Imagine my surprise and elation to find an ancient treasure map in a book I bought at a garage sale. It was written by a famous pirate dog named Red Tail. The humans, as usual, passed up his book because they do not realize how important he was in dog history. This is why I always go to garage sales. Most dogs don't bother to attend garage sales because they assume that the humans don't have anything worth selling since they throw all their most valuable stuff away. I can understand that way of thinking. Why go to a sale if you think the human is only selling junk when you could be home taking a nap? I got home and this book by Red Tail (entitled Red Tail's Treasures) was not only interesting reading since it included his many adventures which were well worth reading. One of his adventures involved killing a whole island full of birds which makes him my hero. He is very much like the dogs I read about in a recent news story that had been killing (and probably eating) some endangered terns on Disappearing Island in Florida. I might add an editorial comment at this point about how, in my opinion, all birds should be on the endangered species list because that is where they belong. However, instead of "protecting" them, the humans should be trying to eradicate them! Stupid humans!!!! Anyway, despite the exciting adventures in the book, the best thing was that he included a treasure map so that a dog could follow the map and find his buried treasure. I have already dug up the treasure so, at this point, I can share the map with my readers. You didn't think I would share it if I didn't already have the treasure in my paws, did you? I'm a dog--not a human, so I'm not stupid. Here is what it said, and I have translated it from pirate into English:
Ahoy Matey Dogs, (Hi Dog Pals)
Argh Argh, I have a treasure that is more precious than gold. (My treasure is more valuable than gold.) I have buried it in a place that none but the devil and me can find it. (My treasure can only be discovered by myself or Demon Flash Bandit.) Take 3 paces past the tree that I marked with my unique smell. (Go 3 feet past the tree on which I peed.) You will find a rock that has a picture I scratched of a bird dying. (I couldn't resist drawing a nice picture on a rock.) Take 5 paces past the rock, and you will find a pile of sticks. (I piled up some sticks to play with so I'll have something to do while retrieving my treasure. ( Go 5 feet to a pile of sticks I plan to play with later.) Take 5 paces to the left, and you will see a giant X that marks the spot. (Go 5 feet to the left and you will see a giant X spray painted on the ground.) Use front paws to dig up the treasure. (Start digging.) Instead of all that trouble, I just went to the back yard and looked for the X. I have napping to do so I don't want to waste time with silly hunting.
When I got to the treasure, I must tell you that I must be the luckiest dog in the world! It is full of real bones, dingo bones, milkbones, bacon, dog toys, and all sorts of thing a dog loves. It even has a get out of baths card that can be used whenever a dog needs it.
The point of this blog is that sometimes a dog has to stay awake and go to some garage sales in order to get treasures! I hope you find treasure too!
Demon Flash Bandit (Treasure Hunter)