Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Unappreciated Parking Meters

Life on Earth is filled with many misunderstood inhabitants.  Probably at the top of the list is the lowly parking meter.  Unless one of them  lands a job at the occasional indoor parking lot, most have to brave the elements in all kinds of weather.  It has a rough and lonely life.  As if they don't have enough problems, humans resent having to give them money.   Although they are unappreciated by humans, we dogs try to make them feel better.  I, for one, never pass by one without smelling it, and I give it the same respect as I would give a tree or fire hydrant.  I pee on it.

Demon Flash Bandit

Monday, February 27, 2017

Mail Lady

Our mail is usually left in a rural type mailbox so I  don't usually see the postal delivery lady.  I am sure I don't need to inform my readers that it is a dog's business to know that individual  These people invade a dog's territory.  They bring good things, but sometimes they bring bad things like bills.  I am grateful that the mail lady is human.  I was worried  she might be a cat.  No dog wants his mail delivered by a cat.

Demon Flash Bandit

Proof of Big foot

For those of you who are wondering what I did today, I napped and I watched TV.  TV was boring.  I have to admit I napped more than I watched TV.  That is because the humans chose the programming, and it was not at all interesting. The program on Big Foot was obviously the work of humans.  They were hunting  for the big furry guy and found no proof of his or her existence.  I got on the Internet and solved the problem in 10 minutes.  A man in Venezuela who wears size 26 shoes has the world's biggest feet..  It takes a dog to solve problems for the humans.  Then they watched a show about Chinese history, but some people in China eat dogs so I took a nap in protest of that practice.   Finally they switched to Paw Patrol and teruns of Sledgehammer.  I like Sledgehammer.  A cop who talks to his gun is interesting.  He needs a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, February 24, 2017

No returns on Babies or Pete

There are a lot of warnings on products that make a dog think a lot of humans aren't playing with a full deck.  However,  I was shocked at the return policy on jet.com.  My humom has ordered from them in the past  with no problem.  The last order has one damaged item so she looked up their return policy.  She read it out loud to my brothers and me. It surprised her that much.   It States:  Please be sure and remove babies and pets from boxes before sending it back.  We cannot stress this enough.  The company also is not responsible for packages arriving late in the event of a zombie apocalypse.  I am barkless. I think jet said it all.  I have heard Walmart bought jet.com.  I guess that explains a lot.

Demon Flash Bandit

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Humon Declares Angel Innocent of all Charges

Yesterday there was a loud crash in Jeff's bedroom.  I was standing in the hall when I heard it.  At that point, Angel came running down the hall like a bat out of hell.  When I saw her running, I did what any innocent dog would do.  I did not want to be one of those "guilt by association" types so I was right behind her.  She jumped onto bed with humom.  Jeff was following, and he told humom that Angel had knocked over some blurays in his bedroom. To be fair, Jeff has a canillion of them in his room.  I would not be one bit surprised if they didn't attack Angel.  Humom told Jeff that Angel had been with her.  Jeff didn't argue with humom.  Angel has Jeff wrapped around her paw.  She laid next to Humom laughing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Innocent Dog)

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Illegals Must Be Stopped

Something needs to be done about the illegal aliens who cross the border from the south.  Those chihuahuas cross the border without being properly veterinared.  When they arrive, they never stop barking.  They have the nerve to get right up in a big dog's face with their incessant, annoying noise.  We big dogs do get a laugh out of their pathetic yapping, but all jokes aside, they are taking some of our humans which means they ate taking dog food right out of an American dog's mouth.  In fact, I am not even sure they are dogs.  The humans say they are, but the Collie Coalition said they are not.  I tend to agree with the collies.  The ones that are here can stay, but we have enough!  I think we need to build a 2 foot high wall on the border.  That should be tall enough to keep the little boogers on their side.  I think President Trump is wrong in building a wall.  I think 2 feet tall is sufficient to keep the chihuahuas from crossing.

Demon Flash Bandit (US Dog)

Monday, February 20, 2017

Meeting My Readers

I had a busy weekend.  I was booked for a pawtograph session both days.  It was exhausting,  but I do enjoy meeting my fans.  I consider it my responsibility as a celebrity dog to spend time with my readers.

.Meanwhile, back  in Gotham City, Batman is shopping for a new Batmobile at the Bat car dealership.  Unknown to Batman, the Joker has purchased the dealership in an effort to discover Batman's secret identity.  Imagine Joker's anger when Batman's driver's license says only Batman.  Does the Joker ever learn that crime does pay?

Demon Flash Bandit

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Adventures of a Travelling Dog)

Recently I wrote a blog about  telephones.  Due to the mobility of modern phones, the phone booth has become virtually obsolete.  There is the obvious observation about Superman losing his dressing room, but I am concerned about its other uses, and I'm not referring to upscale housing for the homeless.  Dr. Who has one that is a time machine.  In the two Bill and Ted movies (Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey) the duo travelled through time in a phone booth.  I assume that if the third sequel is made, it will also have a phone booth time machine.  This means that telephone booths are time machines camouflaged as booths for only telephones.   I plan to buy one and have my own adventures in time.  Then I will change my blog title to Adventures of a Time Travelling Dog.  I need to go so I can buy one before the humans realize they are time machines.  I want to get one as cheap as possible.  I hate to spend money on non bone items.

Demon Flash Bandit (Adventurous Dog))

Friday, February 17, 2017

Incomperant Birds

Today I am writing this blog about human biology.  It has come to my attention that human puppies are found in cabbage patches by birds called storks.  I got this information from an animated documentary  I watched  when I was a puppy.  Therefore, I know it is factual.  This concerns me because birds are involved on the process.  This does explain why stores have sold cabbage patch kids.  Storks, equipped with their small bird brains dropped them off at the wrong place.  I will never understand why humans trust birds when they so clearly incompetent.  I hope someday the humans will see birds through a dog's eyes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Watcher)

Wednesday, February 15, 2017


Some inventions do not survive the test of iime, and some do.  One successful invention is the telephone.  This invention became so successful that now most people in the USA have a cell pH one that requires no wires.  All the humans in my family have cell phones despite my wise advice that  the money should be spent on the dogs.  For dogs who are wondering why telephones are so popular among the humans, I think I can understand it.  For example humom got a call today and every other day on her landline.  The caller was concerned about her college loans.  Because humom and my brothers have no collegs loans, she seemed  agitated.  Three times, a week, she gets a call to a resort in Florida offering her big savings.  They did not offer the dialysis tour so she can't go.  She is one of the luckiest humans alive because she has won ocean cruises and all sorts of prizes and she didn't even enter the contests. With her good luck, I was shocked when she turned down a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada.  She might have to rent a semi to bring the money home.  Humom's luckiest win was getting me.  I love her and she loves.me.  I guess I am a lucky dog too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Lucky Dog)

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Breaking News

Breaking news:  President Trump has been rushed to the hospital at Andrews AFB.  I am here at the hospital to get the latest news, I will interview the doctor who treated him.  Doctor  Dooittle.

Me:  Hello Dr. Doolittle.  What news  can you share with us about the president's condition?

Dr:  He had to be treated for hand strain.  He signed so many executive orders that his hand started hurting.   His hands are incredibly small.  He is resting comfortably.  He should be okay in a couple of weeks.  He should be able to sign more executive orders again.

Me:  Thank you for your time.
This is Demon signing out

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, February 10, 2017

Crime Hits Home

We have been having cold weather.  I refer to it as a little touch of heaven right here on Earth.  My humans don't agree.  I can't tell you what they say because it is inappropriate language for puppies to read.  I do try to keep my blog puppy friendly.  Let's just say my humans do not like cold weather.

This is a blog I never thought I would have to write. But I have become a victim of a serious crime.   Humom got me (and Angel, but mostly me) a pizza for dinner.  It was delicious.  We ate half of it and half was put into the refrigerator for later consumption.  My brother, Jeff, was out with his friends so he didn't get pizza.  He ate at a restaurant where, from the implications of the name, you have to be an apple to eat there.  Evidently this restaurant is part of a chain.  I guess humans are far more willing to become apples than us dogs.  What do they serve there?  Perhaps spaghetti and apples or a blooming apple are on the menu.  I sympathize with Jeff's hunger for pizza, but he is the one who chose to eat apples.  I can't gloss over his theft.  Did I mention it was a BACON pizza?  I love Jeff but what he did is called felony pizza theft, and dogs take that very seriously.  I was on the phone to America's Most Wanted to give them my story,  and I.am printing up some wanted posters to get the word out.  However, Jeff has promised to buy us another pizza so he is making an effort to atone for his crime.  I think I could forgive him if he purchases 5 pizzas for us.  As I have always said: don't mess with a dog's food!

Demon Flash Bandit (CrimemVictim)

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Fast and Furious

Why did a casting director  cast Vin Diesel in the Fast and Furious movies.  The man  he cast in a movie requiring fur?   Iguess he was supposed to act like he had fur. The movies were popular despite Vin Diesel 's lack of hair.  I have been offered a job that I had to turn down.   I am a talented actor, but I can't play a monster. I am too handsome to play an ugly person.

Demon Flash? Bandit

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Better Safe

I am so glad President Trump warned us about those bad hombres in Mexico.   No wonder he doesn't want non-citizens to get into this country.  I understand where he is comling from.  I have always suspected that chihuahuas are not really dogs.  I have never approved of them because they bark in Spanish.  They have never learned to bark in English.  If they want to live in this country, they should  learn our language.  When my great great great grandparents came here from Siberia, they learned to bark in English.

President Trump is a big fan of the movie, A Christmas. Story. I know because hombre is a word Ralphie would use.  Can't you see Trump standing at the border with his Red Ryder action shot air rifle with a compass in the stock smd a thing that tells time?  It is very important that you shoot the hombres in the butt. If you don't understand, watch the movie.  Now Trump has traded  his bb gun for am AK47.  Now I can take a nap with the knowledge that the world is safe.  An American would never shoot another American.  Would they?

De!on Flash Bandit (Safe Dog)

Monday, February 6, 2017

2017 Puppy Bowl

For sports fans yesterday was a big day.  I personally wait all year to see this football game.  Of course, I am talking about the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.  This is the first year that disabled puppies were allowed to participate.  One puppy is deaf, one puppy is missing a leg, and one puppy is both seeing and hearing impaired.  The game was great!  It was better than the game the humans wete playing.  Yeah, puppies!

Demon Flash Bandit (Puppy Bowl Fan)

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Treadmill Torture

According to the Washington Post, a treadmill is based on a mideval torture device.  The news item did not surprise this dog at all.  I have always wondered why humans would get on one.  You run and run and stay in the same spot.  When a sled dog runs, we end up in another place.  A similar device is the stationary bicycle.  The rider can be on it for hours and never move.  Many humans pay to go to a gym and they PAY to use that type of equiIpment.   Humans are so gullible.  You can sell them anything.  I have to go now.  I must list some Demon Flash Bandit bumper stickers on EBay before the humans spend all their money at the gym.

Demon Flash Banditl zTortute

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Groundhog:s Day

Instead of writing a blog yesterday.  I was busy celebrating the holiday.  February 2 is Groundhog's Day, and this dog knows how to celebrate a holiday.  In case some of my readers have been out of touch with society and are unaware of its importance, I will explain.    It is the day that the groundhog predicts the upcoming  winter weather. Phil, the Pennsylvania groundhog says winter will continue.  Woody, the local groundhog at thr Howell Nature Center came to the same conclusion as Phil.  The national weather service did not agree, bit what do the humans know about weather?

Watching the ceremony filled my heart with pride.  I saw a proud mama groundhog who realizes that all of her sacrifices to pay for weather school was worth it.  My mom felt  the same way for sending me to Mushing School.  I was top in my class.  I am willing to much to Burger King anytime.

I hope all my readers had a wonderful Groundhog:s Day!