According to the Washington Post, there is a very old white oak tree in Basking Ridge, New Jersey that is almost 600 years old. The tree is in declining health. The humans aren't sure why it is dying, and they speculate that the tree is dying of old age. Of course, the tree is being examined by humans, and I have no faith in their conclusions. Humans do not appreciate trees as much as we dogs. I think a group of dogs should be put in charge of the tree's care. We can start by taking charge of the tree's watering schedule. I personally have helped many trees get big and stay healthy. Dogs don't just put water on them. We age and treat the water like fine wine. My suspicion is that it is an ongoing homocide, and I know who needs to be arrested for the crime. If we act quickly we might be able to save the wonderful tree while it is still alive. The culprit is (drum roll) BIRDS! Birds like to hang around in trees and they are always building their nests on the branches. Imagine having to hold up an entire house! No wonder the tree is in decline. It is tired of the birds building their subdivisions in it. If that isn't hard enough on the tree, the birds like to sit their feathers on the branches. The woodpecker even drills holes into the tree because he wants to live inside the tree. In addition, there are squirrels running around all over the tree. Meet me in New Jersey. We will get rid of the birds and squirrels and make sure the tree gets our special magical water. The humans know our liquid is beneficial for trees. This is why they let us outside to "do our business" which is tree care.
Demon Flash Bandit (Save the Tree)