Sunday, June 30, 2013

I'm a Celebrity Dog

For those of my readers who live in the continental United States, this is your lucky day!  I had an infected paw awhile back, and now my humans have my used bandage on ebay with proceeds to go to Taysia Blue Siberan Husky Rescue in Nebraska.  This is actually just a ploy to get it out of the house so I won't use it as exhitbit A in court to sue my humans for cruel and unusual punishment--making a dog wear a bandage is low for even the humans!  Here is the link for those who might be interested:

I wrote the description myself since I am far more eloquent than the humans here.  They are lucky if they can put together one coherent sentence.  Anyway, for those who are interested in looking at my bandage, it does have the added benefit that, if purchased, the purchaser might be able to clone their own Demon Flash Bandit, and I can't think of anything more wonderful than someone else having the pleasure of buying another Demon Flash Bandit hamburgers everyday!

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrity Dog)

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Yearly Balloonfest--I'm not Barking at Balloons

The town I live in is having a Balloonfest this weekend which is the  festival in which balloons are launched every year.  I know the humans enjoy this festival, but what about dogs?  I'm sure the humans expect us to bark at the hot air balloons that we see in the sky.  I usually see some of them since we live near the festival grounds.  If my humans think I'm going to waste my time and energy barking at balloons, then they don't know me very well.  I have better things to do than bark at silly objects in the air.  I say if the humans want to go up into the air and take their chances, let them.  This dog plans to keep all 4 paws on the gournd.  Okay, sometimes I do put 2 paws in the air, but that is when I'm doing that, "put your 2 paws in the air, like you just don't care" thing to entertain the humans.  As you can see, the humans are easily entertained.  I think that if the humans had any sense, they would stay on the ground.  I don't trust birds, and I don't want to be up in the air with them.  Who knows what those evil bird brains have planned for the animals who aren't meant to fly?  I don't trust them and I never will.  It is bad enough that a dog can be standing on the ground and get hit by a bird bomb.  Can you imagine what they might do in the air which is their territory?  I shudder at the thought.  This is why I will be napping and not barking when the balloons go over.  I prefer napping anyway!

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Barking at Balloons)

Friday, June 28, 2013

Movie Review: Monsters University

I went to the theatre to see the move, Monsters University, yesterday, and I will give my movie review of it today.  I know that many of my loyal readers wait to see the movies until I've done my movie review of them.  This is a prequel movie because I'm sure many of the people out there wanted to know more about the history of the monsters from the previous movie, Monsters Inc.  Disney was kind enough to accommodate their requests.  The movie begins with Mike Wazowski (starring Billy Crystal) going on a school field trip when he was young, and how he was inspired to spend his life as a scary monster after witnessing the scary monsters at work on the field trip.  Sullivan (starring John Goodman), was a big scary type monster in the movie whose family was notorious for being scary.  However, he wasn't as good as his father, whose reputation everyone at the University expected him to follow  Both Mike and Sullivan got cut from the scary program and had to participate in the special scary games in order to get back into the program.  This movie shows that sometimes a monster (or a human), will face obstacles before achieving their goals, but is important not to give up and to believe in oneself. 
I would give this movie 3 tails ways, 12 paws up (again, I'm making Angel Zoom Smokey and Phantom Fast Snowman help me with the extra tail wags and paws).  I would also give it a lot of kisses.  This movie would get an 8 out of 10 on the human movie scale, and if you have children, chances are that they will love it more than an adult. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Royal Family Gets More Money

After enduring some cutbacks in salary, Queen Elizabeth II (my good pal, the Queen Lady) is going to get extra money this year.  According to what I read on the Internet, she will get 58 million dollars this year although in England, you have to switch them to pounds.  I think the people in the United States have never referred to our money as pounds because they like money, but most are on diets trying to avoid pounds.  I am very pleased for the Queen Lady.  Now she will no longer have to do odd jobs around London in order to keep up her lifestyle of wearing those silly hats the royal family seems to be so fond of donning.  I happen to have a Davy Crockett hat that my Daddy bought me so I would look "cute"-like a raccoon could be cuter than a dog!  I hate wearing hats and would gladly ship it to the royal family at no cost to them so that they can look like frontier royal raccoons.  I have to admit that it is nice that the Queen Lady can cut back on the work so that she can spend more time with the royal baby which is going to arrive soon.  By the way, that Davy Crockett hat would probably be just the right size for a baby since it is dog size, and the baby could start out with wierd hats from the beginning. 

You may think I'm making light of raising a royal baby versus a regular human baby, but there is a big difference.  The royal baby has to learn all sorts of protocol when meeting heads of states and other royal babies.  They have to have special toys that have heads that come off so that they can fully understand the meaning of the royal command, "off with the head".  This was a command of which King Henry VIII was very fond.  I suppose when he was running England, there were a lot of human running around with heads that shouldn't have had them...and he was married to several of them.   I could go on and on, but I'm sure all the dogs reading this are familiar with the difference in humans and human royalty.   Human royalty have an important job to do for the world.   When I find out what it is, I'll let you know!

Demon Flash Bandit (Regular, Not Royal Dog)

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Movie Review: This is the End

If you want to see a "feel good", "everything is great" movie, then I do not recommend seeing This is the End.  Although it stars many actors who usually do movies that make a dog laugh, this movie is still about the end of the world or the "apocalypse".  In this movie, the stars play themselves, and Jay Baruchel has come to Los Angeles to visit his friend, Seth Rogan.  Seth takes him to a party at James Franco's house which Jay did not enjoy largely because he wasn't comfortable with Seth's new friends, but also because the end of the world tends to ruin a party.  Jonah Hill and Danny McBride are in this movie along with many other stars.  On a deeper level, it did show how friendships can change, and also how they can be complicated at times.  I think if you are like most people, the message you will get is that the end of the world is no time to try to work at relationships particularly if you need to spend that time running from demonic type creatures.  The movie was good.  I give it 4 paws up and a tail wag which is about a 7 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  I do not recommend it for the young puppies because I do think it is designed for a more mature audience of dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Reviewer)

Monday, June 24, 2013

Wendy's New Pretzel Burgers and Twinkies

Today's blog is going to be about something that is near and dear to this dog's heart (or perhaps stomach would be a more accurate term).  Wendy's is trying out a pretzel burger which will be a burger and bacon on a "pretzel" bun.  One of the local stores sells pretzel bread in their deli so I have already tried it so I think they are going to be serving a great burger with that one.  Adding bacon can only make a burger better-ask any dog and you'll get the same answer to that.  I hope the local Wendys' location gets it soon because I'm already drooling at the thought of it!

The second big news is that Twinkies are coming back which will be welcome news to all those twinkie fans who have had to live without them for for so long.  I wonder if Twinkies would taste good wrapped in bacon....

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Food)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

I've been relaxing today, and enjoying some time taking part in my favorite hobby.  That hobby happens to be going through the garbage.  The humans don't want us to do it, but I say that if they don't want us going through the garbage, quit throwing such cool treasures away.  Just today I found a half eaten cookie and 3 tootise rolls. It is about time the humans quit throwing such great treasures away.  Remember the human motto:  If there are dogs in the house, don't throw away the good stuff-give it to the dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit

Friday, June 21, 2013

Watermelon Oreos....No Thank You!

The people who make Oreo cookies have been very busy inventing new flavors, one of which is watermelon flavor cookies.  I will admit that, whenever, the humans have offered me watermelon, I have refused to try it because I might not like it.  I probably won't try a watermelon flavor cookie either.  I happen to love the vanilla oreos, and beg for them whenever the humans eat them.  The problem with watermelon flavor is that they are taking something that might be kind of good for a dog, and putting it into a food that is supposed to taste good and have no redeeming nutritional value.  Whenever the humans do that, it seems to ruin the flavor of the decadent item.  What is next for Oreo?  Are we going to be seeing spinach oreos on the shelf.  If we do, I can tell you there is one dog that won't be buying them!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Oreos)

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Dogs Care in Dogcareland

Once upon a time a little girl who we will called Jenny to protect her real identity decided that she liked the "Care Bears" so much that she was going to go and visit them.  I can understand her feelings on the subject.  She saw them on television, and they were loving and cute in their little rainbow colors.  However, Jenny had never been to Carebearland before, so she really didn't know what to expect.  She took off to see the world and find the Care Bears.  She had not travelled long until she found some bears, but they weren't rainbow colors because they were either black or brown.  They didn't seem to be in such a good humor either.   They had giant claws, and growled at Jenny.  Jenny decided to give up her plans to go to Carebearland and she immediately returned home.  I was glad to see her, and I think she gained a whole new appreciation for dogs after her bear experience.  This is why you don't see dogs go out looking for bears.  We are way too smart!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogcareland would be better)

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I Hate Birds!

As my loyal readers are aware, this dog is not a fan of birds.  In fact, I hate the little varmints.  As you may have guessed, they aren't exactly crazy about me either.  When I go with Mommy, I ride on the passenger side since the idiot humans won't allow us dogs to drive even though we are obviously better drivers than most humans and all cats.  However, this blog is not about the dog discrimination in driving, but it is about how horrible those bird varmints are.  When I got out to the vehicle today, there was a huge white bird bomb on the window where I look out.  I'm sure the bird that did it was trying to keep me from seeing whatever illegal activities he was taking part in.  This is not fair, and I told Mommy to clean up the window immediately.  As you may guess, my human would make a lousy maid because it didn't seem to bother her at all, and she actually stated that rain would take care of it.  This is when I miss Daddy the most.  Daddy took his cars very seriously.  They would be washed and waxed, and treated like his babies.  He is the one who taught me to hate birds because he hated them dropping their bird bombs on his cars.  He also held it against one bird at the Detroit Zoo who, one day many years ago, decided to drop a bomb on his head.  Mommy said it was hilarious, but Daddy said he knew from that moment on that birds were evil creatures out to bird bomb a human's head.  Besides, I hate baths, and I'm sure the cars don't enjoy them either so why should they be subjected to a bath just because a bird does not have any manners and decides to poop everywhere.  Birds are useless creatures except for snacks and  meals.  I can only hope that Daddy is flying around in the sky shooting at those useless birds before they bug me more!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds are Evil)

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Movie Review: The Great Gatsby

This movie was very well done except for the name, Gatsby.  You would think the humans in Hollywood would check out details to make sure they are accurate.  This movie is an adaptation of a story which was discovered painted on a rock on Long Island---possibly  by ancient astronauts.  In future references, I will use the correct title, The Great Catsy.

Jay Catsy, played by Leonardo DiCaprio moved into a fancy house on Long Island, and he was known for his lavish weekend parties.  He meets Nick Carraway, who was his neighbor, and they became friends.  He was able to live in that area with the wealthy because he was heir to the Carraway family fortune which they made by competing directly with sesame seed families.   SPOILER ALERT:  Before the movie ends, you find that Catsby has been hiding a big secret all that time--he was a CAT!  I might add that casting "Leo" in that role was perfect.  I don't think anyone could have played a more convincing cat.  Leo is a perfect name for a cat!!!

I give this movie 4 paws up, a lot of tail wags, and some kisses.  It is a movie that can actually live up to the snacks you get at the theatre.  It is an 8 1/2 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  Overall, this is a very enjoyable movie even it the fashions are outdated thanks to the movie being set about 400 years ago.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Monday, June 17, 2013

I'm Justified!!!

My human was watching the third season of Justified  last night so I was watching it with her to keep her company. One scene really made me wonder about the humans.  Two men were digging  a grave for a former friend that they had killed.  One was complaining about why they were out in the cold burying a traitor.  The other man answered that even though he was a traitor now, they had at one time been friends so he would get a "proper" burial.  The original man who was complaining said, "your Daddy used to say that once you've made up your mind to kill a man, there ain't nothing to talk about.  I suppose he has a point, but this dog is wondering---what must life have been like in that family.

Picture the scene--daytime--in the house of the dad who didn't believe in complaining.  The family is gathered around the table where the dad says, "let's say grace".  They bow their heads in prayer, and the father says, "Thanks for the food and for creatures that need to be killed!  Amen.  Remember children, "if you have decided to kill a man, there is ain't no need for talking.

Demon Flash Bandit (Watching Justified)

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Birds and Acorn Smoking

The weather around here is getting warmer, and the birds are singing in the trees which means that, once again, those evil feathered varmints have stolen my snow!!!  This happens every year at about this time and this dog is getting very angry about it.  I decided I would use my ability to speak and understand bird to spend some time among them today to see what they have planned for this summer.  They are planning on making this an even hotter more miserable summer than the ones in the past.  I sat on the tree branch all day while they were singing about their lives, and smoking acorns....smoking acorns is the latest things among birds.  I don't know if the acorns get them high, just annoy the squirrels, or both, but the birds are turning some trees into bad areas for nests.  This is why all smart dogs kill any bird they see.  Birds are evil creatures who smoke acorns!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Spy)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Kitchen Treasure!

I was walking through the kitchen yesterday when an aroma reached my nostrils that I found very enjoyable to sniff.  The smell was coming from a container that has a black bag in it that the humans call the "garbage".  I know from past experience that I've smelled tantalizing aromas coming from that area before, so it is well worth the trouble to go over and check out the trash.  I walked over the the garbage can, and knocked it over so I could see all the wonderful things the overly wasteful humans are throwing  out.  I was so happy to discover that I had hit the jackpot.  In the garbage was a zip lock bag of fried chicken.  I knocked over the garbage can so that I could get to the bag, and then I carried the bag with me so I'd have it when I woke from my nap.  However, the humans saw me with it, and they took it away from me.  They have heard that dogs can have problems if they eat chicken bones.  I think this is yet another sneaky attempt by the humans to hoard the chicken bones for themselves....and they looked and smelled so delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Treasure Hunter)

Friday, June 14, 2013

Movie Review: Man of Steel

I rushed  to the theatre to see the midnight viewing of the new movie, Man of Steel, so I could be one of the first dogs to give it a review.  I know how many dogs are depending on my review before they settle into a theatre chair with some milkbones to enjoy a movie.   The movie stars Henry Cavill as Superman, who of course, is the "man of steel".  This movie shows more about Kryton and why his Kryptonian parents sent their baby to Earth  it does not waste a lot of time re-hashing the origin story which, at this point in time, I think most people are familiar with.  Amy Adams played the reporter, Lois Lane.  I think the actors did a very good job in this movie, and it is on par with the original Superman movie series starring Christopher Reeve.  The director and/or writer was wise enough to include several dogs in the movie, and one of them played in a very pivotal scene which, if you ask my opinion, should get the dog an Oscar for best supporting actor. 

Clark Kent is Superman (make sure you don't go around telling people this because he needs to have a secret alter identity), and in this movie, Clark is struggling to grow up and understand his heritage.  The big problem for him in this movie (no, Lex Luthor is not in this movie) is General Zod.  General Zod wants to re-create Krypton on Earth.  It is up to Superman to be the hero and save the Earth.  What will he do, and can he win against another Kryptonian as strong as himself.  You'll have to watch the movie to find out! 

I give this movie 12 paws up (I'm drafting Angel Zoom Smokey and Phantom Fast Snowman to show how good the movie is), 3 tail wags, kisses from all 3 dogs, and the new movie award that is more important than an Oscar called the "Demon Flash Bandit".  Yes, it is a little gold statue of a Siberian Husky.  I would give it a 10 out of 10 on the human movie scale.  Go and see this movie.  You'll be glad you did.  However, I was a bit disappointed with the credits because they did not list the elementary school teachers of any of the people in the credits..and this dog wanted to know who they were!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Pupperoni Pizza Should be Illegal

Yesterday my humans ordered pizza for dinner, and my brother's pizza had pupperoni on it.  I think that pupperoni pizza should be outlawed.  I can't see one good reason for a dog to be turned into pupperoni and put on pizzas.  I think it is both repulsive and disgusting, and it should not be legal to use dog meat on pizzas.  I bet the humans wouldn't be happy if the pizza had humaroni on it, and I wouldn't blame them.  I wouldn't want to eat humaroni anymore than I want to eat pupperoni.  I have a couple of friends of the cat persuasion, and they want to order rataroni pizzas, but evidently, you can't buy rataroni.  A couple of the more enterprising cats I know chase some rats and put them on the pizza themselves.  Cats can be annoying, but they know what they like to eat!, and don't mind "chasing" their dinner!
Demon Flash Bandit (Pupperoni Pizza)

Monday, June 10, 2013

Happy Belated Birthday Johnny Depp!

I didn't write a blog yesterday so these birthday wishes will be late, but Happy Birthday Johnny Depp.  I happen to think he is a great actor, and he is almost as handsome as I am.  Considering he is a human, that is quite an accomplishment because humans just don't tend to look nearly as cute as the average dog!  We have been up for many of the same parts.  Since Johnny is willing to work cheaper than I, he has gotten a lot of parts that I could have taken, but decided they weren't worth my trouble.  Studios tend to be too cheap to get a super great dog like me to headline their movies.  Sure, I would have been a great Capt. Jack Sparrow on Pirates, but I'm a he-man type dog, and I wouldn't have wanted to play him like Johnny did because I have a reputation to uphold among the bitches.  Yes, the girl dogs love me!!!   Besides, that movie was filmed entirely too close to the ocean, and I could have accidentally gotten wet which is way too much like taking a bath.  I don't take baths voluntarily so I couldn't take the chance that I might end up getting an accidental bath!  I hope Johnny had a happy birthday, and I hope he appreciates the roles I have given up for him.  If I had been seriously interested in any of the roles, none of the humans would have had a chance at them. 

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing Johnny Depp a Happy Birthday!

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Snoop Dogg: A Good Name for a Rapper

Am I the only one who is extremely annoyed at the rap star, Snoop Dogg?  He had a great name that any human should be proud to have, and he changed it to Snoop Lion.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who is mad.  I bet his parents, who when they first saw him as a baby, said, look at the little dogg--isn't he cute!  That is when they decided to name him Dogg.  Now he has changed his name to Snoop Lion.  What Dogg in their right mind would want to have a cat's name?   I admit that I don't mind cats, but I would not want to be named Demon Flash Cat or Demon Flash Lion.  A dog has standards!!!  I think this could very well destroy his career since I know that I, for one, will never buy one of his cds again.  I don't mind a dog barking on a cd, but I don't want to hear a cat catterwailling on one.  I think his agent should sit him down, and tell him to go back to his given name of Snoop Dogg.  Every dog I have discussed this with agrees with me so changing his name back would be a wise move.  I would have asked some cats, but their opinion doesn't matter anyway so why ask?  Snoop Dogg, if you are reading this blog, go back to your given name.  We "doggs" prefer your old name!

Demon Flash Bandit (Advising Snoop Dogg on Name Change)

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Human Puppies Not Allowed!

I have been wondering for years how the humans can run restaurants that won't allow dogs, but they allow humans to bring their human puppies into the restaurant to eat.  This is why I was pleased to see a sushi restaurant in Alexandria, Virginia state that they have a "no kids" policy.  Since many of us dogs are better behaved than human children, this makes a lot of sense to me.  Here is the link for those who want to know more about the restaurant.

Now if the restaurant would learn to cook the fish they are serving, it might even be worth going to that particular restaurant. 
Demon Flash Bandit (Well Behaved Dog)

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I'm Not Getting Guzzied Up!

The Queen of England (I call her the Queen Lady), recently celebrated a coronation anniversary.  I believe it is now her 300th year reigning (or raining) over Great Britain.  Everyone knows that she has worn the crown for a long time, but how many of you knew that she does a very effective rain dance too?  As you might expect, the Internet is abuzz with the story of how the royal family got all guzzied up for the celebration.  Yeah, they put on some fancy duds; and of course, that is the most important news of the day since all the humans are dying to know what the royal family wore.  I'm sure what they wore is interesting (okay--not interesting at all), but the Corgis as usual, outdid themselves.  They didn't get guzzied up at all.  In fact, they came in their fur.  Isn't it sad that the humans have to go to so much trouble, and the dogs look better just wearing their fur?   It must be depressing for the humans when they realize just how much work it took to "create" their look which can be outdone by a dog who merely "shows up" at the event.  Here is a link to the story about the "royal fashions".

Humans just have way too much time on their paws!)

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Get "Guzzied Up" for any Event)

Monday, June 3, 2013

High Tech Interactive DisneyWorld

I have read that DisneyWorld is making park experiences more interactive for many of their visitors.  I think this is a good idea.  When a visitor feels like he or she is part of the experience, I'm sure it will be far more enjoyable for that visitor.  It is being made possible by modern technology.  However, I have a friend who has been suggesting that very thing for years now, and that "person" is Cathy Cat.  Cathy isn't impressed with the new technological devices that allow for the interactive experience.  Cathy thinks that the parks should be interactive, and can do so by allowing cats, like herself, to treat Micky Mouse as a snack.  Cathy has never understood why a mouse is allowed to walk around the park and even "own the place" when mice are supposed to be eaten by cats.  I can never argue the point with Cathy because cats are supposed to eat mice.  It is in the cat manuel on page 81.  Here is the entry:
"When you come upon a mouse, eat it immediately.  I might add that it says nothing about mice owning theme parks.  I'd like to go to DisneyWorld and give this new technology a try.  It sounds like fun for a dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants to Visit DisneyWorld)

Sunday, June 2, 2013

No Shower for Me

Big news:  there is going to be a royal baby shower for Kate.  What do I think about the baby shower?  I think it is ridiculous that the humans are already getting together to try to bathe a baby who isn't even here yet.  Just how obsessive/compulsive are the humans when they want to bathe human puppies  before they even arrive?  I'm sure many of you who have read my past entries about my friendship with the "Queen Lady" are anxious to know if I will be attending, and the answer is,  I will not.  I make it a point not to go to any social occasions where bathing is involved because I hate baths.  Sure, you might see me standing outside the event with a protest sign, but this time I won't bother since no one is being forced into taking a bath so those of us who are against bathing just don't have to go.  If I were an English dog, and the Queen Lady ordered me to attend, I probably would protest, but as a citizen of the United States, I don't have to do what the Queen Lady says.  This is because  several centuries ago, before the United States existed, the "colonies" were under British rule.  Then King George III told every dog that they would have to get a bath which shows just how insane he was since the British royalty used to only take about 2 baths a year (that is what one of Mommy's history professors said), and the colonists refused to be subjected to such horror.  That is when they started the revolutionary war, and the Queen Lady has not been able to order the U.S. around ever since. 

Yeah, as usual, I like to educate my readers on important historical subjects in my blog which is why I have received the Dogtastic Award for Educating Humans which is displayed on my mantle--okay, my humans mantle.  They are very proud of me! 

Anyway, back to the shower.  Showers are not traditionally given in Britain so this is a real break from tradition for the royal family.  Perhaps those budget cuts to the royal household have finally caused enough pain to allow the royal family to start allowing humans to give them gifts.  I personally will be sending a package of dingo bones, and if the royal Corgis eat them before the baby gets them, that is okay with me.  Dogs need gifts too--but not baths!

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Give me a Shower)

Saturday, June 1, 2013

I'm Not Searching for Mermaids

Animal Planet showed a documentary about Mermaids recently, and I have a few thoughts on the subject.  I'm going to assume that mermaids don't exist largely because I've never seen one.  You would think that, if they exist, someone would have caught one by now.  However, I want to go on record stating that, if someone asked me to go into the water to try to find one, I would have to refuse.  Getting into water is too much like taking a bath--and I am a firm hater of baths!  Therefore, I will let someone else hunt for mermaids, and I'll stay dry on the beach!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes to Stay Dry)