Thursday, June 30, 2016

Party Time

I have decided to throw a big party at my house on Saturday.  I have arranged a real feast  I have ordered Bread, Meatloaf, Black Eyed Peas, Cream, Blue Oyster Cult, Smashing Pumpkins, and Red Hot Chili Peppers to name a few. Bring roast beef, ham, pork chops, chicken, steak, and salmon
  Jeff will set up his outdoor theatre, and I told provide entertainment.  He will show Snow Dogs and Hotel for Dogs.  Don't miss my party.  It is the doggy social event of the year!

Demon Flash Bandit (Party Dog)

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Calling All Dogs: Tree Emergency

According to the Washington Post, there is a very old white oak tree in Basking Ridge, New Jersey that is almost 600 years old.  The tree is in declining health.  The humans aren't sure why it is dying, and they speculate that the tree is dying of old age.  Of course, the tree is being examined by humans, and I have no faith in their conclusions.  Humans do not appreciate trees as much as we dogs.  I think a group of dogs should be put in charge of the tree's care.  We can start by taking charge of the tree's watering schedule.  I personally have helped many trees get big and stay healthy.   Dogs don't just put water on them.  We age and treat the water like fine wine.  My suspicion is that it is an ongoing homocide, and I know who needs to be arrested for the crime.  If we act quickly we might be able to save the wonderful  tree while it is still alive.  The culprit is (drum roll) BIRDS!  Birds like to hang around in trees and they are always building their nests on the branches.  Imagine having to hold up an entire house!  No wonder the tree is in decline.  It is tired of the birds building their subdivisions in it.  If that isn't hard enough on the tree, the birds like to sit their feathers on the branches.  The woodpecker even drills holes into the tree  because he wants to live inside the tree.  In addition, there are squirrels running around all over the tree.  Meet me in New Jersey.  We will get rid of the birds and squirrels and make sure the tree gets our special magical water.  The humans know our liquid is beneficial for trees.  This is why they let us outside to "do our business" which is tree care.

Demon Flash Bandit (Save the Tree)

Monday, June 27, 2016

Movie Review: The Curios Case of Benjamin Button

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the movie I have chosen to review today.  It was made in 2008 so it is an older movie, but the movie is interesting.  It isn't often that Hollywood makes a movie about a button.  It opened the door for other movies about sewing notions.  If Brad Pitt had refused the button part, my guess is that the movie Zipper (2015) would never have been made.  Cate Blanchett starred with Brad Pitt.

This movie is quite revolutionary.  It isn't often that people.get to see life from a Button's point of view.  This might have been more accepted if it was one of those political buttons or one that supports a cause with a built in pin.  This button is an ordinary button that fits into a buttonhole and keeps a garment together. I have seen buttons shaped like seashells, cars, cute animals, and other motifs.  Many are plastic, but they are also made from other materials like brass and wood. The movie is not about one of those fancy buttons.  It us just a circular plastic button which was nothing special.  The movie has a message and that message is (in my opinion), one does not have to be  fancy to live a useful life.  What would the humans do without plain, ordinary buttons?  I give this movie a tail wag, a kiss, and a wolf wolf.  The humans give it a vest which is higher than a shirt, but lower than a suit coat.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Fashionable Dog

Many human fashions are often not particularly practical.  However, I have invented a fashion that is lovely-and practical.  I am sharing this with my readers because I enjoy helping other dogs enjoy life as much as I do.

First, you need to find something sticky to put on your face (or any fur that needs to look good).   I used maple sryup because that  is the pancake syrup of choice in this house. You can use no brand maple flavored syrup, but believe me, you can tell the difference.  Maple syrup tastes better.  I stuck 2 milkbones on each side of my nose.  I was eating a third milkbone
Mom said I was adorable, and Angel Zoom Smokey  was so jealous.   Being a creative dog is fun.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashion Designer)

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Dogs: Smarter than Humans

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head
Pretending he just doesn't see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

These lyrics were written by Bob Dylan.  Most of the older readers have heard these lyrics many times.  I am sharing them once again because the humans are slow learners.  Sadly, I think the answers have to be hurricane winds to get the humans to pay attention.  Many of you have asked what, if elected president, I would do to stop all the mass shootings.  I do have a plan.  As usual, my plan is brilliant.  The United States government should confiscate all guns  and replace them with squirt guns.  Just think:  that night club would not have killed near as many people because there aren't many cases of squirt guns drowning anyone.  People could carry large super soakers which are very powerful.  I've never tried it, but I have been informed 
that one of those babies can knock birds out of a tree.
I would really love to test that scenario myself.
Humans are not the only species that have been killed by guns.  Dogs, rabbits, deer, fish, bottles, cans,  and snakes are shot instead of the birds God told us to shoot.  I will include the 10 commandments for dogs in a future blog entry.

 I have a special interview today with Rodney Rifle and Henry the handgun.  Before I start the interviews which I know my readers are anxious to read, I want to mention that my mom noticed an anniversary this week.  On June 21, 1970,   my dad's friend, Dennis Ladage was killed in Vietnam.  Daddy carried him back to the helicopter.  As Bob Dylan said:  too many people have died.

Here are interviews
Rodney:  I have been asked how it feels to have aided and abetted murder.  I am a rifle.  I don't kill anyone.  People that pull my trigger do the  killing.  A Sniper can kill someone with a chair.  Of, course, killing from a distance is more difficult when the weapon is a chair.

Henry:  I am tired of having to be taken from cold, dead hands.  By the way, there are even handguns small enough th fit in Trump's baby hands.  I haven't seen such small paws since I met a Chihuahua.

When I am president, I will work tirelessly to get a squirt gun into every humans hands.  Of course, the humans will probably find a way to kill with them.  Maybe acid instead of water.  Watching out for the humans is a full time job for us dogs.  Do I hear a wolf wolf?

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing my Big Plan)

Thursday, June 16, 2016

No, Not the Bird Drapes

Humans should not be allowed to do any interior decorating.  Case in point:  My mom is thinking about buying new drapes for the living room
 I think new drapes are a good idea.  The metal blinds were destroyed because a dog can't see out the window when it is covered by those dumb blinds.  The living room has a huge window and mom had originally planned to buy wooden blinds to compliment the oak floor.   However, she realized that the wooden ones would face the same fate when a dog decides to look out the window.  To be fair, those old blinds were very old, and they needed to be replaced so I was performing a public service for the humans.

Everything was going well until mom found drapes on the Internet with little birds printed on them.  Dog spelled backwards is God.  Bird spelled backward is drib.  This is because I have heard that birds are not one of God's creatures. Dogs are one of his best creations.  Dogs were created to help the humans and provide companionship.  Birds cause trouble and drop poop bombs everywhere.  I hope mom is thinking about those drapes to encourage the wild birds to fly into the window.  I like I to give mom the benefit of the doubt, but she doesn't hate birds.  Sometimes you can't talk sense to the humans

Demon Flash Bandit (Interior Decorator)

Monday, June 13, 2016

Sticks: Be Picky

Today's topic is sticks.  A good stick can be enjoyed for hours on end.  However, since sticks are essentially wood, they don't chew the same way.  This is because some woods are hard woods and some are soft woods depending on which tree from which it came.  Cherry is a hard wood which makes it good for furniture.  Oak is medium so the humans use it a lot in flooring.  Soft wood like pine has versatile uses, and it  takes less time to grow a new tree.

You are probably wondering why any of this would make a difference to a dog.  It happens to be very important to a dog.  It is even more important to us.  Hard wood sticks last longer.  Pine has some resin type sap in it-and it isn't the good stuff like maple syrup.  It smells like turpentine which brings up my next reason for choosing the right sticks--flavor.  Apple and cherry taste better than lemon sticks.  Although sticks are easy to find, if given a choice between sticks and bones, go for the bone.  Both items taste better with maple syrup.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Sticks)

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Let's Visit Foamhenge

Since it is June, many of the humans are planning vacations.  Some humans prefer to go to the beach or theme park.  Some work through their vacations.  Some use the time off work to go to historical places, museums, and other cultural events.  Because any dog who reads my blog is intelligent and sophisticated, this is a travel blog for them.  During my exhausting vacation destination research, I discovered a perfect destination for a vacation  that is both educational and fun.

I suggest a trip to Foamhenge in Virginia.  It is a perfect replica of Stonehenge in England.   A lot of humans have visited the one in England.  It has been the object of study.  Many humans marvel that ancient people built it without the help of modern technology.  Some have theorized that it was built with the aide of aliens who visited Earth in ancient times.  They also debate its purpose in being built.  Foamhenge is far more mysterious.  One day, there was nothing and the following day,  Foamhenge appeared out of nowhere.  Was it built by modern aliens?  Did a mattress factory explode?  Perhaps it is a conspiracy to get the humans to focus their attention on it rather than the upcoming election.  The superior mind of dogs will be so busy studying it, and calcuating how much it can be peed on, they are hoping to sneak in a human candidate.  By all means, go to Virginia to see it, but send in an absentee ballot before you go.  Here is a link to a site about Foamhenge.

Demon.Flash Bandit (World Travelker)

Friday, June 10, 2016

My Presidential Campaign

This is an update for the many supporters who have asked about my campaign.  It is going well
  I have already gained the nomination of the dog party.  I don't need to remind my readers that, when given a choice between a human and a dog, the dog will win.  I will admit I  have had the nomination in my paw almost from the beginning.  I have seen the humans who I am up against, and I will win by a landslide.

Bernie hasn't given up yet, but you know he doesn't stand a chance against me.  I have had 2 email addresses for years, and neither has ever caused me any concern.  If the one on dogster were published, the emails would not hurt my campaign.  Unlike Trump, I never cheated on my first wife only to leave wife 2 for wife 3.  Isn't that kind of similar behavior  part of the reason so many humans got upset with Bill Clinton? I might add that my first lady, Angel, was born in Ohio, and barks English as her first language.  

 From the time I've been a puppy, humom has always told me most of the time that I am a good boy.  When I got into stuff, she would tell me that I was being bad.  Sure, she didn't punish me.  She said that when I got bubblegum or orange craft paint on my nose that I was being bad.  However, I looked so cute, she let it slide.  I will admit that I have occasionally told a lie, but it was justified. If I didn't occasionally hide some dingo bones and tell Angel Zoom Smokey that they are all gone, I might starve.  Angel has an unbelievable appetite, and she is never on a diet.

I wish the humans could be more like us dogs when it comes to politics.  There seems to be too much hate so remember, the humans are trying to make the right choice no matter who they choose.  However, the best choice is me, Demon Flash Bandit.   By the way, I have a collar and tie so I will look presidential for those of you who care about fashion.

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Hopeful)

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Movie Review: Step Dogs

I watched a little known and largely unadvertised movie titled Step Dogs made in 2013.  The movie is the delightful story of a movie star from Hollywood with a spoiled niece (her parents had passed on), and a widower from Canada who lived with his son.  The two adults got married, and settled into farm life.  The farm dog, Meatball (guess why he got his name), and Cassie, and the spoiled Hollywood Pomeranian became step dogs.  The parents went on their honeymoon, and left a neighbor to watch the kids and dogs.  Meanwhile, 2 guys are planning to rob the house.  The movie starts much like Home Alone, but you have to watch it to see how it works out.  If you want to see it, you can buy it on dvd.  I watched it on hulu, and I am ordering a DVD for myself.   Angel and I will watch it often.  I give it 8 paws up, puppy kisses, and a wagging tail.  The humans give it popcorn and a coke-a very high rating from the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (4Movie Critic)

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

I Love Ice Cream

It is the summer season here in Michigan; and the only good thing about summer weather is the appearances of ice cream trucks.  Yes, refrigerated trucks that bring a dog ice cream.  You know they are approaching when you hear music.  I'm sure it is a recording of an angelic choir announcing the imminent arrival of ice cream.  I have not been hearing the music yet this year.  Mom said when she was young growing up in Chattanooga, they came through about 10 times a day
  Perhaps it is a dying business; but, perhaps if dogs sTart eating more ice cream. We can bring them.back into the neighborhoods.  Until then, mom will get me ice cream at the store.  My humans have my back!

Demon Fish Bandit.(Dog Who Loves Ice Cream)

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Designer Dogs

I ran across a site that has a beautiful dog named Mya.  Many humans think she is a fox. I agree-I would take her out on a date, but she is not really a fox,  she is a dog.  It is not unusual for humans to be wrong.  I can't tell you how many humans think I am a wolf.   I could huff and puff and blow their brains away, but who would notice?

In reality, Mya's parents are a Siberian husky and a Pomeranian.  The new "designer" breed is called a Pomskie.  Another designer breed are Labradoodles.  Humans think they are such geniuses for mixing breeds together, but we dogs have been doing it for centuries.  When I was a young pup, I loved the dog next door, Meagan.  We could have had Spanskies, but it didn't work.   Much like Romeo and  Juliet, our love was not meant to be.  Then Angel Zoom Smokey and I got together, and we would have had gorgeous puppies.  However, Angel didn't want to be tied down to raising puppies, and I have a busy political career.  I do understand Angel,  She has a successful career getting in my way and bugging me. It did inspire me to write my hit song, Move Bitch, get outta the way.  Here is the link to Mya's information.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog)

Dogs Get the Job Done Right

Recently, Mom discovered that, for young people in Michigan  to get a driver's license, there is a publication with a list of things the kids need to bring in to verify their identity and their age.  If I were in charge, I would be more concerned about whether or not they know how to drive.  Because I am a dog, I can't get a driver's license despite me owning papers from the AKC (American Kruising Canines) certifying that I'm a Siberian husky (an official travelling breed).  I understand how the older humans feel.  Humom graduated from high school 43 years ago today, and she thinks babies born as early as the 80's should still be in school. She does assume they are old enough for high school.  Evidently, babies born in the 90's are supposed to be in elementary school.  However, despite her hesitancy about allowing all these babies out on the road, she would not expect them to carry around a backpack of identification paperwork.  In fact, I assume that is why backpacks are so popular now.

I had to explain to humom that, although the geezers running the country probably don't trust children to drive anymore than she does.  I'm guessing they also see age groups the same as she does, chances are that it is probably not the reason for being so ridiculous.  I had to remind her that the United States has become the land of the paranoid and the people without common sense.

When a 16 year old goes in to get a driver's license,  they aren't planning to organize a terrorist attack.  They are too busy hanging out at the mall, fantasizing about the weekend, and/or working at some mind numbing, low paying job to pay for gas for the car and insurance.  If a terrorist wants to do something evil, they won't be stopped over a lack of paperwork. When I become  president, I will use dog sense to find evil people.  Haven't you noticed that most dogs immediately like or dislike a human.?  Therefore, I would replace all the humans at Homeland Security with dogs.  I've always said that if you want a job done right, let a dog do it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Campaigning)

Friday, June 3, 2016

Let's Cook.Crawdads

Yesterday I was relaxing and leafing through mom's April issue of Southern Living magazine.  In this issue, I found an interesting recipe for Crawdad dogs.    Of course, first it was necessary to investigate crawdads.   I have heard of them, but I thought they might be a figment of an overactive imagination.   Of course, mom knew nothing about them, I had to get my information from the Internet.  It turns out that they look like little lobsters or scorpions.  My research concludes that they can be eaten or they can be a pet.  I have no idea why anyone would want one as a pet--it is probably those crazy people that like pet snakes.  Crawdad are cannibals so.I suppose they would be a perfect pet for Hannibal Lector. Mom and I have never watched any of those movies; but I have heard that crawdad's must eat a lot of fava beans

However, this blog is meant to share a recipe with my readers.  Crawdad dogs are made from leftover Crawdad etouffee, which is a Cajun dish. Crawdads can be ordered online so finding the ingredients won't be a problem.  I plan to make mine without crawdads because they look disgusting.  To make a Crawdad dog, Crawdad etouffee is the topping of the hotdog. Here is the recipe:

1 tablespoon paprika
2 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon diced thyme
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 cup vegetable oil

There are more ingredients, but I don't care for any of them.  Therefore, I am giving you my Demon Flash Bandit Dog recipe.   Put a hot dog on a bun and load it with cheese and bacon.  In fact, I like to replace the hot dog with more bacon.  I always say "everything is better with bacon".  Enjoy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Chef)

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Birds are not Pets!

I am so disappointed with my humans.   William walked to Little Caesar's to get some pizza for dinner.  Mom usually has pizza delivered, but there are 3 pizza places close by that can be reached by walking.  On the way home, he found a bird that couldn't fly, and it was on the street so William moved it to a safer location. He was thinking of bringing that bird  into our house but mom.told him that it mght be a baby bird learning to fly.  Mommy doesn't know a lot about bird care, and sometimes it is better for the humans to leave them alone.  I was appalled at the very idea.  I had to inform them that, from my understanding of the law, it is have a bird as a pet-or it would be if I become president.  This is why my humans aren't allowed to make my campaign decisions.  Can you imagine how dogs would react to my campaign if my humans have a pet bird.?  What is next?  Are they gonna start feeding the squirrels?   I wonder how many dogs are embarrassed by their humans.  I bet I am not the only dog with embarrassing humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Embarrassed Dog)

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Movie Review: Age of Adeline

I just finished watching a movie that came out last year titled, Age of Adeline.  The story is about a young woman who was born at the turn of the 20th century, and as a result of a car accident, her body I stopped aging...There a sequel with a character who can eat everything in sight and not gain weight.  Warning for the humans:  do not have a car accident in real life because, In real life,  if a car accident does stop the aging process, it is the result of death.

It was a good movie, but I don't think it is outstanding, but it is entertaining.  I give it 2 paws up and some doggy kisses.  It is probably a toaster on the human scale which is lower than a toaster.oben, but more than a can opener.  If you want to see an action movie, skip it
 Personally, I would have enjoyed a car chase or a blown up building. I consider this movie dull even with Harrison Ford in it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)