Adventures of a Lead Dog

We Don't Need Any Chicken Robots

2012-02-13T15:31:00.000-08:00

My humans were watching a television show called Robot Chicken, and this show is a major concern for me. As my regular readers are aware, I am not a fan of birds, and a chicken is a bird. In fact, it is a intellectually challenged bird because it can't fly. This makes them easier for a dog to catch so it is actually a good thing for a dog who is in the mood for barbequed or fried chicken. However, this robot chicken concerns me. I don't see the need for a chicken robot, and robots do not make good eating so what is the point of making a chicken robot? I think there is a better use for robotics--like robot sled dogs so huskies like myself can nap and have snacks instead of pulling a sled. Some of you might say that the humans could just use one of those snow vehicles, but those snow vehicles do not have cute tails to watch as you are riding along. It is like the caboose on a train--the humans always used to wait to see the caboose. It was the best part of the train--partly because the caboose meant that they didn't have to wait any longer for the train to quit blocking the roadway. Anyway, the Robot Chicken program is funny, but this dog would prefer it wasn't a chicken or anything in the bird family. I really don't like birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Chickens Don't Need to be Robots)

Major Airline Owned By Dog!

2012-02-12T15:47:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there lived a dog who was adorable, sweet, and intelligent. All the humans loved him (this is beginning to sound like my story, but it happened a long time ago). The dog's name was Rover, and Rover had a special talent that few dogs possess. He could fix cars. Yes, Rover was an auto mechanic. Every engine that he worked on purred--not like a cat, mind you, but the way an engine is supposed to purr. Then one day, Rover was working on a car and he got an idea. He put wings on the car, and turned it into an "airplane". He was so happy with his new invention that he gave up his job as a mechanic to manufacture airplanes. This is how he became a successful airplane manufacturer and the owner of a major airline---Rover Roves. I'm sure everyone has heard of it because they fly all over the world. It does a dog good to see another dog who is so successful!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Rover's Story)

Multi-Talented Cows

2012-02-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to write about our good friend, the cow. It isn't that I know any cows personally, but I am a fan of ice cream, and ice cream comes from the milk they provide. Cows, for the most part, are a friendly group. They spend most of their lives hanging around a pasture eating grass. When an animal can turn grass into something as tasty as ice cream and cheese, a dog has to admire their talent. They are easy to chat with as long as you can master saying moo, and there are breeds of dogs that enjoy herding them wherever the farmer wants them to go. Yes, life would be a lot more boring without delicious ice cream that I enjoy every night so the next time you see a cow when you are out shopping or enjoying a night on the town, be sure and tell them how much you appreciate them. For those of you who doubt that you would see them "out on the town", here is a dancing cow video for you to enjoy.
http://www.cowdance.com/

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Ice Cream)

Houses Making People (And Dogs) Fat

2012-02-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

I can honestly say that I don't have a problem with being fat. I happen to be the right size. My humans can't say the same thing though. This is a problem with many of the humans, and I am happy to be able to solve this problem for them with this blog. I happened upon an article today on the Internet entitled, "Is Your House Making you Fat"? This means that it isn't the humans' fault when they are fat....we now know that the house they are living in is to blame. I have long thought that there is a conspiracy involving houses and other buildings causing problems for the humans, but this is the first time anyone has had the guts to say it. It makes perfect sense to me. I personally have known people that can eat everything in sight and they are thin. Some of the fatter people eat far less than those thin people, and yet they are fat. Now they know that it is their house causing the problem for them. I think that the humans need to sit their houses down and tell them to quit making them fat. Houses know they can get by with it because, up until now, no one suspects that they are the problem. Now that we know, we can make the houses get with the program and quit making the humans (and dogs) fat. I don't think we should stop at houses. If houses have to stop making the humans fat, then other buildings will try to take over. It is about time we tell those buildings that they are in big trouble, and we know what they are up to. I'm glad I am able to stop this problem. Here is the web address so you can read more about houses making people (and dogs) fat:
http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/house-making-fat-163700763.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Won't Let Houses Get By With Making Humans and Dogs Fat)

I'm Not a Grouch, But If I Were, it Would be Justified

2012-02-08T11:36:00.000-08:00

The humans have insinuated that I am grouchy today. In fact, they haven't just insinuated it, they have actually come right out and said it to me. I feel that my grouchiness is justified (kind of like the television program, Justified, where the leading character gets to kill someone in every expisode, but the killing is justified so it is okay). Most of my grouchiness is directed at Angel Zoom Smokey, and if you had to live with her, you would be grouchy too. She is always eating my food, taking my toys, sleeping where I want to sleep and breathing my air. I think the humans have spoiled her by letting her think that she is supposed to get food and toys just like me, but I have told her repeatedly that all food and toys in the house are MINE, MINE, MINE!!! You would think that she would understand that I run things around here--not the silly humans. Anyway, they have even referred to me as Oscar like Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street. I don't think this is a fair reference since Angel Zoom Smokey is the problem. I might add that Oscar is wrong to be grouchy. He gets to live in a garbage can with the garbage. He should be the happiest creature on Earth. Any dog would be proud to hang out in a garbage can! In fact, in one episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Frank and Charlie were hanging out in dumpsters because they found so many treasures in them so even some of the humans appreciate garbage.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Grouch)

Movie Review: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

2012-02-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to do a movie review of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. The movie is about a British intelligence agent who came out of retirement to help catch a Soviet Spy during the Cold War. I will warn you that there are no dogs in this movie so the humans have to carry the movie on their own. I thought this was a boring movie. George Smiley (played by Gary Oldman) mainly stood around looking out the window or sitting around smoking cigarettes. It would have been a great ad for a cigarette company if they had George occasionally tell the audience which brand he was smoking and how much he liked them. I'm sure this is probably a more realistic portrayal of what it is like to be a spy than most movies involving James Bond. I have often made fun of Bond jumping from rooftop to rooftop without ever as much as yelling in pain---which does not seem at all realistic. However, by the time this movie was over, I was hoping that someone would do some rooftop jumping just to put a little life into the movie. I'm guessing that the next movie this director plans to do involves showing a realistic factory assembly line so that he can capitalize on boring jobs. I give this movie 1 paw up which is about a 3 on the human movie scale of 1 being bad, and 10 being excellent. To be fair, I am not a big fan of spy movies so if you like most spy movies, you may like it better than I did. Personally, I would have been happier staying home and watching Snow Dogs--the greatest movie ever made!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy)

New Product: Fortune Cookie Machine

2012-02-06T10:38:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, I enjoy sharing with my readers new products that are sure to make a big difference in everyone's lives. Today I am excited to introduce a fortune cookie machine. I happen to LOVE fortune cookies. In addition to my fortune, I get to eat a very delicious cookie. Of course, you can buy them ready made, but what if you can have your humans baking them for you at home anytime you want them? It sounds like a dream, but it is now a reality. I'm sure dogs could use the machine too, but it is much easier to have the humans do it for you. I think this is a product that should have been invented decades ago. I'm amazed that the humans have survived without this product. I am going to share the information about it with my readers. I'm sure all of you who see this blog will want to rush out and buy yourself one--and if it is a human reading it, buy it so you can make these delicious cookies for your dog. I think I would like to try one dipped in peanut butter. Here is the web address:

http://www.cnet.com/8301-13553_1-20123339-32/bake-your-own-custom-fortune-cookies/

I saw this product at my local Target store last week. I'm sure it will be available in other stores soon since it is due to be out in spring of 2012.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Fortune Cookies)

Drunken Shopping Carts

2012-02-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

Personally, I don't know what all the fuss over the Super Bowl is for. I don't want to sit and watch other people play football. I have my own football (doggy size), and I like to play it myself. My humans aren't interested in watching at all, but many of the humans are very excited over the prospect of watching the game. Many of them are going to Super Bowl parties where they will eat lots of food, and many of them will drink a bit too many beers (and other alcoholic beverages). Until today, I thought it was only the humans who took part in these kinds of behaviors, but that was before I went by the store today. There was a shopping cart that was sitting on its side in the parking lot. Obviously, the cart had started celebrating early, and had already had a few too many beers. After the beers, the cart couldn't even stand up anymore. I plan to stay home the rest of the day. When shopping carts are getting drunk, it is not a good idea to go out anywhere....you know the humans will really be plastered! Besides, I plan to watch a better game: The Puppy Bowl!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Drunken Shopping Carts)

A Tail of Dogula!

2012-02-04T14:27:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there lived a count whose name was Dogula. Dogula was a dogpire which means that he was one of the undead--a dog who would live forever. The only catch was that he could not go out in sunlight, and he could not eat garlic which was okay because he wasn't big on garlic anyway. Dogpires live by sucking the blood out of birds so they are good creatures because they rid the world of evil birds--and all birds are evil. Dogula lived in a castle, and the humans and dogs in the village were all very proud of him for ridding their area of evil birds. Dogula enjoyed a good bone, and he was always watching out for his neighbors. One day, the castle was attacked by a rival country--filled with birds. Dogula managed to win the battle, and there was peace and happiness in his kingdom from that time until now. Dogula was truly a good dog and a great leader!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogula--Good Dog)

Early Dogs as Pets

2012-02-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, back when the dinosaurs still roamed the Earth, there was a man named Hookey Bookus, but, to protect his identity, we will call him Fred. Fred wanted a companion--a pet that would hang out with him, but this was before men had pets. He wasn't sure what animal to get--he thought about getting a tyrannosaurus rex, but decided that a t-rex would not make a good pet, and would probably eat him for dinner. Then he considered a mastadon, but the mastadon was too big to fit into the cave. He bought a cage thinking he might get a birdasaur (early man did not realize that birdasaurs were evil), but the dinosaur birds of the era were too big for the cage. Then he thought about a saber tooth tiger, but cats were too picky about their food for Fred's taste! Finally, he found a wolfasaur, and the wolfasaur became a perfect pet, and as time went on, evolved into a dog. Of course, we dogs are the ones in charge, but we let the humans think we are their pets. It keeps them happy--it takes so little to keep the humans happy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Beginning of Men's Alliance With Pets)

Art Subject: Birds

2012-02-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

I was trying to decide how to get the message out that birds are evil so I took matters into my own paws, and "drew" a "photo" of a bird and what he was saying. You can trust me to draw an exact duplicate of real life. They don't call me Da (Vinci) Demon for no reason. Now all I have to do is persuade my humans to put this on t-shirts for the entire world to see. I am now negotiating with several museums who want to display my art work. It would be nice to allow the Metropolitan Museum in NYC to have it, but I might let it stay closer to home at the Detroit Institute of Art. Then I would be able to go and see it when I'm in the mood. I do understand why the museums are so excited since most dogs aren't into art unless it is lawn art. I hope this real life drawing makes the humans realize that birds are evil and must be stopped before it is too late!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Artist)

Movie Review: Hugo

2012-02-01T09:23:00.000-08:00

I went to see a movie yesterday, Hugo. The movie takes place in 1930's Paris-this is shown by playing the typical French music they play as a background in most French films. You can also see the Eiffel Tower from the train station which means that the movie is supposed to take place in Paris or Las Vegas, Nevada. Since the people in the movie aren't getting on the train looking broke, you know it isn't Las Vegas. The young orphan boy, Hugo, likes to fix things. He lives in a train station, and is working on a robot his dad was trying to fix before he died. This robot leads him to adventure, but I don't want to say anymore about that because it could spoil the movie for those who have yet to see it. It was a good movie-and it was different. The thing that really made it good was that there were 3 dogs in the movie with good parts. Personally, I thought they were the stars, but the humans will think it is the humans who were the stars. Please....the dog had more talent in one paw than the humans had in both legs! I give this movie 4 paws up which is about a 8 out of 10 on the human movie scale.

Ice City: Ideal Vacation Destination for a Sled Dog!

2012-01-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

Making the decision of where to go on a vacation can be difficult, but thanks to the Internet, this dog knows where I want to go next. There is an Ice City in Habin, China that looks wonderful. Since I'm a sled dog, I happen to be fond of ice and snow so this would be paradise for me. There are so few places a dog can go where it is cold and you can enjoy ice and snow. My humans do not share my enthusiasm, but it really doesn't matter what they think. A vacation destination should be chosen by the family dog. If you have trained your humans well, it won't be a problem. However, for those dogs out there whose humans aren't as well trained as mine are, keep working on it. The humans take a long time to train. They aren't dogs so they don't possess our genius brains. Don't give up--the humans mean well. They can't help it that they are stupid. Here is the web address so you can see Ice City for yourself:

http://www.aol.com/video/the-ice-city-in-habin/517256776/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cvideo-module%7Csec3_lnk4%7C131443

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Vacation Paradise)

Miss Piggy and Kermit Answer Fox News

2012-01-30T12:06:00.001-08:00

I will start this blog by stating that I am not a fan of Fox News. Therefore, I never watch it. However, when Fox News accused the recent muppet movie of being anti-oil and anti-corporation, I thought they had really went over the edge. That kind of reporting is the reason I don't watch their show. Fans of the muppets will be happy to know that Kermit and Miss Piggy have issued a statement regarding Fox News. They are not anti-oil or anti-corporation. Big oil companies and other corporations are not bad in themselves, but they do cause problems when they get too greedy-a fact which also applies to individuals. This is why I consider Fox an anti-news program. When I watch the news, I don't want opinion, I want facts. I'll decide my opinion for myself. It isn't like Fox is hiring dogs to give their opinions. Here is the web address for those who want to hear it from Kermit and Miss Piggy's own words.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/30/muppets-diss-fox-news-in-response-anti-oil_n_1241199.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Newsdog)

Newt Gingrich Should Be On The Moon!

2012-01-29T10:11:00.000-08:00

Newt Gingrich is in favor of establishing a colony on the Moon. Personally, I don't think it is a good idea. I'm not saying that there won't be colonies on the Moon and other planets in the future, but at our present level of technology, I don't think it is a fiscally responsible idea. It would cost too much money. I would not be surprised if, in the future, it is possible, but that does not mean it is cost effective now. However, I do think that, since Gingrich thinks it is such a wonderful idea, that he start the colony himself. I think that many people would be willing to donate money to send him to the moon. I know I would. If he can take all his present and past wives with him, I think there would be enough people to start a decent sized colony. What if there are some moon creatures living on the moon that we can't see from Earth, and the Moon landing team didn't meet? Perhaps they won't mind Gingrich turning the moon into a state, but perhaps they won't be keen on the idea. I think the best place for Newt is the Loony Bin, but I'm not sure if there is enough room since us dogs think most of the humans are crazy--particularly those running for office. They "run" for office, yet all they do is stand around. I don't think they know what the word "run" means. I guess I will have to run for the Presidency to show the humans how to run as only a Siberian Husky can!

By the way, if they do establish a Moon Colony, do you think the cow that jumped over the Moon will become a member of the colony--just wondering.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Not Going to the Moon)

Fran Drescher: Spacenapped!

2012-01-28T13:11:00.000-08:00

Actress Fran Drescher, star of The Nanny, says she was kidnapped by space aliens when she was young. I'm sure that many of the humans don't believe her, but this dog has no problem believing that she was spacenapped. I'm not sure which group spacenapped her, but at least she was allowed to return. One never knows what will happen when dealing with space aliens. This is why I think that space aliens should be required to fill in their citizenship status in whatever country they reside. The last thing the humans need is illegal space aliens infiltrating our neighborhoods. They are as bad as the zombie loans that the banks have given out--like anyone wants to live next door to a zombie. We should all write our representatives and tell them that we want space aliens to have to register their citizenship status so we will know they are here, and what planet they are from.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Spacenapping)

No Drug Tests for Lawmakers?

2012-01-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

Indiana has had to withdraw a bill that would allow the state to do drug testing for welfare recipients. This is because an amendment was added that would require lawmakers take drug tests also. This dog has long wondered why the people running the government do such stupid things. I thought it was just because many of them are stupid. Now I supsect it isn't just stupidity, but it is also that they are stoned out of their minds. Now everyone knows. If they weren't stoned, they would not have had to stop the bill from becoming law over the amendment.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lawmakers Stoned?)

A Note From Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

2012-01-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

Robert Hegyes died yesterday of a heart attack. Hegyes played the character, Juan Epstein, on the 70's sitcom, Welcome Back Kotter. Epstein always had an excuse note for the teacher which was always signed, "Epstein's Mother". As a tribute to him, I am going to write a blog today which features an excuse letter from Demon Flash Bandit's mother.

Dear Teacher,
Please excuse Demon Flash Bandit for bringing a dead bird to class yesterday. He did not kill said bird, but the bird was dead when he found it. I think you missed a valuable opportunity to teach bird anatomy to your students, and I will be talking to the head of the school district about your obvious lack of qualifications to teach in our school district. You should have been happy to have such a valuable teaching object brought in by one of your more diligent students. The bite marks on the bird's neck were not made by Demon Flash Bandit--they were a mere coincidence.
Signed:

Demon Flash Bandit's Mother

A Note to Students: It is always a good idea to have several excuse letters on paw for emergencies. You never know when you might need an excuse note for your teacher!
Thanks Robert Hegyes for all the laughs you brought us during your career!

Demon Flash Bandit (Blog Written by Demon Flash Bandit--Not Demon Flash Bandit's Mother)

Birds Causing Problems for Kentucky Town

2012-01-26T09:38:00.000-08:00

LaGrange, Kentucky--a town that is being overrun by black birds. The birds are causing many problems there including possible illness and respiratory problems for the residents. Many of the residents are carrying umbrellas with them to keep from being hit by the bird poop which is an inevitable part of having so many birds fly over an area. Is this just an isolated incident? I think not. I have been warning the humans of the evil plans of birds since I was a puppy. Birds cannot be trusted and they are trying to take over the planet. Even cats don't trust them, and cats aren't nearly as smart as us dogs! I hope that this town will serve as a warning to the rest of the humans---do something to stop the birds before it is too late. We dogs and cats have been doing our part, and now it is time for the humans to step up and do their part. Birds are evil and should not be allowed to live!! Here is the news article that you can read for yourself.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/26/birds-invade-town_n_1233709.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Attacking Kentucky Town)

A Ghost Did It!

2012-01-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

A recent case of domestic abuse in Wisconsin has two different views of the same story. The wife says her husband hit her and tried to strangle her. Michael West, the husband, said a ghost did it. Paranormal researchers who were asked about the possibility of a ghost hitting the woman think that it was not a ghost, but that the husband was the culprit. I don't think the husband's past history of domestic abuse was helpful to the "ghost excuse", but you can't blame him for trying. Personally, I think this man deserves some credit for creativity. How many people would think of such a ridiculous excuse? If I were him, I would be a bit worried because there could be some ghosts out there that don't appreciate being falsely accused. Perhaps they will dispense their own "ghostly justice", and the next time the police are coming to his aide, he will be telling the truth when he says a ghost did it!

For those who would like to read the article, here is the address:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/ghost-punch_n_1224272.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Blaming Ghosts for My Actions)

Tin Tin Not Nominated for an Oscar

2012-01-24T10:13:00.000-08:00

The movies that are up for Oscars have been announced, and as usual, this dog is not particularly pleased with the choices. I'm not saying that the choices aren't good movies. However, when Puss and Boots--a movie starring a cat gets a nomination when Tin Tin--a movie starring a dog does not, you know that the Oscars are not being chosen properly. Evidently, cats have taken over the process. Although I don't mind cats, they can't be trusted to be impartial or unbiased. It is just their nature. This is why I don't watch the Oscars, and don't bother to keep up with who wins. When I know Tin Tin isn't going to be chosen, why would I bother to watch. Usually, they choose humans, and humans are never as good in the acting profession as dogs. I am personally planning another Demon Flash Bandit boycott of the Oscars. I won't go to them, watch them, or accept one when I'm nominated. Okay, maybe I would accept one if they offer me one. It would be one of the few times when the Academy gets it right!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Tin Tin Should be an Oscar Nominee)

I Want to Drive a Race Car!

2012-01-23T12:05:00.000-08:00

I was recently watching a car race, and I realized that what the race really needs is drivers like myself who are dogs. I happen to be an excellent driver--not like the stupid cat on Saturday Live named Toonses who is always driving off a cliff. You can't trust cats to drive a car. The real advantage to having dogs as race car drivers is that we are so handsome that we would make super great people to endorse the products that sponsor the race. Who could resist buying something when a dog is telling you that it is a great product? I know I couldn't. Therefore, it is about time the humans were replaced by dogs. We would make the races far more interesting to watch.

Demon Flash Bandit (Future Race Car Driver)

Dogdude:Great American Dog Hero

2012-01-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

With the recent popularity of the Batman movie franchise, I have decided it is time to write a script involving a new superhero that the young people can relate to more than the traditional Batman. He will be called Batdude. Wait, why bother with Batman? I will write about an even cooler super hero, Dogdude. Dogdude will wear a cool cape, and he will come when called-if he is in the mood. There are times when the humans call me, and I am relaxing. I don't bother to go to them because I know that they are calling me for some silly reason, and I'm not going to get up for their amusement. He will eat only human food, and will expect treats for a job well done--like rescuing the humans from the stupid situations they manage to get themselves into. Dogdude will be the greatest super hero ever to grace the big screen, and he will be played by me because I am the only dog who can pull off such a cool part. The studios will only have to pay me $70 million dollars, but I'm sure that won't be a problem. I'm sure they know that they are getting a bargain when they get me for such a small sum.

Demon Flash Bandit (DogDude)

Time to Build a Snowdog!

2012-01-21T15:23:00.000-08:00

We finally got some snow, and I went outside to build a Snowdog. Most of the humans build snowmen, but there are already more than enough humans; and since dogs are better, I think building a snowdog makes more sense. The best thing about snowdogs is that, unlike real dogs, they don't want to share your milkbones or dingo bones. I happen to enjoy both of those items, and am not fond of sharing. This is why I prefer snowdogs. You can play with them, and they leave your stuff alone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fond of Snowdogs!)

Birds: Get Out of Town!

2012-01-20T09:16:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time.....yeah, this is a fairy tale. If it were a more modern tale, it would more likely start....this happened awhile back. Once upon a time, there was a town that was overrun by birds. Everyone should be aware that birds are evil (particularly if they read my blog). The town's leaders got together to try to decide what to do to get rid of the evil birds. There were many ideas from poison birdseed which could kill other animals to shooting them, but that would involve everyone carrying a gun. Then one of the leaders remembered that he had read a news story about a dog--a Siberian Husky-who hated birds and could get rid of all of them just by playing music. You may have guessed that this is where I come into the story. This is not just a fairy tale because this is a true story. I happen to play a mean flute, and I have the ability to have birds follow me wherever I want them to go. I took the job, and made an arrangement with some hungry cats to be waiting where I would bring all the birds. The cats were thrilled by this arrangement because cats love to eat birds! I did just as I promised, and all the birds were eaten by the cats so that the town was bird free. When I showed up to get my pay, the city leaders decided to stiff me on the pay and did not come through with the necessary money. I'm sure many of you are thinking that I would get out my flute, and lead all the children out of town. However, I observed that leading the children out of town would make life way too easy on the adults of the town so I left the kids and the cats paid me for the feast they enjoyed. The moral of this story is that Demon Flash Bandit hates birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Pied Piper Husky)

Secretary Should Not Take the Day Off

2012-01-19T19:23:00.000-08:00

My secretary took off today, and that is why my blog is being written so late. I would deduct the time from her pay if I actually paid her. At least she dropped off my hamburgers before she took off for the day! She had some shopping to do--I checked my stash. I had plenty of rawhide bones, milkbones, and dingo bones so there was nothing important she had to shop for today. I checked the bags when she got home, and all she had was stupid stuff....not one thing I would have purchased. This is why dogs should be allowed in stores. The humans can't be trusted to do their own shopping. Without their dogs, they are useless!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Should Do the Shopping)

Modern Family---Bleeping a Word

2012-01-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

I happen to like the television show, Modern Family, so I was annoyed to see in the news today that some of the humans are upset because the little girl on the show starts saying a "bad word", and it gets bleeped out so that you can't hear it. There are only two reasons for being upset about the little girl saying a word that you can't actually hear. Reason 1: You are curious, and want to know what the word really is. I really think that is no reason to get upset over the entire show. I know the humans are curious by nature, but the studio might be saving the word for the dvd or, and this is probably the case, the word is never said, but it is bleeped out for effect. Reason 2 is that some of the humans are upset over profanity being used by a child. Evidently, these humans have not visited a school lately because the kids nowadays are far more versed in it than those of past generations. Besides, as I said earlier, chances are the bleep is for effect. It is a shame that many of the humans aren't smart enough to understand this concept. I might add that, for those of us who watch Modern Family (and my humans have it on dvd), the show is not a 1950's type show so it you are upset by profanity, I would suggest not watching it in the first place. It always amazes me that the humans do not seem to be capable of operating a remote control to turn off the television or change the channel. My humans aren't not geniuses, and they managed to work the television even before they came with remotes. Yes, you actually had to get up and walk across the room to turn the television on or off or to change the channels. Life was so tough back then. I'm glad I live in a more modern era. I personally have not seen the episode in question, but I really hate it when some of the humans want to tell other humans what to watch and how to live. Most of the time, they are also the ones whose own lives are a mess. Maybe they need to mind their own business and fix their own problems.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Modern Family)

Royal Yacht

2012-01-17T14:27:00.000-08:00

Since the British tax payers do not want to pay for a new yacht for Queen Elizabeth that would cost $92 million, I have some ideas for the Queen to help her pay for the new yacht. I have offered her a job mowing my yard. I think I could find other odd jobs around here for her to do. However, my family does not have $92 million dollars so she might have to take on some tasks for other humans. Personally, I do not think the Queen really needs a new yacht. In fact, everytime I see her in photo shoots, she does not really look that happy. I think the Queen needs some time for fun--and not that royal type fun that looks annoying. I'm talking about real fun--like us dogs like to enjoy. Perhaps romping around the yard, and smelling some good smells. That makes me happy, and it does not cost $92 million dollars. In fact, both activities are free. I hope the Queen Lady finds some things to do that make her happy. I bet her dogs could teach her a bunch of fun things to do! Hey, I just thought of a great way for her to make extra money.....has she considered wearing a Walmart tshirt and having Walmart pay her to do so.....I bet that would make Walmart look a lot classier, and God knows they need help in that area if you have ever been to peopleofwalmart.com

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Fun Activities)

Dog Finally Wins Golden Globe Award!

2012-01-16T10:11:00.000-08:00

I have written many blogs saying that dogs need to be nominated for more movie awards. Thus, it did my heart good to see Uggie the dog with a paw on the Golden Globe award. The dog won the award for being in The Artist. Wait a minute, I think my secretary (a human) said that she doesn't think the dog actually won the award....that can't be. I see the dog's paw on the award with my own blue eyes. If the dog didn't win, then the humans obviously did not give the award to the proper winner. Uggie should have won the award. Without Uggie, I'm sure it would have been a complete failure. Even when a dog isn't in a movie, you know they are behind the scenes showing the humans how to act. Let's face it, the humans can barely get up in the morning if they don't have a dog. Anyway, I want to conpawtulate Uggie for winning the award, because as far as this dog is concerned, Uggie won, and my opinion is all that matters. I don't care what those silly show business types think!

Demon Flash Bandit (Glad to See a Dog Win a Golden Globe)

Illegal Alien Worms Not Welcome Here

2012-01-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

I just discovered an item on the Internet that claims that space rocks might have fossillized worms in them. This brings me to the conclusion that some of the rocks might have live worms in them. Worms are disgusting creatures, and I think we have more than enough of them here on Earth. We don't need to have them coming here from outer space. Besides, birds eat worms so it will just encourage the birds to have more birdlings. From what the humans say, there are already illegal aliens living in the United States so I think we have put up with enough from these "space creatures". I think it is time to put them all on a spaceship and send them back to wherever they belong! I'm surprised none of the humans running for political office have mentioned this plan. I guess it is too simple for them to understand. Anyway, I think this needs to be done before space fleas start coming here too. I dislike worms, but I hate fleas, and they are one of the most useless life forms on the planet. For those who want to read more details about the annoying space worms, here is the article:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3449881/Worms-in-space-Rocks-show-alien-life.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Allow Illegal Worm Aliens into the Country)

Movie Review--We Bought a Zoo

2012-01-14T17:15:00.000-08:00

I went to see the movie, We Bought a Zoo. This movie stars Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson. The family in the movie consists of a father, son, and daughter. The dad decides to move because, due to his wife's recent death, living in the house he had was too painful. He finds a house that he likes, but to own it, he has to buy it as a zoo. I think it is a delightful movie, and the animals were very good actors, but of course, as usual, the humans did not list them in the credits. I personally think it is very unfair since most modern movies list the caterers, but leave out the animal stars. I don't mean to sound uncaring, but I honestly don't care who served the food to the actors, and we dogs usually consider that a very important job. However, I digest, or digress, but I'd rather digest--where is the food around here? (Oh yeah, it was ham, and I ate it already.) The movie was very heart-warming, and I enjoyed it very much. The family even had a dog, and, although the dog should have gotten more screen time, I'm still glad the movie had the good sense to include a dog. It would not surprise me if the dog was the one running the zoo. This movie was based on a true story, and I applaud this family for having the good sense to do something different. Most humans just do what the other humans do---which is sad for them! They are humans, not robots! I would give the movie a happy tail wag, a bunch of kisses, and 4 paws up. This is about a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale. I recommend this movie. If you like animals, you'll enjoy this movie!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

I Need My Own Office

2012-01-13T17:18:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I need my own desk and computer since I write a blog everyday. In fact, I think I should have an office of my own. Why do the humans think that a dog does not need his own office? What would the humans do without my words of wisdom to help them through the day? I am a celebrity dog, and as such, I think I deserve special things like an office. It is hard work telling the humans what to do. I had to start training my own humans when I was just a wee puppy. If I had not started their training early, they would not have learned to do what I tell them to do. This is a big problem for dogs. Instead of the humans doing tricks, some of the badly trained humans have their dogs doing tricks which is just wrong. Dogs are not supposed to do what the humans tell them to do, but it is the other way around. Even cats know that you don't do what the humans tell you to do, and they are CATS!!! If cats understand this concept, then you would think the humans could understand, but the sad fact is that humans are even dumber than cats! Anyway, I need my own office so that I can continue to write my blog, and not have to share a desk and a computer with the humans in this house. I still don't know why my humans think they have anything useful to do on the computer anyway!

Demon Flash Bandit (I Want My Own Office)

Scientific Study

2012-01-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

I have decided to ask for a government grant to study the behavior of drunk humans versus drunk monkeys. I was watching some drunk humans throw their poop at each other and I wondered if drunk monkeys stop throwing their poop at each other. Okay, I haven't actually seen the humans do that when they are drunk. I have observed drunken humans in parking lots while I'm waiting on my humans and they get really silly. I know that the dogs reading this are thinking, but aren't humans always stupid? Yes, that is true, but they get even dumber when they are drunk. In fact, you would think that they wouldn't get drunk considering how stupid they get, but they are so stupid, they continue to get drunk anyway! Then I started thinking--what if monkeys get classier when they are drunk. I think 10 million dollars to study this would be enough. Once my "findings" are published, then maybe the humans will quit drinking so much. I do want to say up front, that 5 million will be used to purchase dingo bones because they help me think, and I am going to need all my brain power to do this study. I'm not just doing it go get 5 million dollars for dingo bones. I am really concerned about this subject, and it is of vital importance to everyone on the planet. Besides, wouldn't it be cool to see a monkey in a tuxedo? You just have to pray that the other monkeys don't sober up and start throwing poop at him. An interesting documentary has been done on this subject already--Planet of the Apes, but it was not done as well as my study will be done--it is done by humans. It would not surprise me if the humans doing the documentary blew things up---I would hate to see the Statue of Liberty blown up.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ready to do a Scientific Study)

World's Smallest Working Dog!

2012-01-11T17:52:00.000-08:00

As a Siberian Husky, I am considered a "working breed" dog. Of course, I prefer to take naps and do as I please. However, I want to share this video about a dog who has set a world record as the smallest "working dog" who is currently holding down the job of therapy dog. Lucy is a Yorkshire Terrier, and she has been named the world record holder for smallest working dog. I think Lucy deserves a round of applawse--yeah--applawse--that is applause done with paws by dogs! Lucy is not only a great dog for working so hard, but she is also a very cute dog in my opinion! For those who would like to see the video, here is the address:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/11/tiny-yorkshire-terrier-lucy_n_1199689.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Working Breed Dog)

Dogs: Better Than Humans!

2012-01-10T16:54:00.000-08:00

I saw on the Internet today that Kim Kardashian is being replaced in a Sketchers commercial by a dog. Evidently, someone at an advertising agency has been reading my blogs about how dogs are much better in movies than the humans, and they were smart enough to listen! I don't know who this Kim Kardsahian is, but as I understand it, she stars in some reality show. I don't like reality shows so I have never watched her show. From the headlines that she gets on the Internet, I don't think I am missing anything because I am not impressed. I am impressed that a company would have the intelligence to hire a dog in their commercials. I just hope they don't make the dog wear shoes. I hate shoes!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs--Better Than Humans)

Detroit, Michigan--Virtual Police Station

2012-01-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to share a news article from Detroit, Michigan with my readers. In the future, the city is going to try out the new concept of a "virtual police station". At the moment, this "virtual" police station will have some actual humans working there, but actual humans require actual pay. It won't be long until an accountant tells the city that they can hire virtual workers and save money. This leads me to a whole new situation. If a city is protected by a virtual police force, how long will it take before the criminals decide to go "virtual" too? Let's face it, if criminals were hard workers, they would not be criminals--they would get jobs. Therefore, the idea that eventually, they would decide to start sitting at their computer to commit "virtual crimes" will become a reality. This is important since some of the humans are spending a vast amount of money on "virtual items" which means that everyone will have to be watching their games to report any "virtual crimes" when they happen. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if you don't play Farmville for a couple of weeks and come back to discover all your farm equipment has been stolen? I think this is an alarming trend which should be stopped. Let's tell our local governments that we want real policemen--not virtual policemen--except for traffic cops. Since I haven't got my doggy driver's license yet--I don't want to get in trouble if I take the car for a drive!

Demon Flash Bandit (Real Dog--Not Virtual Dog)

Movie Review: War Horse

2012-01-08T11:39:00.000-08:00

I went to see War Horse, and as usual, I am going to share my thoughts on this movie with my readers. The movie takes place during World War 1, and the part of Albert is played by Jeremy Irvine. The star went uncredited because the star was a horse whose name in the movie was Joey. Joey came to live with his family because Albert's dad paid too much for Joey at an auction when he, probably partly due to being drunk, got a little over zealous with bidding which almost caused him to lose his farm. However, Joey came through and saved the farm. However, the father still had to sell him to the British Army because he needed the money. Joey ended up in the British Cavalry, and was soon captured by the Germans. Joey was not treated well, and as a result, I did not like this movie very much. It was bad enough that the studio did not give the horse credit probably to keep him from winning an Oscar, but by the time the movie was over, it made me realize that the humans are always dragging animals into their skirmishes. This dog does not approve. Why not just let the horses negotiate a settlement? I'm sure they have more sense than the humans. The humans even refer to common sense as "horse sense" so even they know that horses are smarter than them. It wasn't exactly a "bad movie", but it was depressing. After seeing that movie, if it were up to me, I would have cancelled World War 1. It didn't look like a good era to live through.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Review of War Horse)

Dr. Doghouse: New Television Program

2012-01-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

I am very excited to talk about a new show that is going to be premiering on television soon. It is about a veterinarian diagnostician named Dr. Doghouse. I have gotten permission to share one of the upcoming episodes with my readers:

In this episode, a dog is admitted to the veterinary hospital. The dog's tail won't wag which, as all dogs know, is a serious medical condition. If a tail doesn't wag, how can a dog wag his tail? The dog is met by a team of veterinarians who work for Dr. Doghouse because Dr. Doghouse does not personally see patients. Dr. Doghouse only took the case because it is interesting. Hospitals do not treat patients unless the condition is interesting. Dr. Doghouse finally comes by to see the patient in this situation because he is so intrigued by the symptoms. He sniffs the dog's butt, and checks over the tests, and finds that the dog has lazytailitis. He fixes the problem and the dog goes home feeling good and wagging his tail.

I don't know about the rest of you, but this program should be a big hit among the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Dr. Doghouse)

Ancient Egyptian Dog Diary!

2012-01-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

I went to a garage sale because everyone knows that is where you go to find antiquities. I found a real treasure because I found a diary written by an ancient Egyptian dog, Gahiji. I am going to share an entry with you now:

Gahiji:
Things are going well today. My human, Habibah is at work today. Habibah is one of the men who builds the pyramids. He should have listened to his mother, and he could have gotten a better job, but he doesn't mind working at the pyramid. I am worried that he will lose his job. He keeps writing graffiti hieroglyphs on the pyramid walls, like "the Pharaoh needs to get a life", and "Where is my mummy?". Yeah, I know his humor is silly, but Habibah is a human so he does not have the class and intelligence of a dog. I just hope the Pharaoh doesn't catch him doing it because I'm fond of eating, and Habibah's job keeps me fed.
Gahiji (Ancient Egyptian Dog)

I am so fortunate to find such a treasure for my antiquities collection. It is a shame that I can't meet Gahiji in dogson. I bet he was a fun dog to hang out with.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing an Ancient Dog Diary Entry)

Is It Charlie the Tuna?

2012-01-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

Kiyosha Kimura, president of Kizomura Co. bought the world's most expensive tuna--a bluefin tuna caught off the coast of Japan. The tuna cost $736,700. This makes me wonder if they caught Charlie, the StarKist commercial tuna. He is always trying to get caught by doing things in good taste only to hear, Star Kist does not want tunas with good taste--they want tunas that taste good. However, Charlie is a celebrity tuna so I can understand if the humans ever do decide to catch him, that he might cost a lot of money. How many humans can say they own Charlie, the StarKist tuna? I bet that is quite a status symbol among the wealthy. If you happen to run into the $736,700. tuna, be sure and ask if his name is Charlie. If not, maybe it is one of Charlie's friends, and he will tell you that Charlie sent him.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Charlie Tuna)

I'm the Cookie Bandit!

2012-01-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

Earlier today I was in the mood for a cookie. When I say "cookie", I am talking about the cookies the humans eat, not dog biscuits. I am particularly fond of peanut butter cookies. Anyway, I have heard that there are Keebler elves who make cookies, and they bake those cookies in hollow trees. I thought this would be useful information since we have a lot of trees around here, and I could check to see which tree the elves are using for their cookie business. I could also get a couple of tasty cookies while I am there. I went outside and I checked every tree in the yard, and there were no elves in any of them. Unless the elves have some advanced technological force field that keeps a dog from seeing them, they weren't there. Besides, even if they could not be seen by a dog, it would be hard to keep a dog from smelling those delicious cookies. If you ask me, it is false advertising to tell a dog that the cookies are made in trees if the dog can't find the tree. Because I was so annoyed, I made sure I lifted my leg to every tree in the yard. The trees appreciate being watered, and just in case those elves are hiding, they deserve a shower. In the future, I will be checking every tree I see just to make sure that there are no elves hiding in the tree refusing to give a dog cookies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Call Me Cookie Bandit)

The True Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Garbage

2012-01-03T08:26:00.000-08:00

I am making a new action movie entitled, The True Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Garbage. You might ask, why not just sue the studio that made Indiana Jones for making a bogus movie from the real story? However, in that movie, Indiana loved his dog so I'm letting it slide. Besides, my movie will be a bigger box office hit anyway. I am going to star in the title roll. Of course, there will be lots of interesting garbage. The film will take place during World War 2, and the Germans will be after the ancient garbage. Hitler thinks that whoever gets the garbage can rule the world. Of course, Indiana steps in to try to stop Hitler. I can't tell you anymore or it would spoil the movie's ending. Anyway, watch out for The True Raiders of the Lost Garbage which will soon be opening at a theatre near you!

Demon Flash Bandit (Producer, Director, Star, and Garbage Collector)

No New Year's Resolutions For This Dog!

2012-01-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

This is my first blog of the new year, and I thought I would start it by talking about New Year's Resolutions. I don't have any. Dogs do not bother with them because there is no way we could make any improvements to our lives. The humans make them because the humans can always use some improvement. If you ask me, my first suggestion for them would be to walk on all fours. Seriously, how many humans fall every year trying to walk on their back paws? You don't see dogs falling nearly as much because we have enough common sense to realize that walking on all 4 paws is superior to walking on only two paws! Of course, as simple as this concept happens to be, the humans don't seem to understand. No wonder they have to make so many resolutions. Sadly, most of them have given up on them today. Most of the humans can't handle a whole day of improvement. Most give up after about 2 hours. I guess there is always next year....

Demon Flash Bandit (No New Year's Resolutions for This Dog)

Banana Sam the Monkey is Missing!

2011-12-31T13:46:00.001-08:00

A squirrel monkey is missing from the San Francisco Zoo. His name is Banana Sam, and the zoo is assuming that he was stolen. However, I wonder if he escaped to have some fun looking around the city. I would imagine a zoo gets kind of boring after awhile and a monkey might get curious (like George the monkey), and want to enjoy some new sights. I hope Banana Sam is okay and he is back home at the zoo soon. If you happen to run into him, be sure and tell him to head home--that the humans at the zoo are worried about him.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Missing Monkey)

For Sale: Birdual Items

2011-12-30T21:19:00.000-08:00

There is an item on the Internet news about a man in China who has spent $16,000. on a virtual sword for a game that has not been released yet. This gave me an idea. I decided that I should start selling virtual dingo bones from my blog so that I can make money to buy real dingo bones. Of course, that idea was given up as quickly as I thought of it. Since dingo bones would be of interest to dogs, then there would be no way I could sell virtual dingo bones because dogs are too smart to buy them. We dogs want real bones--not virtual bones. Don't get me wrong.....I have a page on www.dogster.com, and I get lots of cool gifts from my friends that make my page look good-including bones, and I like getting them. However, I am not paying money for them. No dog would spend real money on virtual bones. That is the kind of stupidity that only the humans possess. Perhaps I should design a Demon Flash Bandit game. It could involve killing birds or doing something similarly useful to society. I'm sure the humans who get involved in it would love to buy virtual game items--guns to shoot at the birds, grills to cook the birds, etc. They could be called Birdual Items. I just thought up a whole new word--I am such a talented dog! I bet it would be a big hit as a video game. How could it not be a hit if I'm in it?

Demon Flash Bandit (Selling Virtual Items)

Husky Snow Dance!!!

2011-12-29T16:07:00.000-08:00

There hasn't been a lot of snow yet here in my area so my fellow Siberian Husky, Angel Zoom Smokey, and myself have decided to take matters into our own paws and make sure we get more snow. We are planning to do a "snow dance" later today. A snow dance is like a rain dance only instead of rain, you get snow. I checked with Professor Ima Husky, and she said that snow dances are very effective in getting snow to arrive. She should know because she has an advanced degree in snowology! It is tricky finding the time to do it when the humans aren't watching because my humans really hate snow, and would probably live in a place with palm trees if they could do so. Personally, I have been to Florida, and I was not impressed with the palm trees.....they are no better than any other tree, and I peed on them just to check them out! If they were really such a great tree, they would be able to survive in cold climates instead of only warm climates. I have to go now. Angel has some ice for us to eat to get into the proper frame of mind for the dance. I hope that tomorrow at this time, I can report that we have lots and lots of snow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Sled Dog)

Dogs Make Best Financial Consultants!

2011-12-28T09:55:00.000-08:00

After reading this item on yahoo.com, I realized it is time for some financial advice from me because when you need financial advice, you should always consult a dog! Look at what a mess the humans make of the economy when you let them make decisions! Here is the address so you can read more if you choose to do so:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/india-tycoons-got-tons-cash-064653323.html

The story is about a billionaire in India who can't invest his money. This is the big problem with the humans--they don't seem to understand that money is paper. Don't get me wrong--it is paper that will buy you food at a drive-thru restaurant, but I certainly would not enjoy eating it as it is. Its main purpose is to buy things that a dog wants like food, treats, bones and toys. Personally, I am a big investor in dingo bones. They are delicious and chewing on them is a great way to spend your spare time. Of course, there are plenty of other good investments-gift certificates to McDonalds, Wendys, and Arbys, milkbones, beggin strips, Yummy Chummies, Zukie jerky etc. I will admit that you don't tend to get more money back from these investments, but some of the humans make investments they lose money on, and at least with these investments, a dog can enjoy them until they are gone. I am thinking of starting my own investment advice website to help the humans who seem to invest in really silly things. I can look around the house and find lots of stupid investments. For example, I hate the vacuum cleaner, and since a house only needs to be vacuumed about once every five years (at the most), it is a total waste of money that could have been spent on something more sensible like a bird house/guillotine. (For those who may not have read my past blogs--I hate birds.) It is a shame that more dogs aren't in the financial services industry, because if we were, things would be different. In fact, for sheer pleasure, a free stick is one of the greatest things you can own!

Demon Flash Bandit (Financial Advisor)

Carpet Interview

2011-12-27T12:16:00.000-08:00

As a tribute to news shows of the 60s and 70s which, for some reason, covered half hour events for 3 and one half hours, I am going to do one of the interviews which I'm sure was done by a newsman somewhere at sometime during those decades. Evidently back then, the newscasters didn't think the viewers were capable of understanding what was being said so it was necessary to explain it before and after. Therefore, if there was a Presidential speech, they had to come on early to tell the veiwers what they thought he would say and then later to recap what he had said. Here is my tribute to those newscasters.

Newcaster: If only the carpets could talk, I can only imagine what they would say.....with all the famous feet that have been walking on them today and all the important conversations they have been in on, if the carpet could talk, it would be a fascinating interview!
Wait a minute, I have something exciting to report--I have located some talking carpet and the carpet is willing to give me an interview!
Mr. Carpet, this is truly exciting. You have been walked on my some of the world's most powerful people today. What do you have to say about the people walking on you?

Carpet: That hurts. Quit stepping on me. Lose some weight! How about going outside to walk on the grass. Quit wearing heels lady. Uh-ho......here comes another human....no don't you dare unzip your pants....don't even think about.....oh no he didn't. I've got to go now and find some paper towels. I hate politics!

Newscaster: Now that you have heard first hand what the carpet thinks about the political climate today, we can go back to the scheduled program which has only been delayed for 5 hours for the half hour speech.

Yes, that is what it was like in the "good old days" when the humans only had 3 main channels to watch.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reliving the "Good Old Days")

Christmas for a Celebrity Dog

2011-12-26T17:07:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are wondering what Christmas is like for a celebrity dog, I am going to tell you about my holiday. I got up earlier than usual since it was Christmas and a dog has gifts under the tree to open. I was up at 11:00 am which is early for this dog. At noon, nothing was going on because the humans were waiting for my brother to get here. This was not acceptable because there were gifts under the tree with my name on them. Seriously, the to: said Demon Flash Bandit. Anyway, my patience with the humans ran out, I yelled Christmas. For those of you who doubt that I said Christmas, then you have not lived around Siberian huskies. We can talk human if we want to. Then I got under the tree and started helping myself to all the gifts. I might add that both Angel Zoom Smokey and myself had not bothered the tree up until this point because we are both good dogs, and the tree is artificial so the branches on it aren't really sticks which makes bothering them a lot less fun than if it were a real tree. Anyway, I got dingo bones, medium and large rawhide bones, beggin strips, and toys. We got lots of great stuff from Santa Paws not to mention all the gifts we received earlier from some of our doggy pals-like bones from Coco Rose and Puff and Zukes jerky from our pal, Raja. We just didn't wait for Christmas to eat those treats! Evidently, Angel Zoom Smokey's plan to deernap Rudolph worked better than I expected. I admit--I was a bit worried, but Angel Zoom Smokey was right this time! Santa Paws was much more generous to get his red nosed reindeer back! Our humans had a nice Christmas too. I hope everyone reading this had a nice holiday, and I hope everyone has a happy and prosperous New Year!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys Christmas)

Amazon.com Located in Amazon Rain Forest!

2011-12-24T10:04:00.000-08:00

I have a new conspiracy theory that I discovered myself. There is a news item on the Internet today about Amazon.com hiring temporary workers for some of their warehouse locations, and the people who work at many of these jobs live in RV parks. I am going to share the item so you can read it for yourself.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/welcome-to-amazon-town.html
I know it sounds okay--they have warehouses all over the United States, and they are not located in the Amazonian rain forest. I think that is what the company wants you to think. I stand by my earlier blogs about the workers going through the jungle to get to work. I'm not sure why the company doesn't want to disclose their actual location, but my theory is that it is because another company might try to do the same. Now Amazon is big, but what is Sahara started a company in the desert. I'm sure they could sell sand and make a lot of money since they have it in abundance. Anyway, no matter what the reason, this dog is not easily fooled, and if I wrote that they were headquartered in the Amazon, then that is where they are headquartered. Perhaps they have a few warehouses in the United States as decoys. I can even understand the need for decoy locations. Those space aliens are probably always insisting that the free shipping should include other galaxies. The space aliens can be so annoying when they are trying to be cheap. Anyway, no matter what you read, remember, if you want the true story, come to Demon Flash Bandit for the facts.

Demon Flash Bandit (Amazon Headquartered in Amazon)

Tin Tin: Movie Review

2011-12-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

I was pleased to be asked to review this film for my readers. As usual, the theatre was a pleasant experience, and I enjoyed the snacks during the movie. The movie I saw was Tin Tin. This is the story of a young dog, Snowy, who belongs to a journalist named Tin Tin. The humans may think Tin Tin is the star, but they would be wrong, as usual. Tin Tin buys a model ship from a dealer who has items from an estate owned by an old sea captain. This starts him on an adventure because there are others who want the model. The model is part of a puzzle that leads to a treasure. SPOILER ALERT: A bird works with the villain so be prepared. I wish I had known that an evil bird would be in the movie so I could have prepared myself for its presence. You know how much I hate birds! The dog was cute and brilliant, and deserves an Oscar for his performance. Captain Haddock also deserves to be applauded because most fish are unable to pull off playing a human so well. There is one other scene I need to warn you about. If I had known ahead of time, I would have brought some ear plugs because there is one scene where the lady is howling about something--I can only assume she was dying or something. Snowy had to put his front paws over this ears and hide under a chair while she was screaming. I did the same thing. No dog should be subjected to such hideous noise which was called opera.

All in all, I give this movie my highest award of doggy achievement in the world of cinema which is a 9 out of 10 on the human movie scale.

I hope all of you can see this movie because Snowy is worth watching!

Demon Flash Bandit (Tin Tin Movie Review)

Pooping Sweater: Fashionable Attire

2011-12-23T02:00:00.000-08:00

My human was unavailable to type this for me earlier today so I am typing it with my own paws because this needs to be shared as soon as possible. As my loyal readers already know, I always share wonderful items that can be purchased on the Internet, and I have found one of those products today. It is too good to wait until later today to share when my human has the time so I am doing it now. That product is a pooping sweater. In fact, I am thinking that a dog had to have thought of this wonderful product because it is so cool. The reindeer on the sweater poops out candy. A dog can follow the human wearing this sweater around and have treats falling all over the place! I wish I could have found it earlier and shared it with my readers sooner because this is a great gift for the person who has everything on the Christmas list. I bet most of them don't have a pooping sweater!!!! Sure, it may have "Christmas" theme, but I think this would be a fashion statement anytime of the year. For those who are interested in seeing this delightful item, go to:
http://fashionablygeek.com/jackets/everybody-poops-including-this-christmas-sweater-video/
Tell them Demon Flash Bandit sent you, and they will know that you have excellent taste!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Consultant Dog)

Humans Are Entertaining

2011-12-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

I didn't write a blog yesterday. My secretary is a human, and she was "under the weather" yesterday. I think that means she was sick, but the humans always find such stupid ways of saying things. Aren't all us of officially "under the weather" unless we are flying in an airplane and then we might be above the weather. I wasn't sure if she would write my blog today so I had to put my paw down and insist that she get it done. I'm sure it might be more effective if I actually paid her to do my blog, but she is a human, and the humans aren't smart enough to realize that they aren't getting paid. Besides, one wink from one of my blue eyes, and I can get her to do anything I want her to do.

Since this is the time of year when many of the humans catch colds, flu, and other annoying illnesses, I think that the real problem is that they need to have nice fur coats like us huskies have. I can go outside in freezing weather and feel quite warm. The humans are really not well adapted to their environments. I think this is because they are such an inferior species. Don't get me wrong--I like the humans, but I think the only reason they have survived over the centuries is because of us dogs. Our anicent wolf ancestors took pity on the stupid humans and started hanging out and watching over them. We didn't mind doing it....we do love the humans! As a whole, they are very entertaining with their antics!

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Need Dogs)

Things To Do At Walmart

2011-12-19T10:41:00.000-08:00

I have written many blogs about Walmart largely because Walmart seems to always have some interesting stories coming from their stores. However, today I am going to share a video I found on youtube suggesting things that a customer can do at Walmart to pass the time there. I am sharing this because I have seen just about all of these things done in the local store. Sure, the "gift wrap battle" was done with toy swords from the toy section when I was in the store, but it is the same basic idea. The only thing I have not seen is the person crawling around on the floor, but I'm sure it is probably something that I will see in the near future. This brings me to the point of this blog. I have heard Walmart suggest that they start having doctors to treat people set up at the store. Judging from their customers, I think what they really need is psychiatrists setting up offices in their stores. I'm quite sure that the psychiatrists would have people waiting in line for their services....providing the people who need to see them know what a line is. I'm not sure that some of their shoppers even know where they are! Here is the address of the video for those who are curious about the things that can be done at Walmart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-5nDCV2arw&feature=related

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Prefers Not to Shop at Walmart)

Bones: The Pawfect Gift!

2011-12-18T11:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I discussed Christmas gifts for the dogs on your list--which in my opinion, should be the only ones on your list. However, there are a few gifts that dogs do not want and are not appreciated so make sure that the dog on your list does not get any of these gifts. Vacuum cleaners are the first thing that you do not get for a dog. I have yet to meet a dog who likes vacuum cleaners. If you happen to have food that drops on the floor, the dog will probably be willing to clean it for you. It is isn't food, who cares? It can stay until you move to another house. I have discussed this with many dogs and that is the general consensus among us dogs!

Another gift that you should never give a dog is soap or shampoo. Few of us like baths, and if we live with humans who give us baths, the humans will pay for such things so why waste a gift getting something like that? Besides, most of us dogs hate baths, and would prefer to be left alone.

Remember, dogs love bones. It is always a safe choice for any dog on your list!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Doesn't Like Cleaning Products)

Christmas List Just for Dogs!

2011-12-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

With Christmas approaching fast, there are many articles on the Internet suggesting which gifts the humans should get for each other. I always find these articles amusing because there is no gift that "everyone" will love. You might think you are safe with a gift of fragrance, but the recipient could hate the perfume or even be allergic to it. Candy sounds like a safe bet, but there are always some humans who are on a diet or happen to be diabetic so candy is not a good gift for them. Many flavors of coffee sound good to most Americans, but there are humans who hate coffee. There is the old standby-the wallet, but there are different styles of wallets, and one that is perfect for one person could be a horrible choice for another. This is why it is important that you skip the humans on your list and just buy for the dogs. I have yet to meet a dog who wouldn't want a nice juicy bone for Christmas--real, rawhide, or dingo brand. We aren't that picky. In fact, even a dog without teeth will try to "gum" down a bone. Treats are also a good choice. Most of us love treats. We also enjoy toys particularly those of the squeaky variety. Do not buy the dog clothing, costumes, or hats since these items are not appreciated by ALL dogs. As usual, it is best to know the recipent of the gift enough to have some idea of what will make them happy. However, I think it wise to skip the humans on your list and just spend your money on the dogs you know. Dogs are much easier to please and far more appreciative of our gifts!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Christmas Gifts)

Dogs Should Get Oscars!

2011-12-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

I have written numerous blogs saying that dogs should get Oscars for many of their performances in movies. It is good to see that the humans are finally beginning to see my wisdom and agree with me. Here is an article that was on the Internet today involving the subject of dogs getting Oscars:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/16/oscar-dogs-uggie-from-the-artist_n_1154162.html
It is good to see the humans using some common sense for a change.

I would also like to write about a wonderful product that I got for Christmas from my doggy pal, Raja (who also has a blog about travel, http://www.traveldogbooks.com/?p=565 . That product is Zukes Jerky Naturals. I got the lamb formula, and it has fresh apples, blueberries, and carrots in it. I loved it, and I'm a picky eater! It is also made in the U.S.A., and has no wheat, corn, soy, artificial colors, flavors added fat or by-products. If you are a dog, I am sure you would love this product too. I'm not sure about the humans. They might like it, but why let them try it? It is for dogs, and we don't want to share our treats!

Demon Flash Bandit (Zukes Jerky Naturals: Good Treat)

Light Saber Battle at Toys R Us

2011-12-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

Usually all the unusual shopping events happen at Walmart, but sometimes Toys R Us gets to be in the spotlight too. It seems that a customer at a Toys R Us in Oregon (David Canterbury) attacked other shoppers with a lightsaber from Star Wars. I suppose that word must have leaked that Imperial Stormtroopers were planning to shop at that location, and Canterbury had to do something to protect the Rebellion. Chances are the local police won't believe that the "victims" were stormtroopers because they probably did not wear their uniforms so that they would look like normal shoppers. I'm sure that Canterbury probably needs a few months in a nice rubber room where he can contemplate future attacks on the Empire. Let's hope that next time, he doesn't attack until they are wearing their uniforms so the rest of the world won't think he is insane.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting a Light Saber Battle)

Birds Shopping at Walmart!

2011-12-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

Walmart has had quite a few incidents of problems during holiday shopping, but recently a Utah store had a lot of deaths involved with shopping there. It seems a flock of birds heading for Walmart died on the parking lot. Investigators aren't sure what caused the deaths. Perhaps just the idea of having to shop at Wamart made the birds too depressed to continue living. Personally, I find Walmart to be a depressing store in which to shop. However, since we are dealing with birds here, and I think birds are my enemies, Walmart has finally done something right. Perhaps the birds were armed with pepper spray for the shopping trip and accidentally shot themselves in the face with it--they are birds and birds have those little bird brains. Anyway, it is always nice to read about birds dying....it just makes this dog's day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Shopping at Walmart)

Donald Trump

2011-12-13T20:31:00.000-08:00

When I saw a news item with the title, "Donald Trump makes a surprising move", my first thought was that he must have said or did something intelligent. As it turns out, it was one of those teaser type titles because I didn't see anything intelligent about him as usual. I'm still trying to understand why this guy has a television show. It must be for those who want something a little more exciting than "let's watch the grass grow", but a little less exciting than a fishing show. If the show was titled, "Let's go bankrupt", I could understand why he would be perfect for it, but I think it is some kind of stupid, let's get a job show. I'm still trying to understand why the humans want these job things in the first place. They don't seem to enjoy them yet they go to them all the time. I think the humans should have a long talk with their dogs to find out how we can live so well without having to work! I don't know why the humans don't stay home with their dogs and let their cats do the work. It would be good for the cats because most of them are a bit too stuck up if you ask a dog's opinion!

Trump was busy talking about some debate for the GOP (Geezers Offering Policies). I don't know all the details, but I think Big Foot is booked for an appearance as is some of the oldest men in politics--all members of the GOP. For those who want to watch it, I would suggest you make sure you get a good nap beforehand. I'm sure it will put most people to sleep if they are tired.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Donald Trump)

Calling Phantom Fast Snowman: Stunt Dog!

2011-12-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

Mommy bought reindeer antlers for my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman. Phantom has to do all the annoying stunts that I don't like to do-like wearing costumes and hats. I say if a dog is supposed to have antlers, we would have been born with them! The humans get such ridiculous ideas! For example, just last night, I was licking my paw. I kept licking it until it was bleeding. I wasn't complaining, but my human saw it, and immediately told me to quit licking it. Then she sprayed some stuff on it to make it taste bad so that I would quit licking it. Do the humans never learn? Of course, I continued licking my paw. No silly flavor is going to stop me from doing something I want to do. I'm not licking it now because I'm not in the mood to lick it, but if I were, you can be sure I would be licking it to my heart's content. I happen to think the humans should sit back and let a dog do what a dog has got to do!

I've got to go now. I suspect there are Christmas gifts hidden around here someplace for me and I need to go and sniff them out. There is really no need to wait until Christmas to enjoy a present!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Airlines

2011-12-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

I don't know about the rest of the dogs out there, but when I learned that Alec Baldwin had been kicked off a plane for using his cell phone, this dog decided that air travel just might be a bit too risky. My humans have never let me fly because they refuse to allow me to be in the cargo area of the plane which is where most bigger dogs like myself would have to fly. However, even if I could fly in a first class seat, how smart is it to fly knowing that the person next to me can get out his cell phone, make a call, and take down the plane. Many decades ago, the airlines wanted their passengers to feel safe in the air, and they went out of the way to make the customer feel that air travel was safe. Now they make you wonder if it is even safe to drive to the airport. I keep reading about the airlines losing money and going bankrupt. I remember when they used to make money and most people liked to fly. Let me explain how things have changed over years.

Fifty years ago, stewardesses were young and pretty. The last time my humans were on a plane, the "flight attendent" looked like she had been with the airline for about 40 years--probably starting when she was 30. The stewardesses used to be pleasant and nice--now the flight attendents (as in Alec Baldwin's case) could play the witch in the movie, Hansel and Gretel from their attitude. They used to give out food--either meals or snacks. Sure, the food wasn't gourmet, but at least it was food. Now most of the airlines charge you for food. They also add charges for luggage that are often not mentioned when the tickets are purchased because they keep changing them all the time. Perhaps if they went back to the old way of doing business-by treating customers like people who are paying for their service, maybe many of them would not be doing so badly. Sometimes a bit of kindness can go a long way. I also think they should start hiring employees who don't let the job of flight attendent put them on a power trip. A flight attendent is basically an "in air waitress"--not the CEO of the airlines. Before I would kick a person off a flight, I would probably assume that the game is not going to bring down the plane, and let it go. It would make for better public relations, and happier customers. I wonder how many customers were annoyed they had to wait for such a stupid reason.

Another thing, in the old days, planes were comfortable, and now they don't have enough leg room for anyone over 4 feet tall. I know they need to save money on gas, but this dog does not want to fly on the volkswagen bug of the airlines. In fact, grabbing a ride on a mosquito would probably give a dog more leg room!

I want to share an American Airlines pilot's opinion with you. It covers this subject well!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/11/alec-baldwin-snl-american-airlines_n_1141626.html

It really was the good old days when it comes to the airlines...now they are all being run by idiots--I'm sure there is not a dog running any of them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Consumer Advocate)

My Hobby: Collecting Bones!

2011-12-10T18:26:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this blog later than usual today because I've been a busy dog-you know how it is for us celebrity dogs. Okay, the truth is that I have been laying around napping and I was comfortable and decided that writing the blog could wait. My readers know me so they probably aren't believing that "busy" excuse anyway! Besides, there isn't much of interest for me to write about today. Mommy did eat at Taco Bell and I got to share some cinnamon twist dessert things, and I did find that interesting, but really not up to my usual blog topics. As you know, I like to write about the things that other dogs are afraid to bark anything about. I did see one news item about how napkin rings add a distinctive touch to the table, but I'm a dog, and I could care less about napkin rings unless they are those cool round bones that a dog can get his teeth into! Speaking of bones, I don't want to brag, but I have quite a nice collection. I am always adding to it because some of them slowly disappear--I have no idea how this happens....one minute, you are enjoying a big bone, and a couple of weeks later, it is half its size. My theory is that elves come in the middle of the night and chip away at it when a dog is sleeping. I have yet to stay up all night to test that theory, but it sounds reasonable to me. I wonder if those elves are the ones who wrote the song about all the bones that are connected to each other---you know, the tail bone is connected to the tummy bone, the tummy bone is connected to the liver bone....now hear the bark of the dog. The real problem bone is the funny bone because you never know what it is connected to since it is always moving around trying to be funny which, of course, is how it got the name, funny bone. I must admit that I do enjoy writing about bones. I enjoy chewing them more, but writing comes in second. I hope that my readers are having a nice day and have their own bone collections because everyone needs a hobby!

Demon Flash Bandit (Bone Collector)

2011-12-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

I just read a seemingly innocent article about tomatoes being a possible plant to use for Christmas decorating.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/09/tomato-christmas-decorations_n_1138887.html
However, I have written past blog articles about the nasty variety of killer tomatoes that have even been covered by several Hollywood movies. Humans have such short memories about such things. Sure, not every tomato is evil, but the evil ones look like the good ones so it is hard to tell which is which. I would suggest everyone watch the movie, "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or any of its 3 sequels or the animated documentary so the humans will at least be semi-prepared if they do turn out to be of the killer variety. Personally, I would just decorate with something less dangerous--like maybe TNT, but that is me, and I am a dog. Being a dog, I've got more sense than the humans. Personally, I happen to prefer a more interesting decor often involving stuff that I have personally rescued from the garbage. The humans don't seem to appreciate that decorating scheme,, but it is quite lovely. I also like to decorate with bones and dog toys. A well placed bone can give a room that "lived in by a dog" look that is so popular with the humans. A bit of fur placed in strategic places also gives a wonderful look to a room. In fact, since the humans are dumb enough to decorate with tomatoes, I think I will start my own interior decorating service so the humans can live in homes that really look good. Move over, Martha Stewart, you have been replaced by Demon Flash Bandit!

Angry Birds and Angry Dogs

2011-12-08T07:55:00.000-08:00

I know this is hard for me to report, but a lady wore an "Angry Birds" dress to a big event. This made me an angry dog. As my regular readers are aware, I dislike birds. Besides trying to take over the planet, they spend much of their time annoying dogs. This is how the birds infiltrate human society. They invented a video game, and then, once they get the weak minded humans playing it, they take over by having Angry Birds tshirts, and now dresses worn to big occasions. I have even seen Angry bird dog toys--like I want to play with a toy that has an angry bird on it. Sure, dogs are smart enough to see the birds plans,, but the humans are so easily fooled that I am very worried that the war with the birds will be settled in the birds' favor.

Another thing that I want to mention....several customers at a Walmart in Atlanta, Georgia have been poked by needles that are in the clothing sold at Walmart. The customers are complaining about it, but Walmart does advertise that it gives you better value for your money--this time, they are throwing in needles at no extra charge. Personally, I think there could be an angry birds connection with both these stories. I think the birds are putting the needles in the angry birds clothing line in a feeble attempt to give the humans more for their money. This will fool the humans because humans are idiots! I suppose it could be worse--they could be leaving their bird bombs in the clothing.

I will continue to watch for these news items and share them with my readers. When dealing with birds, a dog cannot be too vigilant!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Angry Birds)

The Muppet Movie: Liberal Propaganda

2011-12-06T13:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Fox Business Channel anchor, Eric Bolling, I am now aware that The Muppet Movie is liberal propaganda brainwashing children to hate the upper class. Since I have yet to see this movie, I am glad that I was able to read his comments before I waste my money going to see the movie. Who would ever think that Tex Richman could be a man who is only out for money? I have always admired large corporations for their generosity and their caring. Whether it is overpaying their employees (heaven knows that minimum wage is annoying for a company to have to pay) or collecting government subsidies to hire people they need, life for the average billionaire is tough. What a shame the liberals are always making them look bad! Doesn't the liberal media know that life is hard for billionaires? Does a billionaire not bleed green ink when he has to take some money out of his bank account? Does he not feel pain when another company makes more money than he made? Does he not worry that when he dies, he can't take the money with him? I don't know about the rest of you, but I think that I will go and see The Muppet Movie. I also want to state that I do not hate the oil companies--the car does need gas to go and get me food, treats, and toys. However, many companies are greedy and uncaring, and that is what this dog does not care for. I remember reading a story about a rich man who did so well that he said he would tear down his barns and build bigger barns. Then the "Big Guy" said, tonight thy soul shall be required of you...what will a man give in exchange for his soul? I think that many of the rich corporate people would not know how to answer that question. I am sharing the link if you want to read more details:
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=687868

Royal Family Cut Backs

2011-12-05T11:52:00.000-08:00

I have written in the past about offering the Queen Lady (Elizabeth II) a job mowing my yard for a cool $25.00 because I have heard that she has had to cut back on her budget in recent years. Of course, she would have loved to come here and make the big bucks and spend some quality time with me, but her royal duties kept her from doing so. Now I have read that her portfolio is not doing as well as it once did, and there will be further cuts to her "allowance". Sadly, it is not the time of year for mowing the yard so I can't help her by letting her mow now. However, I do have a brilliant plan for her to keep up her royal standard of living. I think there should be a telethon for her. I'm sure all the humans out there living on regular type wages are very sympathetic to her plight. Many of her castles are going to have to go without needed repairs and she might even have to cut back on personal appearances or vacations. I'm sure I'm not the only dog who would not want to see this happen. In addition to the telethon, if you have any odd jobs that the royal family can do to raise money, be sure and let me know and I will transmit the message for you. I know that, like me, my readers are concerned about the lifestyle of the royal family....I know I would not want to see them have to cut back. They already had to serve fruit cake at the royal wedding. If you ask my opinion, how much more can they sacrifice?

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Out for the Royal Family)

Movie Review: J. Edgar

2011-12-04T11:14:00.000-08:00

It is time for a movie review, and the movie that is being reviewed today is J. Edgar. This movie stars Leonardo DiCaprio as J. Edgar Hoover, who as most of us already know was the head of the FBI for many years. DiCaprio, as usual, did a very good acting job. It was an interesting movie. Although it is based on real life, of course, it is hard to tell just how much is actual fact, and how much is assumed. However, it is a very entertaining movie, and it gives an interesting look at J. Edgar. I give the movie 4 paws up and a tail wag. This would be about a 7 out of 10 in a human rating system.

Now I am going to give you a movie review of Breaking Dawn. The sun was supposed to come up, but it didn't so the dawn was broken. I think the movie was a bit long and should have been a movie short showing that the sun didn't come up like it was supposed to.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Movie Reviewer)

Work--I Don't Like It!

2011-12-03T13:26:00.000-08:00

My brother went to work today despite my sad puppy dogs looks which are supposed to melt the heart of any human and make said human do what his dog wants him to do. I will never understand the humans and their obsession with work. However, I have noticed that Mommy gives the drive thru humans money and I get burgers so I guess that is why they show up at work even though it isn't fun. I am glad I don't have to work. In fact, I am glad that we dogs don't have to work. I have decided that if I ever need money, instead of getting a job, I am going to post my photo on a website and let the humans send me money for being cute. Being cute may be hard work, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice if it means not having to get a job. I think the humans should use their brains to think of ways of making money without going to work. It would make their lives a lot easier and more fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Feels Human Should Stay Home With Me)

Bacon Nativity Scene

2011-12-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

As the Christmas season approaches, more and more of the humans are decorating their houses for Christmas. Most houses will have a Christmas tree decorated with lights and ornaments. They will also have other decorations throughout the house. Personally, I think that the baby "wet ones" in the Christmas packaging might be pushing it a bit....not that it isn't nice for everything to be festive, but the humans get a bit flaky at this time of year. Many of the humans will have nativities in honor of Jesus which makes sense because that is why the humans are celebrating Christmas. Normally, I let the humans deal with the decorating while I take naps. However, this year, I found an item that I want included in the decorations. That item is a nativity made from meat. Just the bacon roof makes me hungry. The great thing about this nativity is that you can display it during the Christmas season, and the family dog can eat it when the season is over so there is no bothering with taking it down. The dog does all the work which makes life easier for the human--and they need a break by the time Christmas is over. I have the address for the nativity scene, and I hope all the dogs reading this will have your human make one. Here is the address:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wTCxcLkOlM
I have put this on my humans favorites list so that she will see it and get the idea to make one. Sometimes the humans need a push!

Demon Flash Bandit (Meat Nativity Scene)

Long Live the King

2011-11-30T15:13:00.000-08:00

I used to love Burger King hamburgers, but I quit going there awhile back because when my human went to order my burgers--stackers with only bacon, the employee refused to ring up stackers with bacon but no condiments, and proceeded to argue with my human by telling her that she couldn't ring up a stacker without condiments. The manager had to come over to straighten it out, but my human was so annoyed that the company had refused to allow her to order it "her way" which was even more serious because it was my way. When Burger King starts giving one of their most loyal customers trouble, it is time to switch. My human called the company to tell them what had happened (by the way, BK has no toll free number so you know the company does not want to hear from its customers). The customer representative told my human that individual franchises have the right to charge you for leaving things off a burger. I have mentioned all this already in a past blog, but I'm recapping it for those who haven't read it or forgot it. Ever since then, I have been going to the competition, McDonalds. I wouldn't eat the burgers there when I was a puppy, but now I find them quite tasty! Anyway, Burger King is changing its fries and dropping its mascot, the King. This explains why things are so lousy at Burger King. The King, who took care of his kingdom and made sure all the burger problems were taken care of has been replaced by a bunch of stupid humans in customer service. I also read today that Wendys is about to take over Burger King's spot. This is what happens when a company messes with an order for Demon Flash Bandit. They probably wish I hadn't written anything about their treatment of my order in my blog. I think they had better fix the kingdom by putting the king back on his throne. The humans running the place aren't doing a good job. I would volunteer to be in charge, but I'm eating at McDonalds now, and I suspect it would be an annoying job that would eat into my nap time.

By the way, an update on yesterday's igloo building blog--I have decided to include a bathtub. It is not for baths, but it is for waterboarding terrorist birds. I really hate those evil birds!

Demon Flash Bandit (Long Live the Burger King!)

Building My Own Igloo

2011-11-29T10:19:00.000-08:00

I heard the radio say we are going to have snow tonight, and they had better be right or this dog is going to go to the weather service and give them some puppy slaps of justice. I love snow, and you don't promise a dog snow and not deliver! As usual, my human was not happy about it. She was actually hoping that it was a radio station out of Saginaw instead of Detroit. I have no idea why the humans around here don't like snow. It is lots of fun to play in and it is cold and delightful!

I have decided to build an igloo this year. I plan to build it big enough so the whole family can live in it. You can be sure it won't have the one thing that annoys me in this house--the furnace. Yes, the house is toasty warm even when it is extremely cold outside. I keep hoping the humans will turn it off and not use it at all...it would even save them money because I hear them talk about how it costs a lot of heat the house. My idea of not turning it on would save them a small fortune which could be better spent on dingo bones if you ask me. I shed enough fur to keep them warm so it is a win-win situation for all of us if they decide to live in the igloo I plan to build. My only problem at the moment is how I can keep the igloo livable year round. There is no problem during the winter having a nice cold place to live, but then spring will rear its ugly head and threaten to melt my igloo. This is the same problem that Frosty the Snowman has had to deal with. He gets a magical hat, and is able to dance around until the sun comes out and causes problems. I need to watch some Frosty specials on television to see if he ever found a way to work out that problem. I've got to go now. I'm going to have an architect draw up the plans for my igloo. You don't expect me to live in an ordinary igloo, do you? I plan on having a lot of special features that the humans don't have....like a room for storing and eating of bones which I call the bonery. You can be sure that there will be one thing missing from my igloo that the humans think you need--a bathtub and/or shower. I see no need for baths so I'm not wasting money putting a bathtub in my igloo. I just heard the doorbell ring....it must be the architect...I'll write more tomorrow!

Demon Flash Bandit (Igloo Builder)

Critter Crave on the Christmas List!

2011-11-28T14:33:00.000-08:00

I wrote about Critter Crave awhile back, and I have an advertisement for it on my blog. I got a package from them today that Mommy ordered for me, and because I blogged about them, they sent me a couple of extras. I want everyone to know that the chocolate is delicious, and I loved it. If only Angel Zoom Smokey didn't love it too, I could have eaten a lot more of it. Since Christmas is coming soon, I think it would make a great gift for the dog on the list. I hope Santa Paws knows about this delicious product because a dog gets tired of being told he can't have any when the humans are eating chocolate. Dogs, put it on your Christmas list--you will not be sorry...and you'll thank me later.

Demon Flash Bandit (Loving Critter Crave)

No Need to Work for Food--The Humans Give it to Me Free

2011-11-27T10:02:00.000-08:00

There is a reality show which I don't watch that I am always hearing about. That show is Extreme Couponing. This dog has better things to do with my time than to sit around clipping coupons. However, I have to admit that when I learned that a dog can save money by using said coupons, I had to give it some thought. My thought is that I am not going to worry about the cost of food because my humans are supposed to do that. I will just sit back and nap and wait for them to give me food. I don't care how many coupons you use, you aren't going to get your food free, and still nap and not have to do any work. I think us dogs have a better system than those humans with their extreme couponing. Of course, it does require some cuteness and that is hard for the humans to pull off..it comes naturally to us dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (No Need To Use Coupons)

Here I Go Awaffling

2011-11-26T10:27:00.001-08:00

I wrote about Walmart yesterday and the violence at some of the Black Friday sales. The customers at a Walmart in Arkansas got into a riot over some $2.00 waffle makers. Do the humans in Arkansas not know that they make frozen waffles which are popped into the toaster and ready in about a minute with no preparation and no clean up? It is almost like the humans want to work more. I am lucky to have intelligent humans who know how to do things properly. If they want waffles around here, they go to the freezer, pop them into the toaster, and put them on a disposable plate. Yes, there is a dishwasher in the kitchen, but using it would require loading and unloading and putting things away. To be fair, when my human was in better shape, she used to do stupid things like make her own stuff, but now she says she is questioning the wisdom of all the extra work she did in her youth in order to save money...like disposable plates are that expensive. I could have told her these things had I been around back then, but Mommy is a lot older than I am so she had to go with her own wisdom, and let's face it, compared to dogs, the humans are idiots! By the way, she has discovered when maple syrup rose in price that caramel sauce meant for ice cream makes a great topping for waffles. I'm pleased that she can figure some things out for herself. I like the caramel sauce too...but I'm also a fan of maple syrup. Both are delicious-even by themselves!

Demon Flash Bandit (Waffling)

Walmart or Stupidmart?

2011-11-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

It comes as no surprise to my humans that, once again, there were people injured at a Walmart location during their after Thanksgiving sales. This year my brothers talked Mommy into going to Walmart to their midnight sale. The Walmart in Howell, MI is not one that is known for violence, and there were no incidents of bodily harm there, but Mommy didn't stay long, and she says she can see why Walmart has so many problems compared to the other stores. She noticed that there were lines for the 32 inch television, the 40 inch television, and the $248.00 computer. If you stood in line long enough, and were lucky, you would to buy the item. One was in the pet section, one was around the crafts, and one was somewhere else--she never quite found out where. She was there almost an hour before the sale started, and she was told by an employee that the items were already sold out---an hour before the sale even began. However, they did not share that information with the people standing in line--Mommy was not in line at the time, but I think that was something that should have been told to everyone in line. Mommy did not stay long-she was not particularly impressed with the sale. Mommy already has a lot of the electronic gadgets, and if she doesn't have them, she doesn't care about having them. She overheard one of the ladies that bought a 32 inch television say (actually, she had 2 in her cart), that she had to wait 3 hours in line to get them. The math doesn't add up for this dog. It sounds like they didn't need to form a line at midnight because they were already gone-before the sale started. This dog thinks that Walmart, although an okay store, is run very stupidly. On the good side, it gave Mommy an excuse not to stay long, and she got out of there as quickly as possible. This is also why she doesn't do a lot of shopping there. Many of their prices were the same as at several other local stores, but those stores were not having people wait in line and were not out of stock. Mommy does not usually go to Walmart much, and she has always avoided it for their after Christmas sales. Now my brothers understand her wisdom. If the humans had listened to me, they would have stayed home and rested. I never underestimate the value of a good nap! Walmart used to be a nice store years ago before they became "super Walmart" which seems to refer to their "super stupidity".

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Walmart)

Demon Flash Bandit

Cell Phones for Dogs

2011-11-24T13:48:00.000-08:00

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have decided to write about the things that I am most thankful that I have. First, of course, are my humans who take care of me, and love me. However, there are also many other things that make life worth living. Dingo bones, milkbones, rawhide bones, real bones....you might have noticed a theme, and it is true--I do enjoy a good bone! I also enjoy my toys. I don't play with them as much as I did when I was a puppy, but I still like to get new toys and I like to have them around to make me feel important. Now if only the humans will get me my own cell phone so that I can bark with my doggy pals, that would make life even better. Believe me, I have listened to the converstions the humans have, and nothing they have to say is that important. I have far more important things to bark about! I guess I'll have to ask Santa Paws for one because the humans don't seem to think a dog needs his own cell phone. Once again, the humans should not be allowed to think...it is too hard for them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs His Own Cell Phone)

Turkeys Don't Deserve a Pardon!

2011-11-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the United States, and I have to say that even though my family will be eating our tradtitional Thanksgiving pizza, I am glad that many families will be eating turkey. Turkeys are birds, and this dog hates birds! Therefore, Thanksgiving is a holiday that is dedicated to killing our feathered enemies. Yes, when you take a bite out of that turkey, you can think about all the birds who left their "bird bombs" on your possessions or even your person. They go around dropping those bombs wherever they please like they own the planet. I might add that 2 turkeys get a Presidential pardon every year. Where do those birds get to live? Disneyland...yeah, they get to live out their lives having fun yet dogs aren't allowed into Disneyland. This is what happens when you have an entertainment complex run by a mouse. He does allow Goofy and Pluto, but of course, they are working at the park. It isn't like they can sit back and enjoy themselves like those pardoned turkeys. It does not seem fair to this dog, but as all of us know, life is not fair. I do promise that if I am elected President, I will not pardon any turkeys at Thanksgiving. There is no way I could let a bird go free. It is against my instincts as a dog to do so. Besides, if they were not guilty of being turkeys, they would not need a pardon. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Pardoning Turkeys)

Metric System Too Logical For Humans!

2011-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

How many of my readers are aware that standard measurements are not the same all over the world? I had to go to the store the other day to get some vodka for my stunt dog, Phantom Fast Snowman, and the bottles were not in ounces, pints, quarts, or gallons, but in something called liters. I didn't buy them because how is a dog supposed to know how much he is getting for his money when they aren't measured properly? Sure, this upset Phantom, but I had to tell Phantom that some things are more important than his alcoholism. Sometimes a dog has to take a stand, and not buy things that aren't properly marked. I know that the United States is only one country, but it is a country that is powerful, and happens to be full of humans who do not like to learn new things. I have to agree with the humans here. I have been told that back in the 70's, the government tried to make the people here convert to the metric system. I could have told them that it would never happen. The "metric system" which is used by the rest of the world and some scientists and doctors is a stupid system. In case you are wondering why it is stupid, it is logical. Humans are the least logical species on the planet so it is insane to think that their system of measurement should be logical. Besides, there is that cute children's song called Inchworm. This is an important song for children learning how to multiply. It is not a meterworm, it is an inchworm which means that even nature prefers the system of measure used in the United States. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. If other parts of the world want to be backward and use a "logical system", that is their problem but this U.S. dog will continue to buy only things measured in good old fashioned measurements. If you expect me to change, you will have to pry that yardstick out of my cold, dead paws!

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfers USA's System of Measurement)

My Birthday Should be a National Holiday!

2011-11-21T11:17:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday! I am now 8 years old which is also 8 years old in doggy years because I plan to live for another century or two. I am annoyed that my brother Jeff had to work today because I think my birthday should be a national holiday. I have written Congress about this idea, but they are too busy bickering over the budget. I could solve that problem in about 2 minutes and still have time for a nap. I would raise the taxes on the super rich. They won't miss the little bit of extra money since they have more money than they know what to do with anyway. Since some of the Congress humans are against the idea, I would bite some butt until they change their mind and see my logic. The problem with humans is that they aren't willing to put their teeth into a problem. This is why more dogs should be in Congress. We know how to "take a bite out of a problem". Then Congress could get to more important issues-like making my birthday a national holiday. Yes, I think we could all use a Demon Flash Bandit day!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants my Own Holiday)

Snoutstik for the Dog on Your Christmas List!

2011-11-20T12:30:00.000-08:00

How many of you dogs out there have had a problem with a nose that is dry? I bet there are a lot of us. Now there is finally a product for those of us who want our noses to stay moist. That product is called Snoutstik. You can order it in pumpkin, rosemary, or lavender. At only $3.00 or 3 for $10.50, it is a real bargain. It would also make a great booty stuffer for the dog on the Chrismas list! You can order it on the Internet so you don't even have to go to the store to get it which is the ultimate in convenience. The address is:
http://www.dogtoys.com/snoutstick-nose-balm-for-dogs-rosemary-pumpkin-lavendar.html

I would get my order in early. I bet all the humans will be ordering it for their dogs--not to mention the dogs ordering for themselves.

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking About Snoutstik)

My Opinion of Toilet Day

2011-11-19T15:17:00.000-08:00

Today is World Toilet Day which shows that the humans will dedicate a day to almost anything. I never thought the humans would like toilets enough to give them their own day yet there is no Demon Flash Bandit Day despite my constant efforts to have a day set aside for me. There isn't even a day set aside for dogs in general. I want to get in touch with whoever is in charge of these kinds of decisions because clearly, they are not doing a good job. What is next? A day for birds, cats and/or fleas? I wonder if tomorrow is toilet paper day since it seems only natural that if toilets have their own day, then toilet paper must be another thing that deserves its own day. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of dogs who appreciate the nice, cold water in toilets, but they are actually dog watering fountains. The humans have never understood that, and they do disgusting things in a dog's fountain. This is why I have my own watering dish. Until the humans learn that a toilet is a dog's drinking fountain, I think it is best to avoid drinking water out of them. I do wish humans would learn to behave properly. They are often an embarrassment to the family dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Celebrating Toilet Day)

Need Advice: Ask a Dog!

2011-11-18T17:35:00.000-08:00

I have already written a blog today, but I decided to give my readers a treat and write another one. The subject for this blog is the news about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore getting a divorce. I don't mean to sound cynical, but this dog is surprised that they lasted this long. I always thought that Ashton married Demi because she had more fame and money than him. Now that he is making a big salary himself, he doesn't need her. This is what I like about dogs. We love the humans unconditionally. It is always sad when there is a breakup no matter whether some of us can see it coming from the beginning or not, but if the humans used some common sense sometimes, maybe they would have a lot less problems. For those of you who need advice or help, always ask a dog. We are so much smarter than the humans!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Advisor)

Demon Flash Bandit: Sexiest Dog Alive!

2011-11-18T11:03:00.000-08:00

Recently People magazine chose the "sexiest man alive", an honor given to Bradley Cooper. I was shocked that I wasn't chosen, but I suppose that People must have chosen from among the humans. I bet if it was Dog Fancy, Dog World, Modern Dog, or Bark, I would have won the honor! This is why I think those are the only magazines worth buying except for the Weekly World News/Sun because it is importat to keep up wih the latest news. I'm not bragging, but I happen to think I'm a whole lot handsomer than Bradley cooper!

Demon Flash Bandit (SExiest Dog Alive)

Puppy Pads For Sale!

2011-11-16T09:01:00.001-08:00

It turns out that one of the humans has paid $8,000 for underwear worn by Kylie Minogue. I'm not sure who she is because I have never heard of her, but she still sold her used underwear for a lot of money. This gave me an idea. I am quite sure that I am more famous than she is, and I think I'm a lot cuter! If the humans are willing to spend that kind of money for her underwear, I can only imagine how much money I would make if I wore underwear and would be willing to sell said underwear! Since I am a genius (for those of you who missed it, I did win a genius award from the humans), I came up with a plan for making myself a lot of money for dingo bones. I am going to get some puppy pads, and pee on them. I'm sure my puppy pads will bring me a fortune to spend on dingo bones and other treats. Would I buy a used puppy pad? Of course not, but I'm a dog and we dogs have more sense. I wouldn't spend $8,000 on anyone's underwear--not even new underwear for myself!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Another Genius Plan)

I Would Sentence Veterinarian to Jail!

2011-11-15T12:01:00.000-08:00

I am going to comment on a story from Virginia today. A dog named Basie was found outside of her yard, and the person who found her took her to a veterinarian who decided to euthanize the dog because she was a "stray". I think this veterinarian should lose his or her license to practice medicine on animals. There is no absolute way to tell if an animal is a stray or not. Dogs get lost or stolen, and collars do come off sometimes. Angel Zoom Smokey has managed to get out of her collar and leash in the past--and end up having the humans chase her through the neighborhood. The details of the story can be read at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/couples-dog-accidently-euthanized-basie_n_1093322.html?ref=dc&ir=DC&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl21%7Csec3_lnk3%7C112675

As a dog, I found this item to be deplorable, and I hope some legal action is taken against this vet. If I were a judge, I would put this so called vet in jail, but I'm not a judge. If more dogs were judges, there would be laws against this sort of thing. I have no idea why the dog was not taken to the local animal shelter and given a couple of days for her humans to find her. What a shame that a vet took matters into his or her own stupid paws!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Happy With Stupid Veterinarian)

Movie: Cockroaches on a Plane!

2011-11-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

In 2006, a movie was made called "Snakes on a Plane". Now it is time for the real life sequel, "Cockroaches on a Plane". There is a couple suing an airline because they said the bugs were coming out of the vents, and all over the place. I am not a fan of bugs, but I do think it is much better to have bugs all over the place than snakes--particularly the poisonous ones. A decade prior to "Snakes on a Plane",
(1996), a movie was made about cockroaches which was titled, "Joe's Apartment". It was a great movie. It is worth buying the movie just to watch the big musical number by the roaches! I never knew that bugs had so much talent! I think the roaches need to hire some better public relations people because most of the humans, and many of us dogs don't like them. Perhaps if they hired the proper public relations humans, they would not be hated so much by other species. Perhaps they need to start dressing for success. I was even reading an article on the Internet yesterday discussing how buying a better cell phone can make you look more successful, which is often the key to being more successful. I can imagine this is difficult for the roaches since cell phones are a bit large for them to carry, but maybe dressing in a business suit might help. Ladybugs have managed to keep a better image among the humans, and don't tell me is doesn't have something to do with their red outfit with the black polka dots. Perhaps if they could cover themselves with fur, it might help because it works great for dogs, cats, and rabbits. They might end up as PETS instead of Pests. While I'm on the subject of public relations people, I could use a good agent. If anyone out there wants to represent a dog, let me know! By the way, for those who would like to read more about the lawsuit, here is the address:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/charlotte-couple-sues-air_n_1090910.html

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for New Movie, Cockroaches on a Plane)

Film Director: Demon Flash Bandit

2011-11-13T11:34:00.001-08:00

I have mentioned in the past that dogs are better actors than humans and should star in more movies. However, now there is a product that can help a dog go beyond merely acting and into directing, producing, or even just being a cameradog. That product is from the nice people at dogtek. They sell a video cam for dogs that takes movies as the dog walks around. This opens up a new opportunity for me, Demon Flash Bandit, to become a director. I have some great ideas for a movie, and I even have a brother who has a movie script in the works. I think I'll have him write a script that stars me and maybe Angel Zoom Smokey. However, since Angel Zoom Smokey bit my paw earlier today in a scuffle over the ownership of some Arbys roast beast, I might not let her be in my movie. I will probably make an epic type of movie--you know something on the level of Lord of the Rings, but maybe only lasting 15 or 20 minutes. If I go much longer than that, most dogs are going to want to stop watching to take a nap so you have to keep it down to a reasonable amount of time. In fact, the humans have even less of an attention span. If it goes more than 5 minutes, the average human will be jumping around in their chairs acting stupid. Okay, that is not true. The average human starts acting stupid even before they sit down to watch--it does not take 5 minutes. Anyway, the address for the pet cam is:
http://www.dogtek.com/eyenimal/?utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=CImYoZystKwCFcvJKgodpEcuHw
With this web cam, I could start my own television program: Funniest Dog Videos. I bet it would be an awesome television show!

Demon Flash Bandit (Film Director Demon Flash Bandit )

Money: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore!

2011-11-12T08:42:00.000-08:00

A couple in Florida have a dog named Tuity who ate $1,000 in cash. Then they fed the dog hydrogen peroxide to make the dog vomit the money back up, and sent the pieces to the Department of Treasury for replacement. I feel bad for the dog being forced to drink hydrogen peroxide to throw up. I can guarantee you if Tuity had something like roast beast from Arbys, Tuity would not have had to resort to eating money. Money was a stupid thing for the humans to feed Tuity because money is not edible unless Tuity is a termite. Perhaps the couple thought they had a pet termite instead of a dog! It would have been cheaper to leave some decent treats laying around for Tuity. Anyway, I think if the humans are going to start feeding their dogs money (and I do not recommend this as a diet option), they should at least face the consequences and not induce the dog into vomitting so that they can get their money back. If you ask me, this is a stingy couple who needs to learn where the treat section of the store is located!

Demon Flash Bandit (Money--Not Edible)

Special Date: 11-11-11

2011-11-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

Today is 11-11-11. The reason this date is so important to so many people is that it adds up to 33 or possibly -11 if you are one of those pessimistic type people reading my blog. There are more weddings taking place today because of the date, and the Great Pyramid is shut down. Sure, the Egyptian people might say it is for maintenance, but we know better. Some people think that the power from the pyramid is greater on 11-11-11 so they were planning on visiting and charging their cell phones. How often can you charge a cell phone free of charge--isn't that a great play on words? Shakespeare never wrote with such wisdom. Anyway, I have decided to take advantage of the possible lucky aspects of the day. A dog can use some good luck so just in case, I have some special plans for the day. I plan to take my dingo bone and put it under a piece of paper shaped like a pyramid. I'm hoping it will last longer because dingo bones never last long enough for me. They are so delicious that I can eat them for hours. I hope it turns out to be a lucky day for my readers, and also that my readers have a nice weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Date)

I Want a Device that Makes Things Invisible!!!!!

2011-11-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

A scientist in Texas is working on some new technology that can actually make items invisible. This has me so excited that I've been doing the happy dance around the house for the past hour! I'm hoping that this technology will be available soon so that I can take advantage of it. Obviously, it would have some military advantages, but I want it for a very personal reason. I happen to live in the same house with another Siberian Husky, Angel Zoom Smokey. I like Angel, and enjoy having her around--until I get something special. I keep telling her that we aren't supposed to share our treats, and that all treats are mine. This is because I am the older dog and I was here first. Being an obstinate creature who does not listen to my wisdom (I don't even think she reads my blog), she continues taking one of the treats when I have made it clear that both treats are for me! Last night each of us was handed a dingo bone. My human made a mistake and handed one to Angel when both are supposed to be handed to me. I tried to explain this to Angel Zoom Smokey, but as usual, she laid there chewing on MY dingo bone, and she ate the entire bone. I was so annoyed! However, when I got up this morning and checked over the news, I saw the article about the scientist in Texas who invented this new invisibility invention, and I knew that I need to order one as soon as it is available. The next time Angel gets my dingo bone, I will use the device to make it disappear. Then later, when she isn't around, I will make it reappear and eat it myself. In fact, anytime she annoys me, I can make her disappear. This has to be one of the greatest inventions of all time. I just hope I don't have to wait too long before it is on the market!

Demon Flash Bandit (Needs an Invisibility Device)

Latest Action Figures!

2011-11-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are fans of the royal family, I have some great news for you. For those of you who read my recent blog about British accents, I am barking this one with a British accent since it is about the royal family. Now you can buy an action figure of Kate Middleton or her sister Pippa. These action figures are being manufactured by Herobuilders toys, and it is a company in the United States. You would think a company in Great Britain would see the demand for these action figures, but evidently, they did not. I'm sure that they would be a great addition for those who enjoy playing with action figures. You don't even necessarily need to play with them, but you can display the figures for that "I'm displaying a member of the royal family so I have good taste" type of person. However, playing with them would be awesome. I can just see Kate being the villain and fighting a Superman action figure. Perhaps she is the good guy and is being annoyed by the Joker. The scenarios are endless, and all the good fun provided because a smart company saw the need for making the two women into action figures! I know it is something to be thankful for so it is great that the items came onto the market so close to Thanksgiving. I can just imagine how many families will be sitting around the traditional pizza dinner being thankful for the new action figures. How many prayers of thanks will be offered for such a magnificent item? I bet people haven't been this excited about a product since Larry the Cable Guy wrote a book! I'm sure my readers are thinking, Demon, we love reading what you have to say, but please let us know more about this product so that is just what I plan to do now. Here is the web address so you can see this item for yourself:
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/see-kate-and-pippa-middletons-weird-muscular-action-figures-2011811

Be sure and order yours before they run out. Remember, it would make a great Christmas gift!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Kate Middleton and Pippa Action Figures)

Ben and Jerry Should Make a Demon Flash Bandit Celebrity Flavor!

2011-11-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

Today's blog is about ice cream. It is cold, it is creamy, it is sweet and it is delicious. I enjoy having it everyday, and if I could have it more often, I would. I sometimes watch Steven Colbert on television and that other show with Jimmy Fallon, and they have their own ice cream flavors as do other celebrities. Ben and Jerry make special celebrity flavors so I only have one question? Why no Demon Flash Bandit flavor? I'm a world famous dog blogger. Doesn't a celebrity dog rate a flavor? I'm not sure if bacon flavor ice cream would taste good, but there are lots of flavors us dogs love. I love peanut butter, carob, cashews, caramel, and many other things that would taste super good in ice cream. I'm thinking caramel waffle flavor or maple syrup waffle flavor would make most of us dogs happy. By the way, I won't even eat Frosty Paws. I tasted human ice cream as a puppy, and the doggy ice cream does not measure up to my standards. Anyway, I think it would be a great marketing idea for Ben and Jerry to make a special flavor that both humans and dogs would enjoy. Don't tell them that I will eat their regular vanilla flavor--they don't need to know that. I want my own Demon Flash Bandit flavor ice cream, and I think all my readers should contact Ben and Jerry and tell them that I need a flavor of my own. I'd even be happy with milkbone flavor ice cream. It would have 2 of my treats put into one treat which means I can eat more of it. As I said yesterday, I didn't get the genius award for nothing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants My Own Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Flavor)

I Won a Genius Award!

2011-11-07T11:24:00.000-08:00

I am so excited!!!! I won $200.00 for my genius idea in a contest. I have always told my readers that I'm a genius dog, and now I have proof from the humans. I promise that I will stay the humble, genius dog that I have always been despite this major award for my intelligence. I wonder what I will win next....the presidency of the United States, the Nobel peace prize, some more dingo treats? The possibilities are endless. I would like to thank the nice people who recognized my genius. I am so pleased that I was able to give the humans such a brilliant idea that they can use to make their lives better. What was the idea? It was to get a dog. Sure, I know all us dogs know that, but it was humans voting.

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Dog)

British Accents: Not Good For Telling Bad News

2011-11-06T08:19:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a BBC broadcast about a terrible car crash pile-up. I'm very sorry about the tragedy, but I have decided that English broadcasters should not be allowed to report bad news because they just don't have the accent for it. The more I listened to the pleasant British accent, I realized that this is just not the accent for telling bad news. This might explain why news stories are scarier in the United States because the news is not reported with a British accent. In fact, if you want to report some really bad news, I think the best accent for that is the New York City one--the one that sounds like the person talking is going to kill someone before they are done talking. I think the honor of announcing executions should go to someone with a Texas accent because they are so gung ho with that idea. British accents in the news should be used when reporting news about the royal family, tea parties, fashion, and news about new inventions since the accent makes the person sound more intelligent. Even British dogs sound nicer than American dogs. We have our tough, American type barks from being brought up in a frontier environment. Now, I have to go and take my spot on the bed, and have some milkbones. Yes, no wonder our bark is scarier...we have such rough doggy lives. LOL

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Accents)

Money Saving Hint

2011-11-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm always reading things on the Internet about how to get good deals to make money go further. However, other than using less electricity, there aren't many ways to cut the electric bill. I don't think I have to tell everyone that electricity is something you need if you want to use a computer or technology or even have lights in your house. When it is regular merchandise, you can often get it on sale, but electric companies never have sales where you can use more electricity and you won't pay as much because it is "on sale". Therefore, when I discovered this on youtube, I had to share it with my readers. It is a brilliant plan to cut electric bills without having to cut back on the amount you use. Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kXS37clsZw

In addition to saving money, the guinea pigs are adorable and fun to watch. I am very pleased to be able to share this money saving tip with my readers!

Demon Flash Bandit (Saving Money)

Send Homeless Unwanted Snacks to Me

2011-11-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

Since I am the official dog blogger who covers the British royal family, I think it is only appropriate that I address the Internet rumor involving the possibility that Kate is going to have a baby. This rumor is based of some very scientific evidence. She turned down a snack that involved peanuts and is not allergic to peanuts. Obviously, this is reason for some of the humans to assume that she is going to have a baby. I have several explanations for this that do not include her having a baby. She might not have been hungry. She might not like peanut butter. She might be on a diet....sure she doesn't need to be on a diet, but those are usually the humans who watch their weight the most. This is a really radical one: she might just not have been feeling good at that moment....it does happen to all of us--even dogs. Everyone gets upset tummies at times. If she is going to have a baby, that is nice, but I do think it is kind of silly to broadcast it as a rumor on the Internet, and I wonder even more why it matters so much. Someone will take the throne eventually whether the royal couple have a baby or not. Ultimately, it is their business, and if the rumor is true, it will be announced when they are ready to tell people. The important thing here is that all peanut butter snacks that she turns down should be sent directly to me: Demon Flash Bandit or my fellow dog, Angel Zoom Smokey because we love peanut butter. By the way, the same thing goes for bacon snacks. We are both willing to take in any homeless, unwanted snacks. We aren't on diets, and enjoy snacks!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Peanut butter)

Dogs Make Great Movies Better

2011-11-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

I didn't get a chance to write my blog yesterday because my human secretary decided to take the day off to go to see a movie. That movie was Johnny English Reborn. She said it was a good movie. However being a human, her opinion does not matter so I will give my own movie review. Thank dog I was allowed into the theatre! It starred Rowan Atkinson, and it was a sequel to Johnny English. I enjoyed the movie, but was a bit disappointed with its overall lack of dogs. However, for a human movie, it was good. Very often the humans don't include dogs in movies. Sure, it is stupid, but the humans know that they can't act as good as us dogs, and don't want to compete!

Today I also want to write about an elephant named Chhouk, who lives in Cambodia. Chhouk was hurt, but was taken care of by nice humans and he now has a prosthetic paw, and can get around like all the other elephants. I always enjoy a true story with a happy ending over one with a sad ending so I thought that I would share this video with my readers. Here is the web address:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVljK6fosDI
If you ask my opinion, Chhouk's story would make a great movie. If they replace the humans with dogs, it would be a spectacular movie. Are you listening, movie studios?

Demon Flash Bandit (Movies Should Star More Dogs)

I Won a Very Important Award!!!

2011-11-02T14:47:00.001-07:00

The nice people at Dingo sent me a bag of their grill house bac-n crisps. I actually won them--it wasn't even because I'm a world famous blogger! Talk about being lucky---I was thrilled. I had never tried them, but they are delicious!!!! I recommend them highly to all dogs who are reading this. The Dingo company, the smart dogs (or possibly humans) who came up with the idea of putting meat in the middle of a rawhide bone have come up with another winner!!! These treats are made with real meat, and real meat is something dogs love! Tell our humans to get you some. If you don't want to wait for the humans to get it done, go to www.dingobrand.com and order some for yourself. All you need is that piece of plastic in your human's wallet. I can't think of anything better to use it for than dingo products. The humans would probably just use it on something stupid anyway. You know how they are. Tell the dingo people that Demon Flash Bandit sent you. They won't know what you are talking about so that makes it funny!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Dingo Grill House Bac-n Crisps)

Giant Robot Birds Spotted Over Indiana

2011-11-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

A UFO (unidentified flying object) was spotted over the Notre Dame stadium in South Bend, Indiana. By the way, the city is also home to the Studebaker Museum. I know this because my human Daddy has taken the family to the museum many times. However, I digest---yes, I am still digesting some Halloween candy---whoever invented the apple caramel candy corn flavor should get an award! There was a football game in South Bend, and there was a storm, and some of the humans spotted the UFOs. Hopefully, they were the humans who hadn't already had a few too many beers because the reports from humans in that condition tend to be questionable. It is a true report from non-beer drinking humans because there are even videos on the web showing what flew over. Naturally, whenever there are unusual UFO sightings, everyone always checks out my blog since I happen to be the leading expert on such things. I am the one who told everyone that the UFOs over China were only here to get some take out food. If you were a space alien hanging around in space, don't you think you would get tired of eating that horrible dried space type food they sell in all the space related museums? They have ice cream that isn't even cold. What is the point of ice cream that isn't cold? You can easily see why space aliens would want to stop in for some real Earth food! I know I would. Of course, the humans tend to get a bit upset over sightings until a dog like myself explains to them why the UFOs are here. This time I wish I could report that they are here for such a simple reason, but they are not. In fact, those objects are not spacecraft at all! They are bird robots created by the evil birds who are planning to take over the world. They sent snow to the northeastern United States so that they could send their robot birds to Indiana to see how easy it will be to take over the humans. I can only hope that the humans will listen to a dog--and the entire population of cats before it is too late. If you have a cat, and the cat wants to eat a bird, let him. Cats know that birds are evil, but humans listen to cats even less than they listen to dogs. Perhaps that is partly the cats' fault since they don't tend to like to hang out as much with the humans, and are too busy acting like they don't need anyone but themselves. They can't help it--they are cats! Anyway, it is time to declare war on the birds before it is too late, and all the humans are under the control of their feathery evil!

Demon Flash Bandit (Giant Robot Birds--Not Spacecraft!)