Occasionally, my humans are in the market for new furniture, and I am hoping that they will be needing a new couch soon. This is because there is a couch in Australia that has set a land record for going 101 miles per hour. In fact, according to the article I just read, this couch has probably broken the land speed record for upholstered furniture. I happen to be a very smart dog, but I learned something new because I wasn't even aware there was a land speed record for upholstered furniture. I'm not sure if it is fair to call it a couch because it is only a 2 seater, and therefore, it isn't as big as most couches. I know many of the humans call them love seats which is a silly name if you happen to have to sit on one with someone you hate. I guess many of the humans are optimists. I guess they have to be to get up in the morning and show up for work. Most of us dogs would hate having to get up and go to work. I get annoyed if the humans expect me to get up before noon unless it involves a treat--and it had better be a good treat to get me up early!!!
For those of you who would like to read more about this amazing couch, here is the site:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/28/worlds-fastest-couch-hits-101-mph_n_984501.html#s366143&title=Guinness_World_Records
In the future, you might want to be careful when you sit down on a couch. You don't want to end up miles from where you started. That is the kind of thing you want to know in advance.
Demon Flash Bandit (I Think I'll Order a Faster Couch Next Time)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Moths: Working With Birds?
I have written numerous times about birds and their evil plans to take over the planet. However, now I am suspicious that they might be aided in their attempt by another flying creature--moths. Sure, moths are small and they look harmless, but just last night, my fellow dog and adopted sister, Angel Zoom Smokey, was laying on the bed trying to relax. A black moth landed on her nose. Before she could take her paw and hit the moth, he was gone. This brings me to my conclusion. . . . moths are in league with birds. Both fly around bothering people, and both can be annoying. Moths can destroy a wardrobe which makes them very powerful.
I think this is probably why Hollywood made the movie a few years back, The Mothman Prophecies. The movie showed a "Mothman" who showed up before tragedies took place. The movie never really made it clear whether the Mothman was trying to warn the humans or if he was the reason for the tragedy. If moths are in league with birds, I would assume he caused the tragedies.
I might add that this does not apply to the Moth sidekick in The Tick. That moth looks like a rabbit. Therefore, he is okay. Rabbits never bother anyone. . . . their job it to hop around looking cute.
Remember, if you see a moth, get rid of it. There is no need to take chances that it might be out to help the birds take over the planet.
Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Moths)
I think this is probably why Hollywood made the movie a few years back, The Mothman Prophecies. The movie showed a "Mothman" who showed up before tragedies took place. The movie never really made it clear whether the Mothman was trying to warn the humans or if he was the reason for the tragedy. If moths are in league with birds, I would assume he caused the tragedies.
I might add that this does not apply to the Moth sidekick in The Tick. That moth looks like a rabbit. Therefore, he is okay. Rabbits never bother anyone. . . . their job it to hop around looking cute.
Remember, if you see a moth, get rid of it. There is no need to take chances that it might be out to help the birds take over the planet.
Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Moths)
Stockbroker Psychopath: At Your Service!
I've often thought that Wall Street Stock brokers and psyhcopaths have a lot in common, but today I read an article stating that fact on the Internet. You might ask me how I could see that one coming in advance. It is because I see what Wall Street does to business. I'll take Krispy Kreme for example. They have always had delicious doughtnuts. Sure, the doughnuts are high in calories and fat and are not good for you, but that is what a doughnut is supposed to be. If they were "health food", they would not have so many people who love them. Anyway, when Krispy Kreme was a private company without stocks being sold on Wall Street, their cream filled doughnuts were wonderful (or so the humans claim). However, shortly after the company started selling stock on Wall Street, the cream filled doughnuts had a lot less cream and are no longer purchased by my humans--which means I never got to try them. If you ask this dog's opinion, they murdered a perfectly delicious product--just like a psychopath would!!! I am going to give you the web address of the article I read so you can look it up for yourself.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/26/stockbroker-psychopath_n_981950.html
This brings up a new and important point. With the stock market doing so badly, and some of them inevitably losing their jobs, does this mean that their new line of work will be murdering innocent people. Since they have the inclination, and jobs are scarce, it would seem to be a logical alternative for them. I think there should be more dogs on Wall Street, and I am going to volunteer to replace those silly human psychopaths. A dog like myself would make good investments thanks to my advance intelligence, and my investments would be good because I'm a dog, and we dogs do things right. I've got to go now and work on my resume.....Demon Flash Bandit....stockbroker!
Demon Flash Bandit (Should be a Stock Broker Due to My Vast Intelligence)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/26/stockbroker-psychopath_n_981950.html
This brings up a new and important point. With the stock market doing so badly, and some of them inevitably losing their jobs, does this mean that their new line of work will be murdering innocent people. Since they have the inclination, and jobs are scarce, it would seem to be a logical alternative for them. I think there should be more dogs on Wall Street, and I am going to volunteer to replace those silly human psychopaths. A dog like myself would make good investments thanks to my advance intelligence, and my investments would be good because I'm a dog, and we dogs do things right. I've got to go now and work on my resume.....Demon Flash Bandit....stockbroker!
Demon Flash Bandit (Should be a Stock Broker Due to My Vast Intelligence)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Bad Art and The Office Without Michael Scott
I have written several blogs about art. However, since whether art is "good or bad" is often a judgement on the part of the viewer, it makes this dogs realize that, other than the famous "dogs playing poker" paintings, most art done by the humans really isn't that great. This isn't completely the fault of the artist since the painting will only be as good as the subject, and, if the subject is human, there is no way they are going to look as good as dogs! This is why I am pleased to write about art that is not considered "good art" from the human point of view. You can find it at this link:
http://www.museumofbadart.org/
Obviously, you won't find the dog playing poker paintings in this museum because there is no doubt that they are good, but I personally found the 2 dogs in the one painting to be a good painting no matter what the silly humans say. Sure, maybe they could have looked even better done by another artist, but there is no way a dog can look bad.
The Office has always been one of my favorite shows. I even awarded myself a Dundee award when Mommy got one with a dvd she bought. Sadly, she put the Dundee award the and Dwight bobblehead where Angel Zoom Smokey and myself could not get to them. However, I just watched the new episode of the first season, and I don't think the show is going to make it without Steve Correll. The episode just was not funny. The only time I laughed was when Pam was watching the dog on the commercial. She was crying and said," he is only trying to protect his bone". Of course, leave it to a dog to save the day when the humans have messed up everything. I think Steve Correll was wise to get out when he did because it has become so unrealistic and not particularly funny that I doubt that my humans will purchase any seasons of it in the future--and they have all the seasons that are out. I noticed that B. J. Novak both wrote and produced the episode so I can only say that if the office wants to survive, they should put him in the column of losers, and use other writers and directors. Judging from the episode I watched, the show is not going to make it. I'm not even sure that I will watch more episodes, and that goes for my humans also because they didn't like it. Mommy only laughed once. To give Dwight the promotion of "office enforcer" was ridiculous. By the way, I don't think entertainment has to be completely true to real life, but when it gets to the point where it is totally unbelievable, that is not good. The whole "planking" thing would get most employees fired, and in this dog's opinion, wasn't even particularly funny. I can do funnier things with 2 paws tied behind my back. I think the new season of The Office is horrible, and I think it will be its last season if others think like Demon Flash Bandit!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Art and The Office)
http://www.museumofbadart.org/
Obviously, you won't find the dog playing poker paintings in this museum because there is no doubt that they are good, but I personally found the 2 dogs in the one painting to be a good painting no matter what the silly humans say. Sure, maybe they could have looked even better done by another artist, but there is no way a dog can look bad.
The Office has always been one of my favorite shows. I even awarded myself a Dundee award when Mommy got one with a dvd she bought. Sadly, she put the Dundee award the and Dwight bobblehead where Angel Zoom Smokey and myself could not get to them. However, I just watched the new episode of the first season, and I don't think the show is going to make it without Steve Correll. The episode just was not funny. The only time I laughed was when Pam was watching the dog on the commercial. She was crying and said," he is only trying to protect his bone". Of course, leave it to a dog to save the day when the humans have messed up everything. I think Steve Correll was wise to get out when he did because it has become so unrealistic and not particularly funny that I doubt that my humans will purchase any seasons of it in the future--and they have all the seasons that are out. I noticed that B. J. Novak both wrote and produced the episode so I can only say that if the office wants to survive, they should put him in the column of losers, and use other writers and directors. Judging from the episode I watched, the show is not going to make it. I'm not even sure that I will watch more episodes, and that goes for my humans also because they didn't like it. Mommy only laughed once. To give Dwight the promotion of "office enforcer" was ridiculous. By the way, I don't think entertainment has to be completely true to real life, but when it gets to the point where it is totally unbelievable, that is not good. The whole "planking" thing would get most employees fired, and in this dog's opinion, wasn't even particularly funny. I can do funnier things with 2 paws tied behind my back. I think the new season of The Office is horrible, and I think it will be its last season if others think like Demon Flash Bandit!
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Art and The Office)
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Zombie Apocalypse Insurance
Sometimes a dog has to spend some time getting his business affairs in order. Sure, it is a boring task, but nonetheless, a task that must be done from time to time. It is also a time when a dog has to decide whether he needs to purchase more insurance or if the amount of insurance he already has is sufficient. This is when I realized that if there is ever an attack by zombies, I am not covered for any damages that I incur due to the zombies. Because I have talked to other dogs, and found out that none of them have zombie insurance, I am writing this blog in order to make sure that all my readers will make sure they sign up for a policy. Don't assume that your other insurance will cover damage caused by zombies. I'm sure they probably have a clause that gets them out of paying for that kind of damage. Be sure and go to this site:
http://www.zaico.com/coverage.html
When you sign up for zombie insurance, you no longer have to worry because, if zombies take over, you are covered financially for any and all damages they cause. I know it makes me sleep better at night. If I hear a garbage can knocked over, and I realize that a zombie might be running around the neighborhood; I can close my eyes and remember that I am insured for any and all damaged done by zombies.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Zombie Insurance)
http://www.zaico.com/coverage.html
When you sign up for zombie insurance, you no longer have to worry because, if zombies take over, you are covered financially for any and all damages they cause. I know it makes me sleep better at night. If I hear a garbage can knocked over, and I realize that a zombie might be running around the neighborhood; I can close my eyes and remember that I am insured for any and all damaged done by zombies.
Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Zombie Insurance)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Pull that Truck Over---I Want Some Treats!!!
I am excited to write about today's blog topic. This is because I have experienced those times when I think to myself, "I would like to have a delicious treat now". I'm sure I am not the only dog who has had this happen. You are walking your human, and suddenly, the tummy says, "feed me". Sure, you can find some tasty items along the way--maybe a caterpillar or a cigarette butt (both of which the humans won't necessarily approve of you eating). However, wouldn't it be wonderful if you are walking down the street and a dog treat truck pulls up and you can choose between a cornucopia of treats? This isn't happening in my town, but for those lucky dogs living in Los Angeles, California, is could very well happen because there is a business there that has mobile dog treats--yes, a truck full of treats for us dogs!!! I don't know it is was a particularly smart human that thought of the idea or perhaps it was his or her dog. However, the results are what matters, and the result is that dogs in that city can have treats come to them. It is the same concept as the ice cream truck that brings ice cream to the humans (and some very lucky dogs). I am going to share the web address so that you can see the dog treat truck for yourself. Go here:
http://www.petcentric.com/Videos/Video/Snouts-in-Your-Town-Food-Truck-4-Dogs.aspx?videoid=1031129915001&DCMP=EMC-PETC-PETC-Sept11_2
This is a concept that I would like to see all over the country. I would love to try the peanut butter, bacon bones. They sound delicious!!! Be sure and save some money just in case the truck starts showing up in your neighborhood! You'll be glad you did!
Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Treat Truck)
http://www.petcentric.com/Videos/Video/Snouts-in-Your-Town-Food-Truck-4-Dogs.aspx?videoid=1031129915001&DCMP=EMC-PETC-PETC-Sept11_2
This is a concept that I would like to see all over the country. I would love to try the peanut butter, bacon bones. They sound delicious!!! Be sure and save some money just in case the truck starts showing up in your neighborhood! You'll be glad you did!
Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Treat Truck)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Zombie Wedding
I am always watching out for my readers, and today is no exception. I am going to start this blog by sharing a video from youtube. Here is the address:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyNPdso6Kd8&feature=related
This video features a zombie wedding. Of course, this is a real concern for all us non-zombies in the world. It is bad enough that zombies run loose, but when they get married and start reproducing like the non-zombies, you know there is going to be trouble eventually. When the little zombies start reaching school age, are the schools going to have to put brains on the menu? Will the little zombies bully the non-zombie children on the playground. These are the kind of questions that have baffled non-zombie philosophers for years. There are no zombie philosophers to worry about it because zombies don't do a lot of thinking. They just mostly walk around looking and sounding stupid. Maybe that is not the politically correct thing to say, but it is the truth. Watch any zombie movie and you'll see what I'm talking about. No one has ever watched a zombie movie and said, "wow, those zombies were geniuses!".
As usual, I have some plans to stop the zombies before they destroy society as we know it. First, they need to provide notarized birth certificates to prove that they aren't illegal aliens. They certainly don't act like regular humans so it is important to check their citizenship status. It can be helpful to have them deported so that they are another government's problem. Additionally, if they are supposed to be dead, which I do believe is their official status, perhaps showing them back to their resting place might help solve the problem. I know I hate it when dead people forget where they are supposed to be. I don't know if you have noticed, but dead people tend to lose all their social skills and get in the way. It is like a shopping trip to Walmart. Okay, I'll admit that the average zombie might be a bit more polite than many of the Walmart shoppers. Sometimes we writers tend to exaggerate in order to get a laugh.
I have some good news for you about the video. I suspect that the wedding is not actually a zombie wedding because I did some extensive research on the video, and the "zombies" are moving much too fast and there are other subtle signs that they are humans acting like zombies. Hopefully, the zombies are not starting to marry or reproduce, but I will be ever vigilent about watching out for any and all new zombie weddings I hear about in the future. Just because this one is fake does not mean that some real ones aren't occurring.
I hope that you don't run into any zombies, but if you do, remember this important fact for survival....they are stupid so act like a zombie yourself and they will leave you alone. Until tomorrow. . . . !
Demon Flash Bandit (Watching For Zombies)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyNPdso6Kd8&feature=related
This video features a zombie wedding. Of course, this is a real concern for all us non-zombies in the world. It is bad enough that zombies run loose, but when they get married and start reproducing like the non-zombies, you know there is going to be trouble eventually. When the little zombies start reaching school age, are the schools going to have to put brains on the menu? Will the little zombies bully the non-zombie children on the playground. These are the kind of questions that have baffled non-zombie philosophers for years. There are no zombie philosophers to worry about it because zombies don't do a lot of thinking. They just mostly walk around looking and sounding stupid. Maybe that is not the politically correct thing to say, but it is the truth. Watch any zombie movie and you'll see what I'm talking about. No one has ever watched a zombie movie and said, "wow, those zombies were geniuses!".
As usual, I have some plans to stop the zombies before they destroy society as we know it. First, they need to provide notarized birth certificates to prove that they aren't illegal aliens. They certainly don't act like regular humans so it is important to check their citizenship status. It can be helpful to have them deported so that they are another government's problem. Additionally, if they are supposed to be dead, which I do believe is their official status, perhaps showing them back to their resting place might help solve the problem. I know I hate it when dead people forget where they are supposed to be. I don't know if you have noticed, but dead people tend to lose all their social skills and get in the way. It is like a shopping trip to Walmart. Okay, I'll admit that the average zombie might be a bit more polite than many of the Walmart shoppers. Sometimes we writers tend to exaggerate in order to get a laugh.
I have some good news for you about the video. I suspect that the wedding is not actually a zombie wedding because I did some extensive research on the video, and the "zombies" are moving much too fast and there are other subtle signs that they are humans acting like zombies. Hopefully, the zombies are not starting to marry or reproduce, but I will be ever vigilent about watching out for any and all new zombie weddings I hear about in the future. Just because this one is fake does not mean that some real ones aren't occurring.
I hope that you don't run into any zombies, but if you do, remember this important fact for survival....they are stupid so act like a zombie yourself and they will leave you alone. Until tomorrow. . . . !
Demon Flash Bandit (Watching For Zombies)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)