Thursday, October 29, 2015

Tricks for Treats

My good luck is continuing. Yesterday my humom ordered pasta from Dominos, and she ordered me the specialty chicken and bacon.  The only thing that could make it better would be additional bacon.  For the dogs reading this, I have to admit that luck is only part of the equation.  There are "tricks" for dogs to use to get the food a dog wants.  Most dogs are masters at begging for food.  However, begging usually only scores a couple of bites.  That is why I am going to.share my secret with all dogs. I will warn you that my method does take patience,  but the rewards are definitely worth the effort.  Every time the humans are eating something you
like, don't simply beg.  Cry like your heart is  breaking. My.humans always give in to my crying.  This is how I.get my humans to give me my own order of food.  I have my humans wrapped around paws.

Demon Fiash Bandit (Sharing a Useful Trick)

Monday, October 26, 2015

I am a Lucky Dog

Sometimes life  can surprise a dog with an opportunity that a wise dog will  use to his advantage.  In my case, the humans left a half full box of cereal. Yes dogs, half a box of banana nut Cheerios.  I recommend getting your paws on this tasty cereal.  I loved it!  I was eating it right out of the box.  Just to make sure that I would not be blamed for eating the cereal, I tore the box into little.pieces and left them by William's bed.  If.possible make sure a human gets the blame so look innocent.  Now I'm waiting.formy next lucky break.


Demon.Flash Bandit (Cereal Loving Dog)

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Dog Hats are Stupid

Mom has done it again.  An Amazon package arrived today
 Humom.ordered me some.yogurt drops but imagine my anger when.  She showed me the "cute" cheeseburger hat she ordered for me.  I'll admit I got excited.when I saw it in the box.  I was hoping Burger King had started a delivery service which I have advocated for the burger chain since I sampled my first hamburger as a puppy.  However, my initial surprise was overcome by the realization.that my nose was not.smelling the delicious aroma of hamburgers.   That is when I grabbed the hat only to discover that it was made of fabric, and was not real!  My friend and blogger, Whitley, is from Texas; and Whitley left me a comment on my blog about the new cowboy hats humom got us.  Whitley said cows eventually become hamburgers, but I prefer my cows on the grill.  A.cow on the grill has never walked away.

Demon.Flash Bandit (Burger King Should Deliver)


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

I'm not a Cowdog

I have a horrible announcement to make. As if ordering Angel and me Ghostbuster and
 StaPuff man costumes for Halloween isn't bad enough, we got another package from Amazon today.  I'll admit, I was glad she ordered us some yogurt drop treats. She should have stopped when she ordered the.treats, but humom is not smart.  She also ordered Angel a pink cowgirl hat with a decorative tiara. She ordered me a brown cowboy hat.   My humom And my nonfur brothers think the hats are adorable which makes Angel and myself even madder.  We have no interest in looking silly for the human's amusement.  Seriously, how can we be cowhands when we have never even seen a cow?  I've got to.go now.  I see some clean  clothes that will smell better when I pee onotthem. Yes, I am adorable!

Demon Flash Bandit.(Not a Cowdog)

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Why Help Mice?

All I can say in this blog is that humans have to be the dumbest species on the planet (except for birds of course)
 Since humom is using a chair with wheels, she has been staying home more, and watching television a lot more.  I love spending time witn humom but some of the programs she watches are incredibly stupid.  Case in point:  one that has science lectures from Ted.  Personally, I think it is very silly to give that stuffed bear, Ted, from McFarlane's movie, Ted, in charge of a show involving science.  One episode was particularly annoying.  The episode dealt with increasing the lifespan of humans--an idea of which I approve.  Eventually that technology could also be used to increase the lifespan of dogs.  However, they are presently working to increase the lives of mice!  Mice normally have a 2 year lifespan, and the ones in experentation are living an extra year.

 Why?  I have killed several mice in my life, and my humans have thanked me for it.  Mom had to spend $300 a few years ago to fix her car from damage incurred when mice climbed into the engine area and chewed up some wiring.  Other humans have had the same thing happen to their cars.  Perhaps it is mechanics who are funding the study so they will continue getting the extra business.  I can't think of any other reason other than insanity
 for increasing the life of mice if you think I'm annoyed over this, don't even mention it to a cat.  Cats are really, really mad, and have always said that mice are only good as cat food.  I can't speak from experience because my humans never let me eat the mice I caught.  I think they were planning on eating the mice themselves.  Humans can be so annoying at times.

Demon Flash Bandit (Mouse Catcher)



Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Sad dog

I have been putting off writing for several days because I learned that my dear, dear pup pal Puff crossed over the bridge
  Puff was a gorgeous little Maltese who could win your heart just by looking at his photo.  He was dashingly handsome, and he loved cuddling with his humom.and playing with his stuffys.  He was preceded over the bridge by his sister, Coco Rose, who.ruled the roost. Puffy did not mind.  He was happy Coco.Rose accepted him.  Their family recently moved from CA on.a new adventure to New Mexico.  I, along with my family will miss him greatly.    However, I'm sure Coco and Puffy will.greet all of their family and friends when it is our time to go.  Their humans  their love to 2 puppies who are blessed to be sharing their home.  Check out their blog titled, Barking From New Mexico.

Demon.Flash Bandit (Sad Dog)

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Halloween Costumes.are for Humans--not Dogs

Now that it is October, the dreaded holiday, Halloween will be celebrated.  Normally I would welcome a holiday in honor of candy.  I love Swedish Fish and Mike and Ike camdies.
  In fact, my favorite dog treats list sugar as the first ingredient.

My problem with Halloween is caused by the humans.  As I have mentioned many times in the past. This dog does not wear clothing.  Angel hates clothes even more than I.  From.the time
she was a puppy, she runs if she even sees dog size clothes
 This is why Mom doesn't buy us Halloween costumes.  We become very stubborn and uncooperative when mom tried in the past to put us in costume.  As all dogs know, humans continue to make the same mistakes because they have such short powers of recall.  Recently a package arrived from Amazon which contained a dog costume in our size.  It was the marshmallow man from  the movie, Ghostbusters.  Then today I noticed on mom's Amazon account that she had ordered a Ghostbuster uniform from the same film.  I hope mom plans to have our stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman, wear them because I love mom and I don't want her to get into a situation where I would have to bite her.  It is a disappointment to me because I thought I had her better trained.

Demon Flash Bandit.(Not a Ghostbusters)

Friday, October 9, 2015

Hellboy and Marriage.Vows of Henry the 8th

William and I were watching the movie,
 Hellboy.  It was hard for me to pay attention to the plot.  I kept thinking , why  is he wearing a coat?  Why doesn't the coat burn up?  Jeff said it is to look cool, but it sounds odd to me. However, human types are odd creatures so I'll accept.his explanation.

Mom and I have been watching the television series, The Tudors, again.   We just finished the episode in which he married his sixth wife, Catherine Parr.  I have to admit that, though I'm a very Macho dog, I got all choked up when Henry  the 8th said his wedding vows!  He had such a great staff of wedding vow writers, and he kept them super busy.  English nobility had to hire professional wedding gift shoppers to keep up with him.
Anyway,  I was so touched by his vow which I will now share with my readers who are unfamiliar with his loving words

My dearest Catherine, I pledge to you that I will be a loyal and loving husband until I meet a woman who is younger or prettier. When that happens, I will divorce you if you are agreeable. If not, I will be decreeing--off with your head.  I'm sure we will enjoy several weeks of wedded bliss before we separate.

Sadly, he died before he could find a 7th wife. I suppose that is part of the reason the US does not have royalty, except of course for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself.

Demon Flash Bandit (King Demon)

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

I Offer Solutions

Since I am running for president of the U.S. in the 2016 election, it is time for me to address some of this country's problems.  Today's subject is about the serious droughts in the west  including California.  In order to conserve water,  all dogs in California are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice and go  unbathed. We are willing to give up baths for our entire lives in order to make drinking water last longer. I am asking dogs all
over the country to stand in solidarity with dogs in the areas hit by the drought and Do not take a bAth
 If your human does not agree, have them read my
blog. If the humans quit bathing, it would save even more water, but humans are seldom.willing to make such sacrifices.

Demon Flash Bandit (Future President)

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Now I'm a Fashion Model

As you know, I am a dog of many talents which now includes modelling.  At first, I was hesitant to.pursue this career because it involves walking on a "catwalk"  No self respecting dog wants to be on a catwalk, and I like cats, but I am also fond of walks
 That is why I decided to give it a try.

I am sure that you.must be thinking. "Demon, you hate wearing clothes so why become a model?" . Let me explain.  I love attention, and models get lots of it.  There is also the excitement.of hearing the announcement:  "Next is Demon Flash Bandit sporting a Kelloggs corn puff on his tail". I love cereal so I was keeping it close in case I needed a snack.  None of the other
models had a snack with them.  Of course, I was the only dog-the test were humans.   I'm not sure they ever eat.  Between working and dieting; I'm glad I'm a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cereal Model)


Sunday, October 4, 2015

Angel Zoom.Smokey Ate MY Bacon !!!!!!

The student has become the master, and I wasn't aware I was a teacher.  On an average day, Angel and myself are given a boneless chicken breast for dinner.  i used to get hamburgers, but since mom can't get out of the house, we both get chicken instead of just Angel.  I was annoyed at first, but by eating chicken, I feel I am doing my part .in the war against birds.

Today there was only one piece of chicken so I got it because I am a pickier eater.  Angel was given a dish of Beneful prepared chicken dog food that mom.keeps around for just such an emergency.
Angel refused to eat it.  Therefore, Mom gave her a package of pre-cooked bacon  which mom bought for the make sandwiches for themselves.    BACON----- an entire pack of bacon for Angel.  That is how I get the good food .  I never dreamed Angel would use my plan. Frankly, I didn't.think.the bitch was smart enough!  Now I've learned not to under estimate
Angel's intelligence!  At least to eat the Beneful prepared food which  looks just like human food so I.guess I did okay.  However, chicKen and bacon are delicious together.  I'm going to tone down my teaching skills.  Sometimes I forget just how smart I am.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Fine Dining)

Friday, October 2, 2015

Give me Food or Else

I am not happy at this moment
  I should have been fed about 2 hours ago.  My brother, William, fell asleep before he fed me.  Just as I was about to
  go to the kitchen and get my own foodiy mom
woke him.   Therefore, I will not bave to report him for animal cruelty.  William has roast beef to feed me so.I've got to.go
  Time to eat!!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who is Going to be Fed)

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Sharing Ancient' Egyptian Dog's Diary

I have long held an interest in history.  I was at a local garage sale recently.which is where I find my ancient.artifacts.  I really got lucky at that one.  I found an ancient dog diary from an ancient dog.  My find was written by an ancient Egyptian dog named Gahiji.  Gahiji admits that the humans then treated cats too well.  The humans back then treated.their.dogs well and were often buried with them when both  died.  Gahiji's human was named Habibah.  Habibah's family tried to.get him to go to.scribe school, but Habibah hated school so he became a pyramid builder.  Gahiji.loved Habibah  but was always worried that he would lose his job.  Habibah liked to write "the Pharaoh needs to get a life", "this pyramid was not built by extraterrestrials" next to.a drawing of one, and "Don't re-elect the Pharaoh".  Gahiji.had heard rumor that the Pharaoh didn't have a sense of humor

Here is one of his entries:

Hot Day in Egypt.   2976 BC
It is  Hot day here in Egypt. My human (Habibah) is at work.building pyramids.  I plan to spend my day on one of.the Nile's many beaches.  Being a dog is a great life!
Gahiji (Ancient Dog)
Demon Flash Bandit.(Professor Demon)