Celebrity Dog Rehab

After my blog yesterday about the humans and my dogtor trying to get me addicted to drugs--particularly an antibiotic, keflex,  I decided to do some further research to see if this is common among the humans.  I must sadly report that it is.  In fact, it is so common that there are more than one website dedicated to selling drugs for dogs.  Why would the humans want their dogs to be drug addicts?  I have no idea why.  Of course, I also have no idea why the humans choose to be drug addicts.  Some of them will even put drugs into their veins with needles.  How stupid is that?  When the dogtor comes to me with a needle, I am not pleased.  In fact, my owners have suggested a muzzle over me so that I don't bite the dogtor.  It is only fair---if he want's to stick something sharp in me, I think I should be able to stick my sharp teeth into him.  Anywho,  my humans are about as far from the drug addict types as you can get so my theory is that they are trying to get me addicted so I can go to rehab.  You know how all the tabloids are with the celebrity rehab news.  The humans just can't seem to get enough of that type of reading.  Imagine if celebrity blogger, Demon Flash Bandit has to go to rehab.  The tabloids would go bananas with that piece of news.  They would sell millions and I bet my humans are going to get a cut of it.  If so, they had better plan to buy lots and lots of dingo bones because this dog does not work cheap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrity Rehab Possibility)

Don't Do Drugs!!!

How many times have you heard the phrase, "don't do drugs".  I don't think I need to point out all the problems that drugs have caused in our society.  Therefore, when I hear these messages, I take them seriously.  Of course, I have checked into this with  doggy scientists because you know the humans don't even have the sense to come in out of the rain so you can't believe everything they tell you.  My humans do not "do drugs" themselves so who would expect them to ignore the advice of every anti-drug commercial ever made?.  I hate to have to report my humans, but they have been trying to make me take drugs--specifically 500 mg of keflex, and not just 1, but 2 at a time.  They claim the dogtor said I need them, but I think it is just a ploy to fill me full of drugs and make me eat dog food..  This means that a dog has to be super vigiilent in dealins with the humans.  Last night my humans avtually let me have a bite of a Milky Way bar, but I suspected it was tainted with medicine because the medicine smells like lawn art, and the Milky Way I had last night smelled of lawn art too.  The next time I hear one of those anti drug commercials, I plant to turn up the volume so that the humans will hear it.  Maybe it will get through their thick skulls to quit trying to turn a dog into a drug addict.

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Do Drugs)

Angel Zoom Smokey Deserves an Apology!!!!!

I want to thank Angel Zoom Smokey for the guest blog she wrote for me yesterday with the assistance of my brother, Jeff.  She wrote it while Mommy was in the hospital, but Jeff did not get it uploaded until yesterday--the humans just don't seem to understand schedules, do they?  On the other paw, at least my readers got to enjoy an extra blog.  Angel is the subject of my blog entry today. I know that I have been known to "occasionally" criticize some of her behavior.  However, sometimes she does something so thoughtful, that I can only show my admiration for her kindness.  In this case, she was being extra nice to my Mommy so it made me happy to see her take such good care of the Mommy.  Mommy went to take a shower and wash her hair.  As all us dogs know, a bath is a traumatic experience for a dog.  Just when you are at your best, the human grabs you, often after a chase, and makes you take a bath.  The saddest thing about the humans taking baths is that they think they are supposed to take them so they torture themselves.  In both our opinions, Mommy did not need to take a bath.  We both thought she had that perfect Mommy smell that we both love so much.  Of course, she did not ask our opinion so she continued with her bath plans.  However, Angel Zoom Smokey had an idea of her own.  While Mommy was in the shower, she peed all over Mommy's bed--sheets, covers, even Mommy's pillow.  Mommy walked into the room and sat down and said, "what stinks?":  Then I heard, "Angel Zoom Smokey--you are a bad dog!"  I would have thought that Mommy would have thanked her and rolled around in the bed to get that nice urine smell of Angel's which I enjoyed smelling.  It was better than the flower shampoo and Dove soap smell Mommy got from the shower.  Mommy actually took another shower!!!  Can you believe the ingratitude of the humans?  In this situation, I think Angel deserves an apology....bad dog my paw....she was a good dog!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sticking Up for Angel Zoom Smokey)

GUEST BLOG: HAIR STYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS

   Hello to all the Banditnites out there! (NOTE: Banditnites is now the OFFICAL name for all you Demon Flash Bandit fans out there). My name is Angel Zoom Smokey and I am writing a guest blog today. For any of you out there who don’t know who I am, I am Demon’s adorable little stepsister. I’m sure he says nothing but the nicest things about me on here. I can’t be bothered to read his blog since reading really isn’t my thing. I’m much more of a TV and movie dog. I know what you are all thinking, all that TV watching has indeed sharpened the old brain noggin…thing…and stuff.   I have become something of a movie and TV trivia Einstein as a result. I am of course referring to the dog Einstein from the hit “Back to the Future” trilogy and NOT that old human Albert Einstein who graces so many college posters with his tongue sticking out. Human ladies, we get it, you think he’s a dreamboat. I guess Albert Einstein is a bit like James Dean in that respect. Handsomeness is timeless, so look out Justin Bieber.
   On the subject of Albert Einstein, what was with that dude’s hair? The man was a genius, surely he must have known how goofy he looked. It even makes me wonder how smart he truly was. Seriously think about it for a second, a man that supposedly smart went into a hair cutting place or stylist, got done, looked into a mirror, and just walked out without demanding they make him look less like a Batman villain. It’s not just Albert Einstein either, many scholars have seemingly followed his lead and seem perfectly happy looking like a crazy person. Granted, it does work for some people. I am a huge fan of the show “Ancient Aliens” and I have to admit that Giorgio A. Tsoukalos totally rocks the crazy hair. His secret? ALIENS! Seriously though, these men are very intelligent, they should know that getting your hair cut in the same place as Bozo and Milky the clowns probably wasn’t their brightest ideas.  It should be noted that while I make fun of Albert Einstein’s personal stylist, Guillermo Alfonso Nardio Javier Zhang Antonio Talladega-Del Toro (nicknamed Bubba), went on to be the personal stylist to many celebrities who wanted their hair to scream genius. His clients have included Don King, Nicki Minaj, Russell Brand, and Carrot Top. Clearly, their look did not scream genius, if anything, their looks screamed HELP!
   Moving onto Justin Bieber really quickly since we talked about him earlier, did you see that Orlando Bloom tried to punch that little twerp? Now, if you couldn’t tell, I’m Team Bloom. Honestly though, I’m Team Anyone Willing To Punch Justin Bieber In the Face. I don’t condone violence, I firmly believe it to be the root of all evil and I am very anti-violence. I am the type of dog who wants nothing but peace for all of God’s creatures. That being said, if someone decks Justin Bieber in the face, I will be the first dog cheering as Justin Bieber cries in the corner. The only upsetting thing about the whole Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber story was that Orlando Bloom missed punching his face. I can’t exactly blame him, who wants to touch his face anyway? Plus, Bloom showed what a class act he actually is by restraining himself from punching a little girl. All you dogs at home do yourself a favor and watch the movie “Kingdom of Heaven” in support of Orlando Bloom. I’m just assuming that “Kingdom of Heaven” is a sequel to “All Dogs Go to Heaven” so extra points to Orlando Blooming Onion for starring in a dog movie!  Well...I am going to mush into the movie room now and watch it!  Have a barking good time everyone!

-ANGEL ZOOM SMOKEY

Garage is Now Doggy Park Cave

My Mommy has been having more and more problems getting around because her back paws aren't working too good anymore.  I told her to put down her front paws and use them too, but evidently, the humans can't grasp the concept that 4 paws are better than 2.  One of the biggest problems is that the first step onto our porch is about 1 foot high.  I can do that step with my paws closed, but Mommy has real problems getting her knee to move that far up so she bought a small step to put in front which has changed the 1 step into 2 smaller steps.  It is working at least for the time being, but I devised a better plan which only can be devised by those of us of the dog persuasion.  I have decided to dig up the yard and move it to the driveway.  and also fill in the small area (about 1 foot) between the step and the driveway.  Then the two would be no different in size, and Mommy would have NO step to worry about conquering.  The garage would then be useless for cars because it would be too far down from the driveway, but I think garages are silly anyway.  Why does a car need shelter?  The humans  can then clean all their useless garbage from their garages and turn the garages into something that every dog needs---his own personal doggy park cave.  I'm looking forward to the humans doing that for me.  Sometimes when a dog goes the extra mile to help the humans, the dog gets rewarded!

Demon Flash Bandit (Soon to Be Owner of a Doggy Park Cave)

Bacon is for Dogs---Not Cars

What is the problem with the humans ability to think things out in a logical fashion?  I saw a headline item in one of the news forums that said the humans were going to make a vehicle that runs on bacon.  I did not bother to read the article because I decided it was stupid.  In the first place, the humans have had a vehicle that runs on bacon for years--it is called a sled dog team, and I can't imagine anyone interviewing a sled dog who does not enjoy bacon.  However, to run a machine on bacon is just a waste.  I don't think I need to mention that bacon is even more expensive than gas, and so many of us like it--dogs, humans, even cats.  It seems wasteful to me to feed bacon to a machine that isn't even able to enjoy its delicious flavor.  I think it would also create a lot of traffic issues with all the dogs following said vehicle because of the bacon emissions.  I wouldn't be surprised to see a few humans running along after the car in solidarity with the dogs!  Bacon is far too good to be served to a car, and I suggest the humans quit coming up with such stupid ideas.  Keep it the way it always has been:  bacon is only fuel for sled dogs!  It is a delicious meal for the rest of us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bacon is for Dogs)

Mommy's Back!!!!

I have missed sharing my interests with my dog pals, but I have been unable to write because my human secretary wasn't here to take my dictation.  My human had a little health problem of her own.  At first I thought maybe she was just jealous of all the extra attention I've been getting due to my dogtor's visit, but she was legitimately sick.  I should have known the humans aren't smart enough to milk things like that for all they are worth.  Mommy had to be in the hospital for several days.  Her leg had an infection, cellulitis, and a blood clot.  When Mommy does something, she goes all the way and does it well.  She is home now and feeling better.  I missed her, but in my he-man dog fashion, I trudged on and continued with my life.  Angel Zoom Smokey was a basketcase.  I am very glad she is home, and hopefully, my blogs won't be neglected in the future--hear that mom---no more getting sick!

Demon Flash Bandit (Mom Needs to Stay Healthy for a Dog)

Have no Fear, Underdog is Here!

I have been feeling a "bit under the weather" which makes no sense since I think we dogs are always "under the weather", but that is what the humans like to say.  I guess it makes them feel like they have some control over the atmosphere--which we do not.  It means that we aren't feeling as good as usual.  I have been feeling bad, and Mommy (the human one I adopted), took me to the dogtor yesterday.  I had went to the dogtor about 2 weeks ago, and I had an eye infection.  This time the infection had not improved.  In fact, it was worse--I now have ear infections and my paw is infected.  I suppose this is why the humans tell us not to scratch ourselves, but when you have an itch, what else are you supposed to do?  This dog is a firm believer in scratching.  This time the dogtor gave me some serious antibiotics (2 doses of keflex), and cream for my eye and ears.  I am already feeling better so I decided to write my blog first thing.  I didn't feel like writing it yesterday.  Those antibiotics really perk a dog up, don't they?  I'm sure that all the good wishes and prayers of my doggy pals out in Internet land have helped a lot too.  I got a new toy for going to the dogtor, and I am very fond of it.  It is a plush Underdog dog toy that says "there's no need to fear, Underdog is here".  Angel Zoom Smokey got one too which is okay with me.  We are like siblings that have to have what the other one has so Mommy solves that problem by making sure both of us have one.  It is the same policy that she had with my two younger brothers.  They always got the same toys because otherwise, they would fight over them.  I think that Underdog made me feel better because  a new toy does work wonders for a sick dog!  I would have skipped the pills because they don't taste good, but a dog does what a dog has to do to please the humans.  Hopefully, I will be feeling better, and I'll write my blog more often.  I know how important it is for my pals to read my blog.  By the way, in the Underdog movie, my Mommy (the human one) liked the motto, "There is no need to worry, Underdog is Furry".  She has a point--it is cute!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sick Dog Feeling Better)

Old Buns are Good Buns

Everyday my Mommy (the human one I adopted), stops at McDonalds and gets me 4 double cheeseburgers at McDonalds.  I used to get Burger King everyday until the day that an employee told Mommy she could not order a bacon burger without condiments, and the company was annoying when she called the corporate number to complain.  If a dog does not want mustard and stuff on his burgers, the company should accomodate said dog.  If not for us dogs, I suspect many of the fast food restaurants would go out of business.  I usually eat the meat and cheese, but I leave the buns because a dog does not need bread--a dog needs MEATZ.  If you have any doubts about that fact, check with my pal on dogster.com, Zaidie.  However, there are times I am particularly hungry so Mommy puts the buns in the McDonalds bag, and gives it to me to carry around.  I do occasionally enjoy a bun after a few days when it is crunchy and dry because that is when buns are the most delicious.  Sometimes I let Angel Zoom Smokey have some buns to eat because that dog's stomach seems to be a bottomless pit.  She has been getting a burger  lately, but she always gets a boneless chicken breast because she is a real chicken fan.  In fact, she won't even eat anything all day until she gets her chicken.  I think she is afraid she will fill up on a lesser food, and won't have room for her chicken.  Anyway, Mommy does occasionally throw the buns away because she is under the mistaken assumption that once they are old and crunchy, they don't taste good (and I have already stated that is when they are the best).  Today, I went by the garbage and discovered my bag of buns in there.  I grabbed the bag and took off with it, but Mommy saw me.  I am pleased to announce that the bag is hidden where only I can find it.  There are times when I am very glad that the humans don't have a dog's sense of smell or I would have a rough time hiding things from them.  However, with their semi-useless noses, they don't stand a chance.  Therefore, I have scored a bag of buns!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who is a Bun Expert)

I Prefer "Cold in Cleveland"

My human Mommy has been watching a television show, Hot in Cleveland.  Mommy seems to like the show, but this dog has refused to even listen to it.  Why?  Because I hate the title, that is why.  I'm a Siberian husky, and as such, we do not like it to be hot.  Therefore, a show in which the humans want to be hot just makes no sense.  Why would I even bother to watch one episode of such a stupid show?  Mommy said there is an occasional dog in some of the episodes, and there was one episode that had some puppies, but that was not enough to make me want to watch it.  I think they just added the occasional dog cameo hoping to get the dog demographics, but is did not work for me.  When they make a show titled, Cold in Cleveland, I will consider watching it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cold is Better)

My Sympathies to Leonard Bean!

So many people have been touched by the comedy of Robin Williams,  it is very sad that he was found dead in his home.  He was a very talented man.  I"m not sure if it is because he was an alien from the planet Orc or if he would have been equally funny had he been an Earthling.  The important thing is that we Earthlings got to enjoy his talent for a long time, and he made a lot of us happier thanks to his comedy.  I feel particularly bad for Leonard Bean, his dog--a pug he rescued from Curly Tail Pug Rescue.  I lost my own Daddy in 2007, and I still miss him so much.  Many times I will sit for hours at the front door waiting for him to come home to us.  So far, it has not happened although I do see him sometimes.  Even my humans know this because they hear me "barking" to him, and they say that Demon must be chatting with Daddy again.  Since we dogs don't have as long a life expectancy as the humans, we don't expect to lose our humans, but it does happen.  I'm sure Leonard will be well cared for by family and/or friends, but he will always miss his human.  I suspect that we dogs often love our humans more than they love themselves.  The humans tend to be harsh on their judgments of themselves, but their dogs think they are wonderful--no matter what they think of themselves.  I think it is very sad that Robin Williams committed suicide, but I am not surprised to learn that he might have been suffering from Parkinsons disease.  Sometimes the humans are experiencing pain--be it physical or mental, and death makes more sense to them than living.  It is a shame they don't have the same compassion for other humans that they have for us dogs.  Most humans won't allow their dog to hang on with constant suffering, but when it is a human, it is supposed to build "character".  I think the world would be a better place without suffering, and I don't think the humans'  "characters" would be any worse because they are happy.  Anyway, I hope that Robin Williams is at peace and I'm sure he is waiting for the day when he will see Leonard and his family and friends again in the place everyone is happy and healthy--and there is no suffering. By the way, don't you think that a man as talented as Williams should have named his dog, Leonard Bacon.  No self respecting dog wants to be named Bean, but Bacon is a name of which a dog can be proud!

Demon Flash Bandit (My Sympathies to Leonard Bean)

A Mouse is a Mouse is a Mouse--Even on the Computer!

I have been getting very annoyed at Angel Zoom Smokey lately.  For the past couple of weeks, she has been hogging the humans all to herself.  Whenever I enter the room with them, she attacks me, and my humans are annoyed at her too because they miss having me with them.   They love BOTH of us.  Despite my personal feelings of annoyance with her, I do have to commend her for a brave act on her part.  She was jumping around on the bed (she calls it "zooming"), and she broke the cover off of the mouse on Mommy's laptop computer.  Mommy wasn't exactly happy that she did it, but I have to admit that all us dogs know that mice should never be allowed in the house.  Even though I am mad at Angel, I do have to admit that I don't like the idea of mice in the house either.  They pay no rent (from what I have heard), and I have a stash of treats that I have hidden in very strategic spots throughout the house.  One spot is under the kitchen table.  I knew the humans would never see treats there because the table covers them up.  I am giving Angel Zoom Smokey my special "you killed that stupid mouse" award because I believe in giving credit where credit is due.  Besides, I have plans to get revenge on her for annoying me anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Giving Credit Where Credit is Due)

My Book: It Takes a Kennel to Raise a Puppy

There was an incident at a Burger King restaurant in which a child was throwing a temper tantrum because the child wanted an apple pie.  The man in front of the obnoxious brat ordered all the apple pies in the restaurant so that the child wouldn't be rewarded for the bad behavior.  When the employees of the restaurant applauded his wisdom, he admitted that he would never have thought of such a thing if he had not read my book, It Takes a Kennel to Raise a Puppy.  My book was on the New York Times Dog Best Seller List for 3 years.  It is even more important for the humans to have dogs help raise children because the humans are not nearly as smart as us dogs so they need all the help they can get.  The next time you are out in public and you see children behaving properly, you will know that the humans involved in raising that child have read my book.  You are welcome for my part in making the world a better place.  I hope the human took those apple pies home to feed the neighborhood dogs who are much better behaved than the human puppy at BK.  Therefore, they deserve a treat!

Demon Flash Bandit (Published Author)

Movie Review: Noah

My human brother, Jeff, bought the movie, Noah, on blu-ray, and I got to watch it last night.  When I say I got to watch it, it only shows that not everything a dog gets to do is a good thing.  Of course, this movie is about Noah, and the flood which means it could have been a very good movie, but it was not!  I knew this movie was not going to be good when a bunch of birds flew into the ark to be saved.  Does the director really think a dog would be dumb enough to believe that God, in his infinite wisdom and goodness would save birds?  I am quite sure that there were no birds because God would not have created anything that annoys a dog so much.  The birds came about later.  They, along with fleas, were one of the plagues sent to the Pharaoh in Egypt when he wouldn't let the Israelites go.  They are around to this very day as a reminder that you  better do what God says to do or he will invent something annoying.  I know it doesn't seem fair that a dog would have to suffer too, but some of the Egyptian dogs could have bitten the Pharaoh until he had enough sense to let the Israelites go.  Dogs don't deliberately make mistakes, but we do enjoy a good nap.  That is one time the dogs shouldn't have been napping.  After the birds, a bunch of snakes came slithering onto the ark.  I won't even give my opinion of snakes except to say that I'm not a fan of them.

Back to the movie review.  This movie didn't seem to go along with the Biblical version of the Noah story--at least not exactly.  I don't remember any "watchers" being mentioned in Genesis.  It was also kind of boring.  I know this is partly because we already know what happens in the end so it is like watching a movie with a huge spoiler alert before you get to the theatre.,    Although I did  not give the latest Transformer movie a good review, I think Noah could have benefited from a few car chases and blown up buildings.  Okay, the car chases would be historically inaccurate, but they could have added some ark races to spice up the story a bit.  The movie really needed some action to keep it from being so boring.

I give this movie 4 paws down and no tail wags.  I would not recommend watching this movie unless you need to get some sleep and suffer from insomnia.  Believe me, this movie is boring enough to put the worst insomniac to sleep.  I won't even bother giving it a human movie rating....just avoid watching it, and you are welcome for my warning!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Movie Review: The Sandwich

Today I am writing about a limited release movie titled The Sandwich.  This movie stars Jon Hamm and Kevin Bacon. Chevy Chase changed his name to Chevy Cheese so he could be cast in the movie.  This movie is one of the greatest movies ever made; and as such, should get the Oscar for the best picture of the year.,  Personally, I was not surprised that it was so good because it was written, directed, and produced by some very talented dogs.  Naturally, you know it will be great when you get that many dogs involved in the making of a motion picture.  In fact, other than the 3 humans mentioned above,  all the other actors were dogs.  I don't think I need to explain that a movie starring mostly dogs could not possibly be bad.  In this movie, we follow the life of a sandwich that every dog wants to sink his or her teeth into.  Meanwhile the humans, who of course do not have near the talent as the dogs are trying to get it too.  SPOILER ALERT:  the dogs get the sandwich.  I'm sure none of my readers of the dog persuasion will  be surprised by the ending.  It is what I like to call a "doggy no-brainer".  This movie gets all paws up (of every dog who sees it), kisses, sloppy kisses, tail wags, and some ranch dressing.  (Don't all sandwiches taste better with dressing?)  After seeing this movie, I can't wait to see the next movie that all the dogs will be involved with making.  That movie will star Mark Walhberg, and it will be called The Walhberger.  That movie is about a hamburger.  I'm not sure if it a sequel to The Sandwich or a movie that stands on its own, but it doesn't really matter.  I'll be there at the premiere.  I have already been invited since I am such an important dog movie critic.  When it comes to your area, or comes out on blu-ray, get your copy.  You'll be glad you did!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

My Visit to the Dogtor (Veterinarian)

I have some good news to share with my readers today.  A couple of days ago, I had an appointment with the dogtor because  one of my eyes looked red.  I barked that it was not a big deal, but you  know what worriers the humans can be, and who can blame them?  We dogs are so special to our humans that they worry when they think we might be sick.  Actually, it is sweet, and one of their more endearing qualities even though the money could be better spent buying us dingo bones and hamburgers.  It turns out that the eye was infected, but it seems to have something to do with allergies because the dogtor told Mommy to give me more benadryl than what I am presently taking.  I do have allergies, but the benadryl works great on them.  The dogtor examined me while I was there.  Personally, I think it was just an excuse to touch my klondike bar.  Therefore, I think the dogtor should be  arrested on ethics charges.  However, I do understand that touching my klondike bar is probably too much of a temptation for the humans so I did not call the police and I am not pressing charges.  What was the good news?  The dogtor said I am a very healthy dog for my age.  The interesting part of that is that the dogtors are always telling Mommy that I should be eating dog food because it is better nutritionally for me.  This proves my point and the point of all the dogs who have been barking for human food.  Obviously, I am healthy, and I don't eat dog food.  I say feed all of us dogs what the humans eat.  If the dog food is so nutritious, let the humans eat it.  They are the ones who invented it.  Seriously, why would a dog invent dog food when human food has already been invented, and it tastes so good!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Visited the Dogtor)