Doggielove: The Movie

Over the weekend, a new movie, The Oogieloves, which set box office, records came out. The records were for the worst money making movie ever. I saw the trailer for this movie at one of the movies I recently attended, and I was amazed that it ever made it to the big screen at all. I had no interest in attending the movie nor did I have any interest in ever seeing the movie. However, if I were 3 years old, I might have really liked the movie. This is a movie that should have been released directly to video since most toddlers don't have the attention span to sit in a theatre and watch a movie. This annoys me since Hollywood can spend a lot of money to make movies geared at human puppies, but what about the dog demographics? We watch televsion and movies too, and the humans never make any dog oriented movies. Hotel for Dogs was a great movie and a step in the right direction, but I'm sure it was made with humans in mind. I would like to see a movie that is really for us dogs. Perhaps videos of trees, other dogs, and animals we could chase. If they could quit focusing on 3D, and make a smell-and--vision camera, it would truly be great for us dogs! The first movie should be called Doggielove since, for the most part, the humans love us! For those who want to read more about the Oogielove movie, here is the link:
http://insidemovies.ew.com/2012/09/02/oogieloves-big-balloon-adventure-worst-box-office-debut-flop/

Demon Flash Bandit (Hollywood Should Make Dog-Centric Movies)

Movie Review: Total Recall

The movie studio executives were sitting around brainstorming one day (if you can call anything the humans do "brainstorming"). They couldn't come up with a new idea for a movie so one of them said, "let's remake Total Recall". Of course, this sent a sigh of collective relief up from all the executives because what does the world need more than a remake of an Arnold Schartzendog movie? Okay, maybe I spelled it wrong, but I'm a dog and I don't want to look it up, and his name is not easy to spell. They sat around trying to decide who would play Arney's part, and they decided on Colin Farrell (not to be confused with Will Farrell who plays mostly in comedies although it might have been interesting to see what he would have done with the role). They made this decision because any movie in which Colin Farrell stars has such a good box office record. Okay, I just made that up, but it sounds better than the reason they had for choosing him which is probably something stupid.

Farrell plays Doug Quaid/Hauser, who is a factory worker who makes Star Wars stormtroopers at work. You can say they aren't Stormtroopers, but they look like them, and they are even the same colors. They could have at least made them blue or orange or something, but they were white. He was very bored with his life on the assembly line in the factory, and he kept having bad dreams that would wake him at night. He finally decided to go to Total Recall to have a virtual life created for himself so that he would have some cool memories instead of the monotonous memories of a factory worker. He chose secret agent, and he was already one...or he might have been. You don't really know if it was all fake or it if was really happening. I do know one thing. The movie was okay. I went in expecting it to be bad, but I have a duty to watch these movies so I can report back to my blog readers. It turned out to be an okay movie. I give it 3 paws up which is about a 6 out of 10 on the human movie scale. Sure, there are better movies, but this one is not a bad way to spend a couple of hours.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)