Friday, October 31, 2014

Thieves: Starting Young

Another Howloween has come and gone, and this dog is glad to see it end.  At least this year, Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were not subjected to a new Howloween costume because the humans must have finally given up on trying to get us to wear one.  It took years, but our husky stubbornness in the face of human stupidity has finally triumphed!  I have to admit that I am not a big fan of Howloween.  I don't mind the giant forest with pumpkin and owl inflatable that Mommy bought for the holiday.  The humans like Howloween, and that is okay with me, but I can never like a holiday that encourages kids in the neighborhood to come to the door to get free candy.  That candy was mine and Angel Zoom Smokey's candy. When Mommy bought it, Angel even yelled "hers" which she yells about everything because she is under the mistaken impression that everything is hers when it is really MINE!  I do hope my fellow dogs and their humans had a wonderful Howloween, and I hope that the kids in your neighborhood didn't steal all your candy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thieves in the Neighborhood)

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Humans Lack Gratitude

It is time for me to write a new blog so I'm sure my readers are excited that they are going to get to read more of my observations about life among the humans.  I am sure that I am not the only dog who has noticed that the humans do not have the appreciation for gifts that we dogs have.  I can only assume that is because they do not learn good manners from their Mommies like I did when I was a puppy.  Case in point-  Angel Zoom Smokey found a mouse in the yard when she was outside.  She could have eaten it immediately, and the humans would have been none the wiser.  However, she is a good dog so she decided to bring it into the house to give it to our humans since they are so nice to us.  Besides, she would rather eat chicken so she said that the humans could give her their share of the chicken and eat the mouse instead.  Yeah, I thought that the humans would be thrilled to get such a wonderful present.  It could only be better in my opinion if it happened to be a dead bird, but birds are harder to catch.  Imagine our surprise when humom saw the mouse and got all upset.  You would think she didn't like it or want it!!!!  Yes dogs, that is exactly what happened.  Instead of being thrilled, Mommy did not like it, want it, or allow it in the house.  She wouldn't even let Angel Zoom Smokey keep it either.  The ingratitude of the humans in my family is just shameful!  I told Angel not to expect a thank you note.  I know the humans won't send her one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Humans and Their Lack of Gratitude)

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Keep the Milkbones Coming!

The humans are always coming up with interesting new products.  The latest one I noticed on Amazon is a combo item which is an ironing board and step stool.  I can see needing a step stool.  My humans are always trying to put things up out of my reach, and a step stool would be useful for me to get to those items I want.  Of course, if  I had a step stool, my humans would probably just try to put things even higher so that eventually, I would need an extension ladder to get to the stuff.  However, I don't really see the need for an ironing board because I don't dress in clothing, and have no intention of doing so.  Thank dog, my humans know how I think because there was a box that came in the mail today, and it had a 10 lb. box of Milkbones and theatre size boxes of Mike and Ikes.  Angel and I both love Mike and Ikes.  I'm so glad my humom knows what I like.  When Jeff orders stuff, it usually involves blurays.  I prefer milkbones and Mike and Ikes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Knows What He Likes)

Monday, October 27, 2014

Demon Flash Bandit: Package Inspector

The contents of packages that arrive at our home lately has vastly improved.  Today, there was a box filled with bubblegum flavor rawhide bones.   Angel and I could smell them from outside the box, and we were both super excited for the box to get opened.  I was even willing to open it for the humans, but they opened it fast so I could enjoy my prize!  Angel and I always sniff every box that arrives at our house.  You never know when some terrorist organization might send something like anthrax in a box so we are only concerned with our humans' welfare.  If there happens to be dog treats in the box, then that is just an added perk to the job we do.  Dogs:  always on duty watching out for our humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Package Sniffing Dog)

Thursday, October 23, 2014

I Prefer the "Dingo" Brand of Rawhide Bones

Mommy gave me a rawhide bone and she gave one to Angel Zoom Smokey too.  Being the doggy genius that I am and knowing how stupid the humans are, I realized that both bones were supposed to be mine. Therefore,  I took steps to regain my property.  I took my bone that Angel had when she got distracted.  Then she did the same thing to me.  My humom refers to this as playing "musical bones".  Evidently, that is a reference to a silly human game involving chairs, but I don't see it since there is not music involved in our game.  That is, unless you count my whining when Angel has my bones, music.  If so, then there is music involved.  I also want to add that, although I do apreciate my humans buying me bones, these two bones were regular rawhide bones which are tasty.  However, I prefer (and so does Angel), dingo brand bones.  They cost more, but we are worth every penny of that cost.  I hate it when the humans get  cheap with us dogs.  I say, if they want to save money, quit spending on themselves.  Angel and I came up with a delightful plan to save the humans tons of cash.  During the winter, if they would just turn off the furnace, they would save a small fortune on their gas bill, and Angel and I would be a lot happier because we love the cold.  In addition, my humans could get pet penquins.  I will even overlook them being of the bird family.  Any animal who enjoys cold and snow as much as we do is okay with me.  I plan to share this idea with my humans in the next couple of days because they are already operating the stupid heater!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dingo Bones Instead of Heat)

Monday, October 20, 2014

Dogs Are Allowed in This Museum

Barking as a dog, and how else am I going to bark since I am a dog, I'm sure that I'm not the only dog who has experienced prejudice on the part of the human population.  There are many places that the humans do not allow dogs to enjoy because they are "only for humans".  I don't think I need to explain how stupid that policy happens to be.  I've seen plenty of humans who shouldn't be allowed in places because they can't behave themselves.  For example, there was a human who entered a theatre in Colorado a few years back and shot and killed a bunch of other humans during a premiere showing of Batman.  I have never watched the news and saw a bunch of humans or dogs being killed because a dog entered a place and started shooting.  Yet the humans, in their infinite stupidity allow other humans into places, and discriminate against us dogs.  No, it doesn't make sense to me either.  This is why I want to share a "feel good" piece of news that I ran across on the Internet.  The place is even a place where an intellectual dog such as myself would enjoy attending--a museum.  That museum is the American Kennel Club Museum of the Dog which is located in St. Louis, Missouri.  I haven't been there myself, but I would love to visit!  They even have guest dogs pop in for visits!  Can you imagine how cool it would be if you could meet Marley from Marley and me or Demon from Snow Dogs?  I have not been invited to show up as a leading dog blogger, but I'm sure that is just an oversight.  They probably think I am too busy to be able to make an appearance.  Anyway, here is the link so you can read more about it, and maybe visit there yourself.  I suspect that cats aren't allowed so don't assume you can invite the family cat!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Visit "Dog Museum")

Friday, October 17, 2014

My Pal, Raja, Has Crossed Over the Bridge

It is with heavy heart that I write this blog today because I learned earlier today that my good pal in New Jersey, Raja, has crossed over the rainbow bridge to a better place.  Although I am sure Raja is healthy and happy where he is now, I will miss him.  I know his humans miss him more than they can put into words.  Raja was a world traveler (he had a blog about his travels), and he was also an author.  He wrote a book called The Journey of the Shih Tzu.  In this book, Raja honored me by including my photo.  It is a lovely book, and for those who are interested, you can see it at:

This is one of those situations where words just can't possibly convey how badly I feel about Raja's passing.  I can only say that this dog will miss Raja!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sad Dog)

Texans: Where Are Your Guns?

This is one very disappointed dog.  From what I have read on the Internet, Texas has some new cases of ebola.  The hospital let patient zero (the one who started all the problems) go home.  Why am I disappointed?  Because it happened in  Texas.,  I thought the humans living in Texas would be able to take care of an outbreak of this magnitude.  Doesn't everyone in Texas carry a gun?  I thought that, by now, sone of those brave, young people would have shot everyone in the hospital just to be on the safe side.  After shooting everyone, it would be nice if they went ahead and blew up the building.  That would be my solution to  ebola.  In fact, I need to put in a call to the governor of Texas to ask him why they aren't preparing for the big blow up party in honor of the victims of the ebola virus.  I love discussing things of major importance with the humans in charge.  I wonder if it is possible to get the governor to go after birds next.  I bet they are spreading ebola as I write this!  Birds cannot be trusted!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates Birds)

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Where is the Ice Cream?

Yesterday I did something that the humans considered super cute.  My Mommy had a box of toys in her bedroom which she was sorting through.  I walked over the box, and looked around the box.  I decided it was important to check it over before Mommy donates a toy that I might want to keep for myself to Purple Heart the next time the truck comes through the neighborhood.  As usual, I found a treasure.  That treasure is a Hot Wheels car.  I took the unopened package out of the box, and I proceded to tear it open.  The vehicle was inside, and it was a really small Good Humor Ice Cream truck.  I didn't play with it once it was open.   I walked away.  I looked it over good, and there were no tiny ice creams in the truck.  Therefore, I got no ice cream from the toy.  I hope you get more enjoyment out of my blog than I did over opening the truck!  I've got to go to the kitchen and see if there is any ice cream in there.  Where, oh where, is my ice cream?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Always Wants Ice Cream)

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Angel Zoom Smokey Wants to be a Paw Model

After watching the movie, Don't Mess With the Zohan, Angel Zoom Smokey learned that the humans have hand models so she decided that she wanted to be a paw model  This photo is of her paw, and she wants to let everyone know that she is availabe for modeling jobs.  I think she needs to have her claws clipped and Mommy agrees with me, but has not been able to get her to the vet to do so.  Mommy is not able to drive temporarily because her leg is swollen.  I wish Angel the best, but I am not so sure that she needs to be a model.  Models often become vain and selfish creatures.  Since she is already vain and selfish (she refuses to give me her rawhide bones when I want them), I would not want to see her get any more so.  However, Angel Zoom Smokey is very stubborn and I'm sure she won't give up until she is the top paw model in the country.  My paw looks like hers (it is a little bigger), but I have no plans to be a paw model.  I prefer my life of doing as a please which involves a lot of napping.  I can just dream about being a top paw model--it is much easier than actually being one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Paw Modeling)

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Dog Saved a Cat!!!

I saw a story on the Internet that says a cat was given a transfusion with blood from a dog, and the cat is doing okay!  I know some of my dog readers won't be happy about that announcement because some dogs hate cats, but I really don't mind cats.  In fact, it is good that I get along with other creatures because my humans had a pet Dutch bunny named Flash, and they brought Flash with them when they got me  .I would not have been bought by my humans if I had tried to eat the rabbit.  Instead, Flash and I became such great friends that my humans  honored me by giving me his name as my middle name.  When I was a puppy, there were cats all over the place.  I think my breeder might have been on her way to being a "crazy cat lady"--I'm only kidding. It was a farm so there were a lot of cats hanging out in the barn. They taught me how to wash myself, and also how to meow.  Yes, my humans heard me meowing when I was a puppy.  I am a dog of many talents.  Anyway, I think it is a nice, feel good story that makes a dog proud to be a dog.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not planning to share my blood with anyone because I don't enjoy going to the dog dr. and being poked with needles.  However, I would do it if Angel Zoom Smokey or one of my pals needed blood from me.

The only issue I have with this is that it is okay to give blood to a cat, but what if they want to take a dog's blood and give it to a squirrel or, the ultimate insult to dogs, give it to a bird.  I think birds are evil and I would NEVER want to see a dog's blood go to save a bird.  They are evil and, as such, do not deserve medical care.  I know there are some bleeding bird liberals who won't agree with me, but they are wrong.  Birds are useless creatures who steal a dog's snow (and have the nerve to sing about it in the spring), and all they do is drop bird bombs on everyone below them.  My human daddy explained all this to me because he was annoyed that some birds bombed his car.  My daddy was very fond of his cars, and did not appreciate their bombs.  Daddy was the wisest human in existence because he is the one who told Mommy that I should eat human food instead of dog food.  I've seen dog food, and I know Daddy was right--as usual.  Birds should never be given a blood transfusion--not even from another bird.  The only good bird is a bird on the grill covered in barbeque sauce!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Blood Transfusions)

It is Official: Dogs are Intelligent

Big news on the Internet for the humans:  dogs are smarter than the humans thought we were!  Although it is nice to read that some of the humans have finally realized how smart we are,  I'm not so sure that it is a good thing.  For example, earlier today, my humans blocked the way to my cave with some boxes because they were cleaning.  Angel Zoom Smokey and myself hate it when the humans clean the house, but that isn't the point of this blog.  The point is that the humans had blocked the way into my cave and I was not happy.  I took my paw and put it inside the bottom box so that the boxes on top would topple over so I could get back into my cave.  I doubt that my humans would be smart enough to do that.  Let's face it, if they were smart, they wouldn't have blocked the way to my cave in the first place.  In fact, they would not be cleaning.  We dogs don't waste time and energy cleaning because we are highly intelligent, evolved creatures.  If the humans realize we are smart, some of the behavior we exhibit like my pulling down the boxes might get us into trouble.  It is much nicer when we do as we please and the humans think we don't know what we are doing.  I personally do not want to be responsible for the actions I do when my humans annoy me.  However, it is nice that some humans do recognize our intelligence.  Here is the link so you can read about it for yourself.

One good thing about the article is that it also mentions that we dogs are capable of love, but I suspect our humans know that already!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog Intelligence)

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Demon Flash Bandit: Interior Decorator

Today I had yet another task that only a dog can do around here.  It was my job to check the treasure trove of great stuff that the humans refer to as "garbage".  I can only assume that the stuff thrown in there is of great value since the humans don't even keep it in their houses.  With the exception of  "hoarders"-those humans like to keep their valuables within sight, most humans put their garbage into storage.   However, as a dog, I also like to have some of the treasures where I can see them and smell them.  I'm sure the dogs reading this know what I mean.  Anyway, I'm glad I took the time to check it before the humans put in in storage.  There was an entire empty bag of those bacon strips (bacon/peanut butter flavor) that I love so much.  I rescued that bag because it did not need to be in storage.  I put it in my cave, and then I continued as the day went on to rip it into tiny pieces on the floor of her bedroom.  Now the bedroom has that "dog lives here" look that the humans just can't achieve on their own.  The humans are so lucky to have me.  Without me, the house would not look like it does, and I did it free.   Humans, you are welcome!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Interior Decorator)

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Star Trek Enterprise and Capt. Porthos

I am wondering why there are no Star Trek Enterprise action figures with Capt. Porthos.  All us dogs know that Porthos was the one who was really running the ship.  You don't think the humans would be able to pull off such a complicated feat, do you?  Yet all the major toy companies only sell human Star Trek figures.  This is largely because toy companies are run by humans; and, as such, are run stupidly.  However, after doing a bit of research on the Internet, I did find a human who understands the importance of Porthos and he made himself a custom Archer and Porthos.  Kudos to this human (or is it really a dog?).  I don't think Porthos is for sale, but he is cool, and I approve of him.  Perhaps the toy companies will find out about this figure, and make one that any dog can buy.  I know I would buy an action figure of a dog.  It makes more sense than buying a human action figure.  In fact, all human action figures should come with dogs.  You know that the humans wouldn't know what to do if not for their dogs.  They might as well admit it when they make toys.  Here is the link so you can see Porthos for yourself:!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Admires Capt. Porthos)

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Demon Flash Bandit Does Standup Comedy

Yesterday, Detroit Edison turned off the electricity at our house twice.  It wasn't off for a long time--maybe 15 minutes at the most, but those were 15 minutes of mayhem around here.  I have mentioned in the past that Angel Zoom Smokey has issues with it getting dark in the house so lights are left on in rooms she is in 24 hours a day.  I think she is getting a kickback of dingo bones from the electric company, but you do not want to be around her when it gets dark.  Because it was dark for 15 minutes, Angel Zoom Smokey acted like a maniac from an insane asylum. She was actually standing on Mommy's dresser, and Mommy has one of those dressers that were popular in the past which is solid wood with shelves and drawers on  top so there is maybe 8 inches of space on the dresser itself.  Yes, Angel Zoom Smokey, Siberian Husky, was standing on that small area.  She even jumped in to the bath tub in an attempt to get away from whatever nasty monster was stealing the light.  I told her it was birds so now I have an even more fervent bird hater than myself.  Who says a dog can't turn a situation into his advantage?  Mommy was beginning to get annoyed with her because she also managed to scratch Mommy's arm, and Mommy takes blood thinners so when it bleeds, it bleeds a lot.  A bandage solved the problem, and Mommy knew that she did not mean to hurt Mommy.  Angel was just scared.  How did I handle the situation?  I was in the other room when it happened.  I walked into the room, and immediately made everyone laugh by asking if the humans had  paid the electric bill.  They had so I was hilarious.  Then I did what I do during most household crisis.  I took a nap.  Then the electricity came back on, and everyone was happy.  Angel Zoom Smokey took a nap, and all was forgotten.  However, the bathtub had to be one of the dumbest places to go when you are scared--like a bath will make it better.  Angel Zoom Smokey has got to learn to think more like a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (He-Man Dog Who Made Everyone Laugh at Crisis)

My Pal, Whitley, is Right as Usual

My last blog was about Mommy ordering the Christmas inflatable that has 2 Siberian huskies pulling Santa in his sleigh.  Whitley made a comment that was wise and insightful. (What else would you expect from a dog?)  Santa should have been pulling the huskies.  I don't mean to sound harsh, but Santa is a fat guy; and as such, he should not expect dogs to pull him around.  I bet he weighs more than both dogs put together!  Whitley's wisdom did not stop there (I can see why Whitley went to Harvard).  Whitley says that the item is reinforcing the idea that dogs should work and this is something  that is wrong for the humans to think.  In fact, the humans even have a group of dogs who are considered "working breeds"  As a husky, I am among that group, and this dog resents that category.  Why should any dog have to work?  Isn't it enough work watching out for the humans and entertaining them with our antics.  I won't even bother to list how we spend much of our lives decorating the humans' homes, and they don't even appreciate our efforts.  I just wrote a letter to the manufacturer suggesting that they make a new inflatable with Santa pulling the huskies.  It would be nice if the huskies were eating some bacon in the sleigh while Santa pulls them along.  I hope they are going to Burger King or Wendys for a snack!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Resents Being a "Working Breed")

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Husky Pulling Santa's Sleigh

Guess what Mommy got in the mail yesterday!!!  It is an inflatable sleigh with Santa on it being pulled by 2 Siberian Huskies.  Finally, the humans bought something that meets this dog's approval besides bacon and dog treats!  I think that this has to be the coolest Christmas decoration Mom has bought since she bought the husky coming out of the chimney.  If her goal is to make the neighbors envious, I'm sure she has nailed it because I am letting all the dogs on the block know that she got them because of Angel and me.  I think it would be cuter is Santa was pulling the huskies, but for something designed by humans, it is amazing that it is as cute as it is.  Finally, some human  said, "you know what we need to make a great Christmas decoration---DOGS!!!  They were right for once.  It seldom happens, but the humans do occasionally do something right and this proves it!  Here is the link so you can see how cool it is:

Be sure and show it to your humans-particularly if you are a sled dog.  You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing New Christmas Decoration)