Movie Review: Noah

My human brother, Jeff, bought the movie, Noah, on blu-ray, and I got to watch it last night.  When I say I got to watch it, it only shows that not everything a dog gets to do is a good thing.  Of course, this movie is about Noah, and the flood which means it could have been a very good movie, but it was not!  I knew this movie was not going to be good when a bunch of birds flew into the ark to be saved.  Does the director really think a dog would be dumb enough to believe that God, in his infinite wisdom and goodness would save birds?  I am quite sure that there were no birds because God would not have created anything that annoys a dog so much.  The birds came about later.  They, along with fleas, were one of the plagues sent to the Pharaoh in Egypt when he wouldn't let the Israelites go.  They are around to this very day as a reminder that you  better do what God says to do or he will invent something annoying.  I know it doesn't seem fair that a dog would have to suffer too, but some of the Egyptian dogs could have bitten the Pharaoh until he had enough sense to let the Israelites go.  Dogs don't deliberately make mistakes, but we do enjoy a good nap.  That is one time the dogs shouldn't have been napping.  After the birds, a bunch of snakes came slithering onto the ark.  I won't even give my opinion of snakes except to say that I'm not a fan of them.

Back to the movie review.  This movie didn't seem to go along with the Biblical version of the Noah story--at least not exactly.  I don't remember any "watchers" being mentioned in Genesis.  It was also kind of boring.  I know this is partly because we already know what happens in the end so it is like watching a movie with a huge spoiler alert before you get to the theatre.,    Although I did  not give the latest Transformer movie a good review, I think Noah could have benefited from a few car chases and blown up buildings.  Okay, the car chases would be historically inaccurate, but they could have added some ark races to spice up the story a bit.  The movie really needed some action to keep it from being so boring.

I give this movie 4 paws down and no tail wags.  I would not recommend watching this movie unless you need to get some sleep and suffer from insomnia.  Believe me, this movie is boring enough to put the worst insomniac to sleep.  I won't even bother giving it a human movie rating....just avoid watching it, and you are welcome for my warning!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)