Monday, July 28, 2014

No Cleaning Cart Toy for Dogs!!!

I'm sure I'm not the only dog who wonders why the humans get so obsessed with cleaning things, but they do.  Any dog can tell you that they waste a lot of time and energy cleaning when they could be playing with squeaky toys, napping, or enjoying treats.  I have discovered on the Internet an interesting item that the humans can buy for their puppies, and that toy is a janitor cart.  Yes, the children can clean the house while the adults relax.  Personally, I never thought that the humans would be smart enough to think of something that intelligent.  Why are there no cleaning cart toys for dogs?  Because dogs are too smart to clean the house for the humans.  We have the humans cleaning up after us-as it should be.  Here is the link for those who don't believe me or who want to order one to put their human puppies to work:

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Clean the House)

Friday, July 25, 2014

Movie Review: Transformers: Age of Extinction

I went to see the movie, Terminator:  Age of Extinction,  and this movie is so bad that they should have had a couple of dogs in it just to make it bearable (or dogable-my word for the day).  The inventor in the movie played by Mark Wahlberg did have a robot dog that he invented so his heart was in the right place.  However, there is no substitute for a  REAL dog.  I can only assume that Michael Bay (the director) spent most of the movie budget blowing up stuff.  Therefore, he couldn't afford to hire a big name star who is of the dog persuasion.  I heard that part of the movie was filmed in Detroit, MI--no doubt to save money because parts of the city have that "blown up" look possibly because it has been blown up in the past.  Don't get me wrong.  This dog has been to Detroit more than once; and, despite its reputation, much of the city is nice.  There are some wonderful museums there that can capture a dog's interest for half an hour or so, and they aren't even dog treat museums.  I don't mean to get off the subject, but why are there no bacon museums?  I just looked it up on Google, and they don't have any museums dedicated to bacon.  This is ridiculous!  I would love to go to a bacon museum, and I would particularly enjoy shopping at the bacon gift shop.  What dog wouldn't?  Back to the subject at paw---I did not like this movie.  It was mostly explosions and car chases, and of course, most of the cars aren't really vehicles because a lot of them are autobots or decpetigons disguised as robots.  The movie got so boring (and it is a long movie), I was ready to see both robot sides destroyed so that I could go home and relax on my human's bed and enjoy some treats.  This movie gets nothing on the dog movie scale.  It gets no kisses, no tail wags, not even a raised paw!!!   It is an incredibly bad movie.  I like the actor, Mark Wahlberg, and it also stars Nicole Peltz and Jack Reynor. but no actor could save this movie from being bad.  I don't think Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow could have helped this movie unless he brought a dog along of course.  I give this movie a -1,000,000,000,000,000 on the human movie scale.  It is almost as bad and as boring as the recent movie, Gravity.  I'm sorry I saw this movie, and I want to let my readers know how bad it is so that they don't waste their money and time seeing such garbage.  The movie studio really let a dog down with the new Transformer movie.  This is one movie that should have paid attention to its title with a slight twist---Transformesr:  The Movie that Should have been Extinct before it Started.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Angel Zoom Smokey: Clothing Thief

Guess what Angel Zoom Smokey has been up to lately?  She has been pulling Mommy's clothing down from the closet so she can sleep on the ill gotten clothing.  She has a bed, pillows, and plush toys to sleep on, but now she is after Mommy's clothing too.  I thought maybe Mommy would read her the riot act, but Mommy just said it was "cute", and she is going to wash the clothes and hang them back where they belong. Doesn't she realize that Angel will only take them down again?  Why do the humans never see how evil she is?  This is the same kind of thinking that allows birds to live!  Humans need to get some sense!

Demon Flash Bandit (Thinks Angel Zoom Smokey is Evil)

Friday, July 18, 2014

Let it Snow!!!!!

Once again, I am going to write about how silly the humans can be when it comes to "decorating".  Just about every room in my house has a barometer hanging on the wall.  One of them (the one in the bathroom which has a "nautical" theme  has 3 circles surrounded by what looks like the steering wheel of a ship) and it does look nice, but I wouldn't want to try to steer a ship with it.  I do understand the concept that decorations do not need to be useful,  but I asked Mommy what a barometer does, and she said she thinks it has something to do with the weather. She doesn't really know what it does or how to interpret what it does, but it looks "nice" hanging on the wall.  She even gave a human a barometer as a wedding gift-like newlyweds want something useless to hang on the wall.  I would have ordered them a big box of dingo bones if it were me giving a gift.  After all, the best gifts are the ones that you yourself would like to receive, and this dog enjoys getting dingo bones as gifts!   Am I the only dog who realizes that maybe a barometer can change the weather?  If so, it would be the coolest thing in the house.  A Siberian husky could program the weather to be cold and snowy everyday-even in August.  I think Mommy needs to find out how to use the barometer because I would love to see some ice and snow outside at this time of year.  I am not fond of July in Michigan!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes Cold, Snowy Weather)

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Plastic Pink Flamingo: Shows Class and Good Taste

As my regular  readers already know, I am not a fan of birds.  In fact, I have made the statement many times that all birds should die.  My Humom  does not agree with me on this point.  She actually likes birds, like most humans.  I love her, but let's face it; no matter how much we dogs love our humans, they are stupid.  Even Mom has to admit that birds can be a pain at times.  She has a plastic pink flamingo on the porch.  Doesn't everyone?  From what I understand, a plastic flamingo on a porch or in a yard just shouts class.  At least that is what the humans think.  Personally, I'm not so sure about that, but I do know that well placed dog art makes a yard look great--and most of the humans don't agree and go around picking up the dog poop that dogs so lovingly place in the yard.  However, this is not a blog about tasteful lawn decorations, it is about how annoying the birds around here are.  The local birds have pooped on the pink flamingo which makes the flamingo disgusting.  I can understand  if it were a statue of a dog or cat they are pooping on, but to do it to one of their own kind shows just how disgusting birds can be. They should all die--so says Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Lives With "Classy" Pink Flamingo)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Dogs Look Good in Only Their Fur!

I have already written a blog about yoga pants, and how some humans (notably my human Mommy) should never wear them unless she wants to be on that website, People of Walmart.  That site has a lot of humans wearing or almost wearing things that the other humans think they should never wear under any circumstances.  I've seen better dressed humans on the news when a tornado has hit, and they had to throw on anything to get out of their house before it hit.  The worst part is that many of the humans who shouldn't wear those types of clothing, are the first ones to adopt the new style.  It makes a dog wonder if the humans have ever looking into a mirror before leaving the house.  However, today this blog is not about the humans who should not wear yoga pants, but it is about the ones who may look okay in them, but should not wear them in tan.  Why not in tan?  Because Mommy was in the car waiting for Jeff to come out of Best Buy (she didn't feel like going in and I told her to be careful in case a human decided to break the window in the car since Mommy was sitting in the car and it was a hot day and I was keeping her company.  Best Buy has some stupid policy about dogs not being allowed unless the dog is a service dog!  It is not good to leave a dog or a human in a hot car, but some of the humans seem to be seriously lacking in common sense and tend to overreact to situations.  Anywho, a lady walked out of Best Buy and was walking next door to Petsmart (where the smart pets shop) which means that at least she had good taste in where she shops.  However, she had on a pair of tan yoga pants, and from the parking lot, it looked like she was naked from the waist down.  Now I do understand how the humans might have finally learned from their dogs that clothing is stupid particularly on a hot day, but I think there are laws which can get a human arrested for indecency, and I think it would be very embarrassing to be arrested because you wore tan yoga pants, and law enforcement thinks you are naked.  By the way, I know that is a double standard because it is okay for a dog to be naked, but not the humans.  Of course, we dogs do look spectacular in our fur!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Look Good In Only Their Fur)

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Magic: Disappearing Treats is a Bad Trick!

Now there are magicians who do magic acts with dogs.  I'm glad the humans find them amusing because this dog thinks that making a dog's treat disappear is unforgivable.  The humans may find magic like this amusing, but I didn't see one dog on the video who was happy about it.  The humans say this video is "cute", but I wonder if they would still think it is cute if someone did it to their dinner or snack.  If a magician wants to be a good magician, they should be making treats appear--not disappear.  If I were giving a review of this magic show, I would give it a -1,000,000 out of 1 to 10 with 10 being the best.  I hate it when humans think dogs will enjoy this kind of thing--and they wonder why we dogs think they are stupid!
Here is the link:

Demon Flash Bandit (Magic Show Critic)

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Milo's Kitchen Treat Truck Touring the United States

Good news for dogs in many areas of the United States!!!!  The Milo Kitchen Dog Treat Truck will be visiting many major cities throughout the country.  This is a great concept, and I think it should become a business that serves dogs throughout the entire country even in rural areas.  The humans have ice cream trucks going through their neighborhoods.  Why not dog treat trucks going through those same neighborhoods?  Don't get me wrong--I love ice cream, but a dog can never have too many tasty treats coming to his or her door!  I would even allow them to use one of my Howling Huskies tunes to play on the truck stereo--and that would be without charge for royalties.  I might expect a few extra free treats though.  We dogs prefer treats to money anyway because we are smarter than the humans.  I also think this would be a great concession thing to add to festivals and fairs.  Dogs don't mind the human's food, but dog treats would be a nice addition to any event.  This link has the schedule for the treat truck so that you can check out the locations and times to see if the truck will be visiting your area.  If any of you are lucky enough to visit the treat truck, be sure and tell the rest of us all about your experience.  I'm sure it is something all us dogs would want to read about!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Treat Trucks:  A Great Idea)

Friday, July 4, 2014

A Kennel is not a Vacation for a Dog!

Be careful what you let your humans read on the Internet.  It is obvious to me that birds are sneaking onto the Internet trying to mislead the humans with information about dogs that is not true.  Case in point, there is a site  that tells the humans that dogs enjoy going to kennels.  It is like a "vacation" for a dog.  I guess there are some luxury dog resorts that would fit that category, but dogs prefer to be with their humans on their vacation.  I think it is only common sense that a vacation is like a vacation.  How many humans spend their vacations in a kennel?  When I go into a travel agency, I have never seen a poster showing a kennel as a vacation destination.  If you have ever watched the movie, Snow Dogs, it shows Demon and the rest of the dogs sitting in lounge chairs on the beach with sunglasses on enjoying the weather.  We huskies aren't even fond of summer, and yet the dogs were enjoying it because they were on vacation with their humans.  Besides, how are the humans supposed to survive on vacation without their dogs to protect them?  Who will bark at strangers?  Who will sleep in their beds with them?  Who will help them eat their dinner?  I think the humans should always take their dogs, and most vacations should be centered around bacon.  I'm sure that one day the humans will realize this and there will be tours of :"bacon country" like the tours of wine country.

If your humans go to this site, and are gullible enough to think it was written by a dog and you get left in a kennel. forgive them.  Remember, the humans believe most of what they read.  If they were dogs, they would be smart enough to realize that the article is full of propaganda from birds.  After all, they are only humans!

I'm sharing the site so that perhaps you can block your humans from seeing it:

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Prefers Going With My Humans--Like All Dogs)

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Storage Wars: Does the Unit Have Used Klennex?

Today I have been watching the reality television show, Storage Wars (the one from California). This show is about people who buy abandoned storage units that have owners who have not paid their rent.   Since this show involves only humans, I don't really see the point of watching it.  They are looking for "treasures", and so far, I haven't seen anything worth buying.  If I were at an auction like that,  I would look for something worth buying....used keenex, used toilet paper, empty Milkbone boxes, dead bird or bird skeletons, and know...stuff that a dog finds interesting.  The humans bid on units filled with furniture, tools, household items, and miscellaneous stuff that, if you ask a dog's opinion, is not worth the time and money to bother with buying.  I do admit that the humans are funny.  Sometimes they say things like, "there could be a million dollars in this unit".  My thought is that, if there was something worth a million dollars in the unit, why wouldn't the person pay their rent?  I suppose that is where dogs and humans look at things differently.  They should know that if the unit is not filled with things like used klennexes, chances are the unit is worthless.  Just ask any dog appraiser and they would agree with me.  If you must bid on a unit, be careful and make sure the stuff inside it is worth the money you are bidding.  Don't get stuck with a bunch of old coins or antique furniture!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Looks for Treasure)