Sunday, July 28, 2013

Psycho Dog Television Show

Now we take you to a taping of the new television show, Psycho Dog: Psycho Dog Theme Song: Whose that dog who takes no guff? Whose that dog whose really tough? Whose that dog who rules the humans? Psycho Dog, Psycho's psycho dog! Psycho Dog (after overhearing that the humans have an appointment for him with the veterinarian who is going to cut off his....WHAT? Psycho dog gets his doggy pistol and shoots the human, taking care of removing the same item from the human. Next scene: In hospital emergency waiting room, there is the human's family and Psycho Dog. Psycho Dog: Let this be a lesson to humans who want to take a dog's balls. This was inspired by the fake television show, Psycho Dad, which used to be on Married With Children. I don't know thy they never made that show, but I think Psycho Dog could be even better! Demon Flash Bandit (Not Psycho Dog)

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Movie Review: Pacific Rim

For those of you who want to see a movie about giant robots and monsters that fight each other, then the movie, Pacific Rim, is for you. I kept wondering if this movie was just a new transformers movie without calling the robots "transformers". It certainly had enough fighting and stuff being blown up to be a part of the Transformer franchise. I thought the best perfomance was by Charlie Day, who plays Charlie in the television show, It is Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Sadly, his performance couldn't turn this into a good movie. I did not enjoy this movie, and I thought it was seriously boring! How many times can a robot hit a monster before a dog gets bored? I give this movie 2 paws up which is about a 4 out of 10 on the human movie scale. I will say that, if you are a fan of Godzilla type movies, you will probably love it! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Friday, July 26, 2013

Candy Insurance

This dog is highly upset today, and I'm sure, once I explain this situation to you, all the other dogs out there will be upset too. As you may be aware, if you buy items at the store, the stores often offer extended warranties particularly on electronics and even dvds and blu-rays. Since they offer extended warranties, and the humans can get insurance on the items in their home in case of theft, I wanted to get an insurance policy on the Swedish Fish I was planning to buy. It seems that everytime I get some Swedish Fish, they end up missing. Someone is stealing them right out from under my nose, and it seems to happen everyday. Since they are my absolute favorite candy (except for a couple of weeks when I refused to eat them because the humans were wrapping a disgusting antibiotic in them), this is very upsetting to me. The store has no policy for insuring food. Does that seem fair to you? The most valuable thing anyone can buy, and there is no insurance for it. You can insure your television set, and if you ask my opinion, it is very useless. It isn't like you can eat it, and even if you could, I doubt that it would taste good. I think the government should get involved in this so I have written my congresshuman (yes, we know it should be a congressdog, but it isn't), and I am going to share that letter with you now: Dear Congresshuman, Insurance companies should be required to insure a dog's candy. We like our candy, and the humans are always trying to take it from us. Something should be done....maybe the death penalty for candy theft. I know you are probably thinking that the death penalty is too easy since there is the chance for reincarnation, but at least it is a start! I would appreciate it if you would name this new law when you pass it, the Demon Flash Bandit Candy Law. Thank you for your time and get cracking or you may have a constituency of dogs ready to bite you! Sincerely, Demon Flash Bandit If that doesn't get some action, I don't know what will. Of course, from what I've read in the news, some of the people in Washington are busy sending photos to other humans that would be better unsent. Someone really needs to explain that to Anthony Weiner. Demon Flash Bandit (Wants My Candy Insured)

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Fortune Cookie Uncanny Accuracy and Protest at Wendy's HQ

I have written several times in previous blogs about the accuracy of fortune cookie preditions. Now I have a story to share with you from the news about a man whose fortune cookie predicted he would soon come into a lot of gold so he bought a lottery ticket which won a million dollars. Here is the link: By the way, if you have any fortune cookies laying around that you don't want, send them to me, Demon Flash Bandit at this address: Demon Flash Bandit United States. I'm sure that is all the post office needs to get the packages directly to me since I'm such a famous dog! I have an important announcement involving Wendy's restaurants. The local ones have been giving out reduced fat sour cream, and it has happened more than once so I doubt that it is a mistake. What are fast foods coming to when a dog gets reduced fat items at the restaurants? If you want healthy food, go to the Tufu and Soybean Chain...oh yeah, you can't go there because no self respecting dog--or human with normal taste buds wants to eat that crap. I know I am being a bit harsh here, but we are talking about a LOW FAT item. Even Yogi Bear, in his movie, pointed out that low fat mayonaise does not taste as good as regular mayo, and he learned that from stealing so many pic-a-nic baskets. I think Yogi probably holds the record for the most pic-a-nic baskets stolen from the humans so he should know. I'm sure he would not approve of low fat sour cream either. Since this is a serious issue, I think there should be some mass protesting at Wendy's headquarters. Chihuahuas and other little dogs, you are in front with your protest signs, and us bigger dogs will be behind you! Demon Flash Bandit (Protesting Low Fat Sour Cream)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Royal Baby: George Alexander Prince

Kate just had the royal baby, and they named him George Alexander Prince. The name meets my approval since many dogs are named Prince so the baby is in good company with that name. In keeping with tradition, many babies born during the past week were named George Alexancer Notprince. Personally, I think this trend got a bit out of paw when they started naming the girls that name. The royal couple wanted to name the baby Demon Flash Bandit 2, but I wouldn't allow it. It is my name, and the AKC probably would not allow them to name the baby after me since the baby is human and not a puppy. I do have several comments to make regarding the royal baby. The first of which is that the media is making a big deal out of this event which makes no sense to me. I can tell you that my Mommy had more than one puppy, and the media never even mentioned it on the front page. Since I, Demon Flash Bandit, was one of the puppies, you would think an important event like my birth would get a lot more attention than it did. I also want to mention that the baby's car seat, and swaddling stuffs (there are items for the baby to chew on during the trip home), is sold out because the non-royal humans want to have the same car seat for their children. I hate to break it to them, but it takes more than a carseat to be the prince. From what I've learned, it takes generations of in-breeding to create a royal child. Evidently, the royal families did not know that, from a scientific viewpoint, having a more diverse genetic gene pool is a good thing. Anyway, it is nice that the young prince has been born, and even though he isn't as important as me, human puppies are still cute when they are little...then they grow up to be adult humans and they lose all their cuteness! Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About George Alexander Prince)

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Movie Review: Turbo

This movie is about Theo, the garden snail who dreams of being a race car and going as fast as possible. However, being a snail makes that dream impossible-or does it? A freak accident causes Theo to become "Turbo"--a super fast snail who can race. Meanwhile, he is found by a young man who is also a dreamer, and he wants to use snail races to make his taco stand successful. Does it work? You'll have to watch the movie to see how Turbo did in the Indianapolis 500, and how the taco stand worked out. One outstanding part of this movie was the birds that died in the making of this movie. As a dog who does not like birds, I was happy to see such realism in a film. If you ask my opinion, more birds should be killed in films! I give this movie 4 paws up, some tail wags, and a tummy rub which is about an 8 out of 10 on the human movie scale. Although this movie is largely meant for children, the message of this movie is that you should not give up on your dreams no matter how silly they may seem. Who day, you may be running alongside the cars at the Indy 500 too?! I want to mention that Ryan Reynolds played Turbo, and Paul Giamatti played Turbo's brother, and I think both actors did an amazing job considering that it is not easy for a human to play a snail. Do I smell an Oscar nomination for them? Probably not--knowing those silly Oscar giving humans, it will go to some stupid movie that stars birds as heroes. If only more birds could die, this world would be a better place for dogs! Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Plants Should be Seen and Not Heard

This area has had a heat wave for the past couple of days, and as a result, this dog has not been getting on the computer to write a blog. I know that it is unfair to expect my readers to go without my words of wisdom for so long. The central air conditioning in the house is not working, and this dog has been hanging out in the bedroom where there is a window air conditioner. If there is one thing that a husky does not enjoy--it is hot weather. Now that it isn't so hot, I am back, and I hope my readers have not been too inconvenienced by my lack of writing. I read in the news today that plants can talk. Yes, plants--those green things that we dogs like to water when we go outside can talk!! In my personal opinion, this is not a good thing. Isn't it bad enough that birds and other small animals can talk without plants adding to the noise? You know that they will probably just be complaining about how they never get to go out anywhere-and probably even complain about how the wonderful dogs they know are "watering" them. Dogs are doing them a big favor when we water them, but you know they won't be appreciative about the dogs sacrifice. Now I understand why dogs always say, "plants should be seen and not heard". I have to go now, but I will try to write my blog sooner next time. I know how important it is for my readers to have something new to read! Hopefully, the heat wave will not return to our area! Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Talking Plants)

Saturday, July 13, 2013

My Opinion of Wendy's Pretzel Burger and Dog Nutrition

Wendy's has a new pretzel bacon burger which I volunteered to taste test for the humans. It is delicious. Normally, I'm not a big fan of bread, and I usually just eat the meat, but the pretzel bread is an exception--I did eat a few bites of it. You didn't expect a dog to eat it all, did you? The bacon on a burger is always an improvement. In fact, this dog would add bacon to bacon for the ultimate in good eating. I don't know why the humans haven't thought of topping bacon with bacon. Wait, Mom says Daddy learned that trick when he was young. I think she is suggesting that Daddy ate too much bacon than was good for him, but Daddy was the most brilliant human I've ever known. I would not have the lovely personality I have today if it had not been for him treating me like royalty. I say he was a genius who knew how to treat a dog! Anyway, I hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and I plan to go into the kitchen to see if I can find any bacon laying around on the floor in there. There probably is no bacon since Mommy doesn't seem to have the good sense to buy it very often. Doesn't she know that bacon is on a dog's basic list of nutritional needs which I will publish for the benefit of humans who didn't know about it. Here are the basic 4 food groups for dogs: Food Groups for Good Dog Nutrition by Demon Flash Bandit 1. Meat (Bacon in particular) 2. Candy (Suger is necessary to give a dog energy....Swedish Fish are my personal favorites) Note: Some of the humans don't think candy is good for us dogs so help yourself if they don't give it to you volunterily. I can't tell you how many times I've found hidden candy just by sniffing around the house. 3. Dog Treats (Anything from Milkbones to all the other delightful treats they make for dogs). I have found the yogurt coated bones from the local pet store to be particularly tasty! 4. Rawhide Bones. The best tasting are dingo bones, but any rawhide will do in a pinch. You need these bones to clean your teeth and keep you from being bored. Remember, kibble is disgusting, and if the humans insist on buying it, let them eat it. It isn't like the family dog wasted money on it! Demon Flash Bandit (Talking Dog Nutrition)

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Garage Sale Advice from Demon Flash Bandit

I have been unable to write a blog for the past several days because of computer difficulties at this site. I'm not sure if the difficulties were the fault of the site, my computer, or both: but I'm sure that my loyal readers have missed my informative and helpful blogs! Luckily, I'm BACK!!! Summer is not my favorite season because of all the hot weather, but one thing that is good to do at this time of year if one wants to make some extra money is to have a garage sale. I have read many articles giving humans (and dogs) advice about how to have a good garage sale that will make the most money possible. As usual, if you want the best advice about how to make money having one, always come for my advice. If the humans would quit listening to other humans and stick to dogs for advice and guidance, the humans would be a lot more successful and much, much happier. What is my advice about how to make a bigger profit on a garage sale? My advice to the humans is- when you are ready to have a garage sale, you do it from your neighbor's garage. It makes you a lot more money because everything you sell is profitable.....if the neighbor has a classic Corvette, and you are offered $500.00 for it, that is $500.00 pure profit. The same goes for everything else in the garage, and it is a lot less work. You don't have to go through your own house to find things to sell, and then carry them out to the garage. The neighbor's stuff is already there, and ready to sell. If you happen to have a rich neighbor, choose that garage. Remember, the better the stuff in the garage, the more money you make. Once you are done with the garage sale, I recommend you invest the money into dingo bones since they are the best bones a dog can get! Good luck! Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Giving Garage Sale Advice)

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Shedd Aquarium in Chicago Adds Dogs

Today I want to discuss a place where my humans have been many times, and that place is the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, Illinois.  It is built by Lake Michigan adjacent to the Adler Planetarium and the Field Museum of Natural History.  The best thing about this aquarium is that, in addition to fish and water type animals, they now have dogs....yes DOGS!!!  My humans have not been there since they added dogs so maybe it is time for them to make a trip there again.  I would recommend it highly as a vacation destination because my humans always enjoyed the time they spent there, and Chicago has many other things to do for all different kinds of tastes.  When the Shedd Aquarium allows dogs to visit in addition to being part of the "show", then this dog will be one of the first to go there.  Allowing dogs in a "show" is the first step so all us dogs are watching and waiting to see when we can go and see the fishes!  Here is the link for those who want to know more about the aquarium:

Demon Flash Bandit (Shedd's Aquarium in Chicago)

Friday, July 5, 2013

Movie Review: The Lone Ranger

Today I will review the movie, The Lone Ranger.  Critics have been very hard on this movie, but this dog loved it, and that was in spite of the native American, Tonto, having a bird on his head.  As my regular readers are aware, I am not a fan of birds, but I'm okay with dead birds worn as part of a hat on a human's head.  I'm not saying it is a fashion statement that I would go for.  However,  if you are going to wear a bird on your head, as long as it isn't a live bird, I'm okay with it. 

The story is told by Tonto, and he explains how The Lone Ranger came to be.  As usual, Johnny Depp gives a spectacular (yes I said spectacular) performance as Tonto, and Armie Hammer is a very good Lone Ranger.  This movie was good enough that I  regret turning down a part in the film; but as you know, this dog is a busy dog who has napping to do.  Making a movie would interfere with that process.  I did enjoy the horse in this movie, and he definitely could be an honorary sled dog.  He has the independent spirit and intelligence of a Siberian husky. 

This was a very entertaining film, and I think it should be up for an Oscar for best picture, but it probably won't be because many of the Best Picture nominees are movies that  this dog considers inferior.  Sure, every now and then, a movie that deserves to win slips by like, The Artist which won best picture in 2011.  I can't tell you how pleased I was to see the dog in that movie win "best actor" also.  There are few actors in the history of the Oscars who deserved to win as much as that dog!

Anyway, this movie gets 12 paws up (again, I'm also using Angel Zoom Smokey and Phantom Fast Snowman), tails wags, kisses, and a milkbone.  That milkbone could be useful to Tonto if he needs to trade with someone to get something he needs.  On the human movie scale, I give it a 10 out of 10.  For those critics who think it is bad, I bet if you look it up, all of them would turn out to be humans.  I'm sure there isn't one dog among them.  Go and see this movie because this dog wants to see a sequel!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reveiwer)

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy Birthday USA

Today is the birthday of the United States, and Angel Zoom Smokey and I are very excited about it.  Whenever one of us has a birthday, the other one gets the same present so we won't get jealous of each other and we are both happy.   I am looking forward to a very special present in honor of the country's birthday.  I'm not sure what kind of gift you would give to a country, but I'm guessing most humans give their countries something useful.  Perhaps they will give  one of those umbrella hats I mentioned yesterday so the flag can stay dry when it rains.  I never gave it much thought, but after giving it some thought, a country is not easy for which to buy gifts.  However, Angel Zoom Smokey and I are much easier to buy for so, if the humans want to, I'm sure the country wouldn't mind if they just get an extra gift for us and skip the gift for the country.  I'm sure the country will get so many gifts, there probably won't be time to open all of them in one day.

Since it is the birthday of the USA, I think it is only appropriate that I spend a few minutes telling how the USA came to be.  Many years ago, a man named Columbus was out on a fishing trip and he discovered the "new world".  It really wasn't a new world because the native Americans had been living in the "new world" for a long time, and they didn't think of it as a new world.  Of course, it was new to the Eurpoeans.  Spain, England, and France wanted to claim the new world.  The native Americans were "in the way" so the Europeans decided to either shoot them immediately or put them in areas where they could slowly starve to death.  This was called assimulation.  Actually, it was a bit short sighted since sometimes it is good to learn to accept other people and cultures as happened during World War 2.  The code used by the USA was actually based on the Navajo tribal language, and therefore, was not broken by the enemy.  I don't mean to get into a speech on tolerance here, but if you notice, most dogs accept dogs of other breeds.  Sure, I may not always understand why a chihuahua is barking, but I don't usually get upset about it.  If it bothers me, I just politely tell the chihuahua that, if he doesn't shut up, I will step on him with my paw.  If only the humans had the intelligence of us dogs!  Anyway, the Europeons ended up taking over the country, but the colonies, who were owned by England, got mad at King George III because he was insane.  I might add that much of European royalty was crazy largely because they kept intermarrying their cousins so that they wouldn't get any "common" blood.  Of course, this is not a good practice so I think that explains much of the stupidity of past centuries when countries were being run not just by stupid humans, but super stupid humans.  The colonists banned together and, under the guidance of George Washington, the colonists beat the British and got their independence.  Then the colonists became a country, but I've already spent enough time on this history lesson, and I know the dogs reading it will be getting antsy to go and eat a treat so that is it for today.  For those of you who want to know more, I would suggest many documentaries available on dvd, but stick with the cartoons.  If you can't trust someone like Bugs Bunny to be honest, who can you trust?

Demon Flash Bandit (Historian)

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Gog: Cave Dog

There once was a time many, many moons ago, before humans evolved from the Neanderthal man to modern man--about 3 minutes ago-when dogs and humans were not friends.  Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.   The dinosaurs were big, ferocious, and friendly.  They kept annoying the humans by coming to their doors and knocking and wanting to visit.  The humans couldn't get anything done.  Then the worst happened, Alexander Graham Saurus invented the telephone.  Now the dinosaurs weren't just knocking at the humans cave doors, but they were calling them on the phone trying to sell them stuff that they didn't need like umbrella hats.  The worst part was that men didn't think they needed them, but then it rained, and they realized that they could have used to hat to catch rain to drink.  Because of the umbrella hats, dinosaurs became the humans' best friends, but the problem was that humans were the dinosaur's favorite snack which almost led to the extinction of the humans.  Then dogs came along, They started making fun of the dinosaurs-like the size of the T-Rex's arms.  The dinosaurs were very sensitive to teasing so they ran off and ended up jumping into some tar pits that they thought was a swimming pool.  I think this shows that the dinosaurs weren't any smarter than the humans.  The dogs came in and stopped the telemarketing calls by chewing the telephone cord, and barking at anyone who came to the door.  However, thanks largely to a billboard campaign put together by Gog, the famous cave dog who is considered the reason humans and dogs are friends, we dogs now join with many of the humans which happens to be the luckiest thing that ever happened  to humans in human history!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Gog, Cave Dog)

Monday, July 1, 2013

Demon Flash Bandit's Balloonfest

My humans did the unthinkable yesterday.  They went to the Balloonfest in Howell, MI and left Angel Zoom Smokey and myself alone for 3 hours--yes 3 hours.  I couldn't believe they would take such an eternity just to watch some balloons go up and walk around to buy stuff.  They should have at least had me along.  If they want to leave Angel Zoom Smokey at home, I can accept that, but I, Demon Flash Bandit should be out among my public.  It isn't just my humans that need my guidance, but all the humans can use the guidance and wisdom of me, The Deemster.  Humans left to their own devices usually always have problems, and the humans are about as good at solving problems as they are at biting fleas.  I might add, how many humans have you ever seen trying to bite a flea?  Next year, I am going to buy a couple of balloons and put air in them, and have my own Balloonfest here at the house.  Then the humans will have no reason to leave me and go somewhere else.  I should have thought of the idea sooner.  I guess hanging around the humans so much is hurting my genius!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Got Left at Home for 3 Hours)