The Humans Were Cleaning----and I Helped!

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. Mommy gave up her traditional Thanksgiving pizza dinner to go to a friend's house where she had a turkey dinner. Who ever heard of eating turkey on Thanksgiving? Another important point--aren't the humans are supposed to stay home with their dogs on Thanksgiving? After all, isn't it the dog that the humans should be most thankful for having around. Now onto the reason that I haven't written a blog recently. My secretary (the human who I own) has been busy with other things--like cleaning the house. I hate it when the humans decide to clean the house. It is a waste of time because it will get dirty again, and I happen to like it better in its "unclean" state. However to show just what a good sport I am, I decided to help with the cleaning. Did the humans appreciate my help? No, they did not!!! When I decide to carry stuff to the middle of the room so that the humans can go through it, they should realize that I know a lot more about cleaning then they do. Do I hear a "thank you". No, I did not. I heard, "Demon Flash Bandit", get out of the way" and "stop doing that". It is amazing we dogs will still help the ungrateful human! Demon Flash Bandit (Good Helper)

Brian Should Not Have Died!!!!

For those of you who watch Family Guy, I want to let you know that I was both saddened and highly annoyed that their dog, Brian, was killed by a car in the last episode. I would warn you that this is a spoiler alert except for the fact that it is all over the web so I think my readers will already know about this plot twist. What were the writers on Family Guy thinking when they decided to kill Brian? It wasn't funny! In fact, I never think seeing a dog die is anything bur tragic!!! Why not kill one of the human characters. In fact, that old guy in the walker seems a bit strange to me, and he has one walker leg in the grave anyway. Why not let Brian live and kill that old guy? From what I've seen of him in the show, I think there is something more to his character than meets the eye. I don't like to make accusations, but judging from his interest in Chris, that old guy is a dirty old man who the show could live without. Perhaps they should have considered bringing on some new characters, and I would suggest another dog since we dogs are so important to the humans. I do hope that, since this is a cartoon, the writers will find a way to bring Brian back. The world is not as bright without Brain in it. I was looking forward to reading his next novel. I think we should all start an Internet campaign to bring Brian back to life-or we quit watching the show!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Live Dog Because I'm Not on Family Guy)

McDonalds: Great Employee Advice on the Web

With the holiday season fast approaching, I'm sure many of the humans could use some advice on how to spend less and not end up with debt to pay after the holidays are over. I am going to share a link with my readers from McDonalds on how their employees can have a debt free holiday. http://www.nbcnews.com/business/mcfail-mcdonalds-debt-advice-employees-return-purchases-skip-takeout-2D11638179#business/mcfail-mcdonalds-debt-advice-employees-return-purchases-skip-takeout-2d11638179 It is nice to see a company that cares about their employees to the point that they will actually go to the trouble of posting money saving tips on a website. I noticed that giving a Christmas bonus to loyal employees who have worked there all year or raising pay was not an option. I can understand the reasoning behind that. If you just give the employees more money, chances are they will waste it on silly things like food and heat for their homes--or even rent! It is scandalous the amount of money "poor people" throw away on things that are no fun at all! As a service to those "caring" companies, I am going to follow up with my Demon Flash Bandit advice on saving money for the holidays. Their advice was to eat stale bread instead of fresh bread. I think that is wasteful myself when there are perfectly good sandwiches complete with meat sitting in McDonalds dumpsters. Most McDonalds restaurants are probably serviced by waste companies that charge them for pickup so, in addition to providing employee food, the company saves money on garbage pickup which is a win-win-win situation for the company! Some of the dogs will read this and question whether they should be doing this from a health and safety standpoint. Sure, the employee "dumpster diving" might get hurt or eat some food that causes food poisoning, but that is the price you pay for keeping the wages low! Another simple solution would be for McDonalds to start paying their employees more. However, that would mean less profit for McDonalds, and then the upper management might be forced to eat stale bead, and that would be tragic!

Dogs Included in Obamacare

Normally, I go to great lengths to make sure that my writing meets the highest of journalistic standards. However, on October 2, 2013, I published a blog titled, "Dogs Not Included in Obamacare"! Although I am usually correct, this time I was wrong. Let me share this link with my readers: http://news.yahoo.com/obamacare-signs-up-its-first-dog--so-there-s-that--at-least-161850233.html;_ylt=AiXePKQWV9_tPsRiD89S53EJVux_;_ylu=X3oDMTJhY3Axamo3BG1pdANBVFQgMyBTdG9yeSBKdW1ib3Ryb24gSG9tZSBDYWNoZWQEcG9zAzMyBHNlYwNNZWRpYUF0dFdpZGdldHJvbkFzc2VtYmx5;_ylg=X3oDMTFkcW51ZGliBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDBHBzdGNhdANob21lBHB0A3BtaA--;_ylv=3 I know dogs weren't originally included in Obamacare, but I can only assume that dogs being excluded was the reason for the government shut down. It does a dog's heart good to know that there are caring humans who want us to be included in universal health care coverage. I'm sure Bo Obama, first dog, had some influence on that decision. I hope all the humans know that it is very important that the President always has a first dog. If the President has a "first bird"; well, let's just not think about that possibility. I'm hoping the humans will never stoop so low as to vote in a President who has a pet bird! Demon Flash Bandit (Obamacare Covers Dogs Too)

Television Review: Underwear Bosses

Sometimes there are new reality shows that are offshoots of ones that are already on. I might add that sometimes the new shows are more entertaining than the original ones that they were taken from. One of my personal favorites is from the reality show, Undercover Bosses. I love the original show because it is very entertaining watching the CEO of a company do menial jobs that pay minimum wage. Although these jobs (judging from the amount of pay and the lack of respect the person doing them receives), are considered to be jobs that any "idiot" can do, the big bosses are often incapable of doing them. I'm not putting down the people who are in charge of large companies. They are the ones who make the "big decisions", perhaps that explains the many recessions that affect the humans, and ultimately, their dogs. I've never understood the humans way of looking at jobs anyway since if you ask the average dog if we would rather sit behind a desk or empty trash cans and clean bathrooms, I can tell you that sitting at a desk would not be what a dog enjoys doing on a job. But I digest.(Isn't it more interesting to digest than to digress?) The new show that I find so interesting is Underwear Bosses. This show is about bosses who, reminiscent of the ones on Undercover Bosses) aren't the brightest bosses in the boss pool. However, they are the ones who are smart enough that they didn't drown in the "boss pool". In the latest episode of Underwear Bosses, the CEO of a large retailer who I won't name--watch the show yourself--came to work in his underwear because he thought that Underwear Bosses were bosses that showed up in their underwear. Thank dog they made a program about it so all us dogs can enjoy their exploits! I give this show 4 paws up and some dingo bones which is a 10 out of 10 on the human television scale. Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Underwear Bosses)

Bodhi: High Fashion Dog

Today I am going to discuss a dog who models menswear whose name is Bodhi. He is a shiba inu who is also a high fashion dog model. Here is the link: http://www.pawnation.com/2013/11/13/bodhi-the-menswear-dog-meets-rachael-ray/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl27%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D405788 If you watch the video, they are asking for humans to send photos of their dogs dressed up in clothing, and you might see your dog on the show. I can assure you that you won't see Angel Zoom Smokey or myself. WE DO NOT DRESS IN HUMAN CLOTHING TO MAKE THE HUMANS HAPPY!!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Sticks With His Fur)

Possible Turkey Shortage!

Butterball has announced that there may be a shortage of large fresh turkeys this Thanksgiving. Here is the link to the story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/16/butterball-turkey-shortage-thanksgiving_n_4283980.html?1384613124&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl4%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D407189 The problem stems from the fact that turkeys are not getting as big this year. The humans have no explanation for the loss of weight, but I suspect it is because the turkeys got to watch that new movie out this year, Free Birds. I think it is fundamentally wrong that Hollywood puts out such garbage making turkeys and other birds think they are okay when they are not-and never will be! Birds are evil and should not be tolerated by dogs or humans. I don't think blaming Hollywood is totally fair either. I never thought it was a wise idea for the humans to build a gym for the turkeys or to hire a personal trainer. However, humans are stupid so they never think these things out, but then they wonder why their turkeys are skinnier! If you happen to own a turkey farm, listen to the wisdom of Demon Flash Bandit: do not build a gym for them! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Skinnier Turkeys)

Movie Review: Grown Ups 2

This movie was a sequel to the original movie, Grown Ups. In the sequel, Adam Sandler's character, Lenny, decides to move back to the small town where he grew up in order to raise his family there. The original cast is back with the exception of Rob Schneider as Rob Hillard, and this dog did miss his character in the movie. Adam Sandler, Kevin Smith, Chris Rock, and David Spade all made it back to star in the sequel to the original funny movie. Although he did not completely make up for Rob Schneider's absence, the deer in the beginning did turn out to be a very funny new character, as did the bus driver. The movie is rated PG-13. I'm sure all of you are wondering if the movie met with my approval, and it did. The movie was not the greatest movie ever made, but it was entertaining, and it did make me laugh. I have to cut the movie some slack because there was a dog in the movie. Although I do not think the dog's talent was utilized to his highest potential, at least the humans recognized that they should have a dog in the movie. I can't tell you how many movies have failed to entertain because the humans wrote the dogs out of the script! I give this movie 4 paws up and no baths. When a movie gets a bath rating from a dog, then that movie is a real "stinker". Get it? Stinker means it needs a bath and dogs don't care for baths! On the human movie scale, I give this movie about a 6 1/2 out of 10. If they want a higher rating, I suggest that Grown Ups 3 have more dogs in the movie! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

The Undercover Human Show!

We had snow here today! Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were very excited about the weather, but my humans do not seem to appreciate snow or ice. I have no idea what is wrong with them, but listing the humans faults would take too long and I've got better things to do so I won't bother. Mommy bought me a new bed about a week ago, and yesterday, she brought home one for Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel was so excited. She said if I had a bed, then she needed her own bed too. Since she usually sleeps in the "big bed" with Mommy, Mommy didn't think she would want the bed, but she said it made her feel good to have her own stuff. I can see her point. I do enjoy having my own bed even if I don't use it all the time. I saw a delightful story in the news today. On the television show, Undercover Bosses, Mike Bloom of Family Dollar got fired for incompetence in the job he was doing. He promoted the employee who fired him which was a wise move on his part. I've said it many times in my blog--the humans in charge do not always appreciate the work done by those who are "beneath" them. Some of those jobs may be harder than they look, but without those employees doing that work, they wouldn't be making any money! I've got to go now. I have signed up as an undercover human. Yes, I go into various homes disguised as a human so I can see how the humans treat their dogs when they don't think any other dogs are watching. Demon Flash Bandit (Undercover Human)

Important Thanksgiving Shopping

I received some bad news involving Christmas shopping yesterday. The local hospital will close their lab on Thanksgiving. Just how does the hospital expect the citizens in Howell, MI to do their Christmas shopping? The big retailers have started opening on Thanksgiving. Sure, they didn't do it years ago, but they have adjusted to the times and realized that they could be making money on the holiday. I know some of the dogs reading this may be thinking, but why would a hospital need to open their laboratory on Thanksgiving? Sure, most of us don't automatically think of a lab as being the best place to buy a Christmas gift, but some of my dad's relatives are from the Carpathian Mountains of Romania which is officially called Transylvania. Daddy always said you can't go wrong buying that side of the family blood from a blood bank for Christmas. Blood is also a cool gift for those Twilight fans who are so hard to buy for because they already have all the Twilight movies ever made including that special one for die-hard fans--Twilight: The Secret Uses of Glitter. Personally, I have not seen any of the Twilight movies because I am not a big fan of vampires. However, I am a fan of Wolfman movies because the wolf reminds me of a dog. I have got to go now and write the hospital administration a letter about the lab being closed. Hopefully, they will see the folly of their ways and decide to open the lab on Thanksgiving. I hope they don't rush to make future decisions without consulting with this dog! Demon Flash Bandit (Working to Improve the Community)

Gator: Flying Business Class!

I think I speak for animals all over the world when I say that the humans do not always treat us fairly. For example, there was an alligator found at Chicago's O'Hare airport. The alligator was not allowed to board a plane. The airlines have a lot of silly rules about who can board an airplane. Pirates are also not allowed on board. Here is the link for the story! http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/03/us/illinois-chicago-airport-alligator/ I think when the whole story gets out, and it will, it will leave a lot of the humans at the airlines looking silly. The gator who was trying to get on the plane had a business class ticket. That young gator works for John Deere, and he is the youngest gator to ever hold the position of head of the department that makes Gator utility vehicles. When a big business gator like that is treated so badly, it is truly a blessing to get over the airwaves. It makes sure that us gators will be taken more seriously in the future! Demon Flash Bandit (Gators are People Too)

I Don't Eat "Dog Food"

Do you ever wonder if your humans have lost their minds? It is something I contemplate frequently. How did I come to the conclusion that my humans have lost their minds. Mommy bought some new "dog food" at Target. The food Mommy bought was shaped like a roll of sausage, but it is for DOGS!!!! Of course, I refused to try it, and then Angel Zoom Smokey also refused to eat it. I had to sit Mommy down and explain to her that we don't eat dog food! Do the humans really understand that if a dog is on the label, perhaps the food should not be purchased? Humans: you have to explain everything to them! Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)

Movie Review: Captain Phillips Thanksgiving Trip

Today I am going to write a movie review of the movie, Captain Phillips. This movie stars Tom Hanks and it is about a ship and its captain who were aboard the first ship to be seized by pirates in 200 years. Actually, Mommy will be giving me the information in an interview since she went to see the movie, and I didn't. I'll probably go and see it soon, but the humans said I wouldn't be happy at the theatre that day since it was their annual "bring your cat to the theatre" day. I don't mind cats, but if you get a theatre full of them, it would be just too many cats for a dog to deal with. Therefore, I'll wait and probably do another movie review on Captain Phillips next week. Sometimes it is important for the humans to feel that they can do some things that their dogs can do. All us dogs know how difficult it is to find things the humans can do. Let's face it, for the most part, the humans are stupid, and untalented, but we dogs love them anyway. It is so cute when they say they love us!!! Here is the interview: DFB: Okay Mom, I do have the script for the movie, Captain Phillips in my paws so I will ask you some questions from the script so I can keep up with your review. DFB's Mom: Thank you Demon Flash Bandit-both for allowing me to do the movie review for you, and also for being my dog. (She starts singing: Thank you for being my dog which is a bit embarrassing, but also quite sweet). DFB: I'm going to start by letting you talk about the movie so just describe it for my readers. DFB's Mom: Okay Demon. The movie starts out with the turkeys, I mean the Captain, who happens to be a bit of a loner since his crew and himself do not think the same way. The movie takes place in mid-November, and a group of pirates in Somalia captured the ship so that they would have food for Thanksgiving dinner. There was a bunch of turkeys in the cargo hold, and there is no dinner pirates like more than turkey dinner on Thanksgiving. This is probably because pirates are such a polite, well pawed bunch. Captain Phillips shows them how you can enjoy more than just turkey at Thanksgiving because he ordered pizza and everyone LOVED it. Around this house, we always have the ultra traditional Thanksgiving pizza. I think it is nice that Captain Jack Sparrow was willing to play the part of the head pirate. As usual, his performance was Oscar worthy! DFB: Wait a minute, after looking through the script, I don't see any of this going on in the movie. Did you perchance go and see that movie I banned, Free Birds? Free Birds involved a bunch of stupid turkeys who travelled back in time to the first Thanksgiving to keep turkeys off the menu. I think those humans out in Hollywood have lost their minds to make a movie involving birds! Dogs don't want to see a movie about birds, and how do they expect to make money if they can't bring in the dog demographics? ............................................. DFB's Mom:(Demon continued on in a rant for about an hour about how horrible the movie Free Birds is, and how insane it was to make said movie. I will spare you most of the rant because it does get a little gory when he talks about what he would do with a bird before grilling it as a snack. Mom gives this movie a 9 out of 10. She said she enjoyed it immensely. Keep in mind, it might not be for Captain Phillips. I suspect she is reviewing Free Birds. Humans: a dog has to watch them every minute!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)