Garbage Thieves

It has come to my attention that there is a gang of bandits roaming the streets of the world getting all the best garbage before a dog even has a chance to go through it.  This huge band of thieves are called raccoons.  These creatures are excellent foragers, and I suspect that many stray dogs are blamed for their actions.  Sure, they can be cute and cuddly, but you can't always judge an animal by his appearance (this does not count for dogs).  Raccoons even admit that they are thieves because they wear a mask.  If you see one of these creatures who are nocturnal, be sure that you beat him to the good garbage in the neighborhood.  The only way to beat them is to be the first to the garbage.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Raccoons)

Jeff's 12 Foot Movie Screen

How does a dog know if he has done a good job training the humans?  There are many signs that point to good human training.  I don't mean to brag, but this is something that I have to brag about because I have done such a pawsome job of human training.  My brother, Jeff, ordered a 12 foot inflatable movie screen that was delivered yesterday.  I overheard him telling Mommy that he can show movies outside and dogs can attend.  It did my heart good to hear that because it lets me know that I have done an outstanding job training my humans.  I started as a puppy, and I have put a lot of time and effort into their training.  I think seeing a movie outdoors makes more sense anyway.  I enjoy being out with the trees, grass, and smells.  If the movie is uninteresting or completely boring (I'm thinking of Gravity here), a dog can always chase a bird or a squirrel around the yard. If the humans start up the barbeque grill, it would make the experience even better! I think this is one of Jeff's greatest ideas ever, and I look forward to seeing movies in the future on the new screen.  It is important for me to see all movies because I do write movie reviews for my blog, www.demonflashbandit.blogspot.com  If you want to know if a movie is worth watching, read my review.  The reviews are my opinion, and as such, are never wrong.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movies Should be Shown for Dogs Outdoors)

Real or Fake: Birds are Horrible

My human Mommy does floral arrangements.  For the most part, I approve, but when she brings home a fake bird (in this case a chicken) to put in an arrangement, this dog has to take matters into his own paws and show that fake bird who is boss.  I told Mommy (who is also my secretary) to upload a photo of the bird after I got done with it onto my blog.  Hopefully, it will show up okay, but Mommy is not really much of a computer person.  The only reason she can type reasonably fast is because she took typing when she was young, and when she was young, most of the typewriters weren't even electrical.  Yes, dogs, you could just get on the machine and type without any power source whatsoever except for the energy of the human or dog doing the typing.  The reason I am writing about this subject today is that I want to know why the humans think adding a fake bird will make flowers look better.  I don't think the addition of a bird could ever improve anything.  Since I live in the same house with Mommy, and am constantly lecturing about birds being evil, it seems that Mommy has not really listened to my words of wisdom. Do the humans ever learn anything or they just incapable of intelligent thought?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates Birds--Even Fake Ones)

Digging for Knowledge

Archaeologists have discovered a major new sight which is going to shed new light on life in ancient times. I'm so glad that some of the humans have dogs who teach them to dig for knowledge,   The dig is in Alamogordo, New Mexico, and a documentary film crew is filming the dig so that we can watch it since it is so important to our knowledge of history.  So far. hundreds of E.T. Atari games have been unearthed at this spot so that the humans will be able to gain more knowledge of the ancient period of the 1980's.  E. T. is the game that is supposed to be so bad that it brought down the kingdom of Atari.  I don't find this hard to believe since E.T. stands for extraterrestrial.   I'm sure that space people have been involved in bringing down Earth kingdoms for centuries.  The kingdom of Atari has been replaced by other kingdoms---Playstation and XBox to name a couple, but life will never be the same in those kingdoms as it was in the kingdom of Atari.  Mommy, as pathetic as she is living in the new kingdoms could live happily in the kingdom of Atari.  It was a simpler time and place.  Now the new kingdoms are complicated and this dog does not visit them.  Why should I?  They aren't dog friendly anyway.  If there are any new discoveries from this dig, I will let my readers know.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Ancient History)

Wooden Bird

Many years ago, there was a major war between dogs and birds.  This is the time that even the cats joined with the dogs in the fight.  The battles were intense, and the world was on edge. The birds were in a heavily fortified nest.   Would birds take over and annihilate the humans or would the dogs be able to save their bi-ped friends?  I won't lie to you....it did not look good.  Then one of the dogs had a brilliant idea.  His idea was to make a bird from wood that would be big enough to fit a bunch of dogs and cats inside so that they could get to the birds.  You might wonder how the birds would react to such a big bird, but they were big watchers of Sesame Street so they had seen Big Bird many times and thought it was one of Big Bird's relatives.  Therefore, they brought the wooden bird into the nest.  Once the dogs and cats got to the birds, they won the war and the humans were safe.  However, we dogs must be constantly vigilant with the birds.  They are still trying to take over the world.

Demon Flash Bandit (Story of Wooden Bird)  

"Working" for Treats is WRONG

Some of the human behavior which us dogs observe can  is based on "double standards"  This is when the humans expect better behavior from surroundings than from oneself.  When the humans do this to each other, I don't become overly concerned about it because the humans are such a mess, we dogs can't solve all their problems.  However, there is one double standard involving humans and dogs that makes me very angry.  What is that behavior?  It is the humans crazy idea that a dog should have to walk over and even do work to get a treat.  The humans even show off their dog to other humans.....look how smart Fido is....he can sit, roll over, etc.  Of course Fido is smart---Fido is a DOG.  However, if the humans had to take intelligence tests in order to get food, most of them would be starving.  Treats should not require work just from the very definition of the word.  Treat does not mean something you have to work to get.  Even when the dog isn't expected to "work" for the treat, the humans still expect a dog to walk over to them to get it.  This is ridiculous thinking.  When a dog has had a full day of napping, he or she does not want to walk over to get a treat from the humans.  The humans should bring said treat to him.  It isn't like the humans aren't lazy.  I'm sure I'm not the only dog who has noticed that they can't even get up and change a television channel themselves.  They have to have a "remote" that does it for them.  This brings me to my final point.  I guess a dog is going have to invent a remote that dispenses dog treats because the humans probably won't ever get it done.  Please hurry...my paws are getting tired!

Demon Flash Bandit (Needs Treat Remote)

Pegasus: Horse or Bird?

I like horses.  They are the world's biggest dogs--even larger than the Great Dane!  They use all four paws to walk just like us dogs not like the silly humans who think that they only need their back paws for walking properly.  They neigh instead of bark, but their language isn't that hard to learn.  It is a cross between ancient dog language and snorts.  Now that I have let you know my feelings toward horses, I must remind you of my attitude toward birds.  Birds are those evil little winged varmints that fly around annoying us dogs (and sensible humans).  This brings me to the subject of today's blog: Pegasus.  Why am I writing about Pegasus?  Why shouldn't I write about Pegasus?

There have been references to Pegasuses for decades. "Peggy" is first mentioned in Greek mythology.  Pegasus was the horse Zeus flew in on.  The horseport where he landed is shrouded in mystery due to all the decades since it happened; but suffice it to say, that I'm sure Zeus was going somewhere fun.  I'm guessing he was always trying to get away from his nagging wife, Hera, and what better way than on an animal that can fly?  Hera would tell him to take out the garbage, and he would jump on Pegasus and get out of there.  I guess men haven't really changed that much since ancient times. I have made the observation that most of them try to get out of housework.  Being a guy myself, this seems like a sensible thing to do.  I'm not going to stay home and clean--Angel Zoom Smokey can do that!  

This brings me to the conclusion of my blog.  Are Pegauses good like horses?  On the other paw, since they have wings, are they some sort of evil bird?  I will continue to research this subject and I will write a thesis on it when I get my PhD/  

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Ponders Pegasuses)