Corporate Zombies Spotted on Wall Street!!!!

Recently I wrote a blog about zombie insurance that is available for purchase. I'm sure some of my readers laughed it off and assumed that there is no need for zombie insurance. However, I am going to share a news item about zombies:
http://www.inquisitr.com/147232/occupy-wall-street-goes-zombie-today/
You don't have to thank me for telling you about the zombie insurance in advance, but in the future, my readers need to learn to pay closer attention to what I say. I wrote about zombies, but even I did not expect to see corporate zombies although, to be fair, that is what most corporations are all about--zombie employees. If employees thought for themselves, many of them would quit their low paying jobs and start their own corporations. Then they would need to hire zombies so I guess it is one of those vicious cycles that never ends unless a dog is running things! Don't even ask me why us dogs aren't in charge. I have been wondering about that since I was a puppy. Just look at the humans. They aren't even smart enough to realize that walking on your two back legs makes you more likely to fall---yet they are in charge. I don't know about you, but it scares the tail off of me. Fortunately, I do still have my tail, but I've seen dogs that have been so terrified of the humans running things that they literally do not have tails. Their tails are docked, which means their tails took off in terror.

If you weren't wise enough to heed the advice of Demon Flash Bandit, and you failed to get zombie insurance, I suggest you get some before the zombies make it to your city. I suspect the zombie insurance company never thought they would have to actually pay out any claims so get it while you still can!

Demon Flash Bandit (Corporate Zombies on Wall Street)

Simple Rules for Training the Humans!

I want everyone to know that my Mommy went shopping today and got 2 boxes of Milkbones, a package of soft and chewy milkbones, and some ham for my dinner. This is what happens when a dog has a well trained human. This training is not easy, and it is best started when you are a puppy, but it is never too late to begin. The humans are slow learners, but they can learn--you just have to work with them. Yes, there will be times when a dog will feel that the humans are hopeless and not worth the trouble, but you must trudge on and keep trying. They can end up really surprising you once you have them properly trained. Here are a few tips.

1. Remember, the humans crave love so show them affection whenever possible, but particularly when they have done something right--like bringing home treats.

2. Let the human know who is boss. Of course, you are the dog so you are the boss.

3. Allow the human to look like he is in charge in front of other humans--you know you are really in charge, but the humans like to feel important. This is why they all walk around with cell phones talking about the weather.

4. When the human makes a mistake (and they will make many, many, many mistakes), don't hold it against them. Remember, they aren't dogs so they will make mistakes.

5. Sometimes let them eat at the table. This also makes them feel important.

6. Let them sleep in the big bed as long as there is plenty of room for you. Yeah, I know how it is when the humans think it is their bed, but humor them--they do go to work to pay for stuff so you have to let them have a few small victories. However, I've found that getting to bed before them and pretending to be asleep and not moving usually works well. This is why they have guest bedrooms--so that they will have a place to sleep themselves.

7. When you go for a walk, lead the way and decide where you are walking. Remember this is your walk--not theirs!

These are the beginning rules of training humans. Good luck, and remember, don't let them start bad habits because they are hard to break!

Demon Flash Bandit (Rules for Training the Humans)

Wall Street Hoarders!!!

I wonder if other people are as concerned as I am about whether the protesters on Wall Street are going to have any effect on the people who work on Wall Street. From what I see, the humans who work on Wall Street are still there, and they are still being crooks so it looks like business as usual on Wall Street. As a dog, I do wonder why so many of the humans allow so few humans to control the money and possessions. I have to admit that I have hoarded a few bones in my life, but never to the extent that the humans on Wall Street try to hog everything for themselves. You would think that money created happiness when all it buys is comfort. True happiness comes from within. All us dogs know that. Of course, you can't expect the humans to know things that come naturally to a dog. This is because the humans tend to be stupid when it comes to happiness. There are television shows about hoarders. Maybe they need to start a new one called "Wall Street Hoarders". Sure, their houses may be neat and clean (probably because they pay someone minimum wage to keep them that way), but if you look at their possessions, they are bigger hoarders than any of the ones who have been on television up to now. You would think the humans would get annoyed at the greed of other humans, but instead of it annoying them, most of them get caught up in it. I bet most of them haven't realized that they can't take it with them when they die....humans are such slow learners!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (My Views Of Wall Street Humans)

Mr. Ed Would Get His Own Bacon Treats

Happy Anniversary to Mr. Ed, the horse that entertained the humans every week for many seasons. For those who want to read more about Mr. Ed, here is the web address discussing his 50th anniversary:
http://www.aoltv.com/2011/09/29/mister-ed-50th-anniversary-tv-animal-quotes/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%7C100576
Since many famous animals were asked to talk about Mr. Ed, I am wondering why I was not asked since I am Demon Flash Bandit, the world famous blogging dog. I like Mr. Ed. I have watched his program, and he is a very cool horse. I think picking up the phone and playing pranks on Wilbur and ordering special stuff for himself shows that he was a true genius. I think animals everywhere can learn from his example.

I woke Mommy early this morning crying. She asked me why I was crying. She thought she would be funny so she asked me if I had lost my tail. My tail was not lost--and it is beautiful. Then she asked me if I was hungry. I said, "eat". She said she would get me something later when she got up. When she got up a couple of hours later, I was asleep using a bag of bacon treats I had gotten from the kitchen as a pillow. I like to think that Mr. Ed would do the same thing if he were a dog. Sometimes a dog has to take matters into his own paws.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Mr. Ed)

I'll Try a Bacon Scented Candle!

Most of the time when the humans burn candles around here, they have flowery scents. Sure, some of them smell like vanilla and that is okay, but many of them smell like lilacs, roses, etc. I saw that a young man has taken matters into his own paws, and has come up with some manly scents. Personally, I don't care about buying a candle that smells like dirt or sawdust. However, a candle that smells like bacon has my paw of approval. In fact, I think a lot of dogs would enjoy smelling a bacon scented candle. Of course, I think we would enjoy the smell of actual bacon more. I doubt that a candle tastes very good. I'll admit that I have never tried one, and I don't plan to eat one to test out my theory, but I do think that candles don't really taste like their scent. I suppose that is because they aren't really food, and were never meant to be eaten. Perhaps if the humans invented edible candles, then dogs would enjoy them more. For those readers who want to know more about bacon scented candles, here is the website:
http://businessonmain.msn.com/browseresources/articles/selling.aspx?cp-documentid=30571440&source=msneditorial#fbid=LBIQVGBFjSB?GT1=25409

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Bacon)

Common Sense?

As a dog who lives in Michigan, I am appalled to report that the Republican party in the state of Michigan wants to put teachers in jail if they use a computer at the school to send an email that has anything to do with their union. Of course, teachers using a school computer to update their Facebook account or play games is okay so it isn't that they are concerned about wasting "company time". I'm not quite sure why the Republican party is so scared of the unions. Unions are supposed to be about fair wages and safe working conditions. I suppose most of the Republicans would rather have slaves teaching the children. That would be an advantage for them since slaves could teach the students to be good slaves for future business owners. You don't have to agree with a dog about this issue, but there is one thing that bothers me, and that is just a common sense fact. Considering that Michigan has considered releasing prisoners early due to overcrowding, it doesn't make any sense to put teachers in jail and possibly end up costing the state a lot of extra money not to mention the possibility of having to let murderers and rapists go free. If this is the kind of "common sense" coming from the Republican party, then they have none.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sticking up for Teachers)

Dogs: Avoid Exploding Toilets!

I'm writing this because I saw an item in the news from Washington DC (it happened in a Federal Building) about a lady who was injured due to an exploding toilet. I'm sure most of you, when you see that sentence will think, "was there a terrorist attack at one of the government buildings?" The answer is, no there was not. It turns out that it was just one disgruntled toilet that caused the problem. This is why dogs do not use toilets. Sure, you can get a cat to use one, but we dogs have more sense. There is no way that we are going to be shot across the room by an unhappy toilet. There was an excuse about water pressure, and the people in the building have been warned not to use the facilities until they are checked out. I suppose that means that either the humans are using hydrants like us dogs or they are lining up at a nearby gas station. I hope they are using the nearby gas stations because those hydrants are for dogs. We mark them as our territory and we expect them to stay our territory. The humans probably wouldn't even bother to sniff the hydrant first to see if it has been marked or not. Humans are terribly impolite about such things. Anyway, I hope that there are no more toilet problems in Washington DC. Judging from the amount of excrement coming from the politicians, I'm surprised the toilets haven't fought back sooner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Staying Away From Toilets)