Possible Turkey Shortage!

Butterball has announced that there may be a shortage of large fresh turkeys this Thanksgiving. Here is the link to the story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/16/butterball-turkey-shortage-thanksgiving_n_4283980.html?1384613124&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl4%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D407189 The problem stems from the fact that turkeys are not getting as big this year. The humans have no explanation for the loss of weight, but I suspect it is because the turkeys got to watch that new movie out this year, Free Birds. I think it is fundamentally wrong that Hollywood puts out such garbage making turkeys and other birds think they are okay when they are not-and never will be! Birds are evil and should not be tolerated by dogs or humans. I don't think blaming Hollywood is totally fair either. I never thought it was a wise idea for the humans to build a gym for the turkeys or to hire a personal trainer. However, humans are stupid so they never think these things out, but then they wonder why their turkeys are skinnier! If you happen to own a turkey farm, listen to the wisdom of Demon Flash Bandit: do not build a gym for them! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Skinnier Turkeys)

Movie Review: Grown Ups 2

This movie was a sequel to the original movie, Grown Ups. In the sequel, Adam Sandler's character, Lenny, decides to move back to the small town where he grew up in order to raise his family there. The original cast is back with the exception of Rob Schneider as Rob Hillard, and this dog did miss his character in the movie. Adam Sandler, Kevin Smith, Chris Rock, and David Spade all made it back to star in the sequel to the original funny movie. Although he did not completely make up for Rob Schneider's absence, the deer in the beginning did turn out to be a very funny new character, as did the bus driver. The movie is rated PG-13. I'm sure all of you are wondering if the movie met with my approval, and it did. The movie was not the greatest movie ever made, but it was entertaining, and it did make me laugh. I have to cut the movie some slack because there was a dog in the movie. Although I do not think the dog's talent was utilized to his highest potential, at least the humans recognized that they should have a dog in the movie. I can't tell you how many movies have failed to entertain because the humans wrote the dogs out of the script! I give this movie 4 paws up and no baths. When a movie gets a bath rating from a dog, then that movie is a real "stinker". Get it? Stinker means it needs a bath and dogs don't care for baths! On the human movie scale, I give this movie about a 6 1/2 out of 10. If they want a higher rating, I suggest that Grown Ups 3 have more dogs in the movie! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

The Undercover Human Show!

We had snow here today! Angel Zoom Smokey and myself were very excited about the weather, but my humans do not seem to appreciate snow or ice. I have no idea what is wrong with them, but listing the humans faults would take too long and I've got better things to do so I won't bother. Mommy bought me a new bed about a week ago, and yesterday, she brought home one for Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel was so excited. She said if I had a bed, then she needed her own bed too. Since she usually sleeps in the "big bed" with Mommy, Mommy didn't think she would want the bed, but she said it made her feel good to have her own stuff. I can see her point. I do enjoy having my own bed even if I don't use it all the time. I saw a delightful story in the news today. On the television show, Undercover Bosses, Mike Bloom of Family Dollar got fired for incompetence in the job he was doing. He promoted the employee who fired him which was a wise move on his part. I've said it many times in my blog--the humans in charge do not always appreciate the work done by those who are "beneath" them. Some of those jobs may be harder than they look, but without those employees doing that work, they wouldn't be making any money! I've got to go now. I have signed up as an undercover human. Yes, I go into various homes disguised as a human so I can see how the humans treat their dogs when they don't think any other dogs are watching. Demon Flash Bandit (Undercover Human)

Important Thanksgiving Shopping

I received some bad news involving Christmas shopping yesterday. The local hospital will close their lab on Thanksgiving. Just how does the hospital expect the citizens in Howell, MI to do their Christmas shopping? The big retailers have started opening on Thanksgiving. Sure, they didn't do it years ago, but they have adjusted to the times and realized that they could be making money on the holiday. I know some of the dogs reading this may be thinking, but why would a hospital need to open their laboratory on Thanksgiving? Sure, most of us don't automatically think of a lab as being the best place to buy a Christmas gift, but some of my dad's relatives are from the Carpathian Mountains of Romania which is officially called Transylvania. Daddy always said you can't go wrong buying that side of the family blood from a blood bank for Christmas. Blood is also a cool gift for those Twilight fans who are so hard to buy for because they already have all the Twilight movies ever made including that special one for die-hard fans--Twilight: The Secret Uses of Glitter. Personally, I have not seen any of the Twilight movies because I am not a big fan of vampires. However, I am a fan of Wolfman movies because the wolf reminds me of a dog. I have got to go now and write the hospital administration a letter about the lab being closed. Hopefully, they will see the folly of their ways and decide to open the lab on Thanksgiving. I hope they don't rush to make future decisions without consulting with this dog! Demon Flash Bandit (Working to Improve the Community)

Gator: Flying Business Class!

I think I speak for animals all over the world when I say that the humans do not always treat us fairly. For example, there was an alligator found at Chicago's O'Hare airport. The alligator was not allowed to board a plane. The airlines have a lot of silly rules about who can board an airplane. Pirates are also not allowed on board. Here is the link for the story! http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/03/us/illinois-chicago-airport-alligator/ I think when the whole story gets out, and it will, it will leave a lot of the humans at the airlines looking silly. The gator who was trying to get on the plane had a business class ticket. That young gator works for John Deere, and he is the youngest gator to ever hold the position of head of the department that makes Gator utility vehicles. When a big business gator like that is treated so badly, it is truly a blessing to get over the airwaves. It makes sure that us gators will be taken more seriously in the future! Demon Flash Bandit (Gators are People Too)

I Don't Eat "Dog Food"

Do you ever wonder if your humans have lost their minds? It is something I contemplate frequently. How did I come to the conclusion that my humans have lost their minds. Mommy bought some new "dog food" at Target. The food Mommy bought was shaped like a roll of sausage, but it is for DOGS!!!! Of course, I refused to try it, and then Angel Zoom Smokey also refused to eat it. I had to sit Mommy down and explain to her that we don't eat dog food! Do the humans really understand that if a dog is on the label, perhaps the food should not be purchased? Humans: you have to explain everything to them! Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)

Movie Review: Captain Phillips Thanksgiving Trip

Today I am going to write a movie review of the movie, Captain Phillips. This movie stars Tom Hanks and it is about a ship and its captain who were aboard the first ship to be seized by pirates in 200 years. Actually, Mommy will be giving me the information in an interview since she went to see the movie, and I didn't. I'll probably go and see it soon, but the humans said I wouldn't be happy at the theatre that day since it was their annual "bring your cat to the theatre" day. I don't mind cats, but if you get a theatre full of them, it would be just too many cats for a dog to deal with. Therefore, I'll wait and probably do another movie review on Captain Phillips next week. Sometimes it is important for the humans to feel that they can do some things that their dogs can do. All us dogs know how difficult it is to find things the humans can do. Let's face it, for the most part, the humans are stupid, and untalented, but we dogs love them anyway. It is so cute when they say they love us!!! Here is the interview: DFB: Okay Mom, I do have the script for the movie, Captain Phillips in my paws so I will ask you some questions from the script so I can keep up with your review. DFB's Mom: Thank you Demon Flash Bandit-both for allowing me to do the movie review for you, and also for being my dog. (She starts singing: Thank you for being my dog which is a bit embarrassing, but also quite sweet). DFB: I'm going to start by letting you talk about the movie so just describe it for my readers. DFB's Mom: Okay Demon. The movie starts out with the turkeys, I mean the Captain, who happens to be a bit of a loner since his crew and himself do not think the same way. The movie takes place in mid-November, and a group of pirates in Somalia captured the ship so that they would have food for Thanksgiving dinner. There was a bunch of turkeys in the cargo hold, and there is no dinner pirates like more than turkey dinner on Thanksgiving. This is probably because pirates are such a polite, well pawed bunch. Captain Phillips shows them how you can enjoy more than just turkey at Thanksgiving because he ordered pizza and everyone LOVED it. Around this house, we always have the ultra traditional Thanksgiving pizza. I think it is nice that Captain Jack Sparrow was willing to play the part of the head pirate. As usual, his performance was Oscar worthy! DFB: Wait a minute, after looking through the script, I don't see any of this going on in the movie. Did you perchance go and see that movie I banned, Free Birds? Free Birds involved a bunch of stupid turkeys who travelled back in time to the first Thanksgiving to keep turkeys off the menu. I think those humans out in Hollywood have lost their minds to make a movie involving birds! Dogs don't want to see a movie about birds, and how do they expect to make money if they can't bring in the dog demographics? ............................................. DFB's Mom:(Demon continued on in a rant for about an hour about how horrible the movie Free Birds is, and how insane it was to make said movie. I will spare you most of the rant because it does get a little gory when he talks about what he would do with a bird before grilling it as a snack. Mom gives this movie a 9 out of 10. She said she enjoyed it immensely. Keep in mind, it might not be for Captain Phillips. I suspect she is reviewing Free Birds. Humans: a dog has to watch them every minute!!! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)