Captain Demon Flash Bandit's Log-9/14/11

Captain Demon Flash Bandit's Log, Sept. 14, 2011

I was chosen once again by Star Fleet Dogster.com to be a log pick (diary pick) today. I suspect this is because of my vast experience flying around space taking care of the bad aliens. Just the other day, I found a planet full of fleas and I got out the Raid torpedo and killed them dead. I prefer killing them dead because killing them alive would mean that they are still around to pester a dog. I'm not the one that came up with the idea of killing them dead, but that was thanks to the ad agency that did the commercials for Raid. Yeah, I thought it was kind of redundant too, but who am I to complain about a company who gets rid of bugs? I'm just glad I got to those fleas before they reached the dog star. The dogs there do not like fleas anymore than us dogs on Earth like them.

We have a new science officer on board the ship. At least I think the new dog is the science officer because he is a lab. Yeah, I bet you didn't see that one coming. In fact, we even have a ship bouncer. He is the one who goes around telling the barking dogs that if they don't quit barking, he will pull the ship over and we will sit and wait until they quiet down. The chihuahuas hate him because they love to bark, but he likes quiet. A cat slipped on board and we put the cat in the brig. I personally don't mind cats, but some of the dogs hate them. He will be given his freedom when we get back to Earth.

That is it for today. This is Captain Demon Flash Bandit...soon to be Admiral Demon Flash Bandit signing off before going where no dog has gone before!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Starship Captain)

Lions, Tigers, and Gummy Bears!

Today I am writing about bears. There are several different bear species, and they tend to be big and ferocious which makes me wonder why the humans like to have stuffed ones as children's toys. However, there is one bear that is not ferocious at all. In fact, that bear lives in fear of being eaten by the humans. That bear is the giant gummy bear. I would not mind meeting up with this bear anytime because he would be sweet and tasty! For more information on how you can get your paws on this fascinating bear, go to this website:
http://www.vat19.com/dvds/trailertheater.cfm?productID=worlds-largest-gummy-bear
I've heard that he is good to the last bite!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing I Had a Giant Gummy Bear in My Paws)

Cowboys and Aliens

Yesterday I attended the movie, Cowboys and Aliens, as a movie reviewer for my brother's website, www.silverscreenhub.com. I liked the movie and was particularly impressed with the casting because there was a dog in a prominent role in the film. As usual, the dog does not get the proper credit for his (in my opinion) Oscar calibre performance.

There were some previews before the movie and it is those that I want to discuss. One was for the movie, Shark Week 3D which is already playing in theatres. I thought this was one of the dumbest movie trailers that I have seen in a long time. A group of young humans get to go on a trip to an island which promises to be loads of fun. However, that fun is shattered when a shark showed up to harass the youngsters. I can tell you that the reason it stars humans and not dogs is that the humans are idiots! If it were a group of dogs, when the first dog was attacked, then the rest of them would stay out of the water. Of course, the humans have no brains so they are still hanging out in the water waiting for the shark to eat them. I can understand if they were dealing with one of the land sharks from the old Saturday Night Live television program. Those land sharks on there were tricky. They used to come to the door and say they had a candy gram knowing that the humans can't resist candy!!!

The other movie is based on the best selling book by Demon Flash Bandit with a screenplay by Demon Flash Bandit, and that movie is Contagion. Okay, I really didn't write it and my humans have no plans to go and see it, but the virus is the bird flu so it is something that I might have written had not some human beat me to it. I don't plan to see it since I don't think that, even after the birds are clearly at fault, the film just doesn't seem so interesting.

I hope you had a nice weekend, and I'll be back tomorrow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Humans Can Learn a Lot From Dogs!

Sadly, we dogs do not have the lifespan of most of the humans, but it does have one advantage in that we don't have to face as many tragedys in our lives because of it. The terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City happened before I was born, but my humans remember it. They were not directly affected since they don't live near NYC and didn't personally know anyone that was hurt or killed, but the event still made them sad. Mommy told me she was driving to the local hospital about 10 minutes from our house to pick up my brother who had to have a CAT scan that morning. (I have no idea why hospitals allow cats to be part of their testing process.) I never met that brother because he died before I was born. which is one reason I am such an important part of the family. I am the dog they got to help them feel better when he had to leave. This brings me to an important point about the humans. It seems to me that much of the problems in the world are created by other humans because they don't seem to understand that the reason they are put here in this world is to learn to love and care about each other. Think about it: what really lasts in this world? If you abandon a city, it won't be long until it is grown over with plants again. What is really important? Many of the humans will answer money--most of it is actually paper and just how valuable is paper? If you have gold, other than it being shiny and making nice jewelry, no dog would give up a milkbone in favor of having a bar of gold. Perhaps if the humans thought more like dogs, the world would be a better place which is why I wrote this blog today. The humans can learn a lot from us dogs. If we do fight with each other, at least it is usually over something sensible like food or water and not because we like something that shines....and the humans think they are so smart! I might add that I have never heard of a dog not liking another dog because of the color of its fur. Yes, humans are not nearly as smart as us dogs!

Fringe and Texas Firefighters

Mommy and myself have been watching the first season of the television show, Fringe, and we both approve ot it. However, there was one episode where the show had a giant rhino (common cold) virus or whatever...it was a disgusting worm looking creature starring in the episode. It was killing some of the humans. If they ever decide to make a giant flea or bird, then I won't be watching it anymore. There are limits to the horror I am willing to watch on television.

In the news, I read that Texas, which is having wild fires also has firefighters who are expected to buy much of their own stuff to fight the fire. I'm going to venture a guess as to how popular that job is going to be in the future. I can just see the ads....Wanted: person who is willing to risk your life in a fire....pay isn't enough and you have to buy much of your own equipment. I think the governor of Texas should be ashamed of himself. I bet he isn't taking any pay cuts. He needs his pay so he can run for President and do the same kinds of stupid things to the entire nation. Have you ever noticed that the politicians who want to cut everything the most never seem to want to cut their own salaries? I would think that the sensible place to cut costs would be at the top. I've said it many times, and I'll say it again...dogs should be running the world instead of the humans!

I do hope that all my readers have a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (I've Got to Get Back to Watching Fringe)

Fire the Person Who Brought About Power Outage!

Electrical power has been cut off to many people living in the southwest United States. The states affected are New Mexico, Arizona, and California. According to news reports, one person's mistake is responsible for the power outage. Normally, I'm an easy-going dog who understands that anyone can make a mistake. However, in this situation, I think they should find the culprit and fire that person as quickly as possible. There is a good reason for my being tough this time. Many of the humans can't read my blog when they have no power, and my blog is super important for the humans and dogs to read. In fact, I don't know how the humans will survive for a day or two without my words of wisdom. I hope that the power companies will take this seriously, and that other power companies will learn from their example. Being able to read my blog is super important, and it should have a top priority among the humans. Anyone risking that deserves to be fired. In fact, I'm not even sure they should be allowed to run free. Perhaps they should be locked up in prison where they can't do anymore harm.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing the Importance of My Blog)

Court Planet Television

When the moon hits your eye Like a big-a pizza pie That's amore. This is the start of a song, but this song makes no sense to this dog so I am re-writing it in a more up-dated fashion. When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie, that's a lawsuit. This brings me to my point for today. When did the mooon start assaulting people and who does one sue when it happens? In this case, do you sue the moon itself which seems useless since the moon has no money. Do you sue the man in the moon since he must be in control? Do you sue the pizzaria for allowing them to hit you with a pizza--or is the whole pizza thing figurative? Do you sue in court here on Earth or is there some court planet where you can take the case. Can you watch it on television like the court shows? I can just see it now.....Judge Yakayak from the planet Zeldoid is the judge for today's case which will be heard right after this message from our sponsor....Moon Mist from the nice humans at Faygo. It tastes like mists from the moon. Then of course, someone will be writing a newspaper article asking which moon they are talking about since there are moons on other planets. Wait...the commercial is over...Judge Yahayak is speaking. Hello space people, the case today is about the Moon hitting an Earth person in the eye. The first witness is....Mr. Pepperoni Pizza. Swear him in....Mr. Pizza swears on some moon rocks that he will tell the truth, the entire truth, and nothing but the best ingredients truth. The trial is then interrupted by a riot in which the hungry people in court decide to eat Mr. Pizza. The case is dismissed due to lack of witnesses, and the moon got by with hitting the Earthling in the eye. The whole purpose of this blog is to warn my readers....if the moon starts heading for you, you had better move out of the way. No one wants to get hit in the eye like a big pizza pie. I know....I sent out a survey, and only 10% like to be hit in the eye like that. The other 90% want the moon to mind its own business.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About the Moon)