Rhubarb: Imaginary Vegetable?

Things were getting boring around here,  It got so boring, I picked up one of Mommy's magazines to read to pass the time.  Even if the magazine has mostly useless articles, I do enjoy looking at the ads that feature dogs; and yes, even cats.  The magazine I found was the May, 2014 issue if Better Homes and Gardens.  I don't know why Mommy subscribes to this magazine because our house looks nothing like the homes in the magazine, and I'm glad it doesn't.  I am quite sure that this magazine was not written, edited, or published by a dog.  How do I know this? Just a quick glance at the photos affirms this fact.  The homes are all boring.  There are no dog toys scattered throughout the houses, and the gardens are lacking the holes and chewed up plants that makes a house a dog home.  In fact, it makes me wonder why any of the companies that feature items for dogs even bother to advertise since it is obvious that it was not written for "dog humans".  Perhaps I should start my own magazine and call it.  Better Living with Dogs.  I think that is a magazine that the world is begging to read.  I need to get back on topic because this blog is not actually about the magazine, but it is about one of the things featured in this issue's magazine.  Rhubarb is featured, and the magazine includes a lot of rhubarb recipes.  I have absolutely no idea how this magazine got past the editor before being published.  I happen to know that rhubarb does not exist.  I asked my human about it, and Mommy said she thinks it is a vegetable (which already makes it stupid--I don't eat veggies).  She has never actually eaten rhubarb, and she says she doesn't remember ever seeing it at the store.  The magazine said that rhubarb is not just for pie.  Why would anyone make a pie out of it anyway when they can use chocolate, coconut, banana cream or just a pie shell (preferably a graham cracker crust) filled with whipped cream?  Why would I want to ruin that with a vegetable even if it did exist; which, of course, it does not.  One recipe is for lunchtime chicken salad with rhubarb.  Why would even a human be dumb enough to ruin chicken with rhubarb and salad type stuff.  I prefer my chicken with chicken.  I am not against adding bacon to chicken, but that is about all the adventure I want with my chicken.  Another stupid recipe---linguini with garlic, pepper, and rhubarb.  Noodles are okay, but should be served with chicken.  Any dog can tell you that!  Again additional bacon is a good idea!  In fact, no matter what food is being served, adding bacon is always a great idea.  I could share more recipes with you, but why bother since rhubarb doesn't even exist?  I have my own rhubarb recipe to share anyway.  You take a bunch of "imaginary" rhubarb, set out a parchment paper to put the rhubarb on for preparation.  Then throw the parchment paper directly in the trash where it belongs.  By the way, when I publish Better Living With Dogs, I will include that recipe, but my readers are getting it early.  Don't you feel honored?  You should!

I hope all the mothers had a happy Mother's Day yesterday.  Jeff got Mommy Brisco County Jr. (an old television show) on dvd, but it has not arrived yet.  It was on back order so he surprised Mommy with some chocolate covered strawberries which she did not share with a dog.  William will get her something eventually.  He hasn't been out shopping much since Mommy had the auto accident last week.  No one was hurt, and the vehicle isn't badly damaged, but Mommy wasn't anxious to get out as much for a few days.  I don't know why she didn't ask me to drive her around.  I love to drive!

Demon Flash Bandit (Magazine Mogul and Chauffeur)