Wednesday, April 29, 2015

I'm a Big Star Now!!!!

 I have great news for my fans!  Jeff posted a video of Angel and myself on youtube. You are probably wondering what it feels like to be a star..It feels great!  I am already preparing my awards acceptance speech.  Here is the link:

Demon Flash Bandit ( TV Star)

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I've Got a New Bone

William went shopping yesterday.  He got me a silver bone with my name engraved on it.  My other one fell off, and the humans would not survive without me around.  He didn't get one for Angel Zoom Smokey.  I would like to think it is because she isn't worth hunting for, but the breeder had her microchipped.  However, I don't want to hurt her feelings so I am going to have a one engraved for her too.

Line 1: Super Bitch
Line 2:  Guess my Human's Name
Line 3:  Guess the address
Line 4:  Guess the Telephone #

Can't you feel the love?  By the way, that was not me---I repeat----not me who was kissing her yesterday.  That was Phantom Fast Snowman, my stunt double.

Demon Flash Bandit (Caring Dog)

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Mother's Day Gift for Psycho Mom

Earlier today, as I was shopping on Amazon, I found a cool item I knew I had to share with my readers.  It is a " mothers heart" necklace that can hold up to 5 birthstones of her children..  The interesting thing about this necklace is that you put the birthstones in it yourself.  Finally, a necklace for the insane mom who now has the opportunity to change the crystals with her moods.  This necklace is not for Octomom or that reality show mom who has 300 children.  However, most mothers now have 5 children or less.  M mom had 3 boys so she would still have room for her important fur children---Angel and me.  It would also be useful for moms with adult children.  It would  be a quick way for them to see if they are still in Mom's will.  If your crystal is missing, you won't be getting an inheritance.  NOTE:  that only works from moms who have money to leave behind.  My mom's mom was like that, but it didn't work with my mom.  She said no one should love some just for money.  I've got to hand it  to mom.  She thinks like a dog, and she never loved her mom over money.  Here is the link for the necklace.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Sharing a Shopping Treasure)

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Dog Rapper

In case my readers have forgotten, Angel and I are in the singing group ,The Howling Huskies.  Of course, I'm only kidding.  I'm sure my readers know all about my musical career.   I have decided to branch out on my own and be a rapper.  I already have  the necessary information street cred with my stand on bird executions.  How many other dogs have done so much to get rid of birds?  The answer is: NONE!!!!!   One of  the most important things to be a successful rapper is the name.  I gave it a lot of thought.  Ice Tea seems quite successful so I needed a name that would bring the kind of comfort that ice tea brings to the humans.  Therefore, I will be called Bacon because bacon makes my tummy happy!  I paid a marketing consultant who did research among dogs, and every dog surveyed loved the name so I picked a winner.  Here is a sample of my first rap song:

Walkin' Down the Street

I was walking down the street past a bird in the tree.
That bird dropped a white bomb on me.
When a bird drops a bomb on this dog's head
that bird will soon be dead.
You don't mess with Demon Flash Bandit
the baddest dog on the planet.

Should I have titled it:  Let's Kill a Bird instead?

Demon Flash Bandit (Rapping Dog)

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Protectve Dog at Wotk

Jerry Seinfeld called youtube a "giant garbage can".  Since I recently made a cameo appearance on my brother, Jeff's, youtube channel (Steel Magnolias review) I was offended by Stenfield's statement.  He even had the nerve to say that no one wants to watch cat videos.  I happen to know that many humans love the dog and cat videos.  I think he should watch what he says because the funniest person on his show was Kramer.  What is his problem?  He has money and fame.  Why is he jealous of dogs and cats?  Is it because he has been watching his show, and realized he isn't funny so  he insulted pets because he is jealous of pets.  I did Mommy a favor  because she had all of his "worthless" show on dvd.  I'm sure she will thank me for it when she realizes what I have done. It s my job protect the humans from such garbage.  Yes, I said it-- I know Mommy would prefer to watch dog and cat videos anyway.  I put those Seinfeld dvds where they belong:  in the garbage!

I do have good news too. A couple of days ago, Angel and I had Burger King for dinner which was delicious.  We had B K again today.  It was even better because today we had double cheeseburgers with bacon.  I have yet tomeet a dog that does not LOVE bacon!  I hope all my readers get all the bacon they want!

Demon Flash Bandit (Protective Dog)

Friday, April 10, 2015

Dog Poop is not a Crime.

Are any of the humans sane?  A recent article in the Washington Post reports that, in some cities, there are apartment complexes that are requiring a swab of the dog's mouth to get the dog's individual DNA.  This is so they can match the dog poop that their human that don't pick it up.  Really!!!!  The humans have nothing better to do with their lives but inspect dog poop.  It sounds like an excuse for the humans to obsess about dog poop while acting like they aren't fascinated with it.  Many cities have crack houses, and the humans are worried about the dog poop problem!  No wonder the humans are so dysfunctional.  They worry about stupid stuff.  According to the article,  dog poop gets into the ground water.  Are the humans serious?  Most city water in faucets go through a water treatment plant which cleans up the water.  Besides, what about the deer, squirrels, raccoons, possums, etc. who also poop everywhere.  I think this is a definite case of discrimination against dogs!  What is next?  Are dogs going to be facing criminal charges for pooping?  Are we going to have to watch out for the poop police?  Police don't go to that much trouble and expense to find people who have broken into houses.  By the way,  if a dog eats another dog's poop, will that affect the DNA test?   Why are the humans not mad about birds who are the most evil creatures on the planet.  They poop everywhere too.  I will end this with the philosophical question......if a dog poops in the forest and no human is around to smell it, does it still stink?  Also, do the humans sit around obsessing about dog poop in the forest.  Philosophers have been contemplating these questions as far back as ancient Greece.  Plato wrote a book about dog poop.  I bet my readers were unaware of that fact.  Here is a link to the article.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Poop is not a Crime)

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Flintstones Meet the Jetsons

After writing my last blog, I discovered that there are humans who think that the Flintstones took place in a post apocalyptic future.  According to conspiracy theorists, the Jetsons happened prior to the Flintstones.  My brother, Jeff, told me about this conspiracy theory.  Jeff is a treasure trove of weird trivial knowledge.  By the way, if you watch Wolfman Jeff do his movie review of Steel Magnolias, you might see a familiar furry face with blue eyes make a cameo appearance on his video.  Here is the link:

  1. Anyway, the Flintstones--- Jetsons theory makes a lot of sense to this dog.  It explains why Fred and Wilma had all those modern style appliances in the Stone Age.  Personally I think both were great shows.  I am glad that a historian decided to educate the public.  I try, but it would take up too much of my nap time to educate the humans so I am glad I'm not alone.  There is one thing that bothers me, and I question the historical authenticity.  I do not think Dino the dinosaur can replace a dog.  The Saber Tooth Tiger can replace cats though.  I  like cats, but they can be snobby at times.  One thing I do know is that, if an apocalypse occurs, I know birds are behind it.  I am sharing a link that gives the details:

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing a Conspiracy Theory)

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Building Computers j

My brother, William, was watching a do it yourself project on building a computer out of an XBox.  Although, I don't consider myself a do it yourself dog, I consider myself to be  a let the humans do it  it for the dog kind ofdog., I found this one interesting. Projects take  a lot of time from my napping schedul, but this one was worth staying awake   Besides, I think Jeff would not appreciate coming home to see his game system in pieces.  When I was a wee puppy,I chewed up his game controller (he has all the systems)  so I have no idea which controller I chewed on, but I suspect it tasted like a PlayStation system.  He got a new controller the next time he went to the store. .there.  Flash  my Dutch bunny pal, chewed up the new one.  He said it tasted like an Xbox system, but what does a rabbit know about video game  systems?  I loved Flash, but the dog is always right!  We had planned . attacks because Jeffwas spending entirely too much time playing games and not enough time with us pets.  From that experience, I knew that Jeff is not happy when you destroy his game system.

I will admit that this project peaked my interest.  However, I did not want to use  Jeff's system so I used my doggy genius to build a computer out of things around the yard
  I found.d a nice large pebble which is flat.  I do not recommend using a
pointy rock because it could hurt your paws.  I hit an owl over the head with  a stome.  I know this violates my "kill all birds" motto, but I did needed  a brain for my computer.  I put the bird in a cage.  This is necessary because you don't want your " brain" flying away.  .A stick makes a great stylus!  I made a computer worthy of being sold in Bedrock.  In fact,  that Fred Flintstone has one on order.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Computer Building Dog)

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Happy Easter to Everyone Except Birds

Happy Easter everyone.  In honor of the holiday, I am posting my art work from a past blog.   This is to remind you of the true meaning of Easter.  Chickens and birds are meant to be a dog's dinner.  This is why they are delicious.  Easter is a day to honor bunny rabbits.  I assume there is some religious significance, but for us dogs, it is all about the toys and treats.  Before your humans reading. this think you are superior to us dogs, many humans like the toys and treats too.  We dogs are just honest enough to admit it.  As you can see from this drawing, birds even admit they are evil.  I also feel that real eggs aren't necessary for the holiday.  I won't eat eggs from chickens anyway.  This dog doesn't eat something that comes out of a chicken's  butt.  I prefer chocolate eggs, but a dog has to sneak them when the humans aren't looking.  The humans claim chocolate is bad for us.  However, this dog thinks it is only because the humans are hoarding it for themselves.  This is my chocolate conspiracy theory.

One reason I am bringing up this subject is because Burger King has new crowns with angry birds on them.  I have been eating their burgers all my life. and they choose birds to represent the company.  Now they have made me an angry dog!  I will continue to eat their burgers, but I will be angry while I eat them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who HATES Birds)

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Exciting News

I have  exciting news.  My brother, Jeff, has launched a youtube channel with his first webisode.  The first one is a movie review of an Oscar winning movie.  He didn't tell me the title.  He said I would not approve of it.  Here is the link so you can watch it:


His second webisode is much funnier because he covers crossover movies, and he has some good ones.  I think my readers will like them!  I did.  I'm sure I will be making an appearance in future ones.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Exciting News)