Einstein's Theory of Relativity

I hate to admit that this dog was watching a children's show. Yeah, I know I'm much too smart for children's shows, but sometimes they are fun to watch, and I like to be entertained. I was watching Schemer from Shining Times Station. Schemer gave me a great idea. He wanted to look intelligent so he said to look intelligent, you need to carry around a big book by Shakespeare. Since I'm already a genius, it occurred to me that if I carried around a big book by Shakespeare, the humans will think I am even smarter than Einstein, the dog on Back to the Future. Whenever I hear Einstein mentioned, I think of him. He was one highly intelligent dog since even the humans recognize his genius. Of course, even a normal dog is more intelligent than the average human. However, who doesn't appreciate Einstein's theory of relativity? He said if you have a relative, you must spend Christmas and other holidays with them. My humans are so fond of Einstein that they have a stuffed reproduction Einstein in Mommy's bedroom that they purchased at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. On the subject of Back to the Future, you will note that Einstein was the first to travel in time. It as not Marty McFly because he travelled in time later than Einstein. I wonder if Einstein was going back into the future to to have a family reunion with his relatives. Perhaps that is when he came up with the theory of relativity. I am going to go back to watching television. A dog has to spend some time pursuing culture and education by watching television.

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Television)

Meatloaf, Onions, and Killer Tomatoes

Meatloaf collapsed on stage in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Onions are threatening to go on strike. I'm surprised the killer tomatoes aren't also in the news since it seems that food is taking over the news today. According to Internet news sources, Meatloaf is in the hospital. I can only assume that meatloaf is so delicious that it now has its own act on stage. However, I think if there is a problem, it would make more sense to send it to a chef and not a hospital. It sounds like a case of food poisoning to me. Mommy just told me that meatloaf is a human and not an actual meatloaf. Why would a human name himself after food? It makes no sense to this dog, but of course, few things the humans do make sense.

Onions have their own news show and they are about to go on strike. I suppose the onions think they aren't getting enough money. I suspect it is really because onions don't get the proper respect they deserve as a vegetable--if they are a vegetable--I'm not really sure what they are.

For those who are worried that the killer tomatoes are back, I have heard nothing about them in the news, but I would be careful because you never know when they are going to go on another killing spree. This is why Hollywood has made so many documentaries about the killer tomatoes. Be on the lookout for large, evil looking tomatoes. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Food News)

Town for Sale

It is not unusual for the humans to decide to sell their houses and move, but there is a place where a dog can buy the entire town. The town of Scenic, South Dakota is for sale, and can be purchased for a mere $799,000. The town includes a saloon, a store, 2 post offices, a dance hall, a museum, etc. For someone who wants an "authentic" western town, this would be a great deal. This dog thinks it would be interesting to own. I can see a lot of potential for the place as a tourist attraction.....and if they are smart enough to get dogs to run the places, I think the humans would be showing up there in droves. For those who are interested in finding out more about the town, the web address is:

http://realestate.msn.com/blogs/listedblogpost.aspx?post=f9af8bbf-80b5-4f2f-ad86-d23f3e7e9c5d&GT1=35006

I told Mommy that I was interested in buying the town since I can always buy a McDonalds franchise and build one there, but Mommy said I have no money in my bank account. Since when did us dogs not have bank accounts started for us when we are puppies? Many of the human puppies have colllege accounts, and all us dogs know how stupid the human puppies are. Quite frankly, the human parents are far more optimistic about their human puppies intelligence than are us dogs. Have you observed the human puppies? I could feed myself and walk around and was ready to "conquer" the world when I was about 6 weeks old. The human puppies hang around and expect their parents to take care of them for years. Most of them don't even learn to walk until they are about a year old. Talk about stupidity. Even birds learn and get pushed out of the nest faster than that. I think this dog is going to have to take financial matters into my own paws, but the only thing that bothers me is that the humans expect you to work for money, and that would seriously interrupt my nap time. I guess I'll have to use my next nap to contemplate this situation and come up with a genius plan for getting money without working. Maybe I'll write the Queen Lady for advice. Her family seems to have plenty of money and they don't show up for work.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Without a Bank Account)

National Chocolate Day!

Today is Milk Chocolate Day so this dog is going to try to steal some milk chocolate from the humans. I think the humans have only said that chocolate is bad for dogs so they can hoard it all for themselves. Hey humans, bacon is bad for you and should only be served to dogs. Let's see how they like not getting bacon. Seriously, who decides what is good or bad for a dog? I bet it is those sneaky veterinarians who are always trying to give a dog a shot. Sure, they say it is to prevent a dog from getting something bad, but I think they are just mean jerks who want to put a needle in a dog. I say let them get some fabric and use those needles where they belong--in sewing. Knowing them, they would probably make doggy clothes to further annoy us dogs--at least those of us who don't want to wear clothing!

I am going to report a news story from Capshaw, Alabama. A woman stopped her car, a Mercedes because she saw a goat and a dog on the highway and didn't want them to get hit by a car. The goat jumped on her car and refused to get down. The police were called and they put the goat into the back of the police car, and the dog jumped in with the goat. Talk about friendship. The dog didn't want the goat to be arrested alone! Once again, dogs make great pals.
Remember to come to my blog where you can find the important news stories.

Demon Flash Bandit (National Chocolate Day)

Birds Must Be Stopped!!!!

I just read that humans (probably scientists) have concluded that there is no Loch Ness monster. I can only assume that "Nessie" was on vacation when they looked for her. For those who read my recent blog, Sea Monster in Alaska, written on July 20, 2011, I blogged about the sea monster that has been spotted in Bristol Bay, Alaska. My theory talks about the possibility of Nessie being in Alaska on vacation. Most of the humans enjoy vacations. Do they not think a sea monster wants to get away from time to time? I love to take vacations myself so I think it is something that is very common for everyone in the animal, sea monster kingdoms. Pay no attention to the "news" you read on the Internet unless it is written by Demon Flash Bandit, because I am the only one who reports the real news.

Now for some sobering news that I hate to have to write about, but it needs to be said. Some of the humans in the United States and its allies have been worried about terrorist attacks. Normally, I don't cover news of this sort since basically, I think most humans are good, and I like to concentrate more on the good things in the world. However, since I do speak fluent bird, and birds are evil, I feel it is important for me to keep the world aware of their treachery. The birds are now fortifying their birdseed with plutonium, and those white bombs they drop are going to become far more deadly than they already are. I feel it is my duty to warn all dogs and humans to be on the lookout for birds and their evil bird bombs of poop. I personally plan to do my best to stop the birds and thwart their evil plans. I would suggest that other dogs follow my lead and fire up the grill and cook these little monsters before they can take over the world. In fact, I suspect that is where the fire breathing dragons in the past came from--birds that ate stuff that would turn their breath into a weapon. I only hope that my warnings have alerted enough people so that the birds can be stopped. Their singing fools so many of the humans who think they are harmless little songbirds instead of evil creatures with an agenda to take over the planet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Must Be Stopped)

Destination: Spam Museum!

• In the summertime, a dog's thoughts turn to where the family should go on vacation. Thanks to a Minnesota travel guide, I have found a perfect destination for both humans and dogs. That place is the Spam Museum. As you can deduce from the name, it is a museum dedicated to spam. The best thing about the museum is that the admission is free. I can't think of a better place to spend a vacation than the Spam Museum. How often can you combine culture and food in one museum? Sure, you can go to the Metropolitan Museum instead, but I doubt that any of their exhibits are as interesting to a dog as the exhibits in the Spam Museum. In fact, I doubt that the Metropolitan has any of the series of paintings of dogs playing poker which are the best paintings ever done. Most museums want them, but can't afford such magnificent works of art. They don't even have my painting, What Dogs Mean to the Earth. This was posted on my blog on July 12, 2011 under the title, Demon Flash Bandit: Artist.



• The Spam Museum is located in Austin, Minnesota with 16,500 square feet of Spam. Admission to the museum is free so you might want to visit more than once. I'm sure some of the dogs will want to spend more than one day there. I bet there is even spam in the gift shop for sale. If you ask this dog, there is nothing better than a souvenir that can be eaten when you are hungry!

Demon Flash Bandit (Vacation Destination-Spam Museum)

Super Dooper Dog

I shouldn't divulge this information on the Internet, but I know I can trust my readers to keep it quiet. Demon Flash Bandit is actually my secret identity. I am actually Super Dooper Dog. Yes, I'm not just Super Dog, companion of Superman, I have the added Dooper which means I am even more super than Super Dog. For those who have been keeping up with the news, the United States Congress is having some problems coming to an agreement on the budget (what budget?). I have been reading about it, and I realized that this was a problem that could only be solved by Super Dooper Dog. I know taxes are lousy to pay, but I think the billionaires and the oil companies can afford to pay what the regular working people pay in taxes. I also think that the spending can be cut without causing that much of a problem. They can start by cutting corporate welfare. I also think that any funding for birds should be cut. They are evil and I hate them getting checks for birdseed. I also think that dogs should be allowed to be declared as dependents on the humans taxes. McDonalds does not give out those burgers free just because you are a dog. I'm not really that worried about Congress reaching an agreement. I think they will come to a last minute agreement because, the whole bunch has to worry about being reelected. They are playing "chicken". I think the humans should have more sense than to play a game named after a bird, but I'm not a human. The humans, as everyone knows are descendants of monkeys, and the monkeys aren't nearly as smart as us dogs!

Onto a more important subject. I have a gorgeous tail. I know I probably have written about it before and it goes without saying, but my tail is gorgeous. I'm thinking of having photos made of it to hang around the house so the humans can enjoy looking at my tail even if I'm not in the room with them. In fact, looking at my tail makes me happy so perhaps I could market photos of it so the humans who tend to be depressed will have something to make them happy without having to resort to anti-depressants. It makes me feel good to help the humans who have such problems with being happy. If you give a dog some tasty food (preferably human food), a comfortable place to nap, and some tummy rubs, we are happy. The humans could learn a lot from us!

Demon Flash Bandit (Super Dooper Dog)