Diets are for the Birds--They Deserve Them!!!!

I had to go to the dog doctor yesterday  because my paw has been bothering me.  I got a shot of steroids which seems kind of silly to me.   I don't see how shooting me with a needle from a stereo is going to help particularly when vinyl records have been replaced by the more modern cd.  Another interesting thing I have noticed is that all dog doctors must have served in  the military because the humans call them "vets" which is what you call someone who was once in the military!  I always try to make sure that my blog is not only entertaining, but also educational.  I call it the 2 Es.  The visit would have been okay if the stupid doctor did not prescribe a special diet for me.  I'm not overweight or anything.  The diet consists of boiled eggs, rice, sardines, and chicken fat.  I refuse to eat eggs and rice, and sardines sounds like seafood of which I am not particularly fond.  My humans know that I will go on a hunger strike if they try to serve me food I don't like.  Compared to me, Gandhi was a big eater when he was on his hunger strike!  I'm sure I will triumph because I am one super stubborn dog!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing "Vets")

Humans Throw Treasures in Gar1bage

I was unable to write yesterday thanks to the "bird conspiracy", but since I have already written about their vast conspiracy to silence this dog's barking, I will move onto another subject today.  What will that subject be, you are probably asking yourself.  Today's subject is, why do the humans always throw the most interesting things in the house away?  Do the humans realize how hard it is for  the "family dog" to sit back and watch the humans put treasures such as used Kleenex and chicken bones in the trash!  The humans even throw food away that many dogs would love to sink their teeth into.  How does a dog stop this silliness?   The dogs need to keep an ever vigilant eye on the garbage, and rescue anything interesting.  It is what I do in my spare time.  A dog's work is never done!

Demon Flash Bandit (Good Garbage)

Smellovision Television Would be Awesome!

If you ask this dog's opinion, the humans spend far too much time inventing things that are stupid because we dogs could care less about them.  Today's example is the 3D television.  I don't see the point of having one.  You have to wear stupid looking glasses (which this dog categorically refuses to wear).  When you put on the glasses, it gives the picture depth.  I'll admit that I did put on the glasses once and watched it in 3D once as research for this blog.  (See all the sacrifices a dog makes in order to write a good blog?)  I did get a little scared when a scene came up where it looked like water was coming at me.  Normally, I a big, strong he-man type dog, but most dogs are terrified of water which reminds us of bath time.  Few dogs are fond of baths!

I do think that the humans could make televisions more interesting if they skipped the 3D and invented a television that would let you smell things. I've never met a dog who didn't enjoy sniffing things.  I think that a dog being able to walk up the screen and sniff an actor's butt is the ultimate in entertainment.  It would also show how good they really are at acting.  A human's butt will never fool a dog.  We know a lot about them with just one sniff!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants Smellovision)

Dinobirds are Evil

This is a super serious blog today.  I have been unable to access my page to write a new blog for almost a week which is why you have not been able to read my words of wisdom.  I'm sorry because I know how much my readers need their "Demon Flash Bandit blog" fix everyday.  I'm sure some of the humans might just think that the Internet  gives trouble  sometimes.  However, this is not the case.  As you know, I am one of the few voices on the Internet barking about the evil birds who are planning a major takeover of planet Earth.  So far, few humans believe me, but I know that the birds are the reason for my not being able to publish my blog.  They want to silence my barking.  As you can see, it did not work.  I'm back and I'm barking and howling loudly so everyone can hear and know that birds cannot be trusted and they are evil! 

Mommy was watching the 4th season of Ancient Aliens. and there was a whole segment about dinosaurs.  Many dinosaurists (dinosaur experts) think that some dinosaurs were covered with feathers.  Being covered with feathers would essentially make them giant birds.  They once ruled the planet,  but now, thanks to evolution, they have become small, feathered creatures who can only dream about their former glory.  They are trying to take over the world, and we dogs know what they are up to so they hate us and want to silence us.  Rest assured, this dog will not stop warning the humans and other animals about the evil birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dinobirds are Evil)

Dogs Love Peanut Butter!

Have you ever noticed that when the humans fight with each other, there is usually no logical reason for the fight?  At least not a reason that a dog would consider logical.  Occasionally the humans will surprise a dog by doing something that does make sense to a dog, and a fight over  peanut butter and jelly sandwiches would make sense to a dog..  What could be better than the delicious taste of peanut butter?  Okay, maybe there are plenty of other foods that are equally tasty, but  peanut butter is definitely good tasting food.  Two human  brothers in Iowa got into a fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  One thought the other was eating too many, and that caused him to pull out his knife.  The knife was not to slice the sandwich in half, but to slice his brother.  I can understand this kind of altercation between the humans.  Angel Zoom Smokey and myself could get into a fight over something so important.  We dogs know what to fight over and what to ignore!  Here is the link to the story:
http://news.msn.com/crime-justice/iowa-man-arrested-after-fight-over-pbandj-sandwiches

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves to Eat Peanut Butter)

No Shoes for This Dog!

Is it any wonder that a dog like myself refuses to allow the humans to put shoes or "booties" on my paws? Besides the fact that a dog looks silly in them (yes, cute, but still silly--and we look cute bare pawed too). One of the most logical reason why many of us dogs refuse to wear booties is because you never know about the humans. IF they aren't spending too much on some pair of shoes like Prada, they are getting more and more ridiculous in their shoe choices. The humans in recent years have started wearing a reptile on each foot. Crocs are very popular shoes, and you know it won't be long until the humans will be buying doggy crocs for their dogs. This whole trend started with alligator shoes. One of the more clever of the humans decided that, if the humans were willing to pay top dollar for a shoe made from an alligator, that crocodile shoes would also be big sellers. I don't care what the humans say, this dog will not be wearing crocs. I don't like reptiles who could bite my paws! Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Reptiles)

Demon Flash Bandit Doll

Is the world ready for a fat Barbie? Judging from the buzz on the Internet, this is a subject of great importance. No, I don't know why it is so important, but then again, I'm a dog, and not one of the silly humans. My guess is that "fat" Barbie's dogs prefer her to skinny Barbie who is always out driving around in her expensive sports car with Ken or hanging out in her "dream house". By the way, have you ever seen a dream house marketed that has dog's squeaky toys on the floor or a few dead birds on the walls? Of course, you will never see that. Yet dead birds hanging out in a house makes a dog feel like a dog. Anyway, I bet fat Barbie stays at home more and gives a dog attention and treats, and as any dog can tell you, that is the important thing for the humans to do. I personally don't see the big deal about Barbie being fat. In case you haven't noticed, the humans come in different sizes and colors just like us dogs. Does it make a Chihuahua any less of a dog because he isn't as big as a Great Dane. Of course not! Size has a lot to do with genetics, lifestyle, and even some physical problems. Perhaps if the humans learned to look at other humans from the same perspective as us dogs do, they would be better people. A human cannot go wrong being the kind of person his or her dog thinks they are. Do I think it matters if Mattel produces a fat Barbie? No, I don't think it is a big deal. I think the humans put way too much emphasis on the impact of Barbie on a girls self esteem. If they want to make life fun for children, they should produce a Demon Flash Bandit doll. That would be a smart move for Mattel. I would buy several for myself. Demon Flash Bandit (Fat Barbie is Okay)