Sunday, June 28, 2015

I Want to be a Star!

I have been unable to write because I've had a hurt paw.  Don't worry about me.  It is caused by allergies, and the humans have already given me medicine for it. To make me feel better, humom got me a new toy.  The new toy is so cool.  It is a fire hydrant puzzle with a squeaky dog and a bone attached to it
  It always makes a hurt feel better when I get a new toy.  I wonder why more veterinarians don't prescribe toys.  It would make them very popular with their canine patients.

I was watching the television program, Pioneer Woman,  on the Food Network..  The hostess of the shiow is a blogger who shares recipes on her program.  I think that a dog who writes blogs should get a lot more attention than a human blogger.  Therefore, I think I should have my own televised program.  The Food Channel would work out great for me. The humans can watch me eat.  I can't think of a program that would be more intetesting to a human than one with me as the star!

Demon Flash Bandit  (Future Star)

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Possible Water Shortage

As a dog who tries to keep up with the news, I am very concerned about the droughts and the warnings about the world running out of water.  I think all of us should do our part to conserve water.  I have announced to my humans that I will no longer waste water on a bath.  Angel Zoom Smokey has made a similar announcement.  Why are we willing to make such a sacrifice?  Because we don't want the humans to run out of drinking water!  I'm sure other dogs will be willing to make a similar sacrifice.  I already do my part to keep the lawn watered.

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching out for the Planet)

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Why Peacocks?

I enjoy the occasional moment spent with human puppies.  I seldom see any children because my yoingest brother is 30 years old.  Having no puppies around makes it easy to nap, but I don't get the joy of licking. delicious food from their faces. However,, there are some things that weren't meant to be done by children.   A zoo once had a contest to name the animals.  All ages were allowed to enter until 2 five year olds named the peacock and the sperm whale.  Since then, adults name the animals.

Demon Flash Bandit (Childten and Language)

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Letter From Demon Flash Bandit

To my dear, dear humans,

I feel I must write you to remind you of my love for you.  As you know, the love and loyalty of a dog  is one of life's richest blessings.  I assure you that I would prefer lying on your bed under the air conditioning than to be holding vigil in this war against the birds.  It must be 70 degrees F, and this husky thinks it shouldn't be so hot!

I remember all the happy times I have spent with you--the delicious food the treats, my wonderful squeaky toys, and the tummy rubs.  It is this great love that I have for you that brings me to the back yard to wage war on the birds.  When that mommy bird attacked my  human brother not once, but twice, this dog had to take matters into his own paws.  I  can't trust a matter of such importamce to the government.  The govt.never gets anything done unless some wealthy campaign contributer pushes to get involved.  Plus it would get a fight from the birdseed interests.  This is why a dog has to take care of the matter with my army of dogs and cats I organized. Try not to worry too much about me in my absence.  I have to end this letter now because some birds are surrounded by Captain Fluffybutt's cavalry of cats.  I hope to be with you soon, but those squirrels are looking a bit nutty--I think it is their diet.  So many enemies, so little time!

Love,   Demon Flash Bandit

P.S. Demon's Human Mom here: Demon and Angel are inside napping after their 30 minute battle. We humans feel safer now, and we love them too!

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Knowledge y is Power (and Comfort)

That stupid mama bird attacked my brother, William again so I have been having to guard the front door more closely than usual.  This means I have had less time for blogging which is part of the birds' evil conspiracy plan.  They know that it will be hard for me to find the time to "rally dogs for war if I am busy helping the humans.  I'm depending on my readers to howl the news to other dogs.  Despite all my love and concern for my humans, they said the house was too cold and turned off the air conditioner yesterday. I discoveted if I stand on my back paws, I can touch the thermostat with my front paw to turn it back on.  I'm sure my humans are going to appreciate my new talent!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Has Learned a New Trick)

Thursday, June 11, 2015

I'm Not Scaredypaws!

We had a recent thunderstorm; and Angel Zoom Scaredypaws went into her usual freaked out  behavior.  She has a talent for going nuts. Thunderstorms don't scare me.  In fact. I usually nap during storms.  Angel Zoom Smokey   also gets upset if the humans aren't happy or even if they raise their voices.  She either tries to hide or she comforts them.  Again, I usually nap through such events.  As long as they aren't mad at me, I don't get involved.  However how can the  humans get mad at me when I look at them with my beautiful blue eyes?

Demon Fash Bandit (I'm a Big, Brave He-Man Dog)

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

My New Bed

My hu-mom ordered  Angel Zoom Smokey and myself a lovely New bed. Angel destroyed our last bed.  Mommy found us look alike beds on Amazon.  These beds are blue on one side with paw prints on it and the other side is a soft fleece fabric.  Mine cost more because mine is larger.  I happen to be bigger, but let's face facts; I'm worth the extra money.  The main problem is that my bed is so big that I need my own room.  Therefore I'm taking over the master bathroom.  There will still be another bathroom for the humans.  However, i if Angel wants her own room, I don't see why the humans can"t take care of their business like dogs-outside
  The trees appreciate my daily effort to water them!

Demon Flash Bandit (I've Got a New Bed)

Monday, June 8, 2015

Guns Can Make a Fashion Statement

Normally I'm a dog who doesn't think that dogs or humans need to carry a gun wherever they go.  However, after the bird attacked my hu--brother, I have changed my thinking on the subject.  I never wanted to declare an out and out war, but sometimes in the course of doggy events, war is necessary.  As if it isn't bad enough that the bird is living in MY territory without my permission, that bird has not paid the rent invoices I've been sending her.  I know it is a female bird because she laid eggs in the nest which hatched into baby evil creatures.  Personally, I think the reason Yosemite Sam always carried 2 guns with him was to shoot Yosemite birds.

Angel Zoom Smokey brought up an interesting point.  If you want females to have guns, they need to be fashionable.  A female dog does not want to carry a gun that clashes with her leash and collar.  Most guns are black, and a girl wants something more colorful.  I checked the Internet, and you can get guns in different colors--pink, blue, red, etc.  The girls can do their part to help kill birds, and still be fashionable!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fasionable Guns for Women

Saturday, June 6, 2015

War With Evil Birds

Since the bird attacked my hu-brother, I have had to take drastic measures;  I like to hang out with mommy;  but yesterday I spent the day hanging out at thr French doors that lead out to thr deck.  To see the birds flying down on.a surprise attack,.  I had to  get a bettet view so I had to poll down the entire blind.  I am glad Mommy was okay with it.  She knows the enemy Birds.have to be stopped. .She knoes I am a good dog who is at war with birds.  I have trained my humans well!

Demon Flash Bandit ( At War With Birds)

Friday, June 5, 2015

I'm Officially Declaring War on Birds

I am writing this with saddened paw.   My brothers took me out for a walky today, and the bird who had babies on MY front porch attacked my brother, William.  Since William had my leash, I assume the bird was after me.  They can't hurt me because I am a super macho dog. Life is tough for a dog who stands up to warn the humans about the evil birds! Of course, my non-fur brother is okay.  The stupid bird eas trying to scare my human.  All the birds know that if they get near me, that bird would be my snack!

Then I came inside, and I was reading in the Washington Post on my Kindle Fire.  There was an article about the Kremlin being sttacked by crows.  I don't think this is a mere coincidence.  However, I'm sure that is what the birds want you to think.  A bird attacks me here in the Umited States, and a flock of the little varmints are attacking Russia.  The birds are destroying the facade of the Kremlin.  It is time for us dogs to join with cats  to protect our humans from those feathered scum--birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Declaring War On Birds)

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Humom Should be Supervising Hockey

I was watching televisiom with humom yesterday (Rescue Me) in which the firefighters play hockey against a team of policemen.  The show is like a soap opera in the sense that most of the characters seem to spend their lives making really stupid decisions.  This is not a surprise for me because the show is about humans, and not about dogs.  Anywho, this blog is about the hockey game.  Evidently, hockey is a game whete the goal is to use sticks to beat up each other over a thing that isn't even a ball.  It is a duck, but it looked nothing like a duck- or maybe it was a junk which would make sense because it looked like something the humans fished out of the trash.  I suppose that proves that some humans have sense enough to know trash is valuable.  Time to get off the "wild duck chase" and back to the hockey subject.  I think this is a game that could benefit greatly from humom.  Since Angel and I were puppies, whenever one of us gets a toy, humom gives each of us a toy that is the same or similiar.  This keeps us from "fighting" with eah other over toys.  As any dog will yell you:  sticks are for chewing.  The humans have taken a game which is played on ice (which we Siberian huskies love) and ruined it with their silly fighting.  Imagine how much nicer it would be to watch a bunch of humans sitting around in a circle chewing on their hockey stick while playing with their ducks.  They need humom to show them how to get along with each other!

Demon Flash Bandit (Hockey Improvement)

Monday, June 1, 2015

School Dog Days

School days,school days,
Dear old golden rule days,
Readin' and 'ritong' and 'rithmetic
Taught to the tune of a doggy's bowls.

For those familiar with that old song, you may bark, where is the hickory stick?  The answer:  the class dog is chewing on it.  Yes, the schools should have dogs. I think schools need dogs in the classrooms.  Human puppies need wisdom and humans just aren't as smart as dogs so why are the humans trying to impart wisdom they don't possess?  Besides, we dogs can teach and entertain at the same time.  The most important thing for a human puppy to learn is how to treat dogs.  You would think that human adults would know fundamental things (for example, bacon is for dogs).  Since humans are such slow learners, their training should start when they are hupuppies.  Besides, dogs are also fun to play with at recess.  Yes, dogs should  be in every classroom to teachhupuppres the important lessons!

Demon Flash Bandit (Imparting Wisdom)