I personally would recommend Salty Sam's Pirate Cruise in Fort Myers, Florida. When you go on this cruise, you will become a pirate, and you will sail on the ship, Pieces of Eight. Pieces of Eight is a replica of a Spanish galleon, and you will sail around the Gulf of Mexico pillaging and plundering, and generally scaring the fish. This is a lot more difficult that it sounds because, thanks to BP and their oil spill, fish do not scare as easily as they used to so you have to work harder to scare them. I assume that this cruise is for humans, but I can dress in clothing, and the humans will never know that I'm a dog. I can speak human, and they will just think I'm better looking that the average humans on the ship. If I dress as Capt. Jack Sparrow, they might think I'm Johnny Depp, but of course, they will be telling me how much more handsome I am in person. Little would they know I would be "in dog". Yes, I am so clever. I'm sure I would be promoted to Captain Demon Flash Bandit before the voyage is over. No human would ever suspect that I'm a dog. I wonder if we are going to go and find some treasure or maybe that fountain of youth mentioned in the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I think that fountain would be a nice thing to find because my human Mommy is getting really old and could use some of that special water.

Anyway, if you hear your humans planning a cruise, make sure you tell them about the pirate cruises. If they aren't planning a cruise, book one for yourself. A dog can use a fun vacation too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Pirate Dog)