Bronx Zoo's Cobra to Host SNL?

I have been blogging about the cobra who is missing from the Bronx Zoo for several days now so I will start this blog with the latest information I have found about the snake. There is now a Facebook Fan Page dedicated to having the cobra host Saturday Night Live. She (evidently is it a female snake) was considering attending the Broadway show, Spiderman. I think she would enjoy it since I would assume that snakes probably don't mind spiders. She even took some time to pull a practical joke. She went to the Mueseum of Natural History and tweeted that "this is going to be hilarious". I can't argue with her on that. I bet the reaction of the humans at the museum would be funny. Who would expect a snake in a museum exhibit to come to life? That will teach the humans not to allow dogs at museums! By the way, for those of you who have been keeping up with the snake, there is now a full line of merchandies available in honor of the snake. There are t-shirts, mugs, and thongs. For those of you who would like to correspond with the snake, the email address is: BronxZoosCobra@gmail.com I'm happy for the cobra, but I would like to know why I haven't received as much attention as the snake. I'm a lot furrier and cuter, and I could do a great job hosting Saturday Night Live. I think I am just as funny as the snake. At least http://www.dogster.com/ chose my diary as a diary pick today. They don't even have a snakester--just dogster and catster. The Governor of Wisconsin, Walker, is having his problems. The court has decreed that his latest law that was supposed to deduct money from the state workers' paychecks is not valid. Of course, he says that the court has no authority to interject in the matter. Evidently, the man is unfamiliar with the U.S. system of government with its 3 branches to balance each other so one power hungry politician can't do as he pleases. Those founding fathers were smart humans. I've got to go now. I am going to call my agent and ask why I haven't been offered a job as host of Saturday Night Live. If a snake can be a host, then a dog would be a better host. Demon Flash Bandit (Future Host of SNL?)

Cobras, Tortoises, and the Royal Bachelor Party

Zoos are having their problems this week. In addition to the cobra that is lost from the Bronx Zoo in New York, there is a rare tortoise that is missing from the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo in Colorado Springs, Colorado. The rare tortoise named Butti is missing from a hands on exhibit called "The Loft". He and his brother, Tutti, are part of the exhibit, and the zoo officials think someone "walked off" with him. He is about the size of a grapefruit and weighs about 1 pound, and he is an Indian Star Tortoise. Zoo officials are hoping that he will be returned to the zoo because they are worried about him. The cobra is still lost, but now has 86,000 followers on Twitter under the name, BronxZooCobra. The cobra has been tweeting about his fun sightseeing trip about New York City where he thanks the animals from the movie, Madagascar, for being his inspiration. He stopped by Wall Street, but the humans there made his skin crawl. He has been to High Line Park and Rockefeller Plaza, and has tweeted his complaints about being unable to grab get a cab. Evidently, he is a Justin Beiber fan because one tweet said "I just want Justin Bieber to follow me.". I assume that he will be visiting the Statue of Liberty and the United Nations next. Perhaps the officials at the Bronx Zoo should be following his tweets to find out where he might be next. For those of you who are wondering if I was invited to the royal bachelor party or "stag do" as it is called by the British, yes I was. As my regular readers are already aware, I was asked to the wedding, but I refused to attend because they did not invite Bo Obama, the first dog or his humans. I did attend the bachelor party because that consisted of 20 of Prince William's closest friends. Prince Harry threw the party for his brother, and it was wonderful. It was a "secret" so I won't divulge too many of the details, but I will tell you that the food was from Burger King. If you are going to have a royal party, then you need royal food to match the occasion, and the Burger King never fails to please. This dog loves it!!! It was a great party, and I even had a few minutes to spend with the Queen Lady, who was very happy to see me. You might say that among the royal family, I am a "BIG DOG". I couldn't stay and visit with her long because I had a special private plane take me there, and I needed to get back home. I had naps waiting here with my name on them. Demon Flash Bandit (Attended Royal Bachelor Party)

To Carry-out or Not to Carry-out: That is the Question

After four days, the escaped cobra from the Bronx Zoo has still not been located. I have already warned my readers to stay away from the zoo. Zoo officials have shut down the Reptile House, and they say that the snake is hiding there in an area not open to the public. Since these are the same humans who are supposed to be keeping the animals where they belong in the first place, this dog would avoid the zoo, and assume that they don't know what they are doing. The life you save may be your own. The snake is on Twitter and already has 18,000 followers. This really annoys me that this stupid poisonous snake has more followers than I do on this blog. I'm not on Twitter because I think there is something fundamentally wrong with a site that uses a "BIRD" as its symbol. Birds are evil, and I think it is a site that cannot be trusted. In entertainment news, Charlie Sheen has accused his ex-wife, Denise Richards of being a dog thief. If I were Charlie Sheen's dog, I would hide in Denise Richards' car to get out of there. Charlie is much too busy for his dogs, and he might forget to feed them, and a dog takes things like that very seriously. I'm sure they will be ready to return to him when he isn't so busy. The town of Lafayette. Colorado has had some possible UFO encouters recently. As I have pointed out in past blogs, aliens are big fans of our food so, if it really is a UFO, there must be some restaurant in the town that is popular among the aliens. Since Colorado has the Air Force Academy, I suspect it might just be some new form of aircraft that the military is trying out. I doubt that there are that many great restaurants in a small town in Colorado. If I'm wrong, then it is time for me to place a carry-out order. Demon Flash Bandit (Hanging Around with My Humans Who Have Time for Me)

Snakes, Lunatics, and My Handsome Tail

One of the items in the news today is a follow up on the missing cobra at the Bronx Zoo. It is still lost, and the Reptile House is still closed. This is one dog who would skip the whole "Zoo experience" until the snake is found. The zoo is supposed to be a fun place to see the animals, not a place where the "residents" attack. If you feel you must visit the zoo before the snake is found, I would suggest taking a mongoose along to protect you from the snake. In other news, Charlie Sheen has called his ex-wife, Denise Richards, a dog thief. I'm not sure what caused him to make this new accusation, and I've got a hunch Charlie has no idea what brought it on either. He seems to be in some kind of fairytale land where he is the winner and everyone else is the loser and a troll. I suppose it is good for him because from what I have read, he isn't a winner when it comes to his job. I do enjoy Two and a Half Men, but it is not One Man, One Lunatic and a Boy. Evidently, he must be reading the wrong script. On a happier subject, I have been looking at my tail and I think it is very handsome. I feel bad for the humans because I think they would look so much better with tails. As it is, they walk around on the back paws, and look silly. It makes them fall. All us dogs know that it is better to walk on all 4 paws, and it makes more sense because we don't fall as often walking on all 4 paws. The only time a dog will walk on 2 paws is if he doesn't have all 4 paws to walk on. You would think the humans would know better. It isn't like they make tables or chairs with only 2 legs. I feel like taking a nap so I will end this blog now. That is another thing that would benefit the humans. They don't take enough naps. Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Takes His Naps Seriously)

Real Life "Snakes on a Plane"

Today is a big news day for snakes. Indonesian airport authorities detained two men who were attempting to bring 40 pythons on board their flight to Dubai. X-rays showed that their bags were filled with sedated snakes. The men, 2 Kuwaitis, say they were planning to sell them to collectors in the United Arab Emirates. The men face up to 7 years in jail and a fine of $30,000. if they are found guilty of bringing wild animals on board. This dog is wondering what kind of people collect snakes. I know that is a collection that I would not want to have. I think they probably just watched the movie, Snakes on a Plane, one time too many. The Bronx Zoo in New York closed the reptile house because a poisonous adolescent cobra snake was missing. Zoo officials said that there is no danger to the public because the snake is in an area of the building not accessible to the public because snakes usually seek closed in areas and aren't comfy in open areas. I would question this statement because, if the snake is lost, then they don't really know where the snake is hiding out. Isn't that the definition of "lost"? My advice would be that if you are planning a trip to the Bronx Zoo, postpone that trip until the snake is found. I'm guessing teenage snakes are probably a lot more annoying that adult snakes. In fact, it would not surprise me if the snake's parents kicked it out of the reptile house. I know I hear lots of humans complaining about their teenage children. Perhaps the snake escaped so it could go to see a Whitesnake or Blacksnake concert. If so, then the snake will probably make it back home by morning. My human Daddy almost stepped on a cobra and there was another cobra nearby. He was almost bitten by that snake, and it was not one of his more pleasant memories. I think I would prefer to avoid that kind of memory myself so this dog will not be visiting the Bronx Zoo until the snake is safely back where it is supposed to be. In yet another news item involving snakes, animal control in Lewisville, Texas captured an 11 foot python. They won't be putting it up for adoption. It will be used as part of an educational program. I am still wondering why anyone would want a pet snake. I am not a fan of snakes, and there is no way I would have a pet snake. I don't know what the humans are thinking. They aren't cute or cuddly so they make horrible pets. Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Snakes)

Dog Who Gets Things Done

Yesterday was Procrastination Day, and for those of you who decided to put it off until today, I hope you are enjoying the day. I'm guessing that many are deciding to put it off until tomorrow. I wonder if the people who celebrate Procrastination Day ever bother to celebrate it since they probably always put it off until the next day anyway. Unlike the humans who like to procrastinate the things that need to be done, this dog does not procrastinate. I take my naps on time, and I get my dinner on time. There is nothing worse than putting off a good nap when you are tired. I might add that I write this blog, I write for dogster, I have a store on the web, and I write movie reviews for my brother's website http://moviememorabiliahub.weebly.com/ so when I need a nap, I need a nap. I am a busy dog.

On the subject of procrastination, Walmart has announced that you can order things from them online and pick them up the same day at their local stores. I don't think this plan is going to work because our local Walmart never hires enough people to run the store, and I think it is going to be very difficult for them to get all the things together for pickup. As it is now, I have never seen anyone pick up anything at the store that they have ordered on the Internet. If it works the way I think it will end up working, I think Walmart might need to join the Procrastination Group.

It got warm here recently, and now it has become delightfully colder again. The humans don't seem too happy about the weather, but I think it is great. Just when a dog thinks spring might have come, the wonderful cold weather returns. It isn't cold enough to have snow, but a dog can hope that it will get colder.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend, and let's all hope for some delightfully cooler weather next week.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Procrastinating Dog)

Whack a Banker Sounds Fun, but I would Prefer to Whack Birds

I have some pleasant news for my readers. For those of you who are annoyed that your government bailed out the banks, there is a cool new game you can play. There is an arcade in Britain that has a game based on the Whack a Mole game only this one is Whack a Banker. The bankers are bald and faceless, and for 65 cents in United States currency or 45 euro cents, you have 30 seconds to hit the banker in the head with a mallet. The game is so popular that the humans are wearing out the mallets. The really annoying thing is that when you win the game, a "banker's" voice says, "You win. We retire. Thank you very much to the taxpayer for paying our pensions". I'm sure this makes the humans want to play again and again.

I have even better news for my readers. You can play a similar game online without paying anything. For those who want to play, the address is:
http://www.funnygames.co.uk/whack-a-banker.htm This dog is hoping they come up with a Whack a Bird game. I would really enjoy hitting those evil birds on their little evil heads.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting to Whack a Bird)