Movie Review: Breakfast in Dead

Movie Review: Breakfast in Dead

This is a movie that I have produced which I think will be one of the most exciting movies to come to the theatre since Furriest Tail of Demon Flash Bandit. The movie is Breakfast in Dead. I will start by revealing the cast:

Officer Smoked Ham...................Jon Hamm
Officer Sliced Bacon................Kevin Bacon
Sgt. Laurence Tiberius ("Cookie Monster Washington)...................Cookie Monster
"Evil" Bird...................................Russell Crowe
"Burned" Fish & Chips.....................Laurence Fishburne
Uggie...................................Uggie
Vegan Bottom.........................Carrot Top
President T-Bone Steak.............Mr. T

This movie, starring Jon Hamm and Kevin Bacon shows two policemen on their pork related adventures. Here is the tagline from the movie poster:

In the future of 1989, 2 cops are teamed up to take down an evil bed and breakfast that is more than meets the eye. (It is a Transchanger--should be Transformer, but for legal reasons, it is Transchanger.) Now it is up to Hamm and Bacon to cap off breakfast....one evil bird at a time. (The bad guys are birds!)

I'm not sure who authorized the tagline because I did not approve it, but I think it was written by Stephenie Meyers, the author of the Twilight Saga. I would have written it a bit differently, but the posters are already printed, and this dog does not like to waste money that I could be spending on dingo bones instead. Watch for this movie at your local theatre!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Producer)

My Opinion of People's Choice for Best Movie

The People's Choice Awards chose Twilight as the best movie overall. I think once again, this shows how stupid the humans are. Let a dog bite someone even if the person deserves it, and the humans put the dog in a cage and the dog faces a possible execution. However, let vampires and werewolves run amok and the humans make it the best movie of the year. I would think the humans had lost any sense of good taste. However, I also know that with that award, the humans can vote multiple times. Many of the humans, including the ones around here, never bother to vote at all. I guess tweens have a lot of time on their paws for voting. I really don't mind Twilight having fans who love it, but this dog hardly thinks it was the best movie of the year. In my opinion, it wasn't even the best movie of the month. I would vote for Marmaduke above Twilight. Who needs werewolves when you can have cute dogs starring in a movie?

Speaking of movies, my humans saw The Fighter, and they said it was an excellent movie. Jeff said it is a fantastic piece of human film making although it would be greatly improved with dogs. Humans are stupid, and, not to put down The Fighter, if it had an all dog cast, it would win all the awards, and no audience member would not like it. I, I mean Demon Flash Bandit, would be perfect for the lead role. Remember, this is Jeff's review and not mine. For a human, he is very wise--almost as intelligent as a dog like myself.

I've got to go and do some movie research or take a nap--I'm not sure which I will do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

My Arch Emeny: The Flea!

Today I am going to discuss one of a dog's natural enemies: the flea. I have yet to meet a human who likes the little creatures, and yet they still live. You would think that the humans would have found a way to eradicate them by now even if they destroy the entire planet in the process. It isn't like that has ever stopped the humans from a task in the past. Usually, humans decide something needs to be done and it gets done even if doing it might not be the best thing for them. I can't tell you how many times I have watched the humans slather themselves with insect repellent before going outside. I always wonder--what is worse--the insect who might bite once and cause some itchiness or the insecticide that might end up being poison to the human down the road?

I think the reason that humans haven't killed off our arch enemy, the flea, is because they enjoy the circuses that entertain them with flea antics. I decided to interview one of the fleas in a flea circus to see what life is like for the fleas who don't bother dogs, but choose to entertain the masses. The flea's name is Peter.

Demon Flash Bandit: Hello Peter. Do you enjoy working in the flea circus?

Peter: I would prefer to suck the blood from a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit: Get away from me you little vampire.

That interview didn't go well. I managed to get away, but I think this proves my point about fleas being worthless, annoying creatures. I do hate to report that you can see Peter in an upcoming Twilight movie sequel. Peter plays another vampire love interest for Bella. The sequel is called, Love at First Bite.....wait a minute that is a good vampire movie. The sequel is called Twilight 3: For those who saw 1 and 2.

Back to the subject of fleas. Peter is not the only famous flea in the world. One of the musicians in the Red Hot Chili Peppers decided to use an "ironic name", Flea. Who would expect a flea to be named Flea? I guess he must be a talented flea to be in a band. I guess dogs are not allowed at their performances because if we were, the concert would end early and they would have lots of angry fans wanting their money back. Fleas just can't resist a dog.

There are a few business fleas too which are the entrepreneurs who invented flea markets. There are flea markets all over the country so they have done very well with the concept. In fact, I have yet to understand why people will go to the markets to buy fleas, but the humans aren't the smartest species on the planet. I can guarantee that this dog would never purchase a flea. Why would I want one?

Perhaps that is why the humans haven't eradicated the fleas yet. They probably feel stupid that they are trying to kill something they spent good money for at the flea market.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Flea Fan)

Twilight Remake, Elvis Potato Head, and My Plan to Clean up the Gulf Oil Spill

I was a bit surprised at the announcement that there is going to be a remake of the movie, Twilight. The studio has finally gotten a true star to play the part of the vampire--Count Chocula. Now the movie makes sense because no girl could resist the chocolaty charms of count Chocula. The werewolf has been replaced by, yes get ready for it, Frankenberry. I would have no problem going to see this movie at the theatre. It finally makes sense. I can understand how a girl would have a tough time choosing between those two handsome leading men. I predict that this movie will be a major blockbuster. This is one romantic movie this dog would love to see. In addition to winning Bella's heart (that is the girl's name, isn't it?), they could win her tummy too. I know that works good for us dogs. If I like the food, I tend to like the human who gave it to me. My prediction is that Bella will choose Count Chocula because chocolate is usually more popular than strawberries. At least that is what I have surmised in listening to the humans talk. I do predict that both of the men are in trouble if a new guy shows up with chocolate covered strawberries. However, that is unlikely to happen because, when a studio has to pay the kind of exorbitant salary required by stars of the calibre of Count Chocula and Frankenberry, I doubt that they will want to run the movie budget up more by adding yet another high priced star.

I am going to add that my blogs, as usual, are important. I wrote a blog on May 24, entitled, "Greatest Secret Agent and Master of Disguise" about Perchival Potato Head and the whole Potato Head clan. Today, the Internet news was covering the big story on Elvis Potato Head. Yes, this dog likes to write about the most relevant, up to the minute, information available. On a personal note, Burger King put cheese on my last burgers which is unacceptable. Fast food cheese does not meet up with my culinary standards. I wonder how that piece of Demon Flash Bandit information missed the news desk. They must have been busy with some other story and they missed a big news item. In addition to writing news stories, I also like to offer solutions to big problems. The oil spill in the Gulf is a big problem at the moment. I wouldn't have allowed them to drill unless they knew how to fix a potential leak. However, even though they didn't check with me in advance and now it is a big problem, this dog has, once again, came up with a solution. Everybody can pull their cars on the beach and fill up their tanks directly from the Gulf. The cars get free gas, the gulf get cleaned up, and it is a win/win situation for drivers and clean up crew. It is a shame the humans can't come up with practical ideas like us dogs do. I guess I'll have to run for President again, and this time, they had better include me on the ballot.

Demon Flash Bandit (Would Actually Be Willing to See the Twilight Remake)