Demon Flash Bandit: Royal Hat Maker

It is one of those days when there isn't much to write about so I decided that it would be a good day to put my paws to work on something creative. I decided to make a hat that would be worthy of being worn by one of the British royal family. Okay, I admit, I chose them because, judging from all the silly hats they wear, they can't be hard to please when it comes to hats. I just hope my hat isn't too elegant for them. I started with a big box of Milkbones. Keep in mind, you do need the big box, and it isn't just so you can eat more milkbones although that is a bonus. You want a nice size hat that the other humans will be able to see-preferably from space. Cut a round, head size hole on one side of the milkbone box. This is how the human will put it on their head. You know it has to be a human wearing it...a dog would not wear a hat that is so silly! The hat needs to have milkbones "glued" all over it. This is best accomplished with peanutbutter. The peanutbutter will hold them on and when you decide to eat them, they will taste even better with the added peanutbutter. A plush squeaky toy should be "glued" to the top of the hat-again with peanutbutter. You can never use too much peanutbutter--ask any dog about that, and you will get the same answer. You can add other things too--like dingo bones, rawhide bones, etc. It is entirely up to the individual. This hat is not only silly, but it also serves a purpose which is more than I can say for most of the silly hats the royal family usually wears. The hat will be useful if you get hungry, bored, or just want something on which to chew. I just finished mine, and it is lovely. I know the royal family would pay me a zillion dollars for such a materpiece, but I think I'll keep it. I don't plan to wear it, but it looks delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Making Hats Fit for Royalty)

I'm Waiting for my Royalty Check

Reese's Peanutbutter cups are airing a commercial from which I am expecting a royalty check. It says that only bad thing about Howloween is giving away your Reeses Peanutbutter cups. I've been saying that every Howloween since I was a puppy so it is my intellectual property. Knowing the human justice system, I will be cheated out of my royalty checks simply because I'm a dog. Most great inventions have been the result of dogs. Do you really think humans are smart enough to think of these things? They just sit back and wait for their dogs to invent something and then they take it from their dog. Howloween always annoys me. I enjoy seeing the human puppies come by dressed in their costumes, but I see no need in letting them steal my candy just because they are wearing a costume. The humans even say chocolate is bad for you (not that all Howloween candy is chocolate), but the humans will say anything to keep some foods for themselves, and chocolate is way to popular with the humans for them to want to give it to their dogs. Anyway, I will be checking the mailbox everyday for my royalty check.

Mommy was cleaning out my human brother's closet and I came up with a brilliant idea--why not give the trick or treaters old clothes, books, etc. instead of candy. They can go home and list the stuff on Ebay and learn to make their own money instead of stealing my candy. I told Mommy my genius plan, and she still donated the clothing anyway. I don't think the humans would know a genius plan if it bit them on the butt. My idea would help the little deadbeats learn to make money and pull their weight in their homes. Some of these children are 3 and 4 and still have no job--they are just staying home and living off their parents. I would teach them to be little business humans, and the Howloween candy would still be here for Angel Zoom Smokey and myself to confiscate.

I had better go and check the mail. Until tomorrow.....