I'm sure many of you are wondering why I nap so much. There is a very good reason for that. When the humans think I'm sleeping, I'm actually doing some serious dog things that they would never understand the necessity of doing. Humans have problems understanding things that are easy for a dog to comprehend. Today I have been out saving the world from the birds. I knew there was trouble when I walked out the front door. There were bird droppings all over things on the porch. I can't tell you how many times this has happened. A bird has went to the trouble to build a nest right in my territory. I'm not surprised that a bird would do that because they are troublesome creatures. Today I decided to use my vast negotiating skills to deal with this interloper. I negotiated a "settlement" in which I talk to the neighborhood feral cats, and ask them not to eat that bird who is under my "protection". That protection does not include coyotes and wolves. In exchange, I am being paid cash that I can use to buy myself some dingo bones. I know I can't really protect them, but the birds don't know that, and what they don't know is good for me. After my serious negotiations were over, I cleverly slipped back into my spot to see if I'm awake until the next time I have to deal with those little feathered vagrants. Until that time, I'l take a nap! By the way, I cleverly didn't negotiate a deal in which I couldn't eat the bird---just the cats can't do it. I'm not stupid! Fortunately for this dog, birds are incredibly stupid!
Demon Flash Bandit (Negotiating With Varmint Birds)