Friday, July 26, 2013

Candy Insurance

This dog is highly upset today, and I'm sure, once I explain this situation to you, all the other dogs out there will be upset too. As you may be aware, if you buy items at the store, the stores often offer extended warranties particularly on electronics and even dvds and blu-rays. Since they offer extended warranties, and the humans can get insurance on the items in their home in case of theft, I wanted to get an insurance policy on the Swedish Fish I was planning to buy. It seems that everytime I get some Swedish Fish, they end up missing. Someone is stealing them right out from under my nose, and it seems to happen everyday. Since they are my absolute favorite candy (except for a couple of weeks when I refused to eat them because the humans were wrapping a disgusting antibiotic in them), this is very upsetting to me. The store has no policy for insuring food. Does that seem fair to you? The most valuable thing anyone can buy, and there is no insurance for it. You can insure your television set, and if you ask my opinion, it is very useless. It isn't like you can eat it, and even if you could, I doubt that it would taste good. I think the government should get involved in this so I have written my congresshuman (yes, we know it should be a congressdog, but it isn't), and I am going to share that letter with you now: Dear Congresshuman, Insurance companies should be required to insure a dog's candy. We like our candy, and the humans are always trying to take it from us. Something should be done....maybe the death penalty for candy theft. I know you are probably thinking that the death penalty is too easy since there is the chance for reincarnation, but at least it is a start! I would appreciate it if you would name this new law when you pass it, the Demon Flash Bandit Candy Law. Thank you for your time and get cracking or you may have a constituency of dogs ready to bite you! Sincerely, Demon Flash Bandit If that doesn't get some action, I don't know what will. Of course, from what I've read in the news, some of the people in Washington are busy sending photos to other humans that would be better unsent. Someone really needs to explain that to Anthony Weiner. Demon Flash Bandit (Wants My Candy Insured)

No comments:

Post a Comment