Thanksgiving Was Fun

I hope all my pals had a good Thanksgiving.  Mine was nice largely because Mommy sprang for the expensive maple honey ham that I love.   My brother bought it at the deli when he picked up my family's traditional Christmas pizzas.  I think it is great that the humans in my house give in to traditions since traditions can be so important in  life.  Mommy always tells us the story of the first Thanksgiving when the Pilgrims came over on a cruise ship--probably that Norwegian line.  I've read that most of the ships don't fly under a U.S. flag so they can get out of the Coast Guards many safety concerns.  Whenever there is a problem like the Titanic going down, the humans start counting lifeboats and lifejackets.  If I were President, I would demand that everyone who goes on a cruise ship should know how to swim--just in case they hit an ice berg or UFO or something like that.  Don't think that life was easy for those early Pilgrims.  Their cruise ships did not have all the games or swimming pools.  It was a hard voyage that only included all you can eat buffets.  Even in the old days, you had to have something interesting to get the humans to go on board.  The Pilgrims ship pulled in at Plymouth Rock, and the Pilgrims said, "Why is there only a rock here?  Where are the casinos?"  Obviously, they traveled here to gamble at the Native American Indian casinos.  There was no casino in Plymouth, and it was winter and cold so the Pilgrims got back into the ship and cruised to the Bahamas where they had great all you can eat buffets, and it was nice and warm.  After enjoying a few days at Disneyworld and Universal Studios (which were very popular even in the 1700's), they got back in the ship and returned to England.  However, they told all their neighbors back in Europe how much fun the trip had been so the shipping lines started scheduling regular trips from Europe to the new world.  Some of the people enjoyed the touristy stuff so much that they decided to stay which is how the new world became populated with so many people of European descent.  If you want to read more about this subject, I suggest you read the book, Meet the Pilgrims by John Wayne (yes, the actor).  Meanwhile I hope those of you reading my blog had a nice Thanksgiving, and may you have been given the expensive ham--not the cheap stuff!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoyed Thanksgiving)

November 21: My Wolfday!

For those of you who have been wondering why I haven't written, this dog has been celebrating my "wolfday", which is a birthday for those of the human persuasion.  On November 21, I became an 11 year old dog.  I overheard the humans say that 11 is old for a dog-not that I feel old.  However, I decided to call up the Social Security Office to tell them where to send my pension check.  A dog can always use extra money to buy treats and toys.  Imagine my shock when I was told that dogs don't qualify for pensions  Yeah, I was VERY ANNOYED!!!  The tax is even called F.I.D.C. which stands for Furry Incurablycute Dogs need Cash.   I think the name says it all.  We dogs are furry, and cute beyond cuteness, and we need cash!  The government has been taking the milkbones out of my mouth since I was a wee puppy, and now that I am old enough to collect, I am told that dogs don't get pensions  Don't be surprised is you are on the Internet one day and you see a title, Demon Flash Bandit Takes Social Security to the Supreme Court.  I'm sure the dogs sitting on the bench will understand the injustice of my situation, and will start sending out checks to all of us older dogs.

The humans did give me a nice wolfday.  Mommy even spent $10 a pound on my favorite maple honey ham.  I could add that she could buy me that ham everyday if she wasn't a cheapskate, but at least she got it for me on my wolfday!  My favorite toy is a squirrel puzzle.  It is a stump filled with 3 small squirrels that a dog can take out and put back in.  So far, I have taken them out and lined them up where I can keep an eye on them.  It is not a good idea to let squirrels run through the house without supervision.  I am still mad at the one outside that hit my nose with an acorn.  Why did the humans give me the gift of squirrels?  It is because humans are stupid, and don't have the sense God gave a worm.  Incidentally, worms are edible if a dog wants something different to eat.  I know one dog who ate half a worm, and let the half grow back so he could eat it again.  That dog fed on one worm for a very long time.  His humans weren't impressed, but his fellow dogs thought he was super cool!  Mommy gave Angel 3 little hedgehogs in a stump which is also a puzzle toy.  After a couple of days of Angel ignoring it, I took it.  After all, it was my wolfday and I think all the presents should be mine.  William bought me a cool new plush squeaky toy, and Jeff gave us dingo treats.  It was a great wolfday, but would have been better with the addition of a ;pension check.  I'm sure the dogs on the Supreme Court will make the humans at Social Security sorry they didn't grant me my check first thing!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Celebrated Wolfday!)

Puppy Support!

 A Great Dane in Pennsylvania named Snowy was blessed with 19 puppies.  I don't know this dog personally so I was not invited to the puppy shower (we dogs don't like puppy showers anyway).   The presents are nice, but how many dogs really want a bath?  I know I don't.  I know it must be a financial strain for the Dane family to have so many new mouths to feed so I think we dogs should consider sending gifts.  I bet that is a couple who will never get a divorce because having to pay puppy support for so many puppies could bankrupt a Daddy dog.  I myself was interested in having puppies until my humans told me that I would have to pay puppy support, and then I was not interested.  It is bad enough that I have to share my treats with Angel Zoom Smokey.  I don't need to share with a bunch of puppies-even if they do look like Angel and me and are very cute!  In fact, I feel sorry for the Dane Daddy Dog.  Can you imagine how much it cost him to hand out the milkbones announcing the birth?  Speaking of milkbones, I could use a couple of them now.  I better quit writing and get myself some bones!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Puppy Support)

My Ham Doesn't Need a First Name!

A dog has to watch the humans every step of the way!  Today I was offered Oscar Mayer ham for dinner.  I'm sure there are dogs reading this who would say, "Demon, that sounds like a good dinner to me".  I guess it would have been if I hadn't smelled the bags that came into the house.  One was a honey, maple ham which smelled great.  I  noticed that the Oscar Mayer ham was $5.00 a pound, and the other ham was $10.00 a pound.  I refused to eat the "cheap" ham and I held out to the point that I got the expensive ham.  The moral of this is:  the dog should always eat the best stuff--the cheap stuff is for the humans!  Humans will eat anything.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes the Best)

My Birthday is Coming Soon!!!

0My human usually types my blog for me as I dictate it to her.  (I guess that makes me a "dictator")..  However, today I have sneaked onto the computer to type a blog for myself.  My birthday is coming up next week, and I want lots and lots of presents.  I'm sure my many readers want me to have plenty of treats and toys also.  Therefore, I am going to share my information with my readers.  Send gifts to:
Demon Flash Bandit
Howell, MI

Thanks in advance for the many gifts I will be receiving.  Don't forget:  I Love dingo brand bones!

Demon Flash Bandit (Cartoon Comment

Fake Dogs Vs. Squirrels

I have not written for a couple of days because I have been on a mission to get the squirrel who dropped (threw) an acorn at my nose.  I decided to spend time studying different strategies that countries have used in time of war to win the advantage.  Although asking my dog friends to come over and help me catch a squirrel would be met with enthusiasm, I know that their humans might not be able to survive without them so I had to come up with a practical plan to get those squirrels on the run.  The ancient Greeks had a great idea when they gave the people of Troy a giant horse with soldiers hidden inside.  In World War 1, the humans came up with the idea of "dummy tanks" which were tanks which were made of wood or "inflatable".  They weren't widely used until World War 2, both the armies used them as decoys to fool the enemy into thinking that there were more tanks than there actually were.  In keeping with the spirit of the inflatable tanks. I invented an inflatable dog, and now my yard is being guarded by inflatable Siberian Huskies.  I bet that squirrel will think twice before he throws an acorn at my nose.  For those who want to read more about the tanks, here is the site:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dummy_tank

For those who are interested, I plan to market these dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit
(Fake Dogs Vs. Squirrels)

Squirrels: Enemies of Dogs

I was strolling through the yard one day in the merry merry month of November.  I was taken by surprise when an acorn hit my nose.  That squirrel in the tree needs to go!  Therefore, I barked at him and I would have chased him, but that little coward wouldn't come down from the tree to face me.  I tried to climb the tree to get to him, but that proved impossible.  I guess dogs are not experts at tree climbing.  Anyway, now squirrels are on my list of dog enemies.  I think they have been influenced by birds since both of the species hang around in trees.  I wonder how squirrels taste.  I wil be finding out if I ever get my paws on one of them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Squirrels)

Thumbs Up to Thumbs

Am I the only dog who is tired of humans bragging about their thumbs?  I wish I had a milkbone for every human conversation I have overheard on the subject.  You know what I mean--you are at a dinner party, and the humans are having their usual dinner conversation (which is always about their thumbs).  You know the speech.....blah blah blah....I have thumbs.....blah blah blah.... my dog doesn't have thumbs.......blah blah blah.....I can open the refrigerator.....blah blah blah.....I can hitchhilke and get a free ride anywhere I want to go...blah blah blah....  You get the idea!  This is why, I, Demon Flash Bandit, dog genius, have invented an artificial thumb!!!  Please hold the applause until the end of my blog because I need to take a nap, and I don't want all the cheering to delay that action (or more accurately, inaction).  Now we dogs are able to do anything the humans can do which is wonderful.  The best thing I can do with my new thumb invention is to give myself a thumbs up.  For all my grateful fellow dogs:  you are welcome!

Demon Flash Bandit (Inventor)

I Should Have Been Governor

There was a recent election in the United States.  This one was not a Presidential election so I was not officially running for office.  As usual, I will be throwing my paw into the mix in 2 years.  I was a bit disappointed with the outcome of the governor's race in Michigan.  Although I was not officially running, I was sure that I would become governor due to a large percentage of write in votes.  The incumbent won so that means there will be 4 more years of a human in office.  When are the humans going to get smart and vote dogs in office instead?  Then they wonder why they have so many problems.  Dogs are smarter and more efficient, and we would get things done.  There are homeless dogs out there and the humans can't seem to fix the problem.  There are plenty of humans who need dogs and just don't realize they do because they are stupid humans. I would pass a law to educate those humans so they aren't so stupid anymore.  Anyway, it won't be long until I will be starting my campaign for the presidency; but until then, I will continue to blog about things of interest to me.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Should Have Been Elected the Govdogenator)

My Stomach Is Always Right

It has been another great day for mail around this house.  Mommy got a really cool blanket she ordered with a bunch of family photos on it, and of course, that means Angel and me are on it along with my pal, Flash the bunny Mommy had about 10 years ago.  If anyone is interested in having one, it is from a place called collage.com, and Mommy found it on wwwlivingsocialdeals.com  They have a lot of cool offers on things on that site.  Mommy got the new HP laptop she ordered. I've heard some of the humans are using apples, but that just goes to show you how dumb they are.  Apples are something you eat, not something you use for the Internet.  I saved the best items for last--another 10 pound box of Milkbones for yours truly.  There was also a bunch of theatre size boxes of Mike and Ikes which Angel Zoom Smokey and I look forward to enjoying every night.  I don't see why we can't eat them all the time because I LOVE them so much.  However, Mommy won't let me have any until I have finished my dinner.  Yeah, I think it is mean too!  Despite all the good things coming to the door today, I did have a long "talk" with Mommy.  You might even call it an argument.  I maintain that the 10 pounds of Milkbone is meant to be 10 servings since a pound is a reasonable serving amount.  Mommy  claims that a pound is too many milkbones for a dog.  Although my argument is the most logical, she has been winning because the bones are out of the reach of my paws.  I think it is sad that the humans come up with these wierd ideas with no scientific research whatsoever.  I base my whole argument on science.  I asked my tummy if it was still hungry, and it wasn't full until I ate a pound of them.  Next time I'll sit back and let my tummy do the talking just like in this old Alka-Seltzer commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ADRgzUez1E

Dogs: Experts on Bones

Mommy has been watching a television program called Bones.  With a title like that, I got all excited.  I knew it had to be a great show.  I assumed it would be hosted by and starring dogs.  Who else knows more about bones than a dog?  You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered that the show is written by and starring humans.  Sure, there is one episode with a dog, but the dog isn't even the center of attention, and he gets euthanized at the end of the show.  I did not approve of that ending, but the poor dog was a victim of stupid humans which, sadly, happens too much in real life.  The show is  a documentaryy about a forensic anthropologist who is an expert in bones.  It is erroneous since the "expert" is a human, and only a dog would be smart enough to specialize in bones.  I have eaten so many bones in my life, that I can tell you all about the animal from which the bone is derived by taste alone.  The humans in the show never even once have eaten a bone.  If you have never eaten a bone, how can you know anything about them?  I'm sure the humans find the show enjoyable, but I don't recommend it for dogs.  Just nap while your humans watch it!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bone Expert)

Humans Should Not Clean a Dog's Cave

My humans have been doing the unthinkable today--they have been cleaning out my cave!  They started the cleaning without my permission, and without asking Angel Zoom Smokey either, and she likes to hang out in the cave too.  Therefore, we both have toys, bones, and extra special things that the humans don't need to know about in there.  I suspect that the unknown stuff is one reason the humans clean out the cave every now and then.  I think the cave should be off limits to the humans. Maybe if they were armed with a search warrant, I would allow it, but they had no such paperwork.  They said Angel and I are hoarders, and they said it like it is an insult when it should be a compliment.  I've watched those hoarders shows on television, and I don't see any thing wrong with the way they live.  Many of them have dogs, and the dogs don't seem upset with the stuff in the house.   In fact, some of the dogs probably enjoy it because if they have an accident in the house, the humans don't even know about it.  Those lucky dogs don't have to worry about being given a bath either.  Many times the bathtub in the house is unusable which, if you ask a dog, is how it should be.  Now that the humans have cleaned out my cave.  Angel and I will have to start decorating it all over again.  It is a shame that just when a dog gets his cave the way he wants it, the humans ruin it.  If it wasn't for them feeding me, I would be super mad at them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Leave my Cave Alone)

Aliens: Do They Exist or Not?

A lot of the humans here in the United States talk about how "illegal aliens" are sneaking across our borders to live here and take our jobs.  I don't quite see the problem with the "taking the jobs" part because, as a dog, I prefer not to work.  I sit back and let the humans take care of me, and it is a system that I like.  I wasn't aware that the average American wanted to pick grapes or work in a car wash, but for those humans, I can see why they are so upset.  My biggest issue is that I don't understand about aliens in the first place.  I wasn't aware that aliens could be "legal".  I would think that it would be hard to sneak into this country.  Wouldn't someone see the spaceship and notice strange, unhuman looking characters getting out of it?  Since I am unaware of any legal aliens, how did the illegal ones manage to sneak in here?  I don't think they posess superior intelligence since they are travelling millions of miles to pick produce.  Maybe they don't have produce on their planet, and they are trying to steal our seeds to take back to their planet--planet What's Its Name. If you should see an alien, try to get a photo.  I'm sure you  will be able to see it to a tabloid for a lot of cash.

Demon Flash Bandit (Taking a Stand on Political Issues)